Moderators PowerButchi Posted April 6, 2011 Moderators Share Posted April 6, 2011 If Elvis is back, that's a great thing. I'd love Elvis from Sunday to start posting here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members IANdrewDiceClay Posted April 6, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted April 6, 2011 Elvis was great in the UKFF chat. I wish he'd post here as well. He was filled with all kinds of information you wont find on wikipedia about the King himself. He said something about not wanting to sign up because of Tiger Rick. He said Tigers play to rough. He was happy that Joe The Lion no longer posts here though. Because Joe The Lion aint the kind you love enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fat Boy Mendoza Posted April 6, 2011 Author Share Posted April 6, 2011 I've just had someone email me the whole of Gatso's "date rapey" post from a few weeks back. We've all read it so I am not going to repost it but suffice to say it is probably one of the most disturbing things I have ever read. Â I thought I would have had more response to this post. I was sure there were more deviants who post on here that we have had responses from. Â Come on UKFF, share your sordid secrets with the world !!!! Â Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RepoMan Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 You can't say you got something disturbing and then not share it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members tiger_rick Posted April 6, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted April 6, 2011 You can't say you got something disturbing and then not share it! It's on the forum already. Just find member gatso and look through his posts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fat Boy Mendoza Posted April 7, 2011 Author Share Posted April 7, 2011 Here's a belter (literally)....  Ok mate, here goes. It was the week of my 21st birthday and I had a mate staying with me at uni. We had been lurking about one of those porn shops and found a contact mag that gave numbers for local 'shops of much gentleman's pleasures!' My mate said that as a 21st birthday gift he would pay for me to visit this massage parlour along with himself of course. Being pissed, horny and a down right dirty fucker I decided it would be rude not to so we went back to my gaff and got tanked up on beer and spliffs. A short taxi ride later took us to said massage parlour. I was a young and dumb lad so I was expecting it to be a hush hush affair, maybe a back street or something but this was right on the main road with neon letters stating "MASSAGE." Lovely. So we ventured up the stairs and through the door and walked in to what would pan out to be my worst ever nightmare. The receptionist was sat at the desk and she ushered us in and told us to take a seat as the "girls were all busy and would be down shortly." She asked if we would like a drink and being stoned and by this stage paranoid as fuck we said no in case they spiked us or something. She read the signs that we were nervous as fuck so "I'll put something on just make you feel a bit more relaxed." Wit that the tv screens flashed on and we were greeted by some bint sucking off a guy in a helicopter. This did nothing to relax me. I was shitting it by this stage, having never been in this sort of establishment it was all new to me and sitting watching porn with my mate and a "sex receptionist" wasn't my idea of relaxation. So...eventually a girl showed up, not a bad looker, blonde and I'd say mid 20's. My mate wasn't hanging around and instantly said "I'll take her." So I was left alone, it was my fucking birthday! The least he could do was to let me go first!....then I would be greeted with my 'lady.' She was 40's, rough council estate looking woman, slim but saggy. She lead me upstairs and as I watched her arse cheeks sag down in front of me I wished I was still sat watching the helicopter porn with the sex receptionist. She took me into a room and said that she was going to get ready and that I should prepared. Prepared? What does that mean? I took off me shoes and me jeans and sat on the bed like a pleb. She returned and told me that I should've been naked by then. So I stripped off and she asked me my name (I gave a fake one naturally) and also what it was I did for a living. She then uttered the words that will forever be spunked onto my brain - "Well, I'm Madam Erica The Dominatrix." FUCK! After my life flashed before my eyes she said to me that she would give me a massage with some baby oil first, it was nice....back first and then my front. The calm before the storm. Then out of nowhere she completely changed. "You've been a naughty boy you little slut. Go and stand in the corner." By this stage the spiked blackcurrant from earlier seemed like a very good idea. I stood in teh corner just infront of the mirror knowing that there was a team of bruisers behind it pissing themselves over what they were witnessing. So Madam Erica went on - "Tell me what it is you have done that is so naughty." Now ok, I was already seriously out of my comfort zone, stoned, pissed, paranoid and naked I was now having to act too....I would've quite happily taken a quick wank by this stage and got the fuck out of there but it wasn't to be. "I fucked my mates bird" I said out of nowhere. "Good one buddy" I thought, "You little fucker. Did you? and what hole did you fuck her in?" Now as my confidence was slowly rising after a cracking first answer I uttered the next statement without thinking "Every hole Mistress." Mistress? Where did that come from? but I was impressed with myself but it was then that I thought about what I'd just said - All the holes? Including the arse? SHIT! What if she? No she wouldn't? Would she? SO I had to think fast, "and I came in her mouth and all over her face." That seemed to work. "You did did you? Well come here." I lay on the bed and she proceeded to squat over my face and rub her pussy up and down across my chops. I felt a tad degraded but at least she didn't pull out a 12 inch strap on and ride me senseless. After a few minutes she then stopped and told me that she should teach me a lesson by pissing on me but as time was against us she would have to make do with something else. That was a relief. She told me to bend over and touch my toes whilst she gave me 10 of the best. Oh she wasn;t using her hand though. Oh no. She took off her stilleto and proceeded to beat the living fuck out of my arse cheeks, but again at least she didn't whip out a strap on eh? It must be noted that she told me at this stage whilst she was smacking my arse to "wank myself off" but in fear of me shooting my load at this stage I decided that as I had my back to her I could 'pretend' and so thats what I did; I was getting my arse smacked with a stiletto whilst pretending to wank myself off. Sexy or what eh? After she had finished she told me that it was time to "finish me off" and lay me down on the bed whilst she climbed on and we had about 2 minutes of the worst sex I have had in my life and I've had some fucking shit sex believe me! She finished me off with her hand as by this stage my cock had practically disappeared inside my body for fear of reprisals and afterwards we dressed and went downstairs where my mate was waiting to tell me his had been a "lovely girl" and a "great shag." Obviously I filled him in on my experience and he pissed himself laughing. it wasn't a set up, I seriously did draw the short straw that day but at least I didn't pay eh? 100% true that story....unfortunately. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fat Boy Mendoza Posted April 7, 2011 Author Share Posted April 7, 2011 And this one is just strange............  A certain someone on the board actually has a personal vendetta against Tiger Rick because he was made Mod and this other person did not make the cut here is an anagram of his name. Dangle Slam Lots  I did it for The Rock......  PcC was actually created by the higher power, the higher power is well here is an anagram of his name koli  Panda's get upset when you call it black and white its all colour baby.  If you subtract the first number you think of from the second you think of (has to be random you would only be cheating your self)it is always a Neils number, fact.  The planet is actually made up of several layers of egg shells and Japan is sitting on the yolk part.  3x4 = 12 - 6 = 5  The sun actually never sets it just goes some where else to light up someones elses day it works 24 hours a day and no one ever gives it the respect it deserves or the moon for that matter. President Carter of the carterside underworld once told me we should have a bank holiday firdaty for the sun and and monday for the moon. I told him as it was going to be Moonday we might as well have a Sunday. He laughed we had a cocktails and screaming orgasms.  Febuary is the longest Month of the year.  I am in love with two people after splitting up with my other half then getting back together 3 days later I met the most incredible woman I have ever met buy have stayed loyal to the other half. This other woman feels the same its like the worlds biggest tension ever when we are in contact with each other which is roughly a few times every few months. I have never done anything with her though I am loyal like a Japan dog in a big wave.  The rubix cube was created by DR Robotnic while he was waiting for sonic to finish green hills in under 35 seconds.  Knuckles is refering to Sonics love of a 5 shuffle when you can't see him.  Two of these are fact the rest are a load of arse you figure it out I am off back into the shadows of the bat mobile and the telegraph pole from the breakers yard oh how I love you Cindy you bubble butt beauty.  I would have said that this post was written by someone who has had a fair bit to drink but as it was sent to me at 9:52 this morning that is hard to believe !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loki Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 That's Pat's posting style, it's clearly him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Devon Malcolm Posted April 7, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted April 7, 2011 No, it's obviously crawlingwest. The guy is a lunatic. There are too many apostrophes for it to be pat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patiirc Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 That's Pat's posting style, it's clearly him  Nah, boss is not me. You have chosen incorrectly. Reckon its that fella/lass who has been doing them TWCF posts.  I could confess alot more than that sillyness. I wont, but shush now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loki Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 My mistake then. It's just, when I thought of who might be out of their gourd at 9.30 in the morning, you came to mind. Â Gladstone might be right, it does feel like crawlingwest. If anyone wants a laugh, check out the Comments he's been leaving on Gladstone's Member page here. Insane. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members tiger_rick Posted April 7, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted April 7, 2011 Gladstone might be right, it does feel like crawlingwest. If anyone wants a laugh, check out the Comments he's been leaving on Gladstone's Member page here. Insane. Nutter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Devon Malcolm Posted April 7, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted April 7, 2011 Help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Max Power Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 That's brilliant. Â Gladstone - go back and re-read crawlingwest's contribution to the "How to dispose of a body" thread. The man knows his stuff. Â I'd be shitting myself if I were you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Shit Poster Posted April 7, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted April 7, 2011 That actually was not me. I wouldn't be arsed to go to that much effort any dark secrets I have I would just say them in here but I have none But gladstone if I say steak you say...... Â Also I would get no fun out of hiding behind an email its much more enjoyable pming you and posting comments. Â Edit: I think it is because you stand out Gladstone nothing against you, you are a good poster but your profile picture coupled with your very girly name just grates me. Also who will sing my lovely poems who will read my wonderful songs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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