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Video artwork


Chest Rockwell
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There is no apparently about it, Cucked. The trailer shows spiders walking along the road getting crushed by Captain Kirks van.

 

I have no idea how these actors could do this film. I swear, I'd rather suck Evan Stone's cock infront of my Mam and Dad than do some of the shit the actors did in that movie.

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KINGDOM%20OF%20THE%20SPIDERS.jpg

An 18? I remember seeing that on daytime TV. Apparently some of the spiders were legitimately killed on film. Cracking ending, though.

 

Its a PG. That video cover is pre-cert and the age rating stickers have been added on after (Which was a legal requirement after the Age Certs came in) Could be a genuine mistake although a lot of videos were up-graded by shop owners pureply because higher rated horror films were more likely to be rented

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Here's a bunch from my collection.

 

exterminator2.jpg

 

This is one that held my attention as a kid. The manly stance in those military boots, the flamethrower, the woman prancing about in her underwear on the back cover. Whoever designed this cover knew how to draw the punters in.

 

 

lustforfreedom.jpg

 

Guns, helicopters and a woman in the skimpiest shorts known to man (and additional bikini clad, gun toting women on the back cover).

 

 

terminatewithextremeprejudice.jpg

 

Guns, helicopters and women in bikinis. There seems to be a theme in video covers of this era. The back cover also guarantees boobs. I actually watched this last night, and it was rather poor.

 

 

8millionwaystodie.jpg

 

Guns, a woman in her skimpies, and the palm tree and neon stylings of the Miami Vice generation. Gratuitous use of the word "naked" on the back cover to draw the eye.

 

 

emeraldforest.jpg

 

I can remember the big cardboard stand-up of this being in the cinema foyer, and the poster being on the wall at the local youth club. Less colourful and exploititive than the previous covers, but it still looks great. Really dark and brooding. The back cover guarantees boobs just in case.

 

 

trancers.jpg

 

Not so heavy on the reds and yellows, this is clearly a cool futuristic film. The back cover supports this, with lots of scenes lit with blue light pretending to be night time.

Mastertronic style gridwork behind the title, and diagonal airbrushed stripes make this about as 80s as you can get.

 

 

bloodsisters.jpg

 

Back then, the Cannon logo and the words "hi-fi" actually carried some weight. Anyone watching this is doing so because they want comically gory death scenes and gratuitous nudity.

 

 

brainstorm.jpg

 

This is another that always stood out in the video shop. Unusually for the era, no pictures on the back cover. Maybe they thought the sight of Christopher Walken in a lab coat, or a tweed jacket and bow tie wouldn't help it sell.

 

 

deathstalker2.jpg

 

Super bit of fantasy artwork on the front, with weapons, flames, and a woman in skimpy attire. The winning recipe. I also watched this last night, and it was fantastic. For a low budget film, it looked great, and threw in every cliche known to the genre with its tongue firmly in cheek. You want the hero trapped in a room where spikes come out the walls and they close in on him? You want them travelling through a forest that's filled with badly/barely hidden smoke machines and back lit? You want dwarves? You want a synthesiser soundtrack?

I'd actually go as far as saying this is better than Sword and the Sorcerer.

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zardoz.jpg

 

Sean Connery during that phase when his career was on the skids. The back cover promises boobs, but unfortunately they're his.

 

 

kungfuemperor.jpg

 

Clearly the artist only had pictures of native Americans for reference.

 

 

uninvited.jpg

 

Probably would have been a better idea not to put a picture of the imp/demon/thing on the back cover. Maybe some woman in a bikini holding a gun (it must happen at some point in the movie).

 

 

armyofdarkness.jpg

 

Slightly more modern, but still great.

 

 

sinbadeyeofthetiger.jpg

 

Another more modern one, but promises absolutely everything you'd want in a Harryhausen movie.

 

 

terminatorwoman.jpg

 

This is fucking awful. It's a modern one (hence the DVD cover shape), but really is wank. It looks like she's doing asymmetrical bars around a neon tube.The only reason I bought this (and haven't since set fire to it) is because I once trained with Michel Qissi, who is shit in this. And pretty much everything else I've seen him in.

No effort or love went into this cover. Or the film.

 

 

enterthefatdragon.jpg

 

Something else I find intriguing (but hiddeous) is the traditional style artwork used in the 80s in Hong Kong. This is Enter The Fat Dragon, starring Samo Hung (a huge star at the time). This style of artwork isn't reserved for whacky comedies either. The black guy on the bottom left (a shameless parody of Jim Kelly) is a blacked up, well known, Chinese actor in an afro wig.

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The 80's sword & sorcery type video boxes were brilliant as the artwork always promised something that the special effects of the day could never deliver.

So true. With that in mind, a thread like this for 80's/early 90's computer games would also work a treat with mega fantasy artwork contrasting fuckawful 8-bit sprites.

 

On topic:

 

WEIRD%20SCIENCE.jpg

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