Nothing to see here! Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 Okay, well recently I've gotten married to a Nigerian girl and with marrying a lass from outside the EU extra financial complications come with applying for spouse visas and all that that entails. Anyways, because of her current visa status as that of a student there's constrictions of the amount of hours she can work which has meant it's been hard for her to get a job, leaving most of the financial responsibility to me. Which i don't mind but she gets the guilts about it. Particularly since there's also been debts which we've had to pay for members of her family.  Soooo, she's just started a new part-time job within the care industry that I know she hates and is counting the days til it's over. Well today she started at place with sparse staffing levels looking after some big blokes with histories of violence, and at least 2 of them on the sex offenders act. Then I googled stuff telling me that a fairly high percentage of those in care get abused either physically or verbally every year. I know i shouldn't have done that.  The liberal in me tells me one thing but the husband another. Am i allowed to tell her to quit that place or does that automatically make me into a dick? For feeling like telling her what to do and taking away the means of her relinquishing some of her guilt. And for having these levels of distrust for the people in her care. But, you know, she's my wife, and how can you not worry? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members SpursRiot2012 Posted July 13, 2016 Paid Members Share Posted July 13, 2016 You can tell her your concerns and express that you'd be happier if she didn't work there, but you can't *tell her* she can't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nothing to see here! Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 Yeah, I know I should never tell her what to do. Though I get the feeling she really wants to quit but won't do so unless I push her into it. Because of the guilt she feels over our money woes. So I might have to be a dick to get her to do what she really wants to do. But she's a woman so how do I really know what she's thinking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_Danger Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 Easy. If you tell her what to do and she does it then she really wants to do it anyway. I'm not in the best position to give advice though! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nothing to see here! Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 Hmm,maybe I'll text her mum and hope she does it for me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deathrey Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 I would have a conversation with her about it. I do a job that can be dangerous at times and I work with some pretty unsavoury people, at times I hate it and feel very unsafe (today for example), I tell my other half about it and he listens and will discuss it with me. Sometimes I feel like jacking it in but if he told me to do it, I wouldn't take kindly to it. Most women like talking and discussing things so talk to her about it, explain you're worried about her safety and you don't need the money badly enough for her to put herself in danger but ultimately the decision must be hers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Sir Steve Redgrave Posted July 13, 2016 Paid Members Share Posted July 13, 2016 (edited) Give her some time in the job too. I worked for years in the care industry and it takes time for a new staff member to settle. I nearly made the mistake of quitting my first care job after two weeks. Ended up really enjoying the year I spent there and only left due to a promotion that meant me changing workplace. You owe it to her to let her make her own decision on this one because it might end up working out. If it doesn't, then that's really her decision to make. Edited July 13, 2016 by Sir Steve Redgrave Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UK Kat Von D Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 Currently awaiting a shitstorm from my ex after I've told her I want to drop her child support to £150 a week. I'm expecting her to say I can't see my son anymore or threaten to move away entirely. I text her yesterday but haven't heard anything back.  In the 18 months since we split up she has had over 21 grand off me, been engaged two or three times, tried to stop me seeing him and hasn't gotten a job.  The idea of not seeing my son is driving me a bit mental. My only coping mechanism is usually to get really really fucked up, but when I got with my current girlfriend she made me delete all the dealers from my phone and made me straighten up. At a loose end and don't know what to do Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deathrey Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 I would get a legal order in place to see your son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UK Kat Von D Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 I would get a legal order in place to see your son. I do have a solicitor on hold who will be able to take care of that if she tries. But I won't be able to stop her moving to the other side of the country. She tried to move to Berlin last year which I was able to block Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deathrey Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 No you can't and that's the shittest thing about custody battles. You can make it so she is responsible for getting your son to you on access days but it's not ideal and not fair on your son or you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UK Kat Von D Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 Thing is she would move just to spite me and make it difficult to see him while not having to say "you can't see him." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Sergio Mendacious Posted July 13, 2016 Paid Members Share Posted July 13, 2016 Fucking Cena Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King of Hamptons Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 Me and the lovely Ruth have been together now for 6 months and very much in love. Still going well! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members SpursRiot2012 Posted July 13, 2016 Paid Members Share Posted July 13, 2016 Kat, I don't know anything about your situation so I don't want to come across all judgy, but weren't you just about to spend nearly £700 on a new suit for some party? Does she not spend the cash you give her on the child? As someone who grew up with a father absent and not paying a dime toward my upbringing, I feel strongly about things like this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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