Awards Moderator HarmonicGenerator Posted November 7, 2015 Awards Moderator Share Posted November 7, 2015 It's happened. The zombies have started to spread, plague, pestilence, general end of the world type scenario. What's your plan? What do you do? Which members of this forum do you save? Â I'd do what the people of Britain did in the World War Z book; go to the castles! Pick a good, intact one and there won't be much building work to be done, and you've got high strong walls with lots of defensive vantage points. If there's accommodation or a residence in there, fill up all the bathtubs asap for water supplies. There may well be underground tunnels and passageways to help avoid being in the open air. I'm a trained archery instructor so that'll come in handy. More likely than not there's plenty of weapons hanging about, get 'em sharpened and get 'em to work. You've got space to fit in as many people as you can save, and animals/veg for food. And if you happen to still have drawbridges and portcullises and things like that, so much the better. We've got loads of castles up here so if we can fix some sort of beacon system for communication and the occasional supermarket raid. Seems like the most logical option beyond holing up in B&Q with the power tools. Â Â What would you do? Fortify yourself, or are you more of an all-guns-blazing type? The zombies are coming, it's time to make a plan... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Bellenda Carlisle Posted November 7, 2015 Paid Members Share Posted November 7, 2015 I'd do the opposite and keep on the move. I'm not really a zombie guy but I love post apocalyptic wasteland shit so I'd go all Mad Max and go around with my mates in an 18 wheeler stealing supplies from random places. Also if my girlfriend or brother or something turned into a zombie I'd keep them around, I couldn't bring myself to off them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members quote the raven Posted November 7, 2015 Paid Members Share Posted November 7, 2015 The main issue is the uks lack of guns. So you have to make do with lesser tools probably the best shout would be to get to the local B&Q to try craft some zombie killing stuff.  Castle is a good shout without a doubt, failing that try to head to a island up north. If its not air bourne chances are your going to be ok there. Solar might be installed and fresh water shouldn't be to hard to collect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Bellenda Carlisle Posted November 7, 2015 Paid Members Share Posted November 7, 2015 But if you're in a castle with 10,000 zombies outside you're still fucked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members quote the raven Posted November 7, 2015 Paid Members Share Posted November 7, 2015 But if you're in a castle with 10,000 zombies outside you're still fucked. Â Well certainly not at Dover, there are miles of underground tunnels coming up all over the place. As long as they dont work out where i think its a safe bet. Most castles are built with a way out arnt they? If not then then every battle in the middle ages could have been won by just stopping supplies coming in? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Awards Moderator HarmonicGenerator Posted November 7, 2015 Author Awards Moderator Share Posted November 7, 2015 Â But if you're in a castle with 10,000 zombies outside you're still fucked. Â Well certainly not at Dover, there are miles of underground tunnels coming up all over the place. As long as they dont work out where i think its a safe bet. Most castles are built with a way out arnt they? If not then then every battle in the middle ages could have been won by just stopping supplies coming in? Â Â Yeah, there's usually a sneaky way out somewhere in the place. Sometimes that's a tunnel, sometimes it's a hidden door built into a tower called a sally-port. The point of most sieges was to stop supplies coming in and starve the people out, and it did work sometimes, but if you've stocked up your supplies well enough, you're talking months or even years before that siege is successful. Â Island up north is a good shout, provided you're near enough to one to get there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keith Houchen Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 I'm trying to work out if there is anything I despise about modern culture more than fucking zombie bollocks. I'm sure there is but nothing springs to mind. I'm so glad I'm old and will die soon. And no, my corpse won't be reanimated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CavemanLynn Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 Â If you're talking proper stumbling-about zombies, not these ludicrous Usain-Bolt-sprinting buggers, then I'd say posse up and start calmly clearing house. If there's 25 of you competing to off as many as you can a day, then the odds of survival go way up fast. 10 each a day and that's a small town clear in a month. Pick off the loners and pen in herds before trimming them at leisure. Â A few weeks ago, me and the missus had a chat about, if you could only have three things in a bag to survive during the zombie Apocalypse, what we'd have. I went for Crocodile Dundee knife (food, DIY, defence, no reload), net hammock (fishing, trapping, and sleeping off ground in the wild because zombies can't climb trees!), and a leather-bound copy of the Oxford English Dictionary, for some romantic last-bastion-of-English-humanity Book of Eli bullshit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members LaGoosh Posted November 7, 2015 Paid Members Share Posted November 7, 2015 I started the same thread years back and it's in Gold https://ukff.com/topic/47119-what-would-you-do-in-a-real-life-zombie-crisis/if anyone's interested.  Always a good worthwhile discussion to have though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merzbow Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 The real cool kids don't care about zombies anymore, it's all about the Skeleton War which I fully embrace. Â But if there was a Z-Day I'd be attaching two chainsaws to a chopper and ride till I die. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Scott Malbranque Posted November 7, 2015 Paid Members Share Posted November 7, 2015 I'd make love to a trannys bum. Dead up. If there's something like that going down, I'm getting my muckiest fantasies out in the open and all over it's back. On the back of that, I'd go out to me barn and tool up. I've actually thought about this, and there's so much shite in my barn (chainsaws, sledgehammers, weed whackers, nuts, bolts, kerosene pumps, bunsun burners...) that I reckon I stand a good chance of survival like going straight Hannibal Smith/A-Team on my body amd car. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members air_raid Posted November 7, 2015 Paid Members Share Posted November 7, 2015 Branque's taken a little bit further what I came here to post - my first thought would not be survival, but "I'm fucked, so what can I get away with before I die." I'm just not the "survivor" type, so I'd go on a minor rampage of my own. I'm not saying I'd go looking for zombies straight away to meet my maker as quickly as possible, but I'd see what I could loot and abuse before it was too late. Probably hit a Waitrose first and smash my way through those overpriced sandwiches I can never bring myself to buy. Grab my cricket bat go for a wonder and see how many people that I've wanted to beat the shit out of in the history of my life are still alive, and go give them a hiding before the zombies get there first. Try and find an abandoned chippy that's left their fryer on, and see what I can fry without scalding myself. Screw Mars Bars, I wonder what battered Rice Krispie Squares are like? Â And yes, if we're all going to die, in the event of certain death, I'd be trying to find any ladies desperate enough for a last lay that they'll let me touch their bum. Actually that's a good excuse to find weapons - I'm probably going to die anyway, but if I can find something useful for a spot of futile self-defence, maybe I can trade them for a shag. Bollocks to "butter or guns", in zombie economics, you're not having my gun for less than a blowjob. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 Probs just top myself, nothin fancy. I'm normally only 3 or 4 bad things away from that anyway, so I imagine that would push me over. Though like air raid I would probs have a wander around if possible, see who I could go fuck up, dead or alive. Infact yeah, my old boss of my first job who left a massive dent in my self-confidence that remains to this day would fuckin get it. I'd cave his head in while shouting 'show some enthusiasm!' cos thats what the prick said to me on my first day for no reason. Then I'd loot for loads of booze and paracetamols I reckon, watch Alan Partridge or somethin while I crumble away Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Otto Dem Wanz Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 Try some sort of body modification shit, give myself special powers to give me an edge like P Jack out the Tekken: Â Â get together with a mate who is knowledgable in science and let him experiment on me. I'd equip my being with the ability to fly, shoot lazers and survive without food. Presumably it would hurt to do all this and may involve a risk of death but if we're expecting to die anyway I'd not be too arsed if it all went wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members air_raid Posted November 7, 2015 Paid Members Share Posted November 7, 2015 Try some sort of body modification shit, give myself special powers to give me an edge like P Jack out the Tekken:  Just go chainsaw-arm. Good enough for Ash, good enough for us.  watch Alan Partridge  I need to throw that onto my plan too. Shitty zombies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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