insert_name_here Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 Yeah i'm gonna go ahead and say crawlingwest is a gimmick account. He's clearly just trying to wind people up now. Â Gimmick account? Pissed up bloke writes something he finds a bit funny after waking up this morning and browsing UKFF. I post a lot on wrestling football etc and now its a gimmick? Â Who exactly would I be trying to wind up? Ok maybe's i was a little bit rash with my reply but i still think you're just trying wind everyone up with your weirdness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fat Boy Mendoza Posted April 7, 2011 Author Share Posted April 7, 2011 That email that crawlingwest sent was from an email called Gladstone Small. Be afraid Gladstone, you seem to have some sort of stalker !!  Anyway, back to the filth......  Through a combination of flexibility and a genuinely very, very long penis, I spent most of my late teens and early twenties sucking myself off where others might have wanked. One day while in the middle of a particularly long and enjoyable session, I couldn't be bothered to get up and go for a piss, which I badly needed, and cos you'll do anything when you've got the horn, I just sloshed it straight into my throat and drank it. You really have to suck quite hard to form a vaccuum, or it all comes spilling out. It's a bit like eating a Calippo. I did it a few more times after that. Sometimes when I didn't even need a piss that badly.  Now that I'm older and thicker around the middle, I can only get the mushroom in my mouth, and haven't pissed in there for ages Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Shit Poster Posted April 7, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted April 7, 2011 Yeah i'm gonna go ahead and say crawlingwest is a gimmick account. He's clearly just trying to wind people up now. Â Gimmick account? Pissed up bloke writes something he finds a bit funny after waking up this morning and browsing UKFF. I post a lot on wrestling football etc and now its a gimmick? Â Who exactly would I be trying to wind up? Ok maybe's i was a little bit rash with my reply but i still think you're just trying wind everyone up with your weirdness. Â I am a little odd regardless. Not crazy just a little odd. It's hardly weird sending an email when your still pissed up for a laugh as you were bored. Weird is a big word to use, when I get drunk I will always wake up the next day drunk as I drink a lot. My weirdness as you would call it is me having a laugh. Dancing around Tesco's with the wife a couple of weeks ago getting food for a roast dinner, I sang to her accross the shop as well. It's funny to see peoples reaction. Also on this same shopping trip as we were walking in I asked my wife if she was up for giving me a prostate massage again tonight , we were standing next to an 80 year old lady who looked disgusted its all for the reaction. Â My wife has never given me a prostate massage either bitch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Shit Poster Posted April 7, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted April 7, 2011 That email that crawlingwest sent was from an email called Gladstone Small. Be afraid Gladstone, you seem to have some sort of stalker !! Anyway, back to the filth......  Through a combination of flexibility and a genuinely very, very long penis, I spent most of my late teens and early twenties sucking myself off where others might have wanked. One day while in the middle of a particularly long and enjoyable session, I couldn't be bothered to get up and go for a piss, which I badly needed, and cos you'll do anything when you've got the horn, I just sloshed it straight into my throat and drank it. You really have to suck quite hard to form a vaccuum, or it all comes spilling out. It's a bit like eating a Calippo. I did it a few more times after that. Sometimes when I didn't even need a piss that badly.  Now that I'm older and thicker around the middle, I can only get the mushroom in my mouth, and haven't pissed in there for ages  Now thats weird. If you drink your piss too many times don't you die? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghostface1982 Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 That email that crawlingwest sent was from an email called Gladstone Small. Be afraid Gladstone, you seem to have some sort of stalker !! Anyway, back to the filth......  Through a combination of flexibility and a genuinely very, very long penis, I spent most of my late teens and early twenties sucking myself off where others might have wanked. One day while in the middle of a particularly long and enjoyable session, I couldn't be bothered to get up and go for a piss, which I badly needed, and cos you'll do anything when you've got the horn, I just sloshed it straight into my throat and drank it. You really have to suck quite hard to form a vaccuum, or it all comes spilling out. It's a bit like eating a Calippo. I did it a few more times after that. Sometimes when I didn't even need a piss that badly.  Now that I'm older and thicker around the middle, I can only get the mushroom in my mouth, and haven't pissed in there for ages  Now thats weird. If you drink your piss too many times don't you die? Machida and his Dad say no. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators neil Posted April 7, 2011 Moderators Share Posted April 7, 2011 crawlingwest, don't post in this thread again. You are shitting it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PepperPlunge Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 He's an attention seeking goon, isn't he? Ooh look, people think I'm just cer-razy so I'm gonna have my signature as 'Why so serious?' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fat Boy Mendoza Posted April 7, 2011 Author Share Posted April 7, 2011 The King has been back on......  Uh uh uh, You gave my name! Well thank thank you, thank you very much. You're lucky I'm not a roustabout, uh uh uh, thank you. Thank you very much. You're lucky I'm just a big hunk o' love. thank you, thank you very much. Please don't be cruel, uh uh uh. Here is a warning for the future though, you can knock me down or step in my face. Slander my name all over the UKFF. Do anything that you want to do, but uh-uh, fat boy lay off of my shoes. We don't talk about Priscilla, or my homosexual experimentation during military service, uh uh uh. Thank you, thank you very much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members FLips Posted April 7, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted April 7, 2011 Elvis is shitter than CrawlingWest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PepperPlunge Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 Yeah, agreed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fat Boy Mendoza Posted April 18, 2011 Author Share Posted April 18, 2011 After a few days of silence this dropped into my inbox  This is sadly true. In 2004, I lived in Ireland with the woman. Her indoors had a dog. I came in from watching a Six Nations game after a few ales and fancied a game of Rugby so I drew some Rugby posts on the wall [we'd been decorating]. I was absolutely sloshed so I took one look at Kindness (the dog) and thought "Cunt looks like a rugby ball". I'm ashamed of what I did but I threw the dog up in the air, let it bounce off the ground and kicked it as hard as I could. YELP!! It cried. I also accidently stood on its paw. However it went in the middle of my imaginary Rugby posts. Yes! I thought. I told the woman thinking she'd think it was a giggle. She took a hairy though and chipped me out the house and told the Provisional IRA and some other gangster mob.on me. They knocked at the door next day and said I'd better get out of Ireland or they'd stab me in the back. They threatened to shoot my da. They went even further and took our Gerry. We eventually got him back after two days.  I then moved to Wales and didn't hear from her again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WU LYF 4 LYF Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 - I just masturbated over a 'Slash Fiction' story rewriting the Faraway Tree, in which Dame Slam spanked Moonface while he was making toffee shocks. I then switched to one of the Famous Five, with copious references to Julian's 'erect member' and George's 'slippery passage'. Once I'd got over my initial shock, it turned me on. Â Who writes these things? Who reads them (except UKFF members in the early hours who stumble across it looking for potential film remakes of Enid Blyton books)? Â I should probably get some other things off my chest, Â - I watched S Club Juniors videos for an hour today after the thread - I got all nostalgic and misty eyed while doing so - I listened to 'King of Rome' by the Pet Shop Boys four times in a row while doing the dishes - My life consists of a great nothing, and the worst thing is, I don't even want a job. I spend days sat around, writing, watching films, ocassionally leaving the house for a night out or to play for my Saturday football team - I've resented playing football, now I'm out of Uni and joined a new team I feel socially awkward - Parts of Queer As Folk turned me on - I once cried in a nightclub - I despise most people - I often despise myself - Sometimes I love myself - Sometimes I think I'm the most intelligent, most creative and wonderful person I know - Sometimes I think I'm the most scummy, morally bankrupt, ugly person I know - I'd smile if David Cameron got assassinated - I'd leap with joy if the Cabinet died - I felt no emotions about the 9/11 victims - I felt more sad when my goldfish died. - I think we should leave the Middle East alone - I am addicted to online shopping - I'm an elitist music prick, and love myself for it - It's the emptiness and loneliness and anonymity of Motorway Service Stations I find tragically romantic (not petrol stations as I was previously accused of) - I'm aware that statement is ridiculous and makes me seem like a pseudo-intellectual tragic try hard cunt - I am the above - Often I think my friends don't give a fuck - I wanted the riots to come to my city so I could nick a load of free stuff - If murder and such were legal I'd probably enjoy violently beating someone to death - I sit and watch Jeremy Kyle with a Relentless every day - I used to have big ambitions for myself but now I'm utterly unmotivated - I have sexual fantasies about Sally Webster - I'll regret this post in the morning, even though it's all tragically true Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members IANdrewDiceClay Posted September 16, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted September 16, 2011 - Parts of Queer As Folk turned me on  I'd probably enjoy violently beating someone to death  Reading these two, sounds like you already had a good go doing it to yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators PowerButchi Posted September 16, 2011 Moderators Share Posted September 16, 2011 - I just masturbated over a 'Slash Fiction' story rewriting the Faraway Tree, in which Dame Slam spanked Moonface while he was making toffee shocks. I then switched to one of the Famous Five, with copious references to Julian's 'erect member' and George's 'slippery passage'. Once I'd got over my initial shock, it turned me on. Who writes these things? Who reads them (except UKFF members in the early hours who stumble across it looking for potential film remakes of Enid Blyton books)?  I should probably get some other things off my chest,  - I watched S Club Juniors videos for an hour today after the thread - I got all nostalgic and misty eyed while doing so - I listened to 'King of Rome' by the Pet Shop Boys four times in a row while doing the dishes - My life consists of a great nothing, and the worst thing is, I don't even want a job. I spend days sat around, writing, watching films, ocassionally leaving the house for a night out or to play for my Saturday football team - I've resented playing football, now I'm out of Uni and joined a new team I feel socially awkward - Parts of Queer As Folk turned me on - I once cried in a nightclub - I despise most people - I often despise myself - Sometimes I love myself - Sometimes I think I'm the most intelligent, most creative and wonderful person I know - Sometimes I think I'm the most scummy, morally bankrupt, ugly person I know - I'd smile if David Cameron got assassinated - I'd leap with joy if the Cabinet died - I felt no emotions about the 9/11 victims - I felt more sad when my goldfish died. - I think we should leave the Middle East alone - I am addicted to online shopping - I'm an elitist music prick, and love myself for it - It's the emptiness and loneliness and anonymity of Motorway Service Stations I find tragically romantic (not petrol stations as I was previously accused of) - I'm aware that statement is ridiculous and makes me seem like a pseudo-intellectual tragic try hard cunt - I am the above - Often I think my friends don't give a fuck - I wanted the riots to come to my city so I could nick a load of free stuff - If murder and such were legal I'd probably enjoy violently beating someone to death - I sit and watch Jeremy Kyle with a Relentless every day - I used to have big ambitions for myself but now I'm utterly unmotivated - I have sexual fantasies about Sally Webster - I'll regret this post in the morning, even though it's all tragically true  Someone's had a shit night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Maverick Posted September 16, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted September 16, 2011 - I just masturbated over a 'Slash Fiction' story rewriting the Faraway Tree, in which Dame Slam spanked Moonface while he was making toffee shocks. I then switched to one of the Famous Five, with copious references to Julian's 'erect member' and George's 'slippery passage'. Once I'd got over my initial shock, it turned me on. Who writes these things? Who reads them (except UKFF members in the early hours who stumble across it looking for potential film remakes of Enid Blyton books)?  I should probably get some other things off my chest,  - I watched S Club Juniors videos for an hour today after the thread - I got all nostalgic and misty eyed while doing so - I listened to 'King of Rome' by the Pet Shop Boys four times in a row while doing the dishes - My life consists of a great nothing, and the worst thing is, I don't even want a job. I spend days sat around, writing, watching films, ocassionally leaving the house for a night out or to play for my Saturday football team - I've resented playing football, now I'm out of Uni and joined a new team I feel socially awkward - Parts of Queer As Folk turned me on - I once cried in a nightclub - I despise most people - I often despise myself - Sometimes I love myself - Sometimes I think I'm the most intelligent, most creative and wonderful person I know - Sometimes I think I'm the most scummy, morally bankrupt, ugly person I know - I'd smile if David Cameron got assassinated - I'd leap with joy if the Cabinet died - I felt no emotions about the 9/11 victims - I felt more sad when my goldfish died. - I think we should leave the Middle East alone - I am addicted to online shopping - I'm an elitist music prick, and love myself for it - It's the emptiness and loneliness and anonymity of Motorway Service Stations I find tragically romantic (not petrol stations as I was previously accused of) - I'm aware that statement is ridiculous and makes me seem like a pseudo-intellectual tragic try hard cunt - I am the above - Often I think my friends don't give a fuck - I wanted the riots to come to my city so I could nick a load of free stuff - If murder and such were legal I'd probably enjoy violently beating someone to death - I sit and watch Jeremy Kyle with a Relentless every day - I used to have big ambitions for myself but now I'm utterly unmotivated - I have sexual fantasies about Sally Webster - I'll regret this post in the morning, even though it's all tragically true Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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