Smacking children

[SpursRiot2012]

I was reading the comments section of a New Scientist article about smacking children. Now, obviously the comments section of any media usually attracts the worst kinds of people but I was quite shocked to see the number of people who still think smacking their children is effective or right. There was one seemed to think it perfectly acceptable to slap their child IN THE FACE for 'talking back.'

I know we have a number of parents on this forum and I was wondering if any of them still smack their children? Obviously I doubt that anybody here ruthlessly abuses their child, but if any do still use a smack as a form of punishment or 'education', I'd be interested in hearing why you think this is effective. 

Also, for all, were you hit as a child? I used to get some pretty heavy beatings when I was a kid. My mum had me at 16 and her parents were incredibly abusive to her and her siblings. She was basically a child when she had me so kind of had to just learn as she went. But I can't say that that didn't breed resentment in me and I really don't think it was effective in getting me to change any 'bad' behaviours for the right reason. They were also, I suppose, - that old chestnut - different times.  I cannot fathom that I'd ever use that form of punishment on any children I have. 

[Thunderplex]

I’ve never smacked my daughter, and never would.  Can’t see the point in it.  Other punishment like depriving them of what they want is way more effective.  Last physical altercation I was in was as a result of having a go at a bloke who had just twatted is little lad so hard I heared it across the road.  

[Kaz Hayashi]

If you do, you’re a cunt

[ColinBollocks]

I couldn't, but I wouldn't throw scorn at a parent that gives the occasion smack on the arse. My "cunt" Mum used to give me a smack now and again, but I do understand why. When you act the cunt, there should be consequences. I realised if I messed up I'd probably get a smack.

[Kaz Hayashi]

If you strike a child you’re a cunt.

[wandshogun09]

I've never smacked my daughter. I couldn't. I'm soft as shite with her, to the point I'm a walkover. I am going to have to toughen up a little bit because I don't want her growing up thinking she can get away with murder. But at the moment I'm pretty useless. And even at 4 my daughter knows I'm the pushover of the two of us. My wife is much better at the disciplining side, but like Plex, she does it in much cleverer ways than smacking. 

My parents smacked us very rarely. So rarely that we knew we must've really been shits if we got a smack. I wouldn't do it myself and I think they regretted it but it was never anything extreme or something that mentally scarred me or my brother or sisters or anything. If we got a smack we knew exactly why. 

[ColinBollocks]

20 minutes ago, Kaz Hayashi said:

If you strike a child you’re a cunt.

Mother will fuck you up.

Anyway, wand's 2nd paragraph is exactly what I'm on about. I'm not really into hitting a child at all, but not everyone that disciplined a child in that way is Himmler.

[MungoChutney]

Scotland has the Equal Protection From Assault bill going through the Holyrood  parliament at the moment - something I'm in total agreement with.   If you can somehow see past the immoral aspect of striking a child as punishment then you should at least consider the idea that other, less violent, forms of discipline are actually much more successful. 

 

There's a common argument that it didn't do any harm to certain generations but the fact that Scotland has one of the highest rates of violence in adults in a developed country that can be directly related to the number of Adverse Childhood Experiences they've been subjected to kinda contradicts that particular view point.

[Kaz Hayashi]

Agreed 100% Mungo. I have worked with kids for over 12 years. Vulnerable children who have been through the mill. Using an analogy such as ‘I turned out alright’ is the most selfish narrow minded shit imaginable. Some people are ‘alright’ after drinking several pints and then driving home.. they didn’t crash etc. It doesn’t make it bloody alright.

If you can’t think of ways to gain respect from your children and discipline with smacking, get rid of your bloody ego and go on a parenting course... preferably before having kids. 

[Devon Malcolm]

2 hours ago, ColinBollocks said:

I couldn't, but I wouldn't throw scorn at a parent that gives the occasion smack on the arse. My "cunt" Mum used to give me a smack now and again, but I do understand why. When you act the cunt, there should be consequences. I realised if I messed up I'd probably get a smack.

That this sort of attitude still exists in 2017 is incredibly depressing and worrying. The whole "I got a smack and I turned out alright / I'm sure I deserved it!" argument is front and centre to every reason why smacking or physically punishing children is 100% always the wrong way to go.

[wandshogun09]

I'm not being selfish or narrow minded at all. I hope that wasn't how it came across. But my parents did occasionally smack me and I did turn out alright. Doesn't mean I agree with smacking kids. That was just me giving my situation in answering Spurs' opening post. 

Like I said, I'm not pro smacking at all. And my wife is strongly against any form of physical aggression or violence as it is as she was in an abusive relationship herself as a teenager. Hitting kids just isn't in her. But at the same time, although I don't agree with it, I never ever felt like my parents wanted to actually hurt me. It's not as black and white for me. It's fucking horrible and heartbreaking that there are children out there who are getting beaten by the very people who are supposed to protect and look after them. But at the same time, not everyone who was smacked as a kid went through horror like that or lived in fear of their parents, or have been left traumatised by it later on either. I had a very happy childhood and my parents were really loving and all that good stuff. But yeah, there were 2 or 3 times when I was a fucking terror and I got my arse smacked. I'm sure there are loads of people like me in that sense. It's genuinely not me going 'well I'm OK, so balls' or whatever. There's surely a middle ground, right? 

Edit - not a middle ground to justify it, by the way. A middle ground in the effect it has when you get older is what I meant. Although maybe that's straying too far onto a different point. 

Whatever. In general I agree. It's not something I could ever do. I mean, I couldn't smack a dog for bad behaviour let alone a child. 

[Guy Bifkin]

I come from an era where thrashing your children to within an inch of their life was every Englishman's right. My own father took a pool cue to me for throwing darts into my bedroom wall. Worst episode of Indoor League ever. We of course laugh about it now and you know what, I never threw darts into my bedroom wall again.

[King Pitcos]

Hitting kids is done out of anger at the kid, or I'm-a-big-man thrills, rather than genuinely trying to teach a child right from wrong. It's the way of the idiot. To be fair, some kids are idiots as well, so they might only ever be able to experience life like a dog, knowing that some behaviours get treats and some get punishments, but never knowing nor caring as to the reasons why. If you think your child has more ability to comprehend and reason than a dog does, though, you'd have to be a right cunt to strike them.

[CavemanLynn]

This is a really dicey subject.

I had an awesome childhood, with excellent parents, and I still got a clip round the ear or a smack on the backside, but I was never beaten, and it was always, ALWAYS, part of a small routine my mum had perfected.

When she got pregnant with me, she chose to become a stay-at-home mum, and continued until me and both my brothers were big and ugly enough to look after ourselves so she could start working from home. My dad did long hours working in London and commuting, but my mum swore she would never use the dreaded line "you wait til your dad gets home". Demonizing one parent to discipline a child is bang out of order - it even angers me when kids act up in public and the parent points at a stranger and warns the kid " the man's looking at you/going to tell you off". That ingrains a fear that also affects children in much more insidious ways.

But anyway.

We rarely acted up, but if we did, here's what would happen - a clip round the ear or smack on the bum to get our attention, then a pointed finger and soft but very stern telling-off explaining why we shouldn't have done what we did. The smack wasn't the discipline, and was never a full-force haymaker swing. It was just a signal, and the instruction afterward was the important bit.

Parents who pound their kids while shouting at them are idiots and arseholes who've lost their rag and can't rein themselves in enough not to take it out on their defenceless children. Use of shoes, belts, whatever is fucking disgusting and inexcusable. Of course, everyone's different, has their own backgrounds and stories, etc. The above is my experience only.

[Kaz Hayashi]

Some kids are idiots, you’re correct Pity... quite possibly because they are indeed treat like dogs, as you say. That system is bad enough. The problem is that a lot of kids who get smacked or worse don’t tend to receive treats for positive behaviour.

Kids crave attention more than anything else, followed by approval. Some get stuck in limbo. When you feed that desire it can be like a drug, they have got your attention. Even if it means a slapped arse and a loud shout, they have got your attention. 

Take your kid out, play games, enjoy each other’s company as much as possible from a young age. The consequence of poor behaviour is taking positive things away, such as your time having fun. Parenting is fucking hard, it’s meant to be, however many people get by and discipline kids without clouting them. 

Just to clarify, I got smacked and shouted at when I was naughty, and although I’m ‘alright’ in the sense that I’m married with a child and job, I’m not stabbing cats or fucked up on spunky back pack, I have had issues with confidence and self worth at times. I’m not saying it’s directly related, but I believe that along with bullying at school etc have definitely contributed to it.

When I see how bad physical abuse at home can effect  kids (I worked with young offenders for 4 years of the 12 mentioned) i will never understand why anyone could think for a solitary second “physical abuse is what’s required here”.

A smack is physical abuse under the eyes of the law. Not just physical abuse, but child abuse. 

Anyway, I’m just ranting and repeating now. My apologies if I have indirectly offended any of you for my choice of words, but I have very, very strong views on this subject and it’s probably best if I leave it at this.