Moderators PowerButchi Posted February 24, 2015 Moderators Share Posted February 24, 2015 Between Take A Break, The Ups and Downs of a Geriatric, Sol Campbell's disallowed goal, and being on Dapper Laughs, you've really had a time of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_Danger Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 I'd watch the Mo story, he's more Ken Loach than Richie Freebird. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members air_raid Posted February 24, 2015 Paid Members Share Posted February 24, 2015 Not me personally but I've got a mate who has lived like one of the worst "love rats" you can imagine from Enders or something. Â Early in 2012 he started cheating on his girlfriend of 2 1/2 years and mother of his little girl, with a girl he worked with. He let the mistress think he wasn't happy (which was partially true) and by early summer finally got the balls to break up with his mrs. She agreed they had given it a go and it hadn't really worked but both agreed to not see anyone else for a while until they were sure they wanted to stay split up - her not realizing he already was seeing someone else. During Euro 2012, the mistress fell pregnant. My mate started shitting himself because his ex would figure out that he'd been seeing this lass ahead of their break up or at least paid no attention to the agreement to not see anyone else. Somehow he persuaded the mistress to abort. Not long afterwards, after he and his ex had a few drunken fumbles, they practically had started seeing each other again - even though he let the mistress think they were still split up. A few weeks later.... his mrs fell pregnant. She seemed to think she might want a second child but after much serious discussion about living arrangements and finances he persuaded her to get rid of it. Â So, he carries on seeing both girls into 2013, unwilling to end it with his mrs because he didnt want to risk losing access to his child, but deep down knowing he wasn't happy with her else he wouldn't have strayed in the first place... conversely knowing the mistress isnt really right for him because he admitted that outside term time (they're both teachers) when they don't have work to talk about, they've got nothing in common, and it was only the sex that kept him interested. No time at all into 2013.... mistress falls pregnant again, despite my mate claiming he wore a condom (which split) and the mistress being on the pill AND taking a morning after pill just in case. This time, she stressed herself into miscarrying (aided no end by my mate's desperate pleas to get her to abort again) and they found out that this time it would have been twins. To this point, between his two women, he's had three near misses for a total of four potential kids. At this point a few of us are trying to persuade him to end it with both the mistress who thinks he's still broken up from his mrs, and the mrs that he can't stop cheating on. Neither are right for him, so he should be single for a while and see if he can meet someone right for him, that makes him happy in a way neither of his existing girlfriends do. You may see where this is heading..... Â So, one night in the autumn of 2013, my mate bails on a trip to the pub that he organized with two of us only an hour later, because he suddenly decided he was tired, and his friend from work was coming round with a pizza. This was his female friend, quite a bit younger than us (and very attractive) that he'd been splitting driving to work with for about two years. I knew something was going to happen, but his housemate insisted he wouldn't, because this lass was a mate that he'd told EVERYTHING about the other two. He comes round my house the next day and just for fun, I said to him "You fucked her, didn't you?" and he looks at the floor and says "Nearly. We did everything but." I gave him a bollocking and told him "When I said there was a girl out there was right for you, I meant INSTEAD OF the two you have, not AS WELL AS!!" Â Come New Years' Eve 2013/14, he's now been spinning three plates for a good few months. Four of us are getting a photo taken and he gives his phone to his Mrs to take the photo, when he gets a text, which she reads. In response to a message about when they will meet next, mistress #2 has text him "Can't wait ;)" - and mistress #2 is in his phone as "Wild Thing." His mrs goes ballistic and that's their New Year, arguing upstairs all night while the rest of us tried to enjoy ourselves. Somehow, he got away with it. Fast forward to the summer and on the verge of paying the deposit for him and his mrs buying a house, he decided it might be time to grow up and get rid of the others. However, mistress #2 comes back from holiday and tells him she's met someone new and thinks they should split up.... but she will dump new bloke if my mate is prepared to be serious with her. Deep down, I know that's what he really wanted, but feeling trapped by the fact he has a kid with his mrs and the possibility of losing his deposit (his parents money), he just couldn't take that leap. In the space of a week, he got his house in order. He broke up with mistress #1 on the Monday, telling her he wanted to make a go of it with the mother of his child. She took it very badly and while she said she understood, she warned him there was no way he'd be able to keep everything under wraps. Then on the Thursday he told mistress #2 he couldn't go serious with her, and she finished with him. We went for a pint afterwards, and I've never seen a man so devastated to only have one girlfriend. Â Of course, he managed a few one-nighters with mistress #2 when things didn't go as planned with her new fella, but since last summer he's pretty much behaved himself and in September him and his mrs got their house. Nothing controversial happened for ages.... then last Thursday, my mate, his girlfriend and several of their friends started getting messages on Facebook from a profile under an assumed name, informing all and sundry that he'd cheated, naming names (mistress #1) and that she had evidence. Last Thursday, incidentally, was his birthday! Â I think he's going to get away with it again though. Â If you'd just sucked someone off and there was a knock at the door, surely you'd either swallow the jizz or spit it out before answering the door. Â I usually try to but sometimes you forget yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members stumobir Posted February 24, 2015 Paid Members Share Posted February 24, 2015 Christmas eve-eve just there me and a load of mates that had all just finished up work had a full day of it. By the end of the night we ended up in a bar that we wouldn't normally drink in and considering I was hammered by tea time then god only knows what nick I was in at this point. A few of my mates are quite in to their coke, normally I'm really not keen on it but this day I seemed to be very fucking keen on it. So I went to the toilet, put out a massive line and hoovered it up, arranged myself and opened the door to leave the cubicle. Who was standing at the other side of the poxy plywood door waiting to go in after me? My fucking dad! "That's not that bad" I hear you say. Well I hadn't seen or spoke to him in about 10 years and the last I knew he was happily married living Swansea. My eyes nearly popped out my head and not because of the filthy drugs that I had just taken. Seeing him was surreal enough but having to speak to him while I was completely fleeing was just bizarre, made for a hellish hangover the next day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neil is brill Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 If you'd just sucked someone off and there was a knock at the door, surely you'd either swallow the jizz or spit it out before answering the door. Â I honestly have no idea why she didn't swallow or dispose of it, from what I heard from her friends and some of mine, she was expecting me to show up. Someone probably tipped her off because I was fucking raging and telling anyone who'd listen that I was going down there to kick this guys head in. It still doesn't explain how I managed to show up at that exact moment, just freak timing I guess. The whole thing happened really fast. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Lion_of_the_Midlands Posted February 24, 2015 Paid Members Share Posted February 24, 2015 Finding out this year that my dad fathered 34 children came as somewhat of a shock. I have to say I knew about 9 of them. The other 25 I found out about in 2014. He has been dead since 2001, but I can confidently say that if your mum went into a pub or club at any point between 1960 and 2001 and she was a bit of a sort we could possibly be related. Â If that is not soap material it would at the very least cause Jeremy Kyle to have the mother of all heart attacks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Callum1993 Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 34? Jesus Christ. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Pitcos Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 How mad! Assuming it all happened around the same region, that's inbreds waiting to happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Lion_of_the_Midlands Posted February 25, 2015 Paid Members Share Posted February 25, 2015 My dad was a club musician. So not all the same region or even country. Germany, Poland, and even Australia. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Chest Rockwell Posted February 25, 2015 Moderators Share Posted February 25, 2015 How did you come to find out about all his other kids? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Lion_of_the_Midlands Posted February 25, 2015 Paid Members Share Posted February 25, 2015 His wife at the time he died (Not my mum) was moving from the house that they had lived in in Scarborough. In the loft when she was moving she found a box with a solicitors letter in it to my dad saying that they wod keep the documents he had left with them until they received further instructions. She went to the solicitors and after proving he was dead and that she was his wife when he died they gave her the documents. In it were a lot of birth certificates with his name on, because while he was a tremendous shagger he always put his name as the father. Probably in the hope of claiming the family allowance knowing him. Â She in turn told me. We keep in touch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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