Kids from school

[Gus Mears]

Did a quick search and despite several previous threads regarding crap schools and nicknames, couldn't find anything quite on these lines.

 

What kids do you remember from school and why? Preferably those who were prone to doing idiotic things and improving the motonony of education. Like Bryan 'badger' Bruckle.

 

Bryan joined secondary school in year eight and on his first day we all though the was a TA, because despite being 13 years old, he had a hairline like Clive Anderson. He became one of my best mates due chiefly to his ability to buy me bottles of Frosty Jack and Drum Blue from the corner shop and also because he had a propensity to do incredibly stupid things for no apparent reason (I think he got suspended something like four times). Bryan once got so drunk at year ten birthday party that he fell in a rosebush and ripped his back to shreds. I told everyone at school it's because he had snogged a badger and he was known as 'Badger Bummer' for the next six years. I would like to say it was my A-level results getting me into university that was my finest moment at school, but it was probably that. People yelled "Badger-vision, Badger-Badger-vision" (to the Chuckle Brothers theme) when they walked past him in the corridor and that's worth so much more than a degree.

 

Bryan turned up in our form room one fine summer morn, brandishing two enormous watermelons under each arm. I asked him the purpose of him having 5kg of watermelon at school and he told me "I don't know, but it's going to be fucking great". Our school playground was tiny for the amount of kids who tried to play footie on it at lunch. Just at the point when it was crammed like you were at a gig, two fucking enormous watermelons came shitting down from behind the French blocks like V-2 missiles, spraying everyone in a 10m radius like they had been doing a session with Peter North.

 

I recall him taking one of the ceiling panels off our dilapidated DT classroom and stuffing as many fish sticks as possible up there before putting the panel back. Several weeks later this caused DT to be cancelled for the day as pest control was called in to investigate why a room had suddenly started honking like the arse of someone who had only eaten Scampi Fries for several months. Bryan also became a father at 17 after impregnating a lesbian. I remember him showing me a picture of the first time he held his child and I have honestly never seen anybody else look quite as confused.

 

 

 

[Nexus]

Copied from a reddit post I made:

 

I used to go to a Grammar School, and was one of the bullied kids, but nothing compared to the weirdest guy in my school.

 

He was autistic, and it was really, really bad. It got worse as he got older (I later found out it was due to him hitting puberty, it fucked up him massively). Anyway, Year 7 (aged 11), he was a little weird, but not completely fucking insane. Year 8, he became selectively mute - he wouldn't talk to anyone except me and one of the teachers. He used to carry around ALL of his schoolbooks in his bag - at least ten textbooks. He also used to carry taps (as in, bath taps) in his bag. I don't really know why. Whenever we used to have P.E., he used to go and hide in the bushes. Year 9 he wouldn't talk to anyone, became completely mute, and would only communicate via notes. He was obsessed with pillboxes (places where machine gunners used to hole up during the wars). He started hiding in bushes at break and lunch, and would stare at Year 7s. He also started drawing pictures, mostly of the fattest kid in the class who he was obsessed with. He wanted to skin him and wear his skin. Year 10, everything got worse.

 

He told me how he wished he was female. He hated the fact his voice had broken (hence going mute), and hated the fact he had body hair. He became obsessed with me and one of the other boys in the year, because we were both baby-faced. This also manifested itself in his creeping on Year 7s from the bushes. He wanted to be young again.

Anyway, he was also obsessed with uranium and other nuclear reactants, wanting to make a bomb. He also told me about his shock-therapy at the hands of his psychiatrist (not sure if this was true), and how he wanted to murder his doctor and all those near him. Then, he turned on me.

 

He started drawing pictures of him burying an axe in my head, and generally trying to murder me in creative ways. Fine, he'd been doing similar pictures of the fat kid for years. However, he started writing actual plans, and making threatening gestures at me everytime he saw me. Eventually, during a German lesson, he tried to strangle me with his tie. That was fun.

 

After that, I stayed away from him. After our GCSEs, he was banned from doing Science at A-levels, because he couldn't be trusted in the labs. He used to hide out in the kitchen of the Sixth Form Common Room, and try to stab anyone who came near. Then, when that was boarded up, he broke the board down and wouldn't come out. (There was a little serving hole that he used to dive through). Last I heard, he'd gone to the town college to do his Science A-Levels, but I dunno what came of him.

 

He used to have a Bebo, where he used to post up his diaries. This is how I found out about just how obsessed with me/the other babyfaced boy he was. It was fucking terrifying reading.

[Onyx2]

I want Astro in this thread right fucking now.

[WyattSheepMask]

I may have told this story in one of the other school related threads, but I'll tell it again anyway.

We had a new kid start in year 8. His name was Leon, but he had the nickame of 'Bumgull' because, as the story went, he had been expelled from his previous school because he had been caught on a beach bumming a seagull. It's one of those stories is clearly stupid, ridiculous and clearly made up but everyone just went with it. He left the school about six weeks later

[Gus Mears]

I may have told this story in one of the other school related threads, but I'll tell it again anyway.

We had a new kid start in year 8. His name was Leon, but he had the nickame of 'Bumgull' because, as the story went, he had been expelled from his previous school because he had been caught on a beach bumming a seagull. It's one of those stories is clearly stupid, ridiculous and clearly made up but everyone just went with it. He left the school about six weeks later

 

 

I think I might actually prefer the name 'Bumgull' to my 'Badger Bummer' in all honesty. Bitterly regretting not chosing to call Bryan that in hindsight.

[PowerButchi]

Here's the old thread if anyone wants a leaf through.

 

https://ukff.com/topic/134457-crap-schools/

[Mr_Danger]

I can't beleive they sang Badger-Vision when there's a perfectly good Bodger and Badger theme tune.

[Nexus]

awkward i told the exact same story in the last thread. Damnit

[PowerButchi]

No problem with that, it's a damned good story.

[Gus Mears]

 

I can't beleive they sang Badger-Vision when there's a perfectly good Bodger and Badger theme tune.

 

People already used to go 'Bruckle Vision, Bruckle-Bruckle Vision' at him. So I think badger just became a natural replacement of Bruckle.

 

Another we had in exactly the same mould as Badger was Al Davis, who once famously got sellotaped to the side of the sports hall. Everyone fucked off and left him there at the end of lunch and 40 helpless minutes later, Mr. Farr found him cocooned against the wall, desperately trying to wobble his way to freedom. The headmaster refused to let him down for another hour unless he dobbed everyone in, which credit to him, he didn't (he was friends with me and the other ones who taped him there). Al got his revenge though months later, as he became the only one to pull on the school ski trip. Considering I was probably making up sexual conquests with birds from obscure villages no one would ever go to at this point, Al certainly got the better end of the deal.

 

Yeah, apologies for basically copying the same thread as 2 years ago! For some reason I got it into my head that the one with Astro's aforementioned story and Nexus' was agggees ago and in Gold, not the Crap Schools one.

[PowerButchi]

Dont' apologise, it's a few years old. There's bound to be new people to contribute.

[gbacon85]

There was loads. Paul Stephens who left in Year 7 as a little cunt, lived in Orlando for a year came back full gangster. Witnessed several drive bys, was slanging rock, catchphrase: "got rizla?"

 

Rafe who was obsessed with wanking. Invited us all round to play Pro Ev 2 then put on a porn and just got out his cock and started tugging.

 

Chris Seeting, fucking berserker tried to hang himself from the blinds in English.

 

James Taylor who admitted fancying the drummer from Hanson. Nicknamed Mmbop obviously.

 

One girl who used to walk around at break time with headphones on and never said a word to anyone and one day just started shouting "Penguins up your arse, penguins up your arse" as the teachers took her inside, it would fade and crescendo again as she broke free. That's probably my favourite memory from school. Apart from blowjob Cybil...

I may have told this story in one of the other school related threads, but I'll tell it again anyway.

We had a new kid start in year 8. His name was Leon, but he had the nickame of 'Bumgull' because, as the story went, he had been expelled from his previous school because he had been caught on a beach bumming a seagull. It's one of those stories is clearly stupid, ridiculous and clearly made up but everyone just went with it. He left the school about six weeks later

Fucking crying at this. Can't stop, been told to leave the front room.

[Sergio Mendacious]

Yeah, that "Bumgull" keeps setting me off in laughter, and I'm on the bus, so I'm that weird bloke right now.

 

A similar case we had was some lad who had allegedly got under the table in primary school and fingered Cheryl Bradford, and gradually this developed into the nickname "Fingermouse", with a song and poking gestures.

 

I remember when Andrew Scott was asked what he was getting for Christmas, and said "SNES", but everyone chose to hear it as "Sledge". Stuck with him forever, along with the time he was asked if he was going to the school, and he replied in his incongruously high voice "Can't, stayin' in, Watchin' Boon" it's the "can't" that is especially amusing, like that was his after-school job.

 

I always enjoyed it when stories boiled down into some sort of elevator pitch - I'm sure Scott Daniel never actually said "Scott Daniel not stupid, Scott

Daniel clever", but it was a perfect pen picture. Same with Eggy Roe, and "want downin'? Buildin' 'ouses". I actually only met Scott Daniel once, when he walked into the chippy and bought everyone cod and chips - nice lad, definitely clever.

[Hugh Thesz]

There was a lad throughout my year in secondry school who looked as if he was the child of Pug from the Bash Street Kids and something from the bar in Star Wars and he had the knickname The Elephant Man.

In Sixth year a guy joined who was a bit conscious of the tiny burn mark he had at the top of his forehead so naturally was given the moniker of Simon Weston.

Then I got into a fight with the elephant Man and he gave me a beautiful right hook that burst my nose (so good in fact that my first reaction was to shake his hand) so I ended up being called a name which meant that in the same year we had the Elephant Man, Simon Weston and me.....the Boy David.

There was also a boy who would sit in a tree for hours baking a shite so he could dump on folk he didn't like.  Never really ever worked out well for him.

There was also a guy from a rather unconventional family whose Mum caught us all in the bus one day when we were about fourteen and regaled us in the story of how she had passed her house on the way back from the pub and walked in to see if anyone wanted anything from the chippy.  Upon finding one of her sons, our mate, polishing his custard cannon she told us really loudly "ah sed tae hum ah wiz goannae ask if ye wanted frittturz but as see yur bizy ya fulthy cunt"!  He wasn't normal either. 

[DEF]

Last I heard, he'd gone to the town college to do his Science A-Levels, but I dunno what came of him.

 

He used to have a Bebo, where he used to post up his diaries. This is how I found out about just how obsessed with me/the other babyfaced boy he was. It was fucking terrifying reading.

It would be fascinating to find out what happened to this guy. Sounds properly dangerous.

 

There must be news articles about what this kid got up to later in life surely.