The Official UKFF RAW Thread...

[Bosco Blick]

 

So I'm in the wrong for going to see the wrestling with my girlfriend? Were you dropped on your head as a child or are you genuinely a retard?

 

Tell you what, going by your logic, pay me some money and I'll send some brutish blokes round your gaff to insult and intimidate you and your girlfriend whilst you're enjoying yourselves, all because you like something different to other people. It'll be your own fault though, after all, you stayed in with your missus and tried to enjoy yourself.

 

I don't care about people shouting for Grado or bum bandits like your precious CM Punk, but I think most people who, unlike yourself, weren't raised like utter trash would probably agree that a personal attack for no reason is not the victims fault. I really wanted to drop this pointless discussion but you're a prick and I took the bait.

 

Fucking hell, I don't even know where to begin! Literally every sentence is rediculous.

 

Much like your spelling.

[Fanny Pack]

This "HAHA! YOUR SPELLING IS INCORRECT!" shit is about as boring as Raw was on Monday. Turn it in.

[Supremo]

Maybe I wasn't paying attention live, but what happened with Jack Swagger? Is he not on Cena's team now?

[Linus]

Hey, it's Raw. From England!

I remember back in the day when we used to watch the WWF. Id' like to say it was when I was a kid, but I got into wrestling late. I didn't have time for wrestling when I was a kid, because where I was from we had to grow up fast: I had kids and a mortgage by the time I was 3. I kid! Aaaaanyway, back in the day, when we used to watch the WWF, they would occasionally come over here, and we'd get shitty shows that meant nothing, and all we wanted was something - anything - to make our shows meaningful. A title change, anything like that, but we got bupkis.

Now you young punks get actual episodes of Raw, live* (*not live) from England! But you still get punked, because they also run house shows on the same night, and half the crew isn't there, and they'd never do that to the good people of Spitbowl, Arkansas. Yeah, it's Raw, but it's not really Raw, is it? Still, I'm sure it'll all work out...

Hey, it's John Cena! He came out and did talky. Fans did not like him because England. He said he'd found two men to fight by his side - Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger. Why they chose not to shoot a vignette for the MASSIVE signing of Swagger I don't know. He wants Ryback.

Ryback comes out, and Cena starts to make his pitch. But uh oh, it's the Authoritah! They've got a new member, too - Mark Henry - and they want Ryback on their team! What's a boy to do?

Cena called HHH and Stephanie "a pair of wankers", which was funny when Married... With Children did it in 1987, and made another plea to Ryback. Ryback noted, quite correctly, that Cena didn't sign his cheques, and DESTROYED him. He then walked off, not really committing but we assume that's him in.

Hey, it's a match! Since Jack Swagger decided to join John Cena, although we never got to hear it from his lips so I dunno, he's got to face Seth Rollins. I want to like Swagger, I really do. But he's such a dumb hoss. He didn't used to be like this, back in FCW. Perhaps he's getting dumber and dumber every year? Maybe soon he'll be at the level of a 3-year old, and then regress even further to someone who enjoys TNA? Rimshot!

Anyway, Rollins won with a kerb stomp, and then kerb stomped him again for good measure. That's Swagger out of the Survivor Series, because two doses of an ordinary finisher will do that now. *Shrug*

Ambrose did a talky vignette where he built his feud with Wyatt. It was good. They will fight at Survivor Series.

Backstage, Kane acted like an ass to Ryback. In that he, quite properly, reminded him that he was in charge and that the relative rookie should follow his lead. Ryback did not like that.

Oh, it's women. Actually, this wasn't too bad, probably because they just had a match and didn't have to worry about any spots to further any angles. It wasn't great, but watchable. At least because watching Paige makes you question why you find Vampiro attractive... Paige won.

Backstage, Stephanie asked Lana if Rusev had made a decision. She got mad with Lana's flim-flam and told her they'd scratch Rusev's back if he scratched theirs. Or something.

Hey, it's a Russian thing! Apparently Rusev has so impressed President Putin that a goon read out a 20-word statement to that effect. Effort!

Rusev will face Sheamus now, it seems, in a re-match from the bit after Raw that didn't air on my TV. It... wasn't good. I'm not sure what it is but they never clicked. And it went on FOREVER. I had to Duggan it and it still lasted longer than Once Upon A Time In The West. Sheamus's hair got really sweaty and looked really odd. Rusev, it occurred to me, could pass for a Samoan. That's how good a match it was. Terrible. Rusev won by count-out - FUCKING COUNT-OUT - after interference by Noble & Mercury. Rusev is a monster!

Backstage, Stephanie caught up with Lana & Rusev again. She demanded an answer. Rusev said yes.

It was Seth Rollins's turn to interrupt Ryback's endless warm-up routine. He admired Ryback's physique like Scott Malbranque admires his. Bit gay. He told Ryback that he shouldn't listen to Kane. He should listen to Rollins. Ryback did not like that.

Christ, it's Los Matadores. I thought I hated the women more than anything on this show but Los Matadores are slowly overtaking them. No fannies, I'm guessing. They're fighting Miz & Mizdow who, of course, have a midget with them. Because that's where we are now.

The crowd LOVED Mizdow. Miz cleverly played on that to get heel heat. Good lad. Miz's team won with shenanigans. Crud.

Backstage, Dolph and Cena are going over their odds. They've lost Swagger so it's just the two of them. Cena offers Dolph a way out. Dolph does not take it.

Hey, it's that Dolph guy we just saw! He's out to face Mark Henry, but before Henry comes out the Luke Harper's eyes vignette flashes in and out and Dolph looks confused. As well he might. Henry comes out and he and Dolph fight. But not for long because Henry gets MAD and grabs a steel chair for the DQ. He was about to slam Dolph onto the steel steps - which by now should fail a workplace risk assessment - but the Big Show comes out and wrestles them off him. He then announces he's joined Team Cena.

I wondered why Parkinson's James Brown didn't have his Parkinson's cape only to find out when reading a recap it was Kofi Kingston not Xavier Woods. I am a racist.

Backstage, Sheamus joined Team Cena. Yay?

Oh, more women. I thought, what with it being a split crew, we might be spared and just have the one match, but, no, it's AJ Lee and her thirteen year-old boy's figure versus Brie Bella. The crowd did NOT care for this. The only thing that stopped tumbleweed blowing across the screen when Brie got up on the turnbuckle and shouted, "BRIE MODE!", was the fact that we don't have tumbleweed in England. AJ won. Nikki was not happy.

Now it was Mark Henry's turn to interrupt Rybacks' warm-up. Because it's gone so well so far. Henry joked with him. Ryback did not like that.

Hey, it's Adam Rose! He's fighting Tyson Kidd who doesn't get an entrance because jobbers. Ha, is that Nikki Storm as a cavegirl rosebud? I'd let her club me over the head. Which would be exactly how it would go down. Aaaaanyway, it's Rose versus Kidd but you know what's coming. Yeah, that fucking Bunny. I've really turned on him now. He causes Rose to lose and Rose kicks him in the belly. Angry, sweaty Rose looks like Raven. I smell money. Rose and the Rosebuds dance backwards to end the spot. Odd.

Backstage, the Authority were talking shit about Ryback, who heard them. Ryback did not like that.

Hey, it's Bray Wyatt! He's doing a talky vignette about Dean Ambrose. This was good.

It's main event time, Ryback versus John Cena! Ryback has the best of this because he's a monster. A proper monster, not like Rusev who wins on count-outs apparently. Ryback was about to win when Kane interfered, booting Cena for the DQ. Ryback did not like that. Rollins got between Kane & Ryback and got a punch for his trouble. Kane then booted Ryback. Okay, he's not a monster.

The Authority beat up John Cena until Sheamus's music hit and he ran down. They killed him and resumed putting the boots to Cena. Big Show's music hit and he ran down, one-punching Noble and Mercury, the goons. He got taken out by Henry but Ryback was back by now, taking out the Authority and stomping off to the back. Cena recovered and applauded Ryback, who looked like he couldn't give a shit.

Backstage, Dolph Ziggler was delivered, unconscious, to HHH and Stephanie. By Luke Harper. Who said he was a team player. Ugh.

A Terrible Show. The crowd didn't help, and I don't know why some of them were even there, but they were delivered a helping of shit, so I don't know. It's weird, because I've been liking Raw lately but this? Nah.

[PowerButchi]

Backstage, Dolph Ziggler was delivered, unconscious, to HHH and Stephanie. By Luke Harper. Who said he was a team player. Ugh.

 

 

Harper's great! I do enjoy reading your reviews. Mainly as it's interesting to have the viewpoint of someone whos' spent lots of time away, so hasn't really evolved with modern wrestling thinking so comes at it differently.

Edited November 12, 2014 by PowerButchi

[Linus]

I don't know much at all about Harper. But what I do know makes him an ill fit for that angle. Am I right?

[PowerButchi]

I dunno, are you? There's not straight clear answers here.

 

I look at it as Harper needing a family or support or whatever. So by aligning himself with the authority he has that again.

 

That and he's awesome. One of the best of 2014.

Edited November 12, 2014 by PowerButchi

[Linus]

I'm interested to see how it plays out then. I figured, with him being a bit "odd", that this seemingly straight role would be an ill fit. Intriguing.

[PowerButchi]

Dunno, him as the authority's unhinged "Wildman" could be an interesting dynamic and sow seeds for a future face turn.

[tiger_rick]

Maybe I wasn't paying attention live, but what happened with Jack Swagger? Is he not on Cena's team now?

He took two kerb stomps after his head hit the post. Then Cena told Ziggler backstage that he was out.

[andrew "the ref" coyne]

"I wondered why Parkinson's James Brown didn't have his Parkinson's cape only to find out when reading a recap it was Kofi Kingston not Xavier Woods. I am a racist."

 

You were right. Xavier Woods was last week, kofi was this week. I'd expect Big E will have a similar video next week.

 

What a crap repackage.

[Arch Stanton]

They actually showed both Woods' and Kofi's vignettes this week, so Linus probably caught Xavier, but missed Kofi or assumed it was the same vignette twice and 'Dugganed' it.

[Winston]

Xavier, Kofi & Big E could've been pretty bad ass as a black militant group in the style of the Nation of Domination. But no, we'll give them a choir instead. Too early to judge I suppose but losing all faith in the current product.

[Shane O' Mac Version 2]

I've got a feeling they'll come out and do that stereotypical stuff, and then turn on the fans for buying into it. It all seems a bit too hokey to take on face value.

 

I will say though, Kofi seemed more natural in his New Day vignette than he has in any promo in the last 5 years. Renewed confidence, it seems.

[neil is brill]

I think the point in not making them an NoD rip off is that none of them have even an ounce of charisma that The Rock had, so there would be little chance of it being pulled off well. Plus you can't really take "you've been holding the black man down" seriously when one of them is a multiple time Intercontinental, United States and Tag Team Champion.

Edited November 13, 2014 by neil is brill