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IANdrewDiceClay

Stuff that happened as a child that really shouldnt have.

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16 hours ago, Sergio Mendacious said:

Forgot my P.E. kit once in primary school, and got the standard punishment, which was to be forced to strip down to socks and underpants and play netball with the girls, aged about eight.

This was aĀ rule in our Primary School. If you forget your kit you had to do PE in your underpants. I think what made this worse is that at that age I probably didn't even pack my bag, so imagine the horror of getting changed and trying to find your kit and it not being there.Ā 

I also remember in my very first primary school being made to stand outside in the cold when I swore at a teacher.Ā I probably deserved it, but not sure teachers would get away with that in this day & age.

Edited by Briefcase

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Guys at the beach offering you fivers to jump in the water with just your undies on. Happened more than once.

My brother told me a sptry of when he was a kid, nearly home at the estate we lived in. A van pulled up and a guy opened the side door and insisted he give him a lift and that he had spoken to my dad. My brother luckily legged it home and my mum brushed it off as probably just one of my dad's mates,despite it being 2 secs from home and going the opposite direction.

A friend of my mum's showed me a hardcore(ish) porno mag when i was about 10 and was all like "itsĀ just natural". I even told my mam who shrugged it off. 10 years later it was revealed he had been noncing all his daughters friends (and possibly them)and did a runner. I think he did eventually hand himself inĀ and ive never heard anything about him since

Edited by HeavyT

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On 5/22/2018 at 9:01 PM, IANdrewDiceClay said:

Ā He'd go absolutely mad if someone was called a "fat cunt" or had their money stolen from their blazer.

Fucking hell Rockerfeller

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On 5/21/2018 at 10:40 PM, Thunderplex said:

Hearing your parents at it.

Ā 

A lot.

Not as a kid, but I did walk in on mine once when I was in my twenties. They were in the living room and obviously hadn't heard me come in. That was slightly awkward.

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On 5/22/2018 at 11:40 AM, SuperBacon said:

The cushion thing reminds me of reading about it in FHM on how to spice up your wanks. Usual, numbing your hand and painting the nails to look like someone else's, cushions etc, but the one that 12 year old Bacon was intrigued by was putting an ice cube in a condom and wanking as the extreme cold of the ice against the heat of your knob when you came, apparently made it extraordinary.

Of course, I didn't have any condoms or ice cubes, so I did the next best thing, and just scooped a bit of neapolitan ice cream on my cock and away I went. It didn't make any difference whatsoever. Was just stickier than usual.

I told a mate this story a few years ago and he was mortified that I'd left the tub in the freezer. I had to reassure him, I got the ice cream out with a spoon, not my willy :)

On an unrelated note, at no point during my adolescence did I ever put any of that popping candy stuff on my cock to see what would happen.

I also definitely didn't feel incredibly disappointed afterwards.

Edited by The Guvnor

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13 minutes ago, The Guvnor said:

On an unrelated note, at no point during my adolescence did I ever put any of that popping candy stuff on my cock to see what would happen.

I also definitely didn't feel incredibly disappointed afterwards.

I can testify that the popping candy blow job is pretty underwhelming too.

At least, that's what he claimed.

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I was assaulted not once but twice by fully grown men when I was 12/13. The first one was when we were having a kick about and my mate and I started a squabble that turned into a bit of a scrap. Nothing major but I ended up pushing him hard and he went right on his arse. The next thing I know his crazy Italian uncle has run down the street and jumped up and fly kicked me. My brother saw this unfolding from the window and ended up chasing the guy up the road.

Ā 

Second time we were playing wrestling and two brothers bumped heads and both went home crying. I was lying on the ground about 10 mins later just chatting when their dad appeared and started doing his best Steve Austin impression by literally stomping on me full force while I lay on the ground. I got up, ran home and my mum called the police. We didn't charge the guy in the end because it wasn't really the done thing and the tongue lashing my mum gave him was punishment enough. Still to this day I see the guy in the pub occasionally and he can't make eye contact with me.

I have no idea why these guys thoughtit was ok to physically assault a kid who had barely left primary schools. I was always quite tall and was 5 feet 8 by the time I was 14 and I seemed to just stop growing but fuck sake I still looked like a kid.

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Maybe not something that "shouldn't have happened," but it's always been a head scratcher in retrospect:

When I was 7 or 8, we were all sitting on the floor in the classroom being read to, when I caught sight of a big spider strolling along the edge of the carpet against the nearest wall. It looked like one those bastard house spiders you find in the bath, moments before torching your whole terrace to the ground and emigrating to the moon.

Oddly the fierce arachnaphobia that would normally cause a little Zeb-shaped hole in the opposite wall was suppressed long enough to nudge the girl beside me and calmly point to our eight-legged interloper, filling the room with screams and a mass scramble to safety.

Where it got a bit strange was when Mrs Stevens went to fetch Mr Nicholson from down the corridor, a middle-aged teacher of a class from the same year, and he arrived with a large jar and a melee weapon that I can best describe as half a pair of nunchucks - just a basic wooden handle with a short metal chain attached to one end.

I don't recall the epic showdown that led to the spider's capture (perhaps by this point my relative bravado had subsided and I was crouching on a table with my hands over my eyes), but the question never asked was why on earth Mr Nicholson had such a weapon on standby in a primary school. Was it for the express purpose of dealing with child-eating spiders? It certainly appeared to have no practical application that didn't involve violence.

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Ā 

Used to go to a local boys club back home when i was about 10 or 11. Was primarily football with a little bit of gymnastics thrown in at times, the chap was an old scout master and was from the 'old school' and very much the disciplinarian which even in the early/mid 1990's was not something any of us were used to especially at that age. Mums thought it was a bit OTT whilst the dads always took the alpha male approach about it doing us good and our generation needing toughened up - the usual stuff you can imagine.

You didn't think anything of it at the time but rather than splitting teams by doing bibs v non bibs he used to always do shirts v skins. Again, didn't think much of this as occasionally happened at school and boys brigade when the weather permitted so it didn't seem out of the ordinary although i remember at the time a couple of the mums questioning it but being happy with the reasoning behind it.

The other thing was he also used to record EVERY single session of football from a wee tripod and camcorder he setup in the wee fire escape type alcove running off the main hall. We didn't bat an eyelid at the time as he always said it was for scouting purposes as he "knew"Ā  people at all the big clubs including Rangers & Celtic and would send off the best performances for the scouts to look at. Looking back now it's absolute lunacy but you drank the koolaid so to speak at that age and took everything he said as gospel.

Eventually he started to introduce residential summer camps but the interest weaned and the whole thing petered out after about 18 months or so and folded.

Didn't see or hear anything of the chap again untill a few years later when we switched the news on and realised that the youth club leader was the very same man who went into Dunblane primary and murdered all those children.

Edited by Stylin_and_Profilin
typo

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On 5/21/2018 at 5:53 PM, Scott Malbranque said:

Sticking my willy between the cushions of a sofa and pumping it while Lady Chatterly was on BBC was a particular low point, Ian.

Can't beat Stylin's story...

Has to be the Joely Richardson and Sean Bean version. An often over-looked serial I thought. I wouldn't be pumping couches over it but still, good enough. Really hard stuff for the BBC. I don't think they've done anything as hard since. I think it was even harder than the film that came out in 1981 with Sylvia Kristel.

Edited by bAzTNM#1

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I am a child that was "educated" from the early 1970's onwards in a couple of notorious schools in the North of England. The education was so poor that to this day i still struggle to type things like this. It takes me ages & some of the fucked up stuff i saw ( i managed to duck most of it myself ) i doubt people on here would even believe! One of the schools has since been knocked down, purely off the back of it's reputation.

So here's the deal. If anyone is interested, i will do my "Top 10 School Mental Exploits". This is not me being "needy" or looking for attention. I just can't be arsed to spend a couple of hours trying to type what would be an easy post for most, but really hard for me,unless anyone is interested?

Ā I will gauge it on feedback & the up & down votes. Then either post my "Top Ten" or thank those who bothered replying :)

Ā 

Edited by Lord-Mountevans

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4 hours ago, Lord-Mountevans said:

I am a child that was "educated" from the early 1970's onwards in a couple of notorious schools in the North of England. The education was so poor that to this day i still struggle to type things like this. It takes me ages & some of the fucked up stuff i saw ( i managed to duck most of it myself ) i doubt people on here would even believe! One of the schools has since been knocked down, purely off the back of it's reputation.

So here's the deal. If anyone is interested, i will do my "Top 10 School Mental Exploits". This is not me being "needy" or looking for attention. I just can't be arsed to spend a couple of hours trying to type what would be an easy post for most, but really hard for me,unless anyone is interested?

Ā I will gauge it on feedback & the up & down votes. Then either post my "Top Ten" or thank those who bothered replying :)

Ā 

OK thanks for the interest. My top 10 is not in any order apart from N0.1 which still has me shaking my head to thisĀ day! I will not mention the schools or use any names as i haveĀ no proof in the most part, this is just my version of what i saw with my own eyes.

Shit Schools, Mental Teachers & a system that never even tried to work Top 10:

1, "Teacher X" English/Science/PE Was a VERY SCARY oddball. He hated girls & loved boys. Most worryingly he showered naked with his rugby team! Also used & hung around the boys toilets. He had "his boys" who were a smallish group of lads who he had this hold over, they were allowed into his back room which remained locked to anyone else. He had a "Top Boy" who visited him at his home (he lived with his mother despite being in his late forties & a bachelor) during school holidays. This boy also returned a year after he left to participate in sports events he was too old for & for a school he no longer attended?

Teacher X had a VERY bad temperĀ  & was either very happy, but usually very angry, with no mood really inbetween. He loved throwing objects at kids & swinging them around on their seats & was a very scary person. He scared everyone! Teachers & parents alike! Arrogant too! He pretty much did as he pleased, parking his car outside his classroom because the perfectly good car park was a slight walk.Ā Sending kids to get caned for little reason other than he did not like them.

He & his gang patrolled the playground a bit like The Police. He would do things to make them look more important like allowing them to drink cups of tea, which no other kids could do.Ā 

Also if you joined his gang, you were in it until you left the school (or even longer) when questioned, a lot of these kids admitted to being scared of him, but dare not quit.

The age range of the school was about 9 to 13. I always said that if i ever met him as an adult,Ā he would "get it" from me, but i saw him a couple of times in my 20's & just ignored him. I found out recently that he died about 10 years ago.

He had to be a nonce, the shower stuff was well dodgy. All the alarmĀ  bells are still ringing. None of his antics were secret either! All the teachers & parents were fully aware of how he operated.

2, Two other teacher from the same school/era have since be convicted for child sex offences.

3, A female teacher got done for grooming a boy of 15, admitting to having sex with him at her home on the weekends (he used to bike 15 miles as she lived in the country, so i can only assume she made it worth his while?)

4, We had a sadistic metalwork teacher who would assault you, if you ask for help! He also loved fire & would waft a welding torch under kids arses when they were not concentrating on his whereabouts.

5, I did "Computer Studies" for 3 years without ever using or seeing a computer! (the school had oneĀ  for computer studies, but it was locked in a room 24/7) .

6, A teacher smashed a pyrex dish over a kids head that gave him a concussion & he was sick everywhere.

7, I went on an outward bounds week, were the teacher just made there own rules up! If you did not go to sleep straight away, they hit you on your head with a torch & one day as we walked down a path with a frozen lake either side, as a punishment a teacher threw a kid onto the ice which broke & the kid went into the ice cold water. The teacher dragged him out. How he never drowned or got pneumonia is beyond me?

8, A PE teacher heard a kid swear, so grabbed him by his long hair & twisted it until it started coming off in his hands & demandedĀ the kid (who was crying in pain) apologised to him repeatedly.

9, Another PE teacher would whip any kids with a rope unless they learned to walk on their hands

10,Ā Ā A friend of mine was brutally caned for throwing a small bouncy ball at the gym window (the ball would never had damaged the window.

So that is a quick top 10. I have typed it very quickly (by my slow standards) so i hope it reads well? Luckily my home life was a lot happier than my time at school. I hated school, it only taught me two things:
1, Atmospheric Tensions.
2, How to avoid a fight.
Which when you think about it, are very valuable lessons in life. On my last ever day, i just never went. I was not a bad kid & rarely got into bother, but by that age had had enough & was mature enough to know that i had had a very bad educationĀ šŸ˜’

Edited by Lord-Mountevans
spelling

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7 minutes ago, Lord-Mountevans said:


6, A teacher smashed a pyrex dish over a kids head that gave him a concussion & he was sick everywhere.

šŸ˜¢ this one has kind of ruined my day.Ā 

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21 minutes ago, Bellenda Carlisle said:

šŸ˜¢ this one has kind of ruined my day.Ā 

Sorry, but it did happen. I saw it with my own eyes

.It was the only time i knew of a parent coming to the school to complain. I would not say he deliberately smashed it over his head, he hit him with it & it then smashed on impact (not even sure if there is a difference?)

Ā 

Edited by Lord-Mountevans

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