Paid Members JohnnyChimpo Posted October 3, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted October 3, 2011 I don't really have anything to add, but I just read this whole thread and holy fuck do we have some absolute freaks and weirdos on here. I knew it was only going to be a matter or time before the story went from having a funny vibe to them to being mainly about wanking, to full on sick shit. Incest? Like, fucking hell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members tiger_rick Posted October 3, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted October 3, 2011 Went to the gym for the first time in about a year today. Threw up after 10 minutes. Depressing.I can top that, went to the gym about 6 months ago now for the first ever time, ended up collapsing the same night and was written off work as I was dizzy and weak for about a week afterwards.Jesus christ. I'm a fat fucker and I have no problems at the gym. Sort yourselves out! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members JohnnyChimpo Posted October 3, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted October 3, 2011 Oh the swob thiing is horrible. Having just had the blood test and being generally shit scared of needles the fear had shrunk my penis to about a third of it's size (so only 6 inches eh ladz! ftw) so it was even more uncomfortable. I don't think it's at all offensive and lacking in perspective to say it is an emotional equivalent of being raped. I almost couldn't finish my naughty nurse fantasy wank when I got home.Whats witht eh swab being jammed up your dickie bird? surely there are other, less awful, ways of taking the samples they need?Went to the gym for the first time in about a year today. Threw up after 10 minutes. Depressing.I can top that, went to the gym about 6 months ago now for the first ever time, ended up collapsing the same night and was written off work as I was dizzy and weak for about a week afterwards.Yeah, how did this happen? Don't you play football on a regular basis (or at least have claimed to), how could you be so unfit that 1 gym session left you collapsing, and needing time off work? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Halitosis Romantic Posted October 3, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted October 3, 2011 I went back to the gym when I started working in central London a few years ago - started off slow, doing so cardio, it was pretty nice, thought I'd go most lunchtimes, shower, and then back to work.Fast forward to me taking them up on the offer of a free personal training sesh - trainer was DEFINITELY someone I recognized from a British wrestling show (a worker, that is), but I don't recall who. I think it was someone from LDN.Fucker practically killed me, making me do situps with a gradually increasing weight against my chest, then cardio, then pushups with a fucking weight on my back - yeah, a weight. His bastard foot.Eventually, he let me go, and I staggered into the shower, threw up everywhere, and called to sign off of work the next day, knowing I wouldn't be able to move. I never went back to the gym, and I'm not sure if the guy was enthusiastic, a total cunt, or inept - probably a combination. Maybe he hates fat people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Duke Posted October 3, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted October 3, 2011 Went to the gym for the first time in about a year today. Threw up after 10 minutes. Depressing.I can top that, went to the gym about 6 months ago now for the first ever time, ended up collapsing the same night and was written off work as I was dizzy and weak for about a week afterwards.Jesus christ. I'm a fat fucker and I have no problems at the gym. Sort yourselves out!You probably were sensible and didn't push yourself too far like a twat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members IANdrewDiceClay Posted October 3, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted October 3, 2011 (edited) EDIT: already covered. Edited October 3, 2011 by Ian_hitmanhart Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Van Dammer Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Oh the swob thiing is horrible. Having just had the blood test and being generally shit scared of needles the fear had shrunk my penis to about a third of it's size (so only 6 inches eh ladz! ftw) so it was even more uncomfortable. I don't think it's at all offensive and lacking in perspective to say it is an emotional equivalent of being raped. I almost couldn't finish my naughty nurse fantasy wank when I got home.Whats witht eh swab being jammed up your dickie bird? surely there are other, less awful, ways of taking the samples they need?Went to the gym for the first time in about a year today. Threw up after 10 minutes. Depressing.I can top that, went to the gym about 6 months ago now for the first ever time, ended up collapsing the same night and was written off work as I was dizzy and weak for about a week afterwards.Yeah, how did this happen? Don't you play football on a regular basis (or at least have claimed to), how could you be so unfit that 1 gym session left you collapsing, and needing time off work?Didnt mean to say it was my first time ever, was my first time in about 9 months after id been injured for a fair old while and tried to go straight back in with my old workout, ended up not taking in enough fluids and over doing it, went home and still didnt take in fluids and just collapsed at home and took about a week to shake off the dizziness and dis-orientation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Maestro Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 My life has been a catalogue of low points and embarrasing events, almost too many to even count. Just off the top of my head I've... - Been caught fingering an ex by her little sister.  How old was her sister?  This was when I was 15, so I'd say her little sister would have been 12. She actually asked why my hand was down her sister's pants. Fun times.   My life has been a catalogue of low points and embarrasing events, almost too many to even count. Just off the top of my head I've... - Thrown a cactus into someone's face from a moving vehicle.  how the fuck did that come about?  There used to be this takeaway that me and a few mates used to go to where they had a cactus on the counter. A couple of us used to take bites of it (obviously not sober) and would try to steal it from time to time. Anyways, I had some weed and I asked the delivery driver if we could smoke out in his car whilst he was doing his rounds so he let us. I stole the cactus from the counter and when driving along saw a couple of people walking down he street so launched it at 'em from the backseat. Seemed a great idea at the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Tommy! Posted October 3, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted October 3, 2011 My life has been a catalogue of low points and embarrasing events, almost too many to even count. Just off the top of my head I've... - Been caught fingering an ex by her little sister.  How old was her sister?  This was when I was 15, so I'd say her little sister would have been 12. She actually asked why my hand was down her sister's pants. Fun times.  Ohh, then yeah that's a bit of a low. If she was 18 or something It would have really got me going. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Au Posted October 4, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted October 4, 2011 This thread has been hilarious. Made me kinda miss this place. Â I'd regale you all about the time I met Butch Reed Mark, except I don't remember that night at all. Â Alas, this wasn't anything to do with him! It's the only time I've ever fully blacked out, lost about 8 hours. First memories were getting kicked out of a house in the pissing rain the next morning. I was so fucked up, I had to get someone to call me a taxi to take me less than 10 minutes away. Â As far as I can tell from what I've been told, nothing really bad happened; it was just a near lethal combination of booze and drugs, triggered because my current (then ex) girlfriend had turned up & I'd just freaked out a bit. But given that this was the first time we'd seen each other in three months & got back together shortly afterwards, I can't have made that much of an idiot of myself! Â Having to spend 5 hours DJing a roller derby bout that day was an absolutely horrific experience, though. Definitely taught me a lesson and, funnily enough, I've barely touched the class A's since that night. Â I only know I met FrankySides because his mate came up to me a few weeks later and said he'd met me that night because his mate Gaz was down from North Wales and knew me. Put two and two together, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trevor Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Christ, this thread has been a disturbing as fuck read for a new member to the forum such as myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boydy122 Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Other then whats been said before about me here is a few low moments in my lifeI went into McDonalds once with my mate we were about 14-15 at the time, anyway I stupidly with a dead serious face asked for a cheeseburger without cheese and the woman serving me said do you mean a hamburger and me without realising said nah I dont like ham and I wasnt saying it to be funny or a smart arse I genuinely didnt realise, my mate couldnt stop laugh and to this day he takes great pleasure in telling anyone who will listen this story.Another Mcdonalds related incident happened when I met a girl I chatted up in town when I was about 16 and took her in the disabled toilets of McDonalds so she could give me a blowjob.Oh and I also got sacked working for McDonalds for stupidly mopping the tables when asked to clean them, I was mother cuddled for years I never cleaned up anything so I didnt know it was wrong to mop the tables.I once met a girl and we went into some woods for some fun, she said I couldnt spunk inside her cos if she got pregnant she could risk getting a blood clot, so before I cum I pulled it out and thought most of it went over her, I pulled up my trackies went to meet my mates to brag about my conquest and didnt realise I had spunk all over my trackies, my mates couldnt stop laughing all night.I got sacked on my first day in a pub for flooding the kitchen.When I was inside prison I got bored and decided to shave my hair exactly like Mr.T with the beard and everything, some of my fellow prisoners pinned me down and shaved it off and said it was for my own good.I lasted a minute the once during sex cos I wanted to get it over with so I can meet my mates and go the cinema to watch Fast and Furious when the first one come out.Ive probably done alot of embarrassing things I just cant think of them all right now, hope you have a laugh at my expense lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr.PeterVenkman Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 (edited) Another Mcdonalds related incident happened when I met a girl I chatted up in town when I was about 16 and took her in the disabled toilets of McDonalds so she could give me a blowjob  Unless someone disabled was in there at the time I really don't see how that's a low point Edited October 6, 2011 by Dr.PeterVenkman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CurryAngel Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 How old was the girl?And you do seem to spend a lot of time in Mcdonalds! I'm a Burger King man myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Wretch Posted October 6, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted October 6, 2011 On my last visit home, one of the security guards in the Burger King on O Connell St. followed me into the gents, knocked on the door and told me to 'hurry up and get out' as I was halfway through taking a shit.Well done lads. I see customer service is on the up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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