Post of the Year 2015

[Bellenda Carlisle]

That is indeed really funny. +1

[HarmonicGenerator]

Also from today, Butch reviews Russell Madness:

 

RUSSELL MADNESS!!!! (AKA: THE MOST ACCURATE AND TRUTHFUL FILM ABOUT WRESTLING EVER MADE)

 

***SPOILERIFFIC***

 

The Ferraro family have to move to an arena which their family run as a wrestling venue years earlier and have to live there for one year and turn a profit then they can flip it.

 

An evil promoter called Vic from the WUF bought up all the other promotions in the 80s according to the plot. The good promoter wouldn't sell as he wanted to keep it a family business (Gagne? Crockett?) so Vic employed all his wrestlers and he had to close. Ace! This film is amazing already 10 minutes in. And the dog (currently in petshop) keeps pissing on people. Awesome.

In the pet shop Russell is no longer a puppy and so he's being sent to the pound. A friendly worker adopts him, but he unknowingly decides to escape and does this by dropkicking an evil Pet Shop worker.

 

Ten minutes in. Best Film Ever.

 

Back at the arena the Ferraros are trying to hire wrestlers, but the wrestlers won't come work for them in case they are BLACKBALLED! The Ferraro's are running an Outlaw! Amazing! Eventually they find local indy wrestlers on CRAIG'S LIST.

 

Oh yeah. There's a monkey in it too.

 

Russell finds his way to the arena's backlot where he wishes on a star to find a family before laying to sleep in a cardboard box. He finds a steak where a British Bulldog (Not Billington) tries to bully him to give the steak but he's saved by the Monkey.

 

And to the matches. Attendance is low but on commentary is JR (FRED FUCKING WILLARD) and the wrestler has the awesome name of Vick Vice. Vice takes on surfing babyface Ray Malibu. Malibu HOLDS UP THE PROMOTER ON THE WAY TO THE RING FOR MORE MONEY! Is this THE GREATEST WRESTLING FILM EVER? Malibu runs away following a TKO, Head Vice and holding up the promoter. Fred Willard banters with his co-commentator and must have been allowed to ad-lib as he's great as ever. The promoter (the young father of the Ferraro family) realises he's going to have to wrestle himself to put on a match and I realise the co-commenator is the evil company owner who gets Will to deliver a bribe in The Fresh Prince. The team are having a piss funny chat about chimney sweeping.

 

 

Commentator who was in Fresh Prince: And of course, you've got your boreing tool.

Audience Member: YOU'RE A BORING TOOL!

Fucking brilliant!

 

In the backlot someone's given Russell a sausage. The Bulldog returns clad in a union jack and asks Russell who's going to save him this time? Russell somersaults over him, runs into the arena and enters the ring. Vick picks up Russell and Russell PISSES IN HIS FACE before putting him in a rear naked choke. Vice's arm drops three times, and Russell wins in his debut! Then Russell faints.

 

He wakes up backstage and the Ferraro family see he's malnourished and dehydrated. They decide he can stay.

 

The media get in touch to let them know that the dog is a youtube sensation and trending on twitter. Probably in Connecticut an old man's bollocking Johnny Ace for hiring the wrong dog.

 

The monkey congratulates Russell on is first match, and Russell asks the monkey "What is wrestling?" and he has to explain it to him and this film is so close to the bonio it beggars belief. The monkey offers to be Russell's trainer. Russell agrees.

 

A bit of background on the Monkey now. It was in an experiment where it learned how to speak. It could speak so it was imprisoned, then it escaped, in a BALL AND CHAIN, then got into the wrestling business.

 

The Monkey (who's called Hunk) also agrees to train the son (Greg Gagne, or the 10 year old Ferraro) to the title song of "RUSSELL MAAAAAANNIIIIAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" which definitely wasn't the original title of the film that they definitely didn't have to change for legal reasons. MONTAGE! Mainly drinking eggs and running, and gets points for Russell's fetching track suit. We also get a CHANGING ROOM SEQUENCE where the dog comes out of the fitting room in several costumes causing me to "aww" and feel all warm. It ends with a Rocky up the stairs run, and them decided the dog's called RUSSELL MANIA!

 

To the matches, and we join in progress a battle royal for the right to take on Russell in the main event. A mummy throws out a pirate to win and it's just like watching Titanes En El Ring.

 

 

MAIN EVENT OF THE CARD:

 

RUSSELL MANIA vs A MUMMY

 

Mummy offers a handshake and Russell naively accepts and is swung around the ring by the paws and the Mummy poses. The monkey shouts for Russell to channel his chi, and Russell gets up, gets a bit of bandage in his mouth and runs around the ring unravelling the mummy exposing a bald bloke. He's knocked out and his arm drops 3 times.

 

WINNER: RUSSELL MANIA (0:30) ****1/2

 

 

OMG! VIC THE EVIL NOT VINCE MCMAHON PROMOTER WHO KILLED THE SMALL TERRITORIES (Cliff off Cheers) HAS INTRODUCED HIMSELF TO THE FAMILY BACKSTAGE! He's got the same hair and everything. He actually says "In your grandfather's day it was about wrestling, now it's about entertainment! I run the biggest live event company on the West Coast. We've got pay per view, we've got merchandising, we've got the youtube on the interweb...". Vic wants Russell, Ferraro says no, and Vic says "Don't burn the house down". WHAT A FILM.

 

The next day and the promoter realises they have finally broke even, and after the next show will be in profit. However, a building inspector comes to Ferraro arena and it fails the inspection. It'll cost $64,000 to get up to code.

 

Hence, the father of the Ferraro's who's name I still don't think I know sets up a meeting with Vic the evil promoter at the WUF building. Vic is there with his attorney Jerry McDevitt, sorry, Milo. Vic wants to put Russell on action figures and lunch boxes. Vic in exchange wants 51% of the Ferraro office and offers talent exchanges and allowing the use of the WUF brand for shows. NATE! (THAT'S HIS NAME! NATE!) agrees as long as events in his home city of Portland are held in the Ferraro arena, and Vic offers up the money to this end. The repaired building passes inspection and the matches can go ahead.

 

 

THE MONGOL vs RUSSELL MANIA

 

What is wrestling without a Mongolian? Even Nikolai Volkoff did it! Russell runs the rops and flies off with a massive dropkick to the Oriental star and covers for 3.

 

WINNER: RUSSELL MANIA (0:10) ***3/4

 

 

The friendly pet shop worker who tried to adopt Russell watches on the WUF NETWORK (Too brilliant) and looks shocked.

 

Russell and Nate are leaving the arena and are about to hit the road with the WUF. He's missing his wedding anniversary, his son's birthday and helping his daughter find easter eggs, but they group hug and they're off on the circuit and enter Vic's limo in which he's shouting to hurry up as fame and fortune wait's for no-one.

 

MONTAGE:

Russell appears on the Tonight Show,

The family at home in Portland on an easter egg hunt facetime Nate and Russell,

Cardboard cutouts of Hunk, Russell and Nate attend the son's birthday party,

The son masters the dropkick,

Nate, Hunk and Russell arrive at Portland airport from the loop to many wellwishers and fans.

 

But the three can't stay, as Vic's there, he's got the car ready and they're staying out on the road obviously doing an expansion era schedule. His kids and wife give Nate shit about going back on the road straight away as he's missed loads of their stuff. WELL THAT'S THE BUSINESS, FUCKERS. His wife cries at him about hardly seeing him and it looks like it's going the way of the 1985 Titan marriage. Vic also tells them to leave Hunk the Monkey.

 

Vic informs Nate that Russell's titleshot will take place at the WUF arena instead of the Ferraro's but Nate doesn't care and goes back to his arena to have an anniversary dinner in the ring with his wife. He gives her a sewing machine as a present and she doesn't kick off.

 

To the weigh-ins for Russell's title shot and he weighs 25.5lbs, his opponent is The Hammer (John Morrison) who weighs 255lbs. He does his pose and Vic mimics him behind him, almost in state of orgasm like when a certain play by play man would interview Tony Atlas at tapings in Hamburg, PA. Hammer shows all the promo greatness. "Tonight I'm going to crush this little fleabag, like a little bag of fleas that I'll crush".

 

Backstage Russell prepares for the match when Vic approaches with bad news. The sponsors (Mattel?) have decreed that the monkey can't accompany Russell to ring side. The Monkey later spies Vic telling Hammer that Russell's going to take the title, he's asking Hammer to TAKE A DIVE. Hammer refuses until Vic offers him a large amount to do the J O B on the P P V, and Hammer happily agrees.

 

Russell enters the ring in the glitzy WUF arena to a rap track and massive pop. The Hammer enters to an awesome theme going "HAMMER DOWN! HAMMER NOW!"

 

 

WUF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE

HAMMER © vs RUSSELL MANIAC

 

Hammer offers a handshake then does the Ric Flair hand through the hair. Russell ties the laces from Hammer's boots around his ankles and Hammer falls to the ground. Russell goes to the top rope to pose to the crowd and Hammer charging into the corner but Russell moonsaults over him and hits his massive dropkick. Russell however has gotten cocky and isn't making the cover, instead jumping around the ring and playing to the crowd. The Hammer takes out a DOG WHISTLE and blows it, causing great pain to Russell. Russell collapses and Hammer pins for the 3. MOTYC, fantastic and creative booking.

 

WINNER: THE HAMMER (1:30) ****3/4

 

 

The finish draws BUKU HEAT from the crowd, boos everywhere, and Russell runs out of the ring and to the back. In the back he's consoled by the Ferraros and Hunk. Hammer comes back and HE'S IN SHIT WITH VIC FOR NOT DOING THE JOB. Hammer explains that he doesn't want to be like the rest of "The Boys" who stared at the lights for Russell due to a payoff, and wants to create interest for a rematch. The Hammer is business, baby. Vic is in perfect agreement with this. Russell is gutted to find out it was fake, and Nate tells Vic that they quit the WUF. Nate lets him know his dog isn't going to wrestle cheats. Until Vic let's Nate know that Russell ISN'T HIS DOG! The contract Nate singed to get the $64,000 dollars to fix the arena SIGNS RUSSELL (and the arena) OVER TO THE WUF AND VIC. Milo McDevitt is there to clarify. Vic takes the dog, tells the Ferraro that Russell's in the big leagues now, and fucks off.

 

Vic puts Russell in a cage and tells him "YOU'RE NOT PART OF NO FAMILY ANYMORE! YOU'RE A WUF SUPERSTAR SO JUST GET USED TO IT!" This is just too, too good.

 

Back at Ferraro arena they are crying, and want Russell back as he's part of their family, and over at the pet shop the pleasant pet shop employee sees the news that Russell is the sole property of the WUF on his laptop as he watches the WUF Network and, again, looks shocked and looks at a piece of paper. He goes to Ferraro arena and introduces himself to Nate carrying the piece of paper.

 

Hunk and the Ferraro son however have gone on a runner to the WUF arena to try and liberate Russell. They sneak past security and find the despondent caged Russell. Russell is devastated that he let everyone down and feels like a fake, but Hunk and Ferraro Son make it clear it doesn't matter to them. Russell is family and they'll love him always. Security catches them, but Hunk the Monkey holds a banana in silhouette TO LOOK LIKE A GUN, they cuff the guard, and the three of them make it to the arena parking lot where they are discovered by Vic and his lawyer. Nate drives up at the same time with the nice pet shop worker and Vic threatens to press charges as Russell is his property. Derek (workers name) lets Vic know that Russell isn't the WUF's property as he adopted him and he wasn't Ferraro's to give away. However, Derek decrees Russell needs a family and so gives the rights to Russell to the Ferraro's. Milo McDevitt confirms WUF's contract is null and void. So Vic goes "FUCK YOU, I'LL JUST EVICT YOU AND YOUR FAMILY THEN!". Then, as Vic's business, he comes up with a better idea. He'll sign the arena back over to them, for the rights to Russell. The Ferraro family say NO DEAL. Russell feels that eh can't let his family go homeless, so Hunk challenges Hammer to a WINNER TAKES ALL rematch with Russell in a 100% SHOOT. Ferraro insists it happens in their arena, so Vic throws in a stipulation of his own. He channels Peanut Head Long and makes it a TAG TEAM MATCH, so Russell better find a partner. The Ferraro's agree and I'm actually more arsed about this than Wrestlemania this year.

 

To the arena, and Nate decides he'll be the partner.

 

First down the aisle is DIETER DAS MOUNTAIN (who if I remember correctly was the one worried about being blackballed earlier), he's a German. "HAMMER NOW! HAMMER DOWN!" Here comes the HAMMER! And now here comes RUSSELL to a herculean pop! WHAT THE FUCK? THE SON'S COME DOWN AS THE PARTNER! NOT NATE! THIS IS A SWERVE! A GOOD ONE! (And I finally realised the son's name is Max.)

 

 

DIETER DAS MOUNTAIN & THE HAMMER vs RUSSELL MANIAC & MAX FERRARO

 

Max slides through the legs and catches DDM with an eyepoke, utilising his compact frame and speed. Nate and his Wife come down the aisle, Nate expecting to wrestle, the wife sees Max wrestling in the ring and gives DDM a beating with her handbag. The referee letting it go a bit as the stakes are so high, good officiating. Ferraro goes up top and hits a Daniel Bryan style missile dropkick from the top rope and I hope he cuts that move out of his arsenal before he fucks his neck. DDM hits a BRAINBUSTER! Gets 2. Kick to the pills by Max and an atomic wedgie, and it's all going Team Russellmania. Unsighted by his pants, DDM grabs the ref and rips his pants off him with a wedgie of his own. Both tag their partners and it's the awaited second meeting of Russell and The Hammer. Stepover, and leapfrog and Russell comes off and HITS HIS DROPKICK! Hammer breaks his dog whistle back out though, and Russell's in the shit now. The pain causes him to lie down. Hammer goes up top, flies off with Starship Pain, but RUSSELL MOVES! RUSSELL MOVES! RUSSELL MAKES THE COVER! 1... 2.... 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RUSSELL AND FERRARO WIN! MATCH OF THE YEAR! THE CROWD GO APESHIT

 

Winners: Russell Maniac and Max Ferraro (4:00) *****

 

Vic enters the ring as Russell and the Ferraro family celebrate and gives The Hammer shit for losing to a very very small dog. Whereupon THE HAMMER TURNS FACE AND THROWS VIC OUT OF THE RING AS THE CROWD THROW SHIT AT VIC LIKE A '97 NITRO! Nate tells his family that he's proud of them, but Hulk says Russell can't hear them... HE HAD EARPLUGS IN ALL ALONG!

 

So we throw it to the future, where Russell and Max became the most famous tag team in wrestling history, competing in a THRIVING Ferraro office. Fade to credits

 

 

 

 

 

VERDICT: The sheer amount of little truthisms about wrestling, especially how things went down during the Expansion era, make this a surprise little gem. Yeah it's a kids film, but there's a lot for adults who know a bit about wrestling history to chuckle about to themselves. Also, it had a surprisingly good cast for such a low budget feature. John Ratzenberger, Will Sasso, and FRED FUCKING WILLARD are pretty quality comedy actors. Also it stars a Jack Russell and they are the best dogs in the world. Marks out of 10? I'll give it 12.

 

Now, lets hear your thoughts?

[Chest Rockwell]

I started reading the review, but the film sounds too good not to watch without spoilers so I didn't finish.

[HarmonicGenerator]

I know I started the 'If you can't say anything nice' thread, but in my wildest dreams I couldn't have hoped for a better post than this belter from air_raid:

 

I got Mark Henry which is wholly unfair because the awesomely handsome bloke that picked for me knows that I love him.

 

Mizark's entire WWF career reads like the CV of one of the greatest Sports Entertainers of all time. His appearance at SummerSlam 1996 set his stall out early, making his entrance to Stars And Stripes Forever, which lifted the spirits of everyone watching what had, to that point, been a rather underwhelming show. That tune alone reminded everyone of the brilliance of both 'Murica itself, and of Lex Luger - a real one-two of warm fuzziness if ever you could imagine one. But this non-wrestling appearance was mere foreplay from the future "Sexual Chocolate" - at Mind Games, wrestling The King, he made the best debut of any wrestler in WWF history. Everything about his package was designed to please, from the catchiness of his entrance theme (which is amazing to do aerobics to, if you're working on a Henry-like physique yourself) to the splendour of his outfit. I mean, look at this :

 

 

This is the best ensemble you'll ever see. He's wearing a shell jacket to remind you of the best decade of all time, the 80s. He's wearing your grandad's hat except it's been coloured like 'Murica which your grandad would never have worn himself, because he (probably) isn't/wasn't 'Murican. But it's great because it reminds you of your grandad, unless you were too young to remember your grandad, like me. Best of all, his outfit is a glorious prototype of the attire later sported by Kurt Angle, widely regarded as one of the best of all time. Plus, he jogged to the ring in a manner not seen since the Ultimate Warrior. In the match itself Mark was utterly dominant and scored a CLEAN win over a Hall Of Famer, putting our man in an elite category of wrestlers such as Ric Flair, Hulk Hogan and everyone who ever beat Koko B Ware. Better yet, after the match Mark made inductees into the future Hall Of Pain out of the New And Improved Rockers and Triple H, one of the most decorated World Champions in the history of Our Great Sport. Plus, the New And Improved Rockers, with Leif Cassdy, were Improved and thus better than the Rockers with Shawn Michaels in. So, in his first night as a regular in-ring competitor, you have - beat up Triple H, beat up a guy better than Shawn Michaels, inspired Kurt Angle, and managed to remind you of Ultimate Warrior AND your grandad. Most people don't achieve in a whole career what Mark Henry did on this one night.

 

1997-1998 was a period of much transition in Mark's fledgling career - injury robbed us of his burgeoning talent for many months, but when he returned he made a startling impact, flattening Ken Shamrock - THE WORLD'S MOST DANGEROUS MAN, remember - in joining the trend-setting faction of monster heels, the Nation Of Domination. I feel it's fair to say that while everybody else likes to wax lyrical about The Four Horsemen, they most definitely did NOT achieve what Mark's Nation did. The Nation really was fertile wrestling compost from which glorious careers sprouted, like beautiful wrestling weeds. Think about it ; Tully and Arn were never the World Champion and Fat Barry doesn't count because he only beat Muta, not a proper champion from proper wrestling. The Nation produced a near-endless procession of dominant World Heavyweight Champions ; Farooq (whose WCW title reigns years earlier still count), THE ROCK, our man Mark Henry (whose 2011 reign was definitely a direct consequence of his involvement in the Nation), and D'Lo Brown, who while technically never a World Champion, definitely counts because of how good we all agree he was. By my count, that makes the score Nation 4, Horsemen 1. And that's if you count Flair, because I'm not sure everyone does. More importantly, during his run in the Nation, Mark got to adorn his brilliant head with another outstanding hat :

 

 

I know what you're thinking, but you don't have to say it ; it's OBVIOUS that Mark wears it best. Also during the Attitude Era, Mark proved he was the bravest wrestler in company history by engaging in a completely non-ironic romantic pursuit of Chyna, and then later got it on with a trans woman called Sammy, during a spell where Mark portrayed a sex addict in a gentle rib on all of us, for being addicted to HIM. In an era where open-mindedness about orientation and gender identity was not what it is today, Mark was truly ahead of his time, proving that love (or even good old-fashioned lust) does not need labels. Mark was the prototype for Be A Star - it's fair to say without his attitude to sexuality being SO far outside the box, we would not have had such progressive storylines as HLA, I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Billy, and Mickie James licking her hand after frotting Trish's muff. This is when Mark Henry's status as "game-changer" was truly cemented.

 

For the sake of brevity, my summary of 1999-2011 will be fairly straight-forward. Mark build a solid career of consistently not-shit performances which would shame many current members of the Hall Of Fame, including winning the prestigious European title by cunningly allowing Jeff Jarrett to give it to him, bending a frying pan, building the reputation of "The Next Big Thing" Brock Lesnar by selflessly allowing the latter to twat him, being an important part of the best Survivors match of all time - wrongly attributed to the performance of Shawn Michaels - in 2003 where Team Austin were heroically dispatched by Team Henry, and doing the impossible at the 2006 Royal Rumble by managing to follow the best Rumble of all time with a scientific masterclass against his protege, Kurt Angle. Henry guaranteed his Hall Of Fame status by setting records for turning between babyface and heel, each time being as loved or hated as he previously had been hated or loved, depending. Most importantly it was during this period that Mark on occasion had no hair, showing the world his magnificent bowling ball head in all its glory.

 

 

I defy you to NOT look at it.

 

Fast forwarding to The Hall Of Pain, Mark re-defined Sports Entertainment with an outstanding display of aggression, which in the expert opinion of your author, was chock-full of matches which I'm told were really really good. Indeed, "Hall Of Pain" itself was a gentle rib from upstairs, reminding Mark that there is a wing in the ACTUAL Hall Of Fame waiting for him, but that they can't actually put you in the Hall Of Fame until you're definitely never wrestling again, like they did with Hulk Hogan, Bret Hart and Ric Flair. But I digress. If there's one thing that everyone enjoys more than Mark Henry matches or Big Show matches, it's Mark Henry VS Big Show matches, and Mark established his dominance in the companys oldest (and thus most-loved) rivalry by injuring Show and putting him out of action. Soon after he crushed Randy Orton to the delight of everyone who hates chinlocks, to win the World Heavyweight title and embark on a reign so long and glorious that I truly can't remember exactly how long it was or how it ended. Oh wait.... it was Daniel Bryan related, wasn't it. FUCK Daniel Bryan. He isn't the Strongest Man In The World. He isn't even the strongest man in his marriage.

 

Eventually we come to the greatest year in Mark's career.... 2013. At the Elimination Chamber, Mark entered not just one of the best performances in the history of wrestling but arguably in the history of horror too, stomping around his chamber like a caged, rabid grizzly. Truly, a monstrous display of pent up frustration as we all sat on the edge of our seats or clinging tightly onto our duvet covers, waiting patiently for the bulbous brown bell to metaphorically spew out his hot rage jism. Mark entered the ring with a vengeance, saving us from the tedium that had been the match under the sole control of the "better wrestlers." He splattered everyone in the ring, and in a travesty of justice, was only permitted to pin Daniel Bryan and Kane before the other wrestlers had to unite to ONLY JUST eliminate him.

 

 

Fuck you, Daniel Bryan!

 

Beyond the Chamber, Mark did the impossible by defeating the unbeatable and unbeaten The Ryback at WrestleMania XXIX in a textbook display of the "human game of chess" by negating Ryback's explosive style by forcing the match to grind to a screeching half. Seriously lads ; Bret Hart himself could not have excellently executed a strategy better. Henry outsmarted Ryback by gradually, patiently BEING A BETTER WRESTLER than him, before The Ryback collapsed from boredom and found himself counted down for the 3.

 

Into the summer, Mark entered his Academy-worthy performance in his fake retirement speech, sucking us all into believing that he was about to call time on the greatest career of all time. There are a plethora of fake-retirement swerves that can absolutely suck Mark Henry's colossal balls (making sure to avoid, in the words of my favourite author, his "clanging brown bell"). I mean come on, if Halle Berry won an Oscar for Monster's Ball, Mizark deserves one for his Monster Balls. By which I mean, the sheer bollocks it took to deliver such a convincing performance and make the usually cool-as-a-cucumber John Cena look foolish for the first time in his career. The match itself at Money In The Bank was sheer dynamite and without doubt, the best match of John Cena's career. Without doubt. There's not even a shadow of a doubt, or even a d. I will stick my neck out here and say it was also the best match of Mark's run, but to be honest, it's taken me all day to make that decision. I've been musing on it all day, taking almost as long to decide as I do over which to eat first from a box of Celebrations, even though it's clearly the Galaxy Truffle.

 

We may be entering TL;DR territory here, and I know when it's time to quit, just as Mark hopefully and obviously NEVER will, but sufficed to say that Mark's most recent forays have kept us all on the edge of our seat, with Henry selflessly using the name value he clearly still has to give an invaluable rub to the otherwise hopeless Rusev, before another unpredictable heel turn and exciting series with The Big Show - forever the oversized Ricky Steamboat to Mark's huge black Flair. And I need to remind you, Steamboat never did a top rope elbowdrop with the grace of Big Show!

 

Ladies and Gentlemen......... Mark Henry. Innovator, trend-setter, record-breaker, hat-wearer, possessor of the Worlds Strongest Slam, shiniest head and biggest testicles. Cornerstone of WWE, president of the Hall Of Pain, threat to the stability of my sexual orientation, and all-round beast.

 

"Somebody gonna get their quilt flipped
Somebody gonna get their hair clipped
Somebody gonna get their bird preened
Somebody gonna get their room cleaned"

© Cucked By Menry (2012)

 

 

 

p.s. I genuinely DID love his performances in the Elimination Chamber and the build to MITB '13, and the match. Seriously.

 

[Ian 86]

+1 for the Mark Henry love

[Surf Digby]

Got to put a vote in for this gem.

 

All this talk of Vince shagging, all I can picture now is him walking into some Diva's hotel room to shag them but twatting his legs on the edge of the bed and doing his quads again

My eyes were streaming and I lost the ability to speak for a few minutes after that one.

[Scott Malbranque]

+1 for Raiders Henry post. That had it all.

[tiger_rick]

Yes, brilliant stuff from air_raid. +1

[mim731]

+1 from me for Raid. Absolutely sterling stuff.

[SpursRiot2012]

LaGoosh like a hammer here:

 

Over the past year at various points Bryan, Ziggler and Ambrose have been 3 of the hottest babyfaces in WWE. Now they're just calling each other turds in the buildup for the leftover dickheads match at Wrestlemania for the sad wanker championship belt.

[Sergio Mendacious]

If it were legal, I would marry Air Raid's post

[Carbomb]

This nomination for Ian's effort. Just tremendous.

 

 

Braden Chris Walker Harris:

Harris burst on the scene as a security guard for Vince Russo and Eric Bischoff in early 2000. This was actually real security gig, because having grown up in humble beginnings, Harris needed work. He didnt care where it came from, so when he searched on Universal Jobmatch for “retail or security” WCW inc popped up in his recommended searches. Life had been hard for the young Wild Kitten. An undoubted natural athlete, he failed to find sponsors to go to the Olympic trails, thus ended his dream of becoming wrestlings first Olympic Gold medal winner. He was on the bones of his arse for until he joined the Turner league as a lowly security guard for Bischoff and Russo. The pay wasn’t much to write home about, but it was more than any Harris had made previously. Life had dealt him a bad hand. He was one of 11 kids brought up on a council estate to two West Indian parents who were never there for most of his life. His mother died 18 months before he was born and his Dad left to join a motorcycle gang in Barnsley almost as soon as the doctor slapped his arse. The gang was called “T’wildcats”, a name Chris adopted in his pro wrestling days. It wasn’t only his nickname that he gave himself. Harris also gave himself the first name of “Chris” in 1997, after years of going simply by the name “Wildcat Harris”, because he was a fan of Channel 4 hit talk show TFI Friday, hosted by Chris Evans. Many a Friday, Harris would flop his hair down, in his check shirt singing along to songs such as The Ballard of Tom Jones by Space and In The Name of the Father by Black Grape before going out on the pull with his pals Chase Stevens and Notts Forest winger Ian Woan.

Far left: Chris Harris' father Jamal.

 

WCW’s stars were obviously threatened by him, so the likes of Hogan, Nash and Savage made sure CH wasn’t getting anything more than a small security role. It wasn’t until the Halloween Havoc PPV when Jeff Jarrett took an interest to this 6’8” Adonis of a bouncer. Jarrett took him to one side and told him he needed someone to do a run in as the fake crow Sting. Harris initially refused the offer. Saying he’d never put on a white face. “You dont go there”, Chris said. He never liked the Minstrel Show and he could understand why the white man would be offended if a man of colour such as himself would don Sting’s famous white paint. Double J let it be known that this had nothing to do with race, and more to do with opportunity. That’s all the Wildcat needed to hear, and he was in the black trench coat before Jarrett had finished his sentence. This was in October of 2000. The month the rumours started regarding WWF’s interest in purchasing WCW. The sale was put on hold because Turner saw something in Harris and was quoted as saying “we could double our money with this kid” and any plans to sell WCW were put on hold. New Japan, Showtime Boxing, UFC, Pride and Arsenal opened negotiations with Harris the night after Halloween Havoc, to Turner’s dismay. WCW wasn’t in a position to offer a talent like Da Wild Cat any type of solid 7 figure deal at that stage, and Turner knew if he lost Harris, there was no way WCW was going to last much longer. So Turner played his ace card. Harris was to take over the Sting gimmick full time. Steve Borden left WCW the night after Havoc 2000 to concentrate on losing his hair and learning how to talk in a deeper voice.

The real Real Sting.

 

Even though Harris was over like a motherfucker under the Sting paint, he still hadnt committed to a new contract. March 2001 came was Harris had agreed a $2.4 million a year no cut contract with Eric Bischoff, who was acting president at the time. Little did anyone know what was to come next Jamie Kellner the previous month became the head of Turner Broadcasting. His plan to reboot Turner Classic Movies by remaking 1978’s Every Which Way but Loose with Chris Harris as the star received a spanner in it, when Harris told him his goal was to win the WCW World title and Hollywood could wait. Embarrassed by this refusal (Harris said it in front of Kellner’s mother), JK cancelled wrestling on the Turner networks almost the second Easy E went to look for a pen for Harris to dot the Is and cross the Ts on this fat money deal. Harris finished up his WCW bookings by beating Ric Flair in the final match in WCW history. WWF picked up WCW for less than what they were signing Harris. WWF took a keen interest, but Harris felt disrespected at the first meeting when JR wouldn’t so much as smile at the Wildcats cracking banter and wouldnt proceed further with the talks.

Harris during the famous final Nitro

 

For the next year Harris was blackballed from the business. He was pretty much out of wrestling and the entertainment business in general, due to Vince McMahon and Jamie Kellner using their connections to keep him out of work until he sold out and worked for them. Nobody would touch him. Except one man. Bob Ryder. Bob was in the same boat as Harris. Out of the business when WCW went under, Ryder had taken to trying to grow 1Wrestling.com until Jeff and Jerry Jarrett got NWA TNA off the ground. When Ryder got the call from the two Double J’s, the first man Jeff wanted was the kid who didnt do him wrong at Havoc 2000. Chris met with Bob at his flat in Nashville. Negotiations didnt last long. Harris needed a job, and Bob wanted to hire him. There was only one catch.

 

To the surprise of young Christopher, he was sitting on the couch waiting for Bob to come back to get this deal done with the Jarretts group, when he heard to tune “Use To Me Spending” by R Kelly playing on JVC HiFi from the kitchen. In walked Bob with his shirt off with a proposal. “You’re going to have to lob that out I’m afraid.” said Ryder. Using his power as a travel agent, Bob threatened the Wildcat that if he didnt give into his demands and pull his plonker right there and then, he’d make sure he’d never be able to get the train to the Metro Centre ever again. As long as he promised nobody would find out, Chris agreed. Unfortunately, Bob forgot to put the bolt on and in walked TNA preliminary worker Chris Park. The sight of one of Americans last hopes post 9/11 tugging on his giggle stick in front of 1Wrestling.com’s webmaster was all to much for him. From that day on he promised to never show his face in public again. And Abyss was born. Harris on the other hand didnt think it was as bad as he’d first thought. Taking it up the chuff was what the business was built on and he knew if he was to excel in the business, he was going to have to do more worse things than yank his Jasper Carrot in front of the dough boy from WCWLive.

After a couple of TNA’s weekly tapings, Chris saw the writing on the wall. The brain trusts in TNA simply had no idea what to do with such a talented performer. So the Wildcat took a young boy by the name James Storm and told him “hook yourself up to this wagon and you’ll be able to pay your home off in cash by the end of December.” And his prediction was spot on. TNA’s weekly PPVs were grossing buys of up to 200,000 each Wednesday by the end of October. The two year anniversary of Harris’ famous Sting angle. In fact there was a forgotten period, where in one of TNA’s first brand revamps, they’d changed the name of the promotion to Total Nonstop ‘Arris. The team won 6 World tag team championship reigns, with James Storm taking the pinfall lose each time they relinquished the gold.

A wrestler from Harris’ past called him one Winter night in 2004. It was the first version Sting, Steve Borden, who wanted the Wildcat to appear in his movie The Moment of Truth, as Chris Harris. They said it worked for Howard Stern in Private Parts, and there was nobody else who could play the character with the amount of depth it took to play the man from Kentucky. Harris accepted the role, but the movie didnt get much play at the Academy Awards, because Harris had openly said in an issue of Rolling Stone that like George C Scott he wouldnt accept the Oscar. The same year AMW were voted into the Wrestling Observer Hall of Fame. This he accepted.

 

By 2007, America’s Most Wanted had come as far as they could, realistically. Tag wrestling had peaked during the famous match at the Nashville Fairgrounds when the Harris decided to put over the Naturals because the kids deserved it. A match that made Kazuchika Okada get into wrestling and the bout that made Shawn Michaels consider if he still had it anymore. Harris wanted more. He went off into singles action. Seeing the writing on the wall, James Storm wasn’t to pleased and in a total shoot Storm glassed him in the face out of jealously. Harris was blind in both eyes and almost lost a leg in the attack. By far the biggest story of 2007, news sites were buzzing about whether the Wildcat was ever going to return to action. Thankfully, TNA management had a proposal to even the playing field. In a six sided cage match, Storm would be blindfolded and the two would square off in a now famous blind mans buff cage match. It was voted the best match of 2007 by many publications. Mike Johnson going as far as saying “possibly the first six star match.” Bill Apter said “better than the match with the Naturals.” It was a statement of intent that these guys could get it done in singles.

Who's next?: Braden on his way to the ring.

 

With the form he was in, it was no surprise Vince came calling. By this point, Chris Harris’ sight was back to 30%. And he could see where TNA was headed. And it didnt fit his own image, so the decision wasn’t hard. Chris accepted a 5 year deal, with creative control with the option to bypass development completely. In a rare example of having their ducks in a row, TNA wasn’t laying down for their top star walking out on them. WWE and TNA were locked in a legal battle for months over the “Wildcat Chris Harris” name. Jerry McDevitt tried to find holes in TNA’s concrete copyrighting of the intellectual property. The paperwork stated:

 

“Plaintiff owns the likeness, the name, the outfits, the little handcuffs he’d bring to the ring for some reason and the long leather coat. Plaintiff registered the service marks ‘Wildcat’, ‘Chris Harris’, the slogan ‘you’re gonna get fucked up the Harris’ and the eventual intelligent heel with a briefcase gimmick ‘Christopher Harris’ with the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office. The contract provided that Plaintiff retained exclusive ownership of the character's name and likeness and the exclusive right to distribute copyrightable materials based on the character.”

 

This type of hardball wasn’t expected. Most question how TNA could retain exclusivity on a name that he was born with, but they found a way for such a big pop cultural brand. Simply put, if they lost the Harris name (meaning they’d lose their only real revenue stream) they would go under. Like WCW did. So plan be was put in place. Bruce Prichard, Vince McMahon and Chris Harris lay on the bearskin rug until half 3 in the morning coming up with names. He chose the name “Braden”, because he was a fan of the author Gregg Braden. And “Walker” because he was a big fan of the Norwich side that Mike Walker managed. Sadly for Walker, this run wasn’t quite up to the par of his stellar TNA run. Although, he won every match he was in and was selling merchandise by the shed load based around his “Knock Knock” catchphrase and even though fans hijacked the Royal Rumble 2008 with “Knock His Brains Out” chants when John Cena entered at number 30, typical WWE politics crept into any progress made. Braden Walker asked for his release when he was asked to do a Make-a-Wish appearance when they knew he had an indy date with NWA Cyberspace that afternoon.

 

The Last Stand - Chris bows out on top.

 

Having done all he can do in the wrestling business, Harris resisted offers from New Japan and the UFC to return for one last match in TNA. A famous retirement match where Matt Hardy and Harris put over James Storm. Storm hit the Last Call Superkick with tears in his eyes before telling the Wildcat “I’m sorry, I love you.” Bobby Roode was heard to say “oh, God, he’s acting again."

[HarmonicGenerator]

+1 all the way.

[Juan Manforce]

All the +1s in the world for that, outstanding.

[Ian 86]

Hat Guy smashes it again

 

Yes, 19 March 2015 will mark a full decade since:



To paint the picture, in March 2004, THE WRESTLING CHANNEL launched as a free-to-air service on digital satellite television here in the UK. Some bits of it were good, some bits of it were bad, but the main thing was that, all of a sudden, thousands of people all over the country had this greater awareness of wrestling outside of WWE. Groups like TNA, ROH, Pro Wrestling NOAH and 3PW now had an element of recognition amongst an audience greater than those into tape trading, and people like Mitsuharu Misawa, Samoe Joe, CM Punk, AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels were more well-known. It wasn’t massive mainstream awareness and recognition – this was still a niche interest – but it was still a huge step-up from before.

As for the domestic wrestling scene itself towards the end of 2004, the Frontier Wrestling Alliance was still the most popular with the ‘hardcore/internet/smarter’ fans, but had been losing some ground in their traditional south-east home to upstart spin-off groups inspired by FWA such as IPW:UK, LDN and SAS, who were seeing increasing success in also drawing a regular local audience too. On the back of their own TV series on The Wrestling Channel, FWA, headed by Alex Shane, had followed in the footsteps of the likes of UCW and WrestleXpress in attempting to run the Coventry SkyDome that November, drawing 1,800 punters. While in my opinion it would be silly to blame it on one specific thing, some do point directly to this moment as the beginning of the end of FWA.

So, as 2004 turned into 2005, we had the news that Shane was going to team up with The Wrestling Channel in another attempt to run the SkyDome. That’s right, TWC were going to be running their first very own ‘supershow’, based on the programming on their station and bringing in multiple international guests that would now have some name value with their viewership. This wasn’t like we have today, where Southside or PCW might bring in 4-5 imports every month. This was even before 1PW (which started later that same year, using a similar formula) who would bring in 8-10 guys each time. This was a time when FWA would run every 2-3 months, bringing in a maximum of 2 imports, usually either current US indie stars or former ECW names. The other difference was that the imports would actually be fighting the other imports, rather than some Andy Local like you would normally get when British promotions booked international talent. Indeed, this ‘International Showdown’ came over as a one-time opportunity to see genuine match-ups just like you could see each week on TWC in their home promotions. Sure, it didn’t build to anything or put anyone over for the ‘next show’, but from a fan’s point of view this was a one-off showcase card, based on legitimate existing rivalries, not part of a promotion you had to follow.

While at this point my young self was used to attending wrestling events up and down the country on nearly a monthly basis, it was still all very exciting. It came across as a massive occasion, and I was greatly looking forward to it. As I tended to do back then, I ordered my £50 front row tickets. As it would turn out, I then won an additional pair of tickets to the show in a raffle at an FWA show a few months before, but managed to sell them on and make some of my money back. Actually, that might have been 'Universal Uproar'. Can't remember.

Actually found my ticket. It wasn't £50, it was SEVENTY-FIVE pounds. JEEEESSUUUSSSS. If I had that kind of cash these days it wouldn't be going on fucking wrestling, that's for sure.



Friday 18 March

My own ‘International Showdown’ experience actually started the night before, on Friday 18 March 2005, 175 miles away in Middlesbrough. You see, some of the international guest stars were hired out to other UK promotions in the days immediately before and after the main show itself (depending on their booked flights). It was a process that would be repeated later that same year for ‘Universal Uproar’ and 1PW’s debut show, with dudes hired out to 3CW, WZW, UCW, IPW:UK and more. It’s still a common practice today, with promotions splitting flight costs and sharing international guests over the course of, say, a weekend’s worth of multiple events.

So, the day before 'International Showdown' saw a BCW show up in Scotland with Mitsuharu Misawa & Yoshinari ‘Ratboy’ Ogawa vs. Doug Williams & Stevie Knight, as well as Wrestle Zone Wrestling's (yes, that was really the name) ‘Town Hall Brawl’ in Middlesbrough, yep, Town Hall, featuring Samoa Joe and Petey Williams. Being only half an hour up the road, it was the latter of the two that I would attend with my buddy Martin.

It was a bumper 8-match show which acted as WZW’s first ever ‘supershow’ (they would do further supershows in conjunction with the Universal Uproar and 1PW debut shows later in the same year). My mate Martin won a steel chair in the raffle, signed by every wrestler on the show. The main event was Samoa Joe vs. Iceman (during which Joe stole Martin’s newly won chair to use it for the Ole Ole Kick) in what I recall as a brilliant hard-hitting match in the same vein as Joe's matches with Necro Butcher. Shady Nattrass vs. Petey Williams was a decent match, and there was also Stevie Lynn vs. Anthony McIntyre in a TLC match, GTS vs. Tron, Full Pack vs. Alex Pain & Stevie Douglas, Lance Thunder vs. Spitfire in British Rules match, and a couple of other tag matches involving the likes of Carbon, Super Ted Taylor, more Nattrasses, AJ Anderson, Bomber Mills, John Britain & Juvenile.

I remember it as a really fun, enjoyable show. WZW were a decent north-east based promotion and I went to about half-a-dozen of their events between 2004 and 2005. They had decent production, with fancy entrance ways, good ring, lighting, smoke machines, guardrails etc. and, like FWA, they were one of the few UK promotions of the time to really have their own strong branding across their events. Like much north-east wrestling, some of the guys on their shows were the drizzling shits, but there were also some good talents like Stevie Lynn, Lance Thunder and Iain Robinson, who would also be involved in 3CW. Lynn would additionally do some stuff for FWA and 1PW over the next couple of years. Shady Natrass was good too, and is still involved in TTP/Target Wrestling in Carlisle, but never seemed to make it beyond this level. Carbon was a guy who showed absolute bag-loads of potential around that time and could have been a big star on these shores but, again, never seemed to go any further. He has actually started popping up again on ‘Tidal Wrestling’ events in Darlington, still looking decent after all these years.

Recording DVD commentary for the show, by the way, were a Teesside lad called Lee (more on him later) and the guy who would later become Mojo in WZW/3CW tag team Los Pervitos, then a few years later reinvented and finding greatest success as Prince Mohmed Ameen.

Saturday 19 March

As we had for FWA ‘British Uprising 3’ some 6 months earlier, Martin and I set off from North Yorkshire pretty damn early for the 3-hour drive down to Coventry. Both in our early 20s at the time, we were in a phase of, as well as travelling to see a variety of wrestling shows, using those shows as an excuse to go and party in different towns and cities across the country. Manchester, London, Morecambe, Grimsby, Cleethorpes, Sheffield or, as in this case, Coventry. I think it was fair to say we were probably looking forward as much to the night out as we were for the wrestling show.

Again just like the FWA show, as these things tended to, the day started with a FAN SLAM taking place at Jumpin’ Jak’s nightclub. Parking up in the SkyDome multi-storey, we had arrived not long before the doors to the FAN SLAM were supposed to open, so found ourselves in a big queue. The guy immediately behind us in the queue heard us talking, and it turned out he had come down from Northallerton, the tiny town that Martin and I both worked in at the time. Once inside, we also met Lee The Commentator from WZW who recognised me and Martin as the gobby ones in the front row from the night before. We got chatting, and would meet and chat with him numerous times at shows up and down the country over the next few months, going on to become friends that have since attended shows together all over the country. These days, Lee is ‘kind of a big deal’ in sports at whatever Sky News Radio is now called...

The main part of the FAN SLAM was the Q&A sessions with people like Mick Foley and CM Punk being interviewed by Bill Apter. I've never watched them back, but I remember a highlight being Punk’s story about the gimmick WWE wanted to give Heidenreich (Nazi soldier frozen in ice during the 1940s, then thawed in the 2000s, unaware of what had happened over the last 60 years. Also, some utter turd wearing ONE BLACK LEATHER FINGERLESS GLOVE trying to be a smart arse by asking him what his favourite alcoholic drink was. Even in those days, Punk reacted exactly like you would expect him to. Like the guy was wearing this weightlifting glove, and he actually went out in public dressed like that. As if he might happen to come across a weight-lifting emergency in the middle of the street where he might need ONE EXTRA HAND’S WORTH of grip strength. That's not what Punk said, by the way, just what we came up with. Kept us laughing for ages afterwards.

There was a Meet n' Greet with the international stars, though you can tell from the autograph page of my programme how long we stayed:



I remember being interested in getting photos with/autographs from the Japanese guys (most of the others had already been here for shows before), but they weren't there so we headed off to the Menzies LeOfric hotel in the city centre to check-in, get changed and dump out bags. It turned out that the Japs did turn up in a bit, as people were later showing off their Misawa autographs to me. We, though, had a beer or two in the Shakespeare, a pub on Spon Street we discovered after Uprising, then headed over to show.

We were allowed in early for the Exclusive Premium Ticket Holders' Match. Should think so too. Seventy-five fucking quid. We also got a free event poster and a copy of the programme. I'm fairly certain that this was the show where the guys that were producing the FWA fanzine at the time had asked me to write one or two of the match previews for this (I was doing stuff for them in the 'Frontier News') and did so, but for whatever reason they hadn't used it and a different team had done it instead. Oh well. The first thing to strike me on entering the Dome again was that they were using the shitty little FWA ring. Yes, it was seen every week on FWA TV on the channel, and had used it on the last show here 6 months ago, but I couldn't believe that such a big event, with a big crowd, big hype and big attention would be using that piece of shit.

The bonus match saw Jack Xavier, Ross Jordan & Aviv Maayan beat Mark Sloan, Stevie Knight & Stixx. I remember absolutely nothing about it, but it reads like it should have been fun. It's on the DVD extras, anyway.



When they did open the doors to the general public (i.e. those that had spent a more reasonable amount on tickets), it soon became clear that they'd done virtually a 3,500 sell-out. Or, put another way, almost DOUBLE the attendance FWA managed in the same building 6 months earlier.

While stood at the guardrail chatting to various familiar faces in the crowd, someone came up to me, very politely and asked if I knew where Block B was. Very sarcastically, I pointed to the 5ft 'BLOCK B' sign stood next to me and said "B". “Okay, smartarse”, he said. Yep, believe it or not I was a bit of a knob in those days...
.
Anyway, the full show itself is actually available to view for free on YouTube:

I haven't watched it for years (I do plan to shortly), but I remember it being superb. One drawback about running an arena this size was that the seats were miles away from the ring, and miles away from the barrier, to the point people kept rushing forwards and standing at the guardrail right in front of you. SEVENTY-FIVE POUNDS. Still, security did a fairly decent job in getting them away. One bloke, though, just casually sauntered up to the barrier in the middle of one match and just stayed there. When security failed to remove him, I did it myself. He didn't come back. Again, I was a bit of a knob...

We remembered the trick from 'British Uprising' that the floor (being an actual ice rink) was freezing cold, so stocked up on bottles of beer early doors to avoid the massive queues later on and kept them chilled beneath our seats. We also were glad of the opportunity to once again try one of those hollowed-out baguette hotdogs that I've STILL never seen anywhere but the SkyDome.

Petey Williams beat Chris Sabin & Spud & Jonny Storm in an action-packed 4-way.

Steve Grey bt Mal Sanders in a 'British Rules' match, since World of Sport was doing great ratings on TWC. I'd seen these guys doing ‘World of Sport’ guest matches on FWA shows in 2004 that had gone down really well. Thing was, that was in smaller halls with the majority of the audience a lot closer to what they were doing, able to pick up on the little movements and detail of the holds. It just didn’t translate to the big arena and instead played out in front of a deathly silent audience that started with polite applause, then got bored, went silent, and then restless and started with the ‘ironic’ chanting. Grey hit a crossbody for a 3-count about 4 rounds in. Like everyone else, Grey and Sanders looked like they thought it was the usual 2/3 falls and planned to keep going, but the music played them off. They laughed, shrugged their shoulders and got out of there.

Bill Apter came out to present Mick Foley with LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD. Yes, this was back when people still liked Mick Foley (though I get the idea it was maybe this show where people sgtarted to sour on him). Greg Lambert & Alex Shane came out instead, threatening Apter. Foley arrived, there was a bit of verbal, then Shane backed down.

Samoa Joe beat CM Punk. Seeing these two go at it in the tiny ring was something else. Both had done some stuff in this country before for FWA in both 2003 and 2004. Joe was a massive deal back then, with real star presence. This couldn't touch any of their ROH matches, but was in itself very good indeed. I'm fairly sure this match was given away on a free DVD with Fighting Spirit magazine a few years later, back in the days when that mag was shite.

Doug Williams, Too Cold Scorpio & James Tighe beat Mitsuharu Misawa, Yoshinari Ogawa & Tiger Emperor. Emperor was Kotaro Suzuki trying a new masked gimmick. Remember, this was back when NOAH was relevant and, realistically, the top Japanese group of the time. Williams & Scorpio were GHC Heavyweight Tag Champs, and would be until dropping them later in the year to Naomichi Marufuji and Minoru Suzuki in MORECAMBE, of all places. There really were NOAH Limits to where they'd appear... This was probably not a great NOAH ‘main event’-style match, but definitely a good house show/tour show bout.

Raven beat Alex Shane in a Raven's Rules Match. This was The Alex Shane Brawl TM. That’s no bad thing – he was terrific at it. He’d put together a formula for a tremendously entertaining match and would go back to it again and again. It was there for his matches with Scott Parker in 2001-2002. It was there for his tag feud against The Family in 2003-2004. It was there for his FutureShock (the new FWA-linked Manchester training school) and GPW matches against the likes of Damon Leigh and Declan O’Connor in 2004-2005. Start with wild brawl around the building. Get back in ring. Bump ref. Run-ins. Kick-out of finishers. Finish. He had that down to a tee, and it worked. During the crowd brawl, Raven knocked Shane off the balcony to the floor (read: gathering of trainees) some 15ft below. That was great. Back inside, the ref went down and Shane’s Security run in to beat Raven up. Based on what had happened earlier, Mick Foley returned to make the save with Mr Socko.

Christopher Daniels beat AJ Styles in the main event to retain the TNA X-Division Title. I remember this being superb, very much what I was into at the time. They'd had absolutely dozens of matches against each other, from tiny halls in IWA MId South to worldwide PPVs for TNA, but I recall this being one of their best. The crowd was pretty enthusiastic most of the night, but they were rocking for this one. Martin and I got into a bit of a flirty chant battle with two girls sat opposite us (we were cheering AJ, they liked the baddie), but we'd be damned if we could find them again afterwards...

And with that, the show was done. We didn't stick around among the hyuuuuuge crowds around the merchandise and autograph tables and instead headed straight out as the night was young. Obviously not wanting to take our freebies with us (and not wanting to trudge all the way back over to the hotel), I repeated my 'genius' idea from the FWA show of stashing my free event poster in a nearby hedge to come back for on the way home. Thinking about it now, we must have got our free programmes at the Meet n' Greet and already left at the hotel, since my copy is still in absolute pristine condition. Unlike my poster:



Sunday 20 March

The party was still going. Just as they had at 'Uprising' most of the wrestlers ended up turning up in Jumpin' Jaks. I remember us trying to spy what CM Punk was drinking, to see of the straight edge thing was just gimmick. It wasn't - he was on the water. CHristopher Daniels wasn't, though - he was quite happily necking back the Smirnoff Ices people kept buying him, laughing his head off at a fat drunk dancing British guy thinking he had the moves. Punk looked absolutely horrified, like this lardy was the biggest dickhead in the world. We chatted with the FutureShock Wrestling guys and girls, since Martin and I were known vocal front row regulars during that promotion’s early days (when they didn’t have that many regulars...), then after kicking-out time we went for Fish & Chips from takeaway on Spon Street that I always seemed to run into Stevie Knight in.

As had been the case with the Friday, the day after the big event featured the international stars appearing on shows for IPW:UK in Orpington (Samoa Joe in a round-robin with Martin Stone and Spud, Super Dragon, El Generico and Stevie Douglas also featuring) and IWW in Dublin (Daniels and Styles doing a rematch, plus Chris Sabin). Raven stuck around on these shores for a couple of weeks and did further shows for FWA, IWW and 3CW. There might have been an MPW show in the then Tam O'Shanter Burns Club, just voer the road from the SkyDome, but I knew nothing about it at the time. Martin and I didn't do any shows that day, and instead headed home, reflecting on what had been a top-notch weekend.

The Aftermath

I seem to remember the 2-disc DVD of the show came out really quick, and then full show aired on TWC later that year. Commentary was done by Dean Ayass and IWW's Eamon Darcy, and it was a fairly impressive, polished production. Matches from BCW, IWW and FWA featuring some of the TWC guests were included, as was footage from the FAN SLAM. I've still got it:




Scorpio's face on that back cover is a thing of beauty. I've seen original copies of this set fetch a pretty penny sometimes, though I'm not sure that'd be the case now it's on YouTube.

Although The Wrestling Channel continued to exist for a few more years in varying forms, there was never another 'International Showdown'. What the event did do, however, was issue in 'the supershow era' that seemed to dominate the British wrestling scene for the next couple of years. Alex Shane would be back in the SkyDome another 6 months later to present 'Universal Uproar', the unofficial sequel to 'Showdown', featuring the same formula and the payoff to the Shane-Foley feud. They did 2,400. Just a few weeks before that, Steven Gauntley debuted 1PW on 1 October 2005 in Doncaster with a similar approach to international guest names, but with a plan to run every couple of months with loaded up shows. You all know how that ended up, and I'm sure we can do the much separate 10-year anniversary discussion on that one later this year.

The concept would eventually evolve to the point where entire foreign promotions would be brought over to present a 'genuine' full show, rather than just individual names being flown in for guest appearances. ROH, PWG, Pro Wrestling NOAH, Dragon Gate and probably more took advantage of that, at which point the one-off 'supershow' became less attractive to punters, as seen when Wolverhampton-based 'IndyPendence Day' struggled to draw more than 200 fans by just flying in a random selection of individuals. Still, the influence of 'International Showdown' continues to be felt to this day in terms of the approach to bringing in hot, current international names, using them for a weekend's-worth of bookings. They would probably never even realise it, but the likes of PCW and Southside definitely come as a result of the path started by 'Showdown'.

With that, I'll leave you to recount your own memories, ending with this glimpse at my 'free' event programme...











That's right - a trader specialising in bootleg copies of international wrestling shows (Outcast Video, my trader of choice during those days) had ad space in the official programme! Also, I've got that Cababa WrestleStuff DVD somewhere - must dig it out!