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Idiots at work


Frankie Crisp

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There's a guy at my work, he's not an idiot in the sense of, "Oh what a dumbarse," but he's just a douchebag in general. He's been working at the theme park for 3 or 4 years, and seems to think he's a manager or something because of it. A customer will come up to me and ask a question, and he'll either cut in with an answer before I can speak, or tell them the exact same thing I just told them. I usually keep my mouth shut about it, but another girl called him on it the other day, saying, "Were you trying to make me look bad, like I didn't know what I was talking about?" He stuttered a bit and finally came out with, "....No."

 

He's always constantly on my case about moving faster as I work, even though he knows fully well that I'm disabled and moving as quickly as I possibly can. Prick.

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this week a girl at work insisted the point that she washes her hair with horse-nuts shampoo, not horse chestnut shampoo.

 

I could have made a pun on it but it would have been like HomerMonkey.gif

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Oh how I wish I was still able to contribute to this thread with tales of my gone but not forgotten pet cretin.

 

I did get an email from a mate the other day though, with a tale of his own:

 

Well. I've just had someone from the lab call me up with an IT problem. I took remote control of her machine using VNC (remote control software), and asked her if she could see the mouse moving.

 

She said 'No, it's not moving at all'

I said 'You should be able to see it moving around' (as I waggled the remote mouse cursor around)

She said 'No, it's not doing anything'

I said 'You mean you can't see the cursor moving on your screen?'

She said....

 

'Oh, I thought you meant the mouse on the desk'.

 

Is someone feeding these fuckers after midnight or something?

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Oh how I wish I was still able to contribute to this thread with tales of my gone but not forgotten pet cretin.

 

I did get an email from a mate the other day though, with a tale of his own:

 

Well. I've just had someone from the lab call me up with an IT problem. I took remote control of her machine using VNC (remote control software), and asked her if she could see the mouse moving.

 

She said 'No, it's not moving at all'

I said 'You should be able to see it moving around' (as I waggled the remote mouse cursor around)

She said 'No, it's not doing anything'

I said 'You mean you can't see the cursor moving on your screen?'

She said....

 

'Oh, I thought you meant the mouse on the desk'.

 

Is someone feeding these fuckers after midnight or something?

What happened?

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How come people refer to computers, but not other bits of household/office machinery, as "machines"?

 

Depends on what it is, I reckon. A coffee percolator, a washing machine, a dishwasher or a blender/whisk/robochef, I would refer to as a "machine".

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Oh how I wish I was still able to contribute to this thread with tales of my gone but not forgotten pet cretin.

 

I did get an email from a mate the other day though, with a tale of his own:

 

Well. I've just had someone from the lab call me up with an IT problem. I took remote control of her machine using VNC (remote control software), and asked her if she could see the mouse moving.

 

She said 'No, it's not moving at all'

I said 'You should be able to see it moving around' (as I waggled the remote mouse cursor around)

She said 'No, it's not doing anything'

I said 'You mean you can't see the cursor moving on your screen?'

She said....

 

'Oh, I thought you meant the mouse on the desk'.

 

Is someone feeding these fuckers after midnight or something?

What happened?

I snapped and twatted her.

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Chest Rockwell quite rightly pointed out that I, on this day, have been a workplace idiot:

 

So I bought some Rainbow Mentos today. I don't know why. I don't buy sweets or chocolate, so it was a bit of an odd impulse buy. Anyhow, they were alright. I like the idea of having a couple of each flavour lined up with the colours going down the side of the packet. It's real neat. The Watermelon ones are foul though. Just like the Jolly Rancher ones were. Americans like watermelon too much.

 

Anyway, I was eating an orange one and I took a sip of diet coke. The flavour was quite pleasant. Orangey aftertaste blended with Coke. It's like when I mix Coke and Fanta at the Nando's self-service drinks machine. Everyone should do that by the way.

 

I digressed again and I've already said "anyway". Damn.

 

OK, so I liked orange Mento combined with diet Coke. So I thought, "what if I drop an orange one INTO the diet coke and let it infuse my cola with flavour? There is literally no downside to this idea."

 

I had of course forgotten, despite myriad pop culture references and Youtube videos, that dropping a Mento into a bottle of Diet Coke is a BAD IDEA.

 

The resulting eruption absolutely covered my desk at work, poured onto the floor and took out over two thirds of an almost full 500ml bottle. The sheer volume of exploded coke, the violence of the reaction and the emptiness of the bottle left me worried that nobody would buy my claim that it just exploded when I went to open it as cans/bottles sometimes do. Luckily for me, however, they did, and I swiftly downed the rest and consumed the potentially incriminating remains of the Mento at the bottom. They're a whole lot less chewy after reacting with coke.

 

I would conclude with "don't put Mentos in diet coke" but there surely isn't a person in the Western World who doesn't already know that. I feel quite, quite stupid. Those last dregs of orangey coke were marvelous though.

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There's a girl I work with who is quite possibly the most irritating slag you could ever meet. Every conversation (and by saying every is no exaggeration I assure you) she starts is about sex, knobs or the taste of cum (I shit you not). She's possibly the most wretched female you're ever likely to meet, yet she's convinced that she has the ability to have any man she wants but just chooses to not have a boyfriend. When starting a conversation she finds funny she screeches and cackles like a 5 year old child who's just been told they're going to Disney land. She is immensely proud of the fact that she spends her wages on clothing and other materialistic nonsense whilst her scrounging benefit claiming parents pay for her car and don't ask her to contribute a penny to the household. She is also committed to the idea that those who choose to read books, talk about the news etc. are "freaks" and need to get a life.

 

"A life" to her consists of coming into work on a Friday evening in a leopard skin tracksuit and rollers in her hair, then the Saturday, going out and getting as drunk as possible, being fingered in an alley by someone who she neglected to ask the name of, sucking him off, then telling her work buddies about it the following week.

 

How I envy that girl.

 

P.S. on 2 occasions, during the U.S. presidential campaign, she stated she will be voting for Obama. I didn't even bother to get into that conversation.

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There's a girl I work with who is quite possibly the most irritating slag you could ever meet. Every conversation (and by saying every is no exaggeration I assure you) she starts is about sex, knobs or the taste of cum (I shit you not). She's possibly the most wretched female you're ever likely to meet, yet she's convinced that she has the ability to have any man she wants but just chooses to not have a boyfriend. When starting a conversation she finds funny she screeches and cackles like a 5 year old child who's just been told they're going to Disney land. She is immensely proud of the fact that she spends her wages on clothing and other materialistic nonsense whilst her scrounging benefit claiming parents pay for her car and don't ask her to contribute a penny to the household. She is also committed to the idea that those who choose to read books, talk about the news etc. are "freaks" and need to get a life.

 

"A life" to her consists of coming into work on a Friday evening in a leopard skin tracksuit and rollers in her hair, then the Saturday, going out and getting as drunk as possible, being fingered in an alley by someone who she neglected to ask the name of, sucking him off, then telling her work buddies about it the following week.

 

How I envy that girl.

 

P.S. on 2 occasions, during the U.S. presidential campaign, she stated she will be voting for Obama. I didn't even bother to get into that conversation.

Ill concur

 

Sounds fucking horrible

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