Paid Members Carbomb Posted January 24, 2009 Paid Members Share Posted January 24, 2009 How does a mathematician deal with constipation? Â He works it out with a pencil. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members bAzTNM#1 Posted January 24, 2009 Paid Members Share Posted January 24, 2009 What do you call two thieves! Â A pair of knickers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Monkee Posted January 24, 2009 Paid Members Share Posted January 24, 2009 A man walks into a restaurant and orders squid. "Certainly Sir," says Jervaise the waiter, "Would you like to choose your squid from the tank over there?" Â "I'll have that little green one with the moustache", says the customer. Â "Oh no!" replies Jervaise "but he's my favourite! - He's so small and cute and friendly. Surely you'd prefer one of the bigger, meatier ones?" Â "No" says the customer "It's got to be that one". Â So Jervaise gets the little green squid out and puts him on the chopping block, raises his knife and the little squid looks up and smiles, twitching his bushy moustache into a big friendly grin! "It's no good", says Jervaise, "I can't do it. I'll have to ask Hans who does the washing up. He's a big, tough brute - he'll be able to do the evil deed." Â So out comes Hans, while Jervaise disappears off in tears. Hans picks up the knife, raises it to chop the little squid's head off and once again the little friendly squid looks up and smiles, wiggling his little legs and twitching his little moustache. So Hans, too, finds it impossible to kill him. Â The moral? Hans that does dishes is as soft as Jervaise with mild green furry-lipped squid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akbhar Shabazz Jenkins Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 Bad news, the police are onto us. They are looking for a sexy bastard and a retard. They've got me, so grab your helmet and crayons and run like fuck!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NEWM Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 What's ET short for? Â Because he's got little legs. Â ____________ Â What's the difference between jam, marmalade & butter? Â You can't marmalade your cock up someone's arse. Â ____________ Â What do the donkeys on Blackpool beach get for their dinner? Â About an hour Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nothing to see here! Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 What do Karl Marx and skid marks have in common? Â They're both part of a significant movement. Â Â ******************* Â A man walks into a buthers, looks up at the ceiling and sees some meat-hooks. Â "I'll gee ye 10 quid if ye can jump up and touch them hooks", he says to the buther. Â 'Naw way man.' Â "Make it twenny then." Â 'Naw man.' Â "Come on man, I'll gee ye a huner quid!" Â 'Naw, the steaks are too high.' Â Â *********************** Â A man walks into a butchers and says, 'Can I hae a mince round?' Â The butcher says, "Aye, gae aheid but we're shutting soon." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Au Posted May 28, 2009 Paid Members Share Posted May 28, 2009 Have you heard that Craig David's given up his singing career to join the Olympics archery team? Â He's going to be their bow selector. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bAzTNM Fan Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Did you hear about the explosion at the pie factory? Â 3.14 people were killed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Murtz Posted May 28, 2009 Paid Members Share Posted May 28, 2009 Michael Jackson is teaching his son to wank. "Aw dad this is great!". "I know son.. and when you're 13 you can use your own cock!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spotlightmagnet1 Posted May 28, 2009 Author Share Posted May 28, 2009 Man walks into a doctors office wearing clingfilm pants. The doctor looks and says "well. i can clearly see your nuts" Â Me and the wife spent this morning cleaning out the old attic. Dark, smelly and full of cobwebs. But she's good with the kids so.... Â "did you hear? Batman's gay" "How d'you know?" "A little bird told me" (wait for it to sink in) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EdgarTheSlouch Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 A Spaniard name Jose came to Miami and wanted to attend a big league game. To his dismay he found that all the seats were sold out. However, the management gave him a high seat by the flagpole. When he returned to his home country his friends asked him, "What kind of people are those Americans?" He said, "Fine people, they gave me a special seat at the ball game and just before the game started that all stood up and sang 'Jose can you see.'" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MRMIdAS Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Has anyone else noticed Carlsberg do fuck all? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrAzY Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 How do you wake up lady gaga? Â Poke-her face Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barrington Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Michael Jackson is teaching his son to wank. "Aw dad this is great!". "I know son.. and when you're 13 you can use your own cock!"  Best Joke ever.  Michael Jackson wrote a letter to Boys 2 men, he was wondering about prices for deliveries.  Whats worse than fingering your sister? Fingering her and finding your dads missing wedding ring  After a dinner party at MJ's he handed out the under 8's.  Parents are becoming increasingly afraid of their teenagers because of their affiliation with gangs and crime etc. So they've been advised to read a new book to hit stores everywhere. 'My house, my rules' By Joseph Fritzl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the ultimate jobber Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Did you hear that Michael Jacksons just been given a role in a Broadway musical? Â He's going to be the Fiddler on the Roof!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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