Jump to content

Doomed anecdotal megathread #2


Sergio Mendacious

Recommended Posts

  • Paid Members

I think I may be in trouble. There was a bargain of an organ on Gumtree, so I bought it.

Ā 

It's bigger than it looked in the picture. A lot bigger. It's currently sat in the middle of the living room because it weighs somewhere close to 200 lbs and I can't get it upstairs. The missus is coming home tomorrow.

Edited by Nostalgia Nonce
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Paid Members

You could be sitting there watching telly, Mossy, and next off the door to the living room, or your bedroom - I don't care which - would burst open and I'd be shuffling and penguin walking into the room at a frantic pace with my bags around my ankles, dragging you off the sofa by an earlobe and into the bathroom, demanding that you to look into the Armitage Shank and see the ostentatious peat briquette with nowhere to go but up, looking back at you.

Then, and after Iā€™d taken a picture and sent to a few people on messenger, Iā€™d wipe and flush.

Itā€™s been known to happen.

It wouldnā€™t be all bad though. Iā€™d make you breakfast, tea and dinner and the like.

After I had a few great constitutionals I took photos, and when reminiscing with friends down the pub with lots of "remember this" with a subsequent show of a photo I'd casually say "ohh, you must remember this" and slip in one of my jobby.

Ā 

I've only ever shown someone a jobby in it's natural habitat once. It was in a caravan and filled the lav to such an extent the lid wouldn't shut. I had to chop it up with a screwdriver to get it in the tank.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Paid Members

Sorry to take this back to fast food chat, but my brother reckons they used to soup in KFC. This would have been late 70s, early 80s. It's not that I don't believe him, but I can't find any reference to it anywhere. Anyone got any anecdotal evidence or folk memory of it? I know they used to do ribs.Ā 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Paid Members

I know I saw a comedy sketch once with an old lady trying to order a bowl of soup in a KFC.

Ā 

I'd be surprised if they did. My early memories of KFC (in the early 80s) involved a bucket of chicken and that was it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sorry to take this back to fast food chat, but my brother reckons they used to soup in KFC. This would have been late 70s, early 80s. It's not that I don't believe him, but I can't find any reference to it anywhere. Anyone got any anecdotal evidence or folk memory of it? I know they used to do ribs.Ā 

Ā 

McDonalds have definitely done soup at some point, possibly in the US only - but it was on the menu when I looked at it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Paid Members

Ā 

If you and your mate are currently sat on the number 2 bus in Peterborough debating the structure and predictability of Brock Lesnar matches, I can hear you!

Since no one on here owned up I think it's fair game to say I've just seen these lads again today, wearing the exact same head to toe black get up and looking every bit the quintessential 'wrestling fan'.

Ā 

A sequel to my popular 'overhearing wrestling fans in Peterborough' post. Ā Walked into the Spar tonight just as a punter and the bloke behind the till were discussing the Benoit murders! Ā Come on, one of you two has to be on here surely!?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Paid Members

Somewhat conflating the shit and fast food talk here, but nothing gets my sphincter running like a chicken shish with hot sauce over it. I eat a lot of hot sauce as a matter of course and I might get the occasional touch ofĀ arse-fire the next morning, but it's generally OK.

Ā 

Put the same sauce on a kebab though and I am absolutely honking out of the exhaust like a boy-racers Mini Metro. Last couple of times, I have been shaking and sweating like it'sĀ Mania 13 andĀ Bret's got me in the sharpshooter and I just don't know whether to tap out. I don't understand why the actual kebab makes such a difference? Maybe it's the combination of hot sauce and previous nightĀ beer? SCIENTISTS OF ENGLAND, I need to know the reasoning behind this philosophers stone-esque transformation of my experience on the crapper.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Following a previous personal predicament, I'm thinking of making an app that alerts the user when you get a certain distance away from any public toilets. So, if you're like Gus who's had a potent cocktail of hot sauce and donner, you'll never have to worry about being in no man's land when nature calls. It would be like the AA roadmap of shitteries across the nation. Users could even leave star ratings and TripAdvisor reviews in case you're in a different city. It could have a merch store too, stick the Lokey Pokey on there for some extra revenue.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Paid Members

I would happily contribute towards that Steak. I have rock solid arseĀ control and can always hold fort until I get home, but I feel the pain of you and the other city shitters who have been left with brown trousers and years of regret. This is because I have a bladder the size of a peanut and need a piss on a stupidly frequent basis. I may as well just get used to the fact that I'm going to need to shove a catheter up my japseye by the time I'm 50, because am I fuck getting up to use the bog 5 times every night.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...