Photocopier + Arse = Christmas Party.

[John Matrix]

 

The works Christmas do is upon us for many.  Now I’m not the most sociable bloke in the world generally these days, but I cannot fucking stand the ‘office party’. 

 

I’m sure there will be some of you who love the annual Christmas carnage, throwing one up Ruth on reception and calling your boss a nonce after one too many lambrusco’s, but for me, they are the epitome of everything I hate about ‘going out’ or socialising with people through necessity rather than choice.

 

It’s like people either forget, or just plain don’t know how to behave when outside of the office environment, when even the pop of a wine cork has idiots shrieking and whooping for no reason whatsoever.  Then there’s the inevitable “It’s good to let our hair down” brigade, who spend the whole time talking shop and, god forbid, the Secret Santa presentation.  What’ll it be this year? Edible knickers, a box of chocolate willies, or something else inappropriate that sends a group of middle aged people into fucking hysterics.

 

To top it all off this year, our ‘organiser’ aka ‘someone who realises browsing menus online all day and setting up excel spreadsheets with food choices is far easier than doing any proper work’, has booked us into somewhere where only avid Masterchef viewers can decipher the menu – the sort of place that does Jus and that meat paste that looks like catfood.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I love a bit of posh grub, but it all just adds to the pretentiousness of what is already going to be my worst nightmare.

 

So what have you lot got in store?  Any of you feel the same as me? Or am I officially the forums Ebeneezer Scrooge?

 

If it weren’t for the wicked surprise I got from an amazing UKFF’er this morning, today would be a complete write off!

 

Wish me luck.  If I never post again, I either took my own life, or had enough, and took a dozen others.

[FelatioLips]

I've got my Secret Santa at work today. Got him a Shrek Donkey figure, a Cheesestring, a Pepperami and a DVD copy of The Nutty Professor 2: The Klumps. All in-jokes between about 4 or 5 of us, so it's safe.

Got the meal tomorrow, should be decent. Nobody on my team is a massive tit really and the ones that would probably annoy people aren't coming anyway. It's basically a pub lunch with mates.

[HarmonicGenerator]

We generally don't do an office party, but I'll meet up with friends who I know from work for drinks or a meal or something.

 

My department did go out for a Christmas lunch, but we're currently in trouble with HR for it because ... I don't actually know why, it was all authorised and everything, but they're out for blood... Merry Christmas!

[Keith Houchen]

"A Few weeks later I penetrated her"

[Chest Rockwell]

Thankfully not doing anything Christmas-related with work. No party, no secret santa, no drinks. I've managed to avoid it all by being up in Glasgow all the time.

 

I've also excused myself from exchanging gifts with the family this year.

 

That's all the shit I don't like about Christmas dealt with so I am really looking forward to it now - some time hanging out at home with the family, eating well, playing games, watching movies and generally chilling out.

 

Bring it on! I'm really fed up and burnt out with work at the minute so I need those few days off (not that I am getting many though. Travelling back from Glasgow Christmas Eve morning, and then back up here on the Monday, and will be here over New Year's as well).

[SpursRiot2012]

I fucking hate any type of work gathering. I keep to myself at work. I avoid all work Christmas parties. I never used to be like this. One year, though, I went to a lavish work Christmas party (they had Boney M playing) and got smashed, had a shoving match with the guy playing Santa, tried to steal a dwarf that was playing an elf and then sat in a corner near the snow machine begging somebody to put me in a cab home. Since that day, I avoid all work parties.

[JNLister]

No Christmas part for me as a self-employed folk (I half-jokingly refer to the annual Attack wrestling Christmas show in Bristol as my work do). Still better than in an old job where the Xmas do one year was a free Co-op sandwich on the last day to be ate at your desk, plus the non-guaranteed possibility of being let out early at an unspecified time, which was toss-all use when you had long-distance trains to book.

 

Funnily enough, one of the things that finally tipped me over the edge ten years ago next month was knowing off heart that in January you'd start having the exact same conversation as every year working out when we'd be closed the following Christmas and how much of our annual leave would be deducted to cover it.

[Keith Houchen]

Thankfully not doing anything Christmas-related with work. No party, no secret santa, no drinks. I've managed to avoid it all by being up in Glasgow all the time.I've also excused myself from exchanging gifts with the family this year.

If you lot don't want to integrate you should fuck off back to Nicaragua.

[Rey_Piste]

Tomorrow is the work do, so 8-11am is in the office for a health and safety meeting plus some minor paper work. Then its drop work vans home and meet most of the blokes for a pint before we taxi share to the restaurant. Should be a nice carvery and there's a hundred notes behind the bar to pay for drinks. After that it's all unofficial, so there will be bit of a pub crawl before going about 9pm.

[Chest Rockwell]

[Alan Partridge shrug.gif]

 

 

(this mentally follows every one of Rey's posts for me).

[Monkee]

My Christmas party was last Friday at Madame Tussauds. A black tie event for the whole company with copious amounts of free food and drink. I don't normally go regardless of venue or theme but it coincided with a friend visiting so I got entry for the both of us. We just took selfies with all the waxworks all night. The dance floor was too crowded to dance - when I did go for a boogie I was promptly acosted by some drunk bloke who first tried to hold my hand and dance with me but when I refused he instead removed his shirt and thrust his nipples at me in some sort of mating ritual... I decided not to dance after that.

[Chest Rockwell]

Umm. Do you work for a publisher near Old Street? I forget the name of the company..

[Silky Kisser]

Very quiet one this year. Our office has trebled in size over the last few months, so organising a big party for everyone has gone out the window.

 

Instead a Selco breakfast at 11.30, then a few beers in the local pubs around our office before my girlfriend picks me up at around 6pm.

 

Fuck going into Cardiff on Black Friday.

[PowerButchi]

Me and my mate are going to listen to the best Christmas Song (Band Aid II, closely followed by Feliz Navidad) and drink whiskey in his house. That's my Mad Friday.

[neil]

I always hated the Christmas "do" when I was working in England. Nothing more depressing than seeing the morose dour office women putting tinsel in their hair and going "I dont feel chrismassy at all? Do you?". Urgh.

 

My experience working in the US is that there aren't such wild antics going on. Very little office shagging and certainly no photocopying of your arse. My company basically just takes us out for a nice dinner and lets us drink as much as we want. We worked out this year that on average each person cost over $250 for the night, which is scary when you consider some people don't or barely drink.