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Norman


Kaz Hayashi
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Barely a couple of days in to 2021 and I’m curtain twitching.

About 1.00am last night, a car pulled up outside of my front wall, I noticed though the blinds as I was on a YouTube worm hole (Tony Hart’s Hartbeat) anyway, a bloke got out and made his way to my door, I just thought he was a takeaway delivery at the wrong address, so I opened the blinds and found him rummaging through a bush in my front yard. I battered on the window and pulled an angry Phil Mitchell face and he absolutely shit a brick. I went to my door but when I got outside he’d done one, but left his car there half blocking my drive the weirdo. I looked down the street but couldn’t see him, but about 60 yards away were 2 police cars pulled up side by side over both lanes, I thought it’s got to be linked, so I waved them over. They pulled up, I tell them the craic and they start searching the bushes with me. I had no idea what I was looking for, why they happened to be on scene, they didn’t say, so I just went along with it. 
At that point 70 year old Maureen and Norman came out from over the road offering out cups of tea. After 10 mins of pointless bush searching, they went to the parked car, and the daft arse had left his drivers door open so they went in. It triggered the alarm but they also found his mobile phone ringing. The female copper said “who is this? I’m from the police... no not Elise, the Police, PO-LICE”. They hung up and it rang several more times. One of the coppers (there were 3) called in the reg and it was linked to a different city, so suspected stolen. Another copper then pointed out how bright the stars were tonight, in depth, for ages (eh?). They called for it to be towed and Norman asked if anybody wanted a cup of tea, “no thanks Norman, it’s 2.00am, get yourself to bed man”.

I’ve gone back out this morning for another pointless bush search, still nowt there, but the whole street is on red alert. I got a text from Susan 2 doors down saying a White Yaris has driven past twice and slowed down outside of my house. Thanks Susan.
Every time I hear a car go past I’m at the window like Michael Paine. Doing my nut in.

Happy New Year.

 

Edited by Kaz Hayashi
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22 minutes ago, Kaz Hayashi said:

At that point 70 year old Maureen and Norman came out from over the road offering out cups of tea.

 

22 minutes ago, Kaz Hayashi said:

Norman asked if anybody wanted a cup of tea, “no thanks Norman, it’s 2.00am, get yourself to bed man”.

Norman seems like an absolute boot-licker.

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