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Beard Woes..


John Matrix

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First off, this has got fuck all to do with the current beard trend right... this is about flat out laziness and nothing more.

 

I never find time to shave anymore.  It's become a real luxury since the boys were born, and so now I find myself looking like this most of the time.

 

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To be clear, i'm under no disillusions as to how fucking horrid that looks right, but here's the thing...it hits a brick wall at this stage.

Whether I go three or four weeks (fairly standard) or two months, what you're looking at remains pretty constant, meanwhile I get the full Fu Manchu thing going on in the corners of my mouth, giving me no option but to eventually find some time to shave it all off.

 

So my options appear to be:

 

1) carry on as I am looking like shit 90% of the time which is impacting on my confidence at work, in meetings etc

2) Find the time to keep on top of it - i list this, but it really isn't an option - there's far more important things i'm not finding time to do.

3) Persevere, carry out minimum maintenance and hope it blossoms into a lovely proper beard.

 

Now three is probably my preferred option, but having never had (read, been able to grow) a proper beard, i havent the foggiest when it comes to maintenance.  If I could keep it trimmed and avoid those overgrown bits, i'd be a bit more comfortable wearing it, but alas, I always bottle it, and go clean shaven again - but I dont see how a trim will be any quicker than a full shave, and i cant forsee me suddenly finding the extra machismo required to grow it sufficiently thickly that I don't look like an absolute tramp.

 

So good people and accomplished facial hair wearers of the UKFF, i ask you, what, if anything, can I do to look less of a twat?

 

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So good people and accomplished facial hair wearers of the UKFF, i ask you, what, if anything, can I do to look less of a twat?

Shave.

 

My brother has a similar problem. He can go months without shaving and it looks the same as it did after two days. Except on his cheeks where nothing grows at all. Me and my other brother look like Gorillas after three or four days. I question his parentage.

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Electric shaver.

 

I can't grow a beard (I am a real man, I have a job where a beard would intefere with my respirator whilst dealing with terrorists and potential radiological threat) and when my nippers came along although I hated it compared to wet shave, it allowed me to get rid of stubble fairly speedily.

 

Just made sure to get decent balm for afterwards.

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Shave.

 

My beard takes a lot more maintenance than being clean shaven ever did. If you are struggling to find the time to shave, you definitely don't have the time to give a beard the respect it deserves.

Poof.

I have a job where I'm expected to look smart. Looking smart with a seven inch beard takes a bit of effort. Plus I look about 12 without it, so it stays!

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Electric shaver. Can be done whilst shitting (providing you're not using that time to debate with yourself if you should be doing reverse cowgirl whilst shitting) and it will give you a manly stubble that resembles George Michael in his pomp.

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You could have shaved those pubes off your face in the time it took to write that post.

Be grateful this forum has a bellend quota to fill pal. Be a shame if we didn't have you around to shed such insight in future.

 

Electric razor sounds like the way to go! Used one once and was happy with the results, any advice on how to contain the ensuing mess though? I remember the post shave clear up being a right ball ache.

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I have to shave for work. Its a rule, no facial hair unless it's a religious thing.

 

I'm ok with that, but it does grow in like a fucker for my age. At 28 I doubt I should get 5 o'clock shadow at 12:30. I also challenge it on a logical basis, as it implies facial hair can't be presentable (which it can as proven by the religious facial hair holders among us)

 

I used to have a mustache though, and loved it. It was a David Niven spiv type deal. I had a big bushy beard at one time too, but that was because I was too depressed and/or pissed to shave.

 

For me nothing feels as good as an old T-bar razor. A straight razor wasn't up to my expectations. Mach 3 and all that jazz are a small fortune for an average cut and past 17 an electric razor never got the job done to my satisfaction. It was a area though. I would shave in the shower and just rinse the head on route.

 

A shave takes 5 minutes tops. I could shave while I take a shit. But then I do eat too much red meat and not nearly enough fruit and veg for a healthy lifestyle, so I may be skewing the average there.

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I'm the same as Tommy. I much prefer being clean shaven but I've got a 5 o'clock shadow by early afternoon. A 2 or 3 day stubble suits me best. Can't say I have any consistency with facial hair though, some months I shave every morning, and others I'll let it grow for a few weeks.

 

I really wish I was man enough to grow a mustache though. When I've shaved a longish beard off and left my tash til last, it looks bad ass. Always shave it right off though. I need to be more man.

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