The Relationship Thread

[UK Kat Von D]

Well I have given her £250 a week since she walked out, I also gave her an extra £250 to buy him a birthday present and I gave her an extra £1200 to furnish her new house. I have him every week from Saturday night to Tuesday morning, as well as extra nights when she wants a baby sitter. She sends him to the childminders three days a week despite not having a job. She doesn't spend £250 a week on him, a lot of it goes on herself.

 

Pretty sure I'm the opposite of an absent father

[SpursRiot2012]

I didn't say you were an absent father. I was referring to you saying you wanted to reduce the money to £150 a week which struck me as odd given how you were going to spend £700 on a suit. But I sort of get it if she's not spending the cash on your kid. Is there some sort of legal mechanism where any money she gives you for the child *must* be spent on the child or expenses arising from her looking after the child?

Edited July 13, 2016 by SpursRiot2012

[Chest Rockwell]

Me and the lovely Ruth have been together now for 6 months and very much in love. Still going well!

Nice one! Lovely to get a good news update on an old story in this thread

[UK Kat Von D]

I didn't say you were an absent father. I was referring to you saying you wanted to reduce the money to £150 a week which struck me as odd given how you were going to spend £700 on a suit. But I sort of get it if she's not spending the cash on your kid. Is there some sort of legal mechanism where any money she gives you for the child *must* be spent on the child or expenses arising from her looking after the child?

Well I don't want to buy a new suit every week, just wanted one nice suit for the biggest moment of my girlfriends career (I've said a few times its a proper red carpet event now. It is going to be shown on E! and everything.)

 

I don't think there is anything I can do to make sure it's all spent on my kid as far as I'm aware

Edited July 13, 2016 by UK Kat Von D

[MungoChutney]

Nah, there's no way of enforcing that and courts won't entertain any talk of money during child welfare hearings. Personally I think you may be reaching a crossroads where you'll have to choose whether to go to court or not.

[UK Kat Von D]

I want to avoid court at all costs, so I guess I'll just have to wait for her to reply and see if I need to back down

[chokeout]

 

I didn't say you were an absent father. I was referring to you saying you wanted to reduce the money to £150 a week which struck me as odd given how you were going to spend £700 on a suit. But I sort of get it if she's not spending the cash on your kid. Is there some sort of legal mechanism where any money she gives you for the child *must* be spent on the child or expenses arising from her looking after the child?

Well I don't want to buy a new suit every week, just wanted one nice suit for the biggest moment of my girlfriends career (I've said a few times its a proper red carpet event now. It is going to be shown on E! and everything.)

 

I don't think there is anything I can do to make sure it's all spent on my kid as far as I'm aware

 

 

 

Are you just giving her the money direct. If you are don't do it in cash, get a standing order set up with a reference so you can prove the payments in case she ever kicks off.

 

If you're not already doing it through the CMS then do it. you'll probably end up paying her a lot less and if she needs anything you can buy it to make sure it's getting spent right.

[UK Kat Von D]

It took about six months for her to give me any bank details, before that I had to do it all in cash. Once the money was going in by bank I asked for a written statement saying I had paid her every week and she refused.

 

Some weeks I do have to give it her in cash if I have been too busy to go to the bank, but I try to avoid it when I can

[deathrey]

Yeah keep a record for as much as you can, if it does ever go to court it will count on your favour as far as access rights go

[Sergio Mendacious]

Wasn't it Richie Freebird that had a big problem giving cash for child support? If there's one thing I've learned, don't be like Richie.

[deathrey]

I work for Children's Social Services, my advice to any parent would be keep a record and keep evidence, you don't know what the future holds and you need to be able to prove anything you claim

[MungoChutney]

Yeah keep a record for as much as you can, if it does ever go to court it will count on your favour as far as access rights go

That's interesting to hear. In Scotland maintenance payments aren't discussed at any court hearing to decide access arrangements.

[deathrey]

Generally in England they prefer for you to go through mediaton rather than take it to court, court should be a last resort but as far as I know, support of the child is looked at. I know we look at it when accommodating a child. Evidence is the offices favourite buzz word.

Edited July 13, 2016 by deathrey

[Carbomb]

It took about six months for her to give me any bank details, before that I had to do it all in cash. Once the money was going in by bank I asked for a written statement saying I had paid her every week and she refused.

 

Some weeks I do have to give it her in cash if I have been too busy to go to the bank, but I try to avoid it when I can

 

Surely if you're making payments, you just need your own bank to provide statements? Unless she's so Machiavellian she's deliberately given you the wrong details so that you'll look bad when it's put under scrutiny, but I can't imagine people foregoing over a grand a month just to do that. Well, I can, but that'd have to be a whole next level of crazy.

[UK Kat Von D]

The first 6 months I was giving her cash in hand when I'd get him for the weekend, she refused to give me any details to transfer money to her. She claimed not to have a bank account, which I kept telling her I didn't believe because she had one while we were together and obviously needed a way to pay bills. That's pretty crazy

Edited July 13, 2016 by UK Kat Von D