Your 5 (or as many as you like really) policies

[SuperBacon]

OK, by some miracle, you've made it as leader of the party (nondescript, keep the other stuff to the relevant threads), you've incredibly passed a background check (they must have missed this place) and now you're ready for the election. But what are the policies on which you will stand, that will help win over the electorate?

1.) UBI

I genuinely believe this would solve so many issues within our society (housing, health, value of self, crime) and would be my number 1 policy on which I would run. Would love to see it happen in my lifetime.

2.) All empty houses utilised for the homeless

I'd also like to turn the O2 into a massive shelter, which is what we should've done when the "dome" part of it finished.

3.) Private rental sector abolished

A maximum of one house ownership under my regime. On the day I win the election, if you rent a place, you automatically own it from then on, social housing renters as well. Maybe in my second term, all homes go back under the ownership of the state. I haven't decided yet.

4.) Arsenal Football Club liquidated 

Pretty self explanatory really. PunkStep imprisoned as well. 5 years should do it.

5.) Can of Coke to be no more than 20p

Fine, Coca Cola can have some profit, but not much. 20p is fine. In time it will run from the taps alongside water.

There you go. Policy 4 will no doubt alienate the "Islington elite" but so be it. Landslide victory incoming. Over to you.

Edited May 20 by SuperBacon
Making me edit like a nob. Fannies edit.

[CharlesTuckerTheThird]

1, Corporations will pay ALL of their Corporation Tax. No exceptions.

2, Disability Benefit assessments must be performed by practicing doctors, not doctors who have been struck off.

3, Trans people will be recognised as the gender they identify as.

4, Near-dated food/food that is on the use-by date will be free to low-income families.

5, Politicians will not be allowed to accept gifts or jobs outside of their positions as MP. This one's just for me, as it's a personal bugbear of mine.

[cobra_gordo]

1) Focus on funding for grassroot music venues and their infrastructure. 

2) Gig tickets to be capped at no more than £20 for club shows, £50 for arenas, three day festivals £150.

3) Ticket touts, resellers who charge more than face value or any sort of dynamic pricing to be made illegal.

4) Venues to be banned from charging bands a percentage of merch sales unless they give the band a percentage of bar takings.

5) Scooter to redo the national anthem. Yes I know they're German. No, I don't care.

[Max Power]

1. I'm on the Private Rental Sector Elimination Train too.

2. Tesco Hash Browns need to revert back the recipe from about 2 years ago - the new one is shit.

3. Close any loophole that means the Super Wealthy can avoid any tax. They don't avoid it, they evade it.

4. I'd amalgamate all Streaming services into one - its a right ballache having to pay for them all separately. I don't want any dickheads to own it though, so I'd have to vet whoever was in charge.

5. I'd abolish the signing of footballers to clubs until they're 18. They can get an education until then and play as an amateur at junior level. Maybe I'd look into introducing a college style system - the whole Academy stuff over here is rotten to the core.

[westlondonmist]

1) Compulsory serving of asparagus for breakfast.

2) Free corsets for the under 5s.

3) Change NHS dentist structures. All dental surgeries have to work 40% minimum on NHS patients and there will be no NHS dental fees. Dental hygienists work would be on the NHS too.

4) State run nurseries for children aged 12 months plus. Too many people stagnate their careers by not being able to afford to work. 

5) All local authorities to have a public convenience plan (this is actually already a thing in Wales). Many old people and parents plan their day around public conveniences. Even at 39 I can't always hold it in. 

I could only come up with 2 policies so just put the other ones there for a joke. 

 

@cobra_gordo the Royal Family are German so it would probably be quite fitting.

[Donald J Trump]

I'm going to work on the basis that budgetary constraints aren't an issue, as that would be quite a laborious undertaking and would more than likely result in quite a dull list. Ill also include a mix of things I'd like to see and think would benefit society, as well as things that I believe would hold electoral appeal. I won't say which is which. 

1) A wide ranging programme of constitutional reform that would see Britain moving towards becoming a more federalist state. 

Each constituent member of the UK including England would have their own devolved parliaments with powers over everything except in those areas where devolution doesnt make sense. We'd still retain the pound and the central bank, we'd maintain the current arrangements with regards to the military and rights issues would also be a reserved matter. 

The house of commons would effectively become the legislature for the entirety of the UK, and to ensure parity of esteem each part of the UK would have the same number of members, irrespective of size, similar to the Senate in the United States. 

Each devolved parliament would have its own smaller, directly elected upper chamber, and collectively the members of these would come together and replace the house of lords on reserved issues. 

I'd also establish a citizens assembly to advise on contentious policy areas. 

2) A programme of renationalisation for utilities and transport. All profits would be reinvested in the respective services. 

3) The National Housing Service (might need to work on the name) which would include planning reform to bring about the biggest social housing project in British history. The ultimate aim would be to ensure that anyone who needs affordable social housing is able to get it.

4) A national regulator with effective wide ranging powers, who's brief covers everything from rip off supermarket pricing to corruption in high office. Taking envelopes? The regulators going to get you. Charging £7.50 for Lurpack while swimming in big bucks like Scrooge McDuck? Here comes the regulator. There will also be a regulator for that regulator, and another regulator to regulate the regulators regulator. Time to regulate. 

5) Judicial and penal reform. Like housing, I want to ensure that anyone who really wants to go to jail goes to jail, with tougher sentences for some offences. There'd also be actual, meaningful support in many instances, such as for drug addicts and those with mental health issues for example. In many cases they have an insurmountable hill to climb, and as a society we've completely underestimated the support required to properly help people. There'd be a mix of El Salvador style supermax prisons for people I personally don't like, and the Scandinavian style "warm bed and a friendly therapist" approach. Which one you go to depends on whether you've got a face I'd never tire of punching. 

[SuperBacon]

45 minutes ago, cobra_gordo said:

) Scooter to redo the national anthem. Yes I know they're German. No, I don't care.

You've got @PunkStep vote 100%

[Keith Houchen]

1 - Full Communism

2- The people who want to bring back national service must be the first to do it, followed by their kids and grandkids. 
 

3 - Death penalty for parking in a blue badge bay when you don’t have a blue badge. Double death penalty if you’re driving a 4x4

4 - Bring back downvotes

5 - You are 28 until you turn 29. 
 

I just want my country back. 

[westlondonmist]

19 minutes ago, Keith Houchen said:

1 - Full Communism

2- The people who want to bring back national service must be the first to do it, followed by their kids and grandkids. 
 

3 - Death penalty for parking in a blue badge bay when you don’t have a blue badge. Double death penalty if you’re driving a 4x4

4 - Bring back downvotes

5 - You are 28 until you turn 29. 
 

I just want my country back. 

The second one would get my vote.

[SuperBacon]

21 minutes ago, Keith Houchen said:

5 - You are 28 until you turn 29. 

Good slogan.

Britain - That's How It Works.

[Mr_Danger]

Does full communism mean we all have PlayStation 5’s or that none of us do? 

[SuperBacon]

4 minutes ago, Mr_Danger said:

Does full communism mean we all have PlayStation 5’s or that none of us do? 

If David's in charge we all do.

[Boycie]

I'm looking at this in terms of reforming our current political system as I believe this needs to happen if we're going to get anywhere...

1. We must recruit into political life a much higher calibre of person than is the norm in British politics today. Currently, our men and women of public affairs are simply too small in both mind and character to be able to cope with the great issues with which they are confronted. Whatever means are required to elevate to the top those people with the highest leadership qualities must be adopted. In addition to this, politics must be given the status of a proper profession, which, as with other professions, people can only practice when they have achieved qualifications of proven competence.

 

2. Government, once elected, must be given proper powers to act in accordance with the will of the people who have elected it. It must be immunised from the pressures of special sectional interest groups, particularly of finance, and be enabled to carry out, unhindered, the policies necessary to the nation's good.

 

3. A way needs to be found to take party warfare out of politics. The nation cannot be governed well when a large faction in parliament has a vested interest in it being governed badly.

 

4. The partisan influence of the mass media upon elections must somehow be drastically reduced, if not eliminated.

 

5. Political debate needs to be conducted at a much higher level than at present, so that voters, when they go to the polls, are able to make an intelligent choice instead of being harassed by moronic propaganda dealing in trivia.

 

6. Ministers in charge of the departments of government should be experts in their fields and not amateurs. To bring this about, it should be possible for them to be selected from the pool of managerial talent of the whole population, not solely from elected MPs.

 

7. The working schedule of our leading politicians must be arranged so that they are able to give their full attention to the vital matters of state for which they are responsible.

 

8. Parliament's machinery of legislation needs to be drastically speeded up, and legislators should be competent and knowledgeable on the issues in which they are called upon to vote.

 

 

[Mr_Danger]

9 minutes ago, SuperBacon said:

If David's in charge we all do.

Have I wasted my life’s work thinking it was Loki who tipped his gardener with a PlayStation when it was David?

[Keith Houchen]

4 minutes ago, Mr_Danger said:

Have I wasted my life’s work thinking it was Loki who tipped his gardener with a PlayStation when it was David?

Yep, and it was his cleaner. 
 

But in answer to the question, we all get a choice of whichever one you want. However, your gaming choices will be monitored and all the Japan nonces with their knicker sniffing simulators will be added to the register.