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DoctorWho

The Bad Touch

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When I first started having sex and seeing a girl, being paranoid about 'performing' and lasting more than the three pushes, I used to actually wake up at her house, go and unload the gun before she woke up and then get back into bed. Surprising how after doing it (the wank, not the sex) you think the last thing you want is to even get in the bed and be intimate, but 30 mins later the planning played off beautifully. FOUR PUSHES, BITCH.

 

To pick up on some other points raised DOYOUGETITPOINTSRAISEDLIKECOCKS..

 

2) Yes I wank more when I'm seeing someone.

3) Rarely use tissues. In these environmentally unstable times I see myself as a kind of eco-wanker (not Zac Goldsmith kind) by doing it in my hand. Has led to hilarious situations where I'll attempt to escape to the bathroom to wash it off and encounter someone with a clenched fist of jizz (That's my fist, obv. Would be an altogether insane coincidence if the person I encountered had one too).

4) I only usually get shame when I realise how much time I've wasted on one wank. Trying to build it up but essentially it's always the same outCUM (lol). Thinking I could have spend that half hour going for a run or learning about something.

5) I think my record is 6. But that may rise to 7/8 if we're talking any single 24 hour period.

6! wtf?) I often wank thinking about someone that I have no intention of having sex with and not even that attracted to.

 

And seeing as this has deviated from the topic question and into wanking stories..

 

There was a time when I hated my boring job that I got the idea to try having all my wanks at work. I was on my own a bit so no one knew if I disappeared, and the mens toilet was (handily) a converted cupboard, so you didn't have to try an bring yourself to orgasm in the knowledge that a bloke is forcing a shit out of his arsehole a mere 3 feet away. Just thought I might as well do it on the works time rather than cut into my home time, which I spent on wrestling forums. It didn't really work that much as I just ended up wanking my normal amount at home and thus increasing my total wanks, but it passed the day quicker and was always quite amusing (and disturbing in equal measure) resuming work and speaking to someone about something job-related in the post-wank relief/shame.

 

When your Mum called you down for tea while you were mid-wank is it the height of wit or just a bit weird to, with a knowing smile, double entendre 'I'm coming'?

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My most shameful moment came in my youth... (would u believe i just typed mouth instead of youth) I was a paperboy and delivered to a few blocks of elderly housing flats. The News of the world had a centra page spread of Angelina Jolie nude scenes. I kept looking at them on my round, at 7am on a sunday morning. It became too much for me , and between floors of the old folks home,i battered one out over some old guys paper and just binned it... shameful shameful times. But very exposed, so quite exciting.. something I may well do again one day

 

ps ill edit the topic title since we have branched into stories

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You couldn't edit it so Masturbation isn't the first word, could you?

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I was a late bloomer when it came to wanking. First time I cracked one off, I was about thirteen years old.

That's LATE?!

 

:ninja:

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I was a late bloomer when it came to wanking. First time I cracked one off, I was about thirteen years old.

That's LATE?!

 

:ninja:

 

think thats about normal is it not...maybe even a year earlier than me... has anyone ever done the whole tissue/toilet paper thing and left it sitting in their room, very exposed and then gone out and forgot about it. The dread when you are out hoping your parents dont go into your room, man, thats exciting enough to wank over

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The first time I ever, to my recollection, did anything sexual with my cock myself was at maybe 10-11 while watching Richard and Judy. Yes, Judy. First time I actually went boom was watching some show about sex toys. It was an awesome, awesome feeling. I haven't wanked in about a month now, though. Go me.

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has anyone ever done the whole tissue/toilet paper thing and left it sitting in their room, very exposed and then gone out and forgot about it.

 

I had a cold that came on all of a sudden... :unsure:

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I was a late bloomer when it came to wanking. First time I cracked one off, I was about thirteen years old.

That's LATE?!

 

:ninja:

 

think thats about normal is it not...maybe even a year earlier than me... has anyone ever done the whole tissue/toilet paper thing and left it sitting in their room, very exposed and then gone out and forgot about it. The dread when you are out hoping your parents dont go into your room, man, thats exciting enough to wank over

That happened to me, then my girlfriend came over straight from work. I told her to wait downstairs while I tidied up. She did, and was none the wiser

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Do women get the guilt thing too?

Yup. Can't get it off my screen quick enough. Not after you've orgasmed though because you can just keep going (women!~) but after about the 5th or whatever time you've had enough and just want to get rid of it quick.

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I close the screen out of habit more than anything else in case I forget later on and someone sees it, wish I could go 5 times in a row :(

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Five straight? Like, BOOM one time then straight into the next? If you give me a couple minutes, sure, but otherwise...

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My mates and I were discussing guilty pleasures, and one confessed one of his first wanks was over Dorian from Birds Of A Feather.

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I think the first time I had one off the wrist I was 11 or so, and I was reading one of my older sister's magazines. I mean before that, I had done stuff. Mainly doing push-ups on the bed pretending I was shagging it, and one night after I saw the Dragnet film I started off by slamming my cock in the drawer, then going on to try and fuck it.

 

But yeah, I got to 11 and was reading the "Sex Problem" page. I think the magazine was Bliss, or Slag or something like that. Anyroads, someone wrote in because she didn't understand how men masturbated. I read the letter, read the answer and took my cock in hand and went at it with velocity and power like I was playing Hungry Hungry Hippos. I then became a deviant. Moreso than shutting a drawer on my cock because I saw it on Dragnet. In 1996 proper porn was fucking hard to come by for an 11 year old. My dad's 9th Generation copy of Deep Throat was such bad quality it looked like David Bellamy eating a Banana, and it would cut at inopportune times to an old ITV News and Sport roundup. I know it must have been pretty fucking old, because Dean Saunders was mentioned as playing for Oxford United on it.

 

So, I was mainly reliant on what I found in hedges, RTL 2, the ever present Porn playing cards, and whatever was in The Sun/Star, which to this day is why I fucking love Jo Guest and proclaim her the fittest bird ever. Because of my lack of Hardcore Supersex, The Sun was probably my major inspiration. I remember one time there was a 4 page pull out asking whether people were happy with their (naked) bodies. Fannies were covered, but Tits were out, and that was enough for me. I hid it under my Mattress. Thing is, I was in fucking bunk beds, and being a fucking idiot, I was on the top bunk, so my fucking Brother could see I'd put it under my mattress, and called me a bummer because there were men alongside the women.

 

I've never been caught wanking. I've always pulled my kecks up in the nick of time, but I imagine my red face combined with a look like Jerry Lundegaard in Fargo when he realises it's all fucking up probably gives the game away. These days I wank anything between 1-5 times a day. If I've got a hangover, it's sometimes more than 5. The feeling of ejaculation is like when you have a giant shite when you've got a hangover. It's a feeling of expunging toxins. When I've got a missus, I probably wank about the same amount. Perhaps actually more, in order to give myself more staying power at the crease when I would see her later on.

Edited by ButchReedMark

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Anyone remember the birth of Channel 5? I was the perfect age for it. I remember fiddling with the aerial on the portable telly in my room for hours trying to get a decent enough reception to see Shannon Tweed's tits properly on a Friday night.

 

I also fondly remember discovering the German TV stations on Sky (long before the days of Digital TV). You wouldn't have to wait much longer than five minutes to find a pair of norks flicking through those channels.

 

Kids today have it way too easy, with the internet and Babe channels all over the telly. I feel sorry for them, if anything. They will never experience the kind of magical moments lads my age fondly remember as part of growing up.

Edited by AmpedUp

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