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Best talkers who couldn't work for shit


sj5522

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This is obvs excluding people who were mostly managers or mouthpieces. Who could cut breathtaking promos but never even came close to being nearly as engaging in-ring? Can't tell proper stories, can't get reactions or heat within a match (without doing stupid shit), can't sell, just pants - but as personalities on that mic they can stand up to some of the very best.

 

I watched some clips of New Jack's SMW stuff with the Gangstaz, and fuck that guy was intense (bloody love the facials of Mustafa Saed too) - if he had any sort of drive/professionalism/wasn't a fucking nutjob he could've gone far. I then watched a shoot with him where he actually made a pretty decent case for himself being a better fit for the Nation of Domination than Ron Simmons - i'd've fucking liked to have seen that. Unfortunately he is who he is, no-sells and stiffs and will fucking shoot on you big time if you no-sell or stiff him. Nutter. Apparently still managed to get some dark try-out match (which was later revoked because he was told not to go and talk to Vince and he did just that, haha) in WWE in like 2004, post-Mass Transit and Vic Grimes. For a company like WWE to be even considering a guy with his history shows you had something. Man was money on that mic.

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Yeah I wondered if Kennedy would come up. The intro stuff was lots of fun at first, but don't know if he ever Said much of note beyond that. He was a loud mouth and not shy but never said ote very memorable. Could probably deliver lines convincingly enough but the fact he was doing the same shtick in TNA til even they fucked him off shows he didn't have much beyond that. Maybe it's a Eugene thing where the fans just wanna see the WWE gimmick from you, but I still can't think of a particularly good Ken promo

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New Jack's probably the be all and end all for threads like this. Way, way better talker than he was a worker. The formula that was a New Jack storyline was so simple back in the late 90s. He pretty much feuded with the shittest stable ever, in the Baldies (apart from Vic Grimes, who was great), yet the place went up like Stone Cold walked through the curtain. This being the ECW years of course. In Smoky Moutain he wasnt exactly knocking anyone dead, but he wasnt clueless in there. He was young and could get around with the likes of the Rock n Roll Express.

 

I suppose, you could throw Cyrus in there. I havent seen enough of him as a wrestler to know if he was a bad worker, but nobody wanted to ever book him as such. WWF, ECW or TNA always had him as a mouth piece. And his mic work was tremendous. Cracking character.

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I'd throw Road Dogg in for this. Always got the crowd excited with his spiel on the way to the ring but he was never particularly compelling with his in-ring work. I think if he had been he may have been able to go further as a singles star.

I'll one up you there. Konnan did similar in WCW and TNA (even ina group with Roadie in the latter) and he was actually pretty dreadful in the ring. AT least of what I've seen. Massively sloppy. Him v One Man Gang at WCW Thingy '96 is one of the worst singles matches I've seen at that sort of level

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Vince is the unfair thread break answer I guess, considering if Mr. McMahon isn't the greatest character in WWE television history then it's a spot he's sharing with Steve Austin. 

 

Elsewhere though you've got to have JBL up there. By the time his WrestleMania match with Cena came around virtually everyone was on board with the character, even grudgingly. He could get in the ring right now and still lay down some awesome, old school 'rasslin chatter it's just that his character has been played out from years of overexposure doing insipid commentary. And his work is obviously not up to the same level. I mean he's not Mideon terrible or anything whose my go to WWE benchmark for a mainstay that just slugged on by but it's obviously nowhere near the level of his mic work. No Mercy with Undertaker and that I Quit match with Cena are probably his two great PPV slugfests. 

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I'd rather watch any of Vince's matches than anything Konnan has ever been involved in. Konnan really was the drizzling shits. I've no idea how he was ever over because although he was a good talker later, he didn't say anything back then bar a few catchphrases in Spanish.

 

Harsh to say he couldn't work for shit but Raven is a great talker whose work wasn't anything special. He had a few good matches but he was often too fucked up or injured to work and he's in the Jake Roberts camp of never been anywhere near as good as he thought he was.

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I don't think Vince is a fair inclusion. Apart from everything he's been in some wars with Austin, Hogan, Shane, DX, etc. told unforgettable stories and showed unprecedented ass in the ring

 

gonna defend aswell JBL, there's a couple gems in his catalogue and the clothesline from hell is awesome enough to save him full stop. Was much better for character value though. Recently relived the thing he did with Shawn and thought it was a pretty good story, Bradshaw was brilliantly despicable in those segments

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Jake Roberts. Absolutely compelling on the mic, but inside the ring he wasn't the greatest. I've watched his earlier pre-WWF stuff too, he really was rotten. But he did have that connect with the crowd that you can't train, which counts for something, but I struggle to name a really good Jake match.

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