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The Official UKFF Squash Match Directory


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Jesus that Lesnar/Gowen match was brutal, thinking about the thread about what makes a good heel nowadays, I'm pretty sure a heel doing something like that to someone would get the fans booing them regardless of who they are

Fucking hell I just watched it for the first time in years, incredible. Even more brutal than I remember, which just goes to show how different the product is now. That chairshot to the head, if done today it would be one of the most memorable and brutal moments of the year. Back then, they were a dime a dozen- which was not good.

 

Everything about that squash was great. Lesnar was awesome as ever in his mannerisms, Gowen done his part by weighing almost nothing, the beating was as brutal as I've seen and Gowen's Mum was brilliant on the outside.

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Let's remember a squash match is meant to get the star's in-ring persona and style over. Yes, for big men that means beating the crap out of someone, but for the Fabulous Rougeaus it means being utter cocky pricks. Check out any of their squashes from 1989ish, starting with Rougeaus vs Lanny Poffo + ? Santano

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Brock vs Spanky counts and it's technically more an angle than a squash match so I'm sure the Public Enemy and Mike Awesome matches do count. I'll update the first post at some point tonight. Good to see there's been such a positive response.

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Brilliant idea for a thread. Gives me a chance to talk about my favourite job boy bitch, John Crystal.

jc.jpg

He used to pop up everywhere on the Saturday afternoon shows. I remember waking up every Saturday, getting reading to have a knock about with my mates and the thing that got me in the mood was seeing John Crystal get his head kicked in. He has a short curly mullet occassionally. Sometime just went for the usual crap straight hair. Even present was his Beetlejuice style singlet. The variation of his singlet was either white and black strips, or a similar number in yellow. Vince made his name on the back of the phrase "perception is reality". Meaning if you think someones a star, he is a star. Well, this held true in JC's case, because he was percieved by the crowd as being a terrible mullet headed little twat and was treated as such. Probably most famous as being Triple H's first WWF opponent on TV. He took it all. The Banzi Drop, the Figure Four Leg Lock, the Jacknife Powerbomb, the lot. Poor bastard even had the misfortune of visiting Bastion Boogers Batcave. Must have been some kind of rib on John, because there was a period where he faced the Booger Man, then Yokozuna, then Earthquake, then a Men On A Mission. So it seemed like someone big fatty was sitting on his face every time he appeared on TV. Another interesting piece of Crystal Triva was the finish to his match with a debuting Hunter Herst Helmsley. Check out his match with Triple H. No pedigree. Triple H finishes our John off with the Diamond Cutter.

 

The Best of John Crystal (5'10", 210 pounds, from Baltimore, Maryland):

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John Crystal vs. Triple H

John Crystal vs. Body Donna Skip with Sunny's Arse

John Crystal vs. Diesel

John Crystal vs. Jeff Jarrett

John Crystal and his mate vs D'Lo Brown and Kama Mustafa with MARK HENRY~

 

He had a class name though. Imagine all the gimmicks and marketing ploys they could have made with him. His finisher could have been called the Crystal Maze. Formed a team with the Rocky Maivia called Rock and Crystal. His catchphrase could have been "You'll need to bring a pistol, to get this belt off John Crystal". He could have lead a band of heels into a hostile takeover years before the nWo did it, and called the stable The Crystal Palace. I've ran out of Crystal based puns.

 

He did update his look from 1994 Indy jobber to 1998 Indy jobber, when the Attitude Era came around. Aware he was in the middle of a boom period, John thought it was a perfect opportunity to debut red pleather with white fringe on an unsuspecting audience, but still stuck to wearing a singlet, because he was conscience of the dangers of having to re-establish himself with a new audience if he changed his look to much.

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For all his faults, he put time and effort into his look. He even got that shit haircut chopped off. I'm sure he must have thought him and Bob Starr (a team I liked to call Starr Crystal) were going to make a go of it and challenge the likes of Mankind and Kane. Dreams of big money PPV payoffs and a spot in DX with Shawn Michaels and his former sparring partner Triple H were no doubt a daily occurance for the Boy from Baltimore. Foam fingers, t-shirts, action figures, pencil cases, plaster of paris molds, none were ever manufactured to the best of my knowledge. Didnt work out though. For the life of me I cant find anything on the net about what he's up to now.

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I always liked those matches where every once in a while instead of 2 jobbers it was a jobber and some lower card guy.

 

Lower card guy would always put up a good showing, tag in the jobber and then it was always downhill from there.

 

Usually ending with lower card guy checking on the squashed jobber and looking "concerned".

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