Paid Members Carbomb Posted June 16, 2009 Paid Members Share Posted June 16, 2009 How'd u make a Haervey Wallbanger? Have Jordan move the furniture.  Fuggin' mint. Nice one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Lion_of_the_Midlands Posted June 16, 2009 Paid Members Share Posted June 16, 2009 I don't know if this has been posted on here, or even if this is the best place for it but here goes. Â Jade Goody (To the tune of the Fresh Prince of Bel air) in south east england I was born n raised, on reality tv I spent most of my days, being all racist and acting a fool, was disgusting as i destroyed all the gene pool, when a couple of cells that were up to no good started making trouble in my vaginahood, I got one bit of cancer and my doctor got scared he said "Were putting you on chemo, say goodbye to your hair" I pulled up in a hearse around 7 or 8 and I yelled to my family "I'm in hell smell you later" I looked at my tombstone, I was finally there, to live in my grave as the twat with no hair. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob Edwards Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 What's Gary Glitter's favourite holiday destination? Â Tampa, with the kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members bAzTNM#1 Posted June 20, 2009 Paid Members Share Posted June 20, 2009 Anything that starts with "A Horse walks into a bar". I just find a horse walking into a bar funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Milgram's 37 Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 I've been combing chocolate and coconut out of my hair this morning, this can only mean one thing. I've got a bounty on my head. Â Â Â Two of my favourite jokes told by my dad (and best said out loud in a Glaswegian accent): Â A guy walks into a cake shop and asks the girl: "Is that a doughnut or a merangue?" The girl replies: "No your not wrang, it's a doughnut!" Â Â What's the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney? Bing sings and Walt disnae! Â Â Â Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrainBuster69 Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 Dont take the piss out of down syndrome midgets. its not big and its not clever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EdgarTheSlouch Posted June 21, 2009 Share Posted June 21, 2009 A farmer decides that instead of growing his usual turnip crop, he'll diversify into cauliflowers. Hes good at it, and soon realises he can grow HUGE cauliflowers. He does notice however, that eating them causes red staining round the mouth. "What am I to do?" he exclaims, misunderestimating the inventiveness of his beloved daughter: 'Sell it as lipstick" she says "You'll get more money that way than simply selling it as food". Â Sure enough, the money starts rolling in. The farmer keeps growing his giant cauliflowers, and knocking them out as make up. However, after a few months, complaints start coming in. "This cosmetic product is too delicate" they say"it breaks too easily". The farmer is worried, so decides to put a disclaimer on the packaging. Just as he is about to do this, he realises he also sees that a lot of complaints realate to the fact that application of his make upo causes bad breath in the consumers. "What am I to do?" says the poor farmer "My giant cauliflower lipstick not only is an easily-breakable product, but it also gives the wearer shitty breath...how could I ever include all that in one disclaimer?" Â Again, he has misunderestimated the genius of his daughter, who turns to him and says: "Easy dad...." Â *wait for it* Â *drumroll* Â "Super Cauli Fragile Lipstick Expect Hallitosis" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Wretch Posted September 30, 2009 Paid Members Share Posted September 30, 2009 Arnold Schwarzenegger didnt get any Easter eggs this year. his wife asked him "does this mean you hate Easter now Arnie?", to which he replied "ah still love easter baby". Â Â I am so sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Carbomb Posted October 1, 2009 Paid Members Share Posted October 1, 2009 Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger release news that they plan to produce, direct and star in an action blockbuster about - wait for it - the wacky exploits of three famous composers. As part of the promotion for this insane project, they agree to a prime time interview with Larry King. The day of the show comes, and, following the intro, the first question off Larry's lips is: Â "So, which composers will you be playing?" Â Willis: "I'm playing Chopin." Â Stallone: "Well, I'm slated to play Beethoven." Â Â Â Â Arnie: "I'll be Bach." Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â I am not sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members IANdrewDiceClay Posted October 1, 2009 Paid Members Share Posted October 1, 2009 Loving the Arnie jokes. There not even that cleaver, but they work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Carbomb Posted October 1, 2009 Paid Members Share Posted October 1, 2009 There not even that cleaver, but they work. Â I thought they were pretty sharp. Hey, I can still hack it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Bellenda Carlisle Posted October 4, 2009 Paid Members Share Posted October 4, 2009 Arnold Schwarzenegger didnt get any Easter eggs this year. his wife asked him "does this mean you hate Easter now Arnie?", to which he replied "ah still love easter baby". Â This joke is amazing, I've told it to at least a dozen people since reading it on here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Me Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 I was walking down the road the other day and saw a sign in a shop window which read "TV for sale Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emperorseb Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 Its a fedex joke youll get it tomorrow. points for originality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
britishbulld0g Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 How do you seat four gay men on one bar stool?  <-- click on 'spoiler' to show/hide the spoiler Turn it upside down  [close spoiler] ");document.close(); Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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