Paid Members Gus Mears Posted October 20, 2016 Paid Members Share Posted October 20, 2016 I'm changing job in a week and can't be arsed to even maintain the appearance of working, so I'm printing off A4 posters of David Suchet with 'IT'S POIROT TIME!!!' In massive letters and pinning them to random notice boards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Chest Rockwell Posted October 20, 2016 Moderators Share Posted October 20, 2016 (edited) Nice. That is a productive use of your remaining time. Edited October 20, 2016 by Chest Rockwell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Tommy! Posted October 20, 2016 Paid Members Share Posted October 20, 2016 I look forward to a story of Butch's mate dropping his strides and cracking one out next to the mfd. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Gus Mears Posted October 20, 2016 Paid Members Share Posted October 20, 2016 (edited) I'm expecting at least pre-cum when he gets a peak of this bad boy. Edited October 20, 2016 by Gus Mears Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members PunkStep Posted October 20, 2016 Paid Members Share Posted October 20, 2016 I'm changing job in a week and can't be arsed to even maintain the appearance of working, so I'm printing off A4 posters of David Suchet with 'IT'S POIROT TIME!!!' In massive letters and pinning them to random notice boards. Brilliant Gus, that's exactly how you should spend you final days in a job. I did something similar with Phil Mitchell and Ian Beale pics at my last job. Replied to any email received with a different pic of them, depending on the nature of the email. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Gus Mears Posted October 20, 2016 Paid Members Share Posted October 20, 2016 (edited) I may nick that idea Punkstep, I like it. Either that or I'll change the hyperlink in my email signature fromĀ the government's register to vote pageĀ to that video of Phil Mitchell driving the tractor while pissed. Edited October 20, 2016 by Gus Mears Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members PunkStep Posted October 20, 2016 Paid Members Share Posted October 20, 2016 There was a post on here YEARS ago from Bionic Redneck, where he effectively told a story through the medium of Phil Mitchell & Ian Beale jpegs. It was a hell of a post. It has changed my life more than anything else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Scott Malbranque Posted October 20, 2016 Paid Members Share Posted October 20, 2016 Right, so the missusās niece is a Nickleback fan after she was brought to see them a week or so ago. So the missus rings me in work at around 5pm just there today from a shopping centre in Dublin asking āWhatās the name of that band she likes that she went to see and Iāll pick her up the album while Iām here?ā and I said āNickleback Paddywhackā, barely in jest, not even anticipating sheād take that in her mouth and trot off to chew on it. She said āThatās clever, isnāt it? Thanks!ā and off she went. About ten past, I get a call and sheās crying...legitimately crying tears of frustration and anger, calling me every phallic and itās variants under the sun, followed by her telling me I made a show of her and they all laughed at her behind the counter when she asked for Nickleback Paddywhacks Greatest Hits. She told me - with a ferocity I havenāt heard since she caught me having a pedal to a Daily Mirror spread on the utility room floor to the Nicki Minaj on a beach in the nip - to fuck off and I can sleep in the spare room tonight if I come home.So, thatās what I have to look forward to in a half hour when I get home from here. Spare a though, gents.Ā Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Sergio Mendacious Posted October 20, 2016 Author Paid Members Share Posted October 20, 2016 She told me - with a ferocity I havenāt heard since she caught me having a pedal to a Daily Mirror spread on the utility room floor to the Nicki Minaj on a beach in the nip - to fuck off and I can sleep in the spare room tonight if I come home. Ā That's a one-act play in itself. You're a wonderful thing, Branquey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Wretch Posted October 21, 2016 Paid Members Share Posted October 21, 2016 Crying laughing at that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Scott Malbranque Posted October 21, 2016 Paid Members Share Posted October 21, 2016 Absolute doghouse, lads. Chicken coop stuff. It went off last night as soon as I walked in the door and hasnāt eased off. She had a right go over the Nickleback thing and she knew I was trying to contain laughter while trying to maintain a concerned furrow, so that pretty much furthered her resentment, while giving her an involuntary mouth and eye twitch. Separate sofas for Emmerdale and Eastenders, so that usually means sheās got the curtains drawn, and the blanking was cemented when I was resigned to sleeping on a leather sofa and getting up to have the odd piddle in the sink (The one in the utility room. Not the kitchen.) on occasion so as not to wake her up by going up to the toilet beside our room and exacerbating the volatile situation further. Iāll tell you why: If you turn the light on in our jacks it makes a constant, horrible noise like a mix between a hoover and a distant helicopter because of the extractor fan, and even after you turn the light off, the extractor fan stays on for a good while after so I wasnāt doing that because of her mood and for fear of reprisal. Piddle hitting the water at an hour when everyone is in bed is like spraying a firehose into some shopping trolleys, not to mention the guaranteed, accompanying fart that always sounds like you stepped on a swan, and I wasnāt doing that. I live in the middle of nowhere, and when itās dark, itās horror movie dark. If I attempted a piddle in the dark, I risk hitting the wall and the floor and that āpsssssss...kkkoocccchhhhkrrrrrrrrrrrrrā sound reverberates very obnoxiously too, so I wasnāt doing that either. So, I piddled in the utility room sink. And Iām still being blanked because she didnāt kick off at me for spilling turmeric on the kitchen counter (it leaves a yellow stain I can only get up with some Cilit Bang or Parazone) or for the smell of eggs and cider vinegar at 8am, so Iām anticipating this weekend is going to be marvellous. Iām bringing home flowers, wine and a Curly Wurly tonight to her, so Iām hoping something superficial can fix it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members GlennCullen Posted October 21, 2016 Paid Members Share Posted October 21, 2016 Buy her a copy of 'Silver Side Up'. Do it for us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members PunkStep Posted October 21, 2016 Paid Members Share Posted October 21, 2016 Do you think this is all a way of her deflecting the sheer embarrassment and shame of liking Nickelback? Ā The stepping on a swan comment...seriously Branquey, William Blake hasn't got shit on you when it comes to your way with words. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Undefeated Steak Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 Fucking lol. The off-topic section on here has been the best site on the internet this year.Ā Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Arch Stanton Posted October 21, 2016 Paid Members Share Posted October 21, 2016 My favourite part of the whole thing is imagining the face of the shop assistant when Mrs Branquey asked them for a Nickelback Paddywhack album. No wonder she's fuming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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