Things you've read in wrestling books

[Otto Dem Wanz 319]

Post your funny, wacky, emotional, inspiring or just plain mental quotes from books written by wrestlers, or those covering the topic of wrestlers and wrestling.

There's a general book thread to discuss new titles and book content if people want to look in there for inspiration.

Off we go:

(Regarding Superstars of Wrestling magazine issue 1) 

"Almost as embarrassing [as the numerous errors] was the message which ran along the foot of the cover. "Wow! Wot a brill wrestling mag!" It shrieked.

"The sex mad Jerry Lawler almost bust a gut laughing on commentary. So giddy was Lawler, he impersonated a pig".

"There were numerous fights between rowdy, intoxicated fans, most of whom were there to see Steve Austin. He was their man. I have never seen anyone more over". 

"There is nothing wrestling fans enjoy more than to speculate about what might happen next and to try to join the dots before it happens".

(On Goldberg's WCW title win)

"I don't know if this surpassed the response inside Wembley Stadium when Dave Boy Smith won the WWF Intercontinental title from Bret Hart at SummerSlam 1992 but if it didn't, it came close". 

Fin Martin, Pro Wrestling Through The Power Slam Years: 1994-2014 (2015)

“And then, in the middle of a sentence, he’d break off and start spitting and barking, “WHOO PTT PTT PTT!” he’d go. So he got the nickname Spit the Dog. Spit was my only ride to Southport. Because it was such a big deal for me, I was taking [my wife] Chris with me. She’d never met Spit before, but she found out all about him soon enough. Chris was in the back and I was in the passenger seat. As soon as we had got outside of Blackpool, Spit started barking: “WHOO WHOO WHOO WHOOF!” and the car went all over the road. Chris didn’t know what was going on. It was like this all the way to Southport. "WHOO – lovely weather isn’t it, it’s going to be a – WHOO GNAA GNAA GNAA, GNAA GNAA GNAA PTT! – great show tonight".  By the time we arrived Chris was a nervous wreck and I wasn’t much better.”

"He dropped his strides to reveal the biggest dick and pair of bollocks I had ever seen. You couldn't help but look. This thing like Popeye's forearm with coconuts for knackers flopped out next to me. I was aghast."

William Regal, Walking a Golden Mile (2005)

"If John Wayne were ever forced to take direction from Stephanie McMahon with her fingernails-on-chalkboard voice, he'd probably have ridden off into the sunset too"

"Russo once had all the Mexicans fight in a battle royal. That in itself wouldn't have been bad, but when you consider that they were fighting over a piñata, it becomes a bit questionable".

 R. D. Reynolds, WrestleCrap: The Very Worst of Pro Wrestling (2003)

Edited December 4 by Otto Dem Wanz

[air_raid 1,207]

Hogan lifted the 700lb Andre over his head and bodyslammed him so hard he tore a hole in his back that never healed, brother. A few short weeks later, Andre was dead.

[tiger_rick 1,984]

1 minute ago, air_raid said:

Hogan lifted the 700lb Andre over his head and bodyslammed him so hard he tore a hole in his back that never healed, brother. A few short weeks later, Andre was dead.

Explains why he had the mobility of a corpse by 1991.

[returner82 89]

7 hours ago, Otto Dem Wanz said:

"He dropped his strides to reveal the biggest dick and pair of bollocks I had ever seen. You couldn't help but look. This thing like Popeye's forearm with coconuts for knackers flopped out next to me. I was aghast."

William Regal, Walking a Golden Mile (2005)

Well, he was in WCW with Colonel Parker!

[JNLister 510]

Bobby Heenan in his autobiography talking about his first night in the business:

 

[big7thletter 4]

In one of Jericho's books he ribs a few times at the fact he's 5-0 with Mick Foley as Foley has never beaten him. Really makes me laugh when he mentions it out of the blue, but i've never seen a match between the two

[Yakashi 27]

1 hour ago, big7thletter said:

In one of Jericho's books he ribs a few times at the fact he's 5-0 with Mick Foley as Foley has never beaten him. Really makes me laugh when he mentions it out of the blue, but i've never seen a match between the two

Foley defeated Chris Jericho by pinfall on April 6, 2013.

[big7thletter 4]

4 hours ago, Yakashi said:

Foley defeated Chris Jericho by pinfall on April 6, 2013.

just checked which book it was - Undisputed, published 2011, so that makes sense.  I still can't remember even seeing a match of thiers

[Yakashi 27]

8 minutes ago, big7thletter said:

just checked which book it was - Undisputed, published 2011, so that makes sense.  I still can't remember even seeing a match of thiers

It was quite short to be fair. 

[The King of Old School 44]

CM Punk was the special guest ref aswell I think, a bizarre chain of events.

[Snitsky's back acne 71]

Andy Simmons saying in Greg Lambert's first book that he deliberately missed a 1PW match because he was having sex.

[Lord-Mountevans 59]

A rough quote from the Jericho book, about the insane training he had to do with one of the Hart brothers :

"We had to run backwards for a mile as fast as we could! Don't just think about this, try it and if you are successful without falling over, i will shake your hand, make you a sandwich and pleasure your dog... I am joking of course, i would never make you a sandwich"

[Statto 94]

6 hours ago, big7thletter said:

just checked which book it was - Undisputed, published 2011, so that makes sense.  I still can't remember even seeing a match of thiers

Jericho jumped up on stage during Foley’s Hall of Fame induction and let Mick pin him. IIRC, Stone Cold counted the ‘fall’?

[Factotum 107]

It was Punk