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Your favourite MMA quotes


wandshogun09

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We've had the wrestling versions of these but what about the MMA quotes? There's been some good ones over the years and the likes of Conor McGregor, Nick and Nate Diaz, Don Frye, Josh Barnett, Matt Serra, Michael Bisping etc are always good for a quote. Share 'em here.

 

I'll get the ball rolling with some classic Nick Diaz.

 

On MMA fighter pay;

 

"You've got Floyd Mayweather making $25 million. He can't stop a double-leg."

 

On fighters bringing their girlfriends to fights;

 

"If I have a girlfriend, I don't bring her to flaunt her. She doesn't get to reap the benefits of me being famous. Back in the day, a ninja didn't have his girlfriend sitting in the tree waiting to kill shit."

 

On Vegas;

 

"Vegas is a fucking theme, dude. That shit doesn't fool me.

 

Every fighter I know wants to move there and wants to live there. You've gotta be kidding me. These fucking assholes. They thrive off these big fucking fake titty mutant chicks that are fucking disgusting whores, every last one of them. They're all trying to do something to get somewhere. Or if they're out there, they're fucking trying to do it up with their old man somewhere else.

 

If I were there, I'd be there to meet some people, you know? Like some endorsement deals or whatnot. These people, they end up wanting to live there and move there. All they do is go out and drink. Even the athletes there that don't drink, the other ones force them into drinking and they don't stand around drinking water like I do. I've seen them and they all fucking move to Vegas and go to these clubs and it's just like 'Dude, are you fucking kidding me?'

 

I can hardly stay there for a week, I hate it there, honestly."

 

On his hatred of fighters dying their hair and painting their toenails;

 

Diaz: I'm very loyal. Not like the rest of these fakes who paint their hair and wear makeup and shit. They think they're the theme of a good fighter and they fake their way onto these magazine covers. Fucking fakes painting their hair and toes just to get recognised as a fighter. Meanwhile, I'm sitting here and all I wanna do is fight. You don't see them giving me no magazine cover.

 

Jesse Holland (UFCmania): Who paints their hair and toes?

 

Diaz: Dude, everybody. Come on, man. Even Hermes Franca. One day he comes in with that goofy haircut. You got Jens Pulver. Fucking Mayhem Miller. Some bitch he was talking to tried to offer me this piece of hydrogenated chocolate. What the fuck are these guys into? Give me some real chocolate. Real fighters eat real chocolate.

 

On Rich Franklin;

 

"He just lost again right? See what I mean? You're promoting Rich Franklin and this motherfucker, here he is, letting it ride and he's just trying to uphold his image. The guy's a fucking teacher. He's a school teacher, that's what he is. If I was going to fight him I'd be pretty damn confident. There are plenty of teachers I wanted to beat up."

 

To Ariel Helwani;

 

"I think you instigate a lot of fights. Where I come from, people like that get slapped."

 

On GSP during the conference call for UFC 158. A quote I love so much I sig'd it;

 

"If I had that much money I'd be pampering myself the fuck up. I'd be having motherfuckers pampering my shit left and fucking right. There'd be motherfuckers every hour, on the hour, showing up to pamper me out. Period."

 

On "gangster fucking warfare";

 

"I'm trying to fight Sakurai. I'm trying to fight KJ Noons. I'm trying to fight Anderson Silva. I'm trying to fight everybody. I'm trying to fight Georges motherfucking St Pierre! I'm trying to fight - I didn't mean to call Georges a motherfucker - but I ain't got no problem getting in there and fighting the best people in the world. Georges is a nice guy. I'm trying to fight Jon Fitch. I'm trying to fight Silva. I'm trying to fight KJ Noons. I'm trying to fight everybody. I'm trying to fight Takanori Gomi, Sakurai...I'm trying to fuck everybody up. Fuck this shit. This is fucking gangster fucking warfare. I don't give a fuck. You know what I mean?"

 

To Condit, DURING their fight, after Condit threw a spinning backfist;

 

"What, we're throwing spinning shit now?"

 

To Mayhem Miller after the Strikeforce brawl;

 

"You got your ass whooped. That's what you get you stupid motherfucker. You dumb motherfucker. You got gold teeth and funny hair. What the fuck is that?!"

 

On Takanori Gomi;

 

"The little guy though, man, I don't know what the fuck, he was doing some karate in there. He was doing some crazy superpunch shit. That wasn't boxing skills though. He knows how to box, don't get me wrong. He's an excellent little boxer...for a little Japanese guy, but he's doing some little Hadouken fucking punch."

 

On "buttered up" UFC posters;

 

"I would like to put out the best image I could. To be honest with you I think a lot of times they make me out to be the evil guy. I fit the description of the evil villain. I think Georges fits the description of a good guy. I mean, look at my poster. No offense, but the UFC has had plenty of time to switch my poster. That picture of me is from years ago. Can I get one buttered up, photoshop picture on a poster?"

 

On stupid media questions;

 

"Who makes these questions up? These are all tricks. This is all bullshit. I'm low on water, I'm low on calories, I'm low on food, I'm low on energy and I'm - moreso than anything - low on patience with...anything that takes patience.

 

If you ask me something stupid then I'm gonna answer it with something stupid. And if I hear myself talk something stupid and I'm really pissed off, depressed and bent out of shape about it...I might throw a fucking really serious fit for no fucking reason."

 

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To Condit, DURING their fight, after Condit threw a spinning backfist;

 

"What, we're throwing spinning shit now?"

 

 

That one made me LOL.  :D

 

I remember on the Countdown show for UFC 100 when Brock Lesnar was squirming on his seat getting angrier and angrier while watching tape of his first match with Frank Mir:

 

"I don't know how many times I had to tap his leg. Mazaggatti was a fucking dickhead. He should've been thrown out of the fucking arena. I'd like to punch his fucking moustache right off his face".

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Needs more Chael.

 

On the Nogueira's

 

"I was in Las Vegas when the Nogueira brothers first touched down in America. There was a bus, this is a true story. There was a bus that pulled up to a red light, and Little Nog tried to feed it a carrot, while Big Nog was petting it. He thought it was a horse. This really happened. He tried to feed a bus a carrot, and now you're telling me this country has computers? I didn't know that."

 

On his loss to Anderson

 

"Even if I thought I could get a submission I'm not laying underneath a grown man with my legs spread on worldwide TV. Some guys subscribe to that theory but I am a Republican and we don't do that."

 

On testing positive

 

"My phone rings, they call me up and say, 'Chael, your testosterone level is too high.' I say, 'Well, how high was it?' They say, '0.7.' I said, 'What's normal?' They say, '0.6.'; I said, 'One-tenth? You're telling me I'm one-tenth higher than the average man? Re-test that - you must have caught me on a low day.'

 

On Arianny Celeste

 

"We only had one [ring girl] and that was Chandella. The other was the IQ card girl. Arianny kind of walks around and holds up her latest test score. One time when there was a title fight, she got all the way up to five and we were very proud of her."

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One of my favourite Chael quotes was this one on Lebron James;

 

"His name being brought up prompted it. He makes Urkel look cool. I would have liked to call him a twat, but they changed subjects. Let me tell you a story about LeBron. He asked the UFC for tickets for my fight against Anderson Silva. We sit the guy front row, and all through the night he snubs our fans. He's a guest in our house and he refuses to sign any autographs or take any pictures unless your cup size was later in the alphabet than he was able to learn. And from what I understand, he thinks the letter purple comes after C. This guy walked up to my fiancee backstage and asks her if there's a Tic Tac in her blouse or if she was just happy to see him. I had a UFC employee tell me he saw a mother wheel her handicapped child up to him to get a picture. Lebron was walking towards them. When he reached the kid, the mother stopped the wheelchair. Lebron took the wheelchair, wheeled it out of the way and kept walking. I'd like to slap the divots right off his face. He'd run away faster than his hairline. His hair went North, his talents went South, and his mother went West."

And this one on Wanderlei Silva;

 

"A guy puts a tattoo on the back of his skull, puts his beady eyes on you and rolls his wrists around, and all of a sudden the whole world thinks that's scary. That doesn't do anything for me. I'll slap you right on your face while you're rolling your wrists around. My point wasn't so much to attack Wanderlei, as it was to let the rest of the world know, "Who cares? Who cares about his tattoo and his beady eyes and his rolly little wrists?"

"Rolly little wrists" gets me for some reason.

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On testing positive

 

"My phone rings, they call me up and say, 'Chael, your testosterone level is too high.' I say, 'Well, how high was it?' They say, '0.7.' I said, 'What's normal?' They say, '0.6.'; I said, 'One-tenth? You're telling me I'm one-tenth higher than the average man? Re-test that - you must have caught me on a low day.'

 

That's magnificent!

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I'm in getting in there before Supremo!

 

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"WEAK AS PISS! KISS MY ARSE"

Haha! That's exactly what I was going to post. One of my favorite moments in ages. The way everyone was talking over one another, complete bedlam, only for everything to fall silent just as he shouted it, I'm genuinely laughing now just remembering it.

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