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Anti climatic celebrity encounters


John Matrix

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Was just reading an article about how Steven Seagal had approached Jon Jones ahead of his recent title fight with an offer to share some pearls of wisdom and i was reminded of a cold February evening back in 2007.

 

A friend and I went along to the Royal and Derngate Centre in Northampton to watch Steven Seagal play with his band Thunderbox. Despite having very little interest in the band, their music etc, we were both avid fans of Seagal as a result of such classics as Nico, Hard to Kill, Marked for Death, Under Siege etc..

 

After sitting through 30 minutes of support act, Super Chikan Johnson and an hour or so of Thunderbox which largely consisted of two pretty talented vocalists and the occasional mumbling into the microphone from Mr Seagal to remind us he was there, the moment we'd been waiting for arrived.

 

We headed straight out and around to the stage door where we sat, maybe third or fourth in line eagerly awaiting the emergence of Nico Toscani. It must have been about -4, we waited for over an hour in the freezing cold hoping for a glimpse of our Hollywood hero beaten to the punch by one lad who'd pulled out all of his DVD covers with a view to getting them signed.

 

Finally, after about an hour and 15 minutes, the doors open and Seagal appeared. A giant. Towering above the rest of us, his rapidly expanding waistline was equally apparent and without so much as a thank you, the mardy cunt looked straight at the floor and headed straight for his tour bus (I say tour bus, think mini bus but with a flip down table inside).

 

Up in arms, we did what anyone stupid enough to wait over an hour in sub zero temperatures would have done under the circumstances. Not complain, BEG. As a group of fans we literally begged for the big man to stay a moment and sign our ticket stubs (or in the case of the lad in front of us, his entire filmography) and before things turned nasty, and from the safety of his mini bus, a representative for Mr Seagal uttered the words we all wanted to hear "OK, just a few..."

 

For a moment, we were on cloud nine. YES! We were going to go face to face with Mason Storm, his ink forever emblazoned on our ticket stubs, an ever lasting memento of the moment we shared the same oxygen as our Hollywood hero. However, something rather untoward had occurred during the moments of confusion and anticipation, see as I

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Most of the famous people I've met have been nice, or at least polite. I was present when a friend of mine dealt with Peter Kay having a diva moment but I had no preconception that he'd be a lovely bloke so no illusions were shattered. I've dealt with a couple of comedians who have been cunty but none of them 'household names'.

I got completely blanked by Jean Claude Van Damme once which was a bit disappointing, in fairness not as disappointing as seeing him in the flesh & finding out the camera obviously adds 10 inches as well as 10 pounds, fucker looked like Frankie Detorrie.

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No that it was a big deal, but the only famous person i'v met was Johnny Vegas.

 

I was so excited as it was when he first broke out onto TV and was a bit more famous than he is now. I saw him at runcorn train station waiting for his wife at the time.

 

So i plucked up some courage and shouted, "Allright johnny?". He shouted back, "Alright lad?".........and that was it. I thought for some reason he would bust out some sort of comedy on me, but sadly it was not so.

 

Oh well, i've picked up since then that famous people, are in fact just the same as everybody else, and i was being annoying by shouting over to him.

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No that it was a big deal, but the only famous person i'v met was Johnny Vegas.

 

I was so excited as it was when he first broke out onto TV and was a bit more famous than he is now. I saw him at runcorn train station waiting for his wife at the time.

 

So i plucked up some courage and shouted, "Allright johnny?". He shouted back, "Alright lad?".........and that was it. I thought for some reason he would bust out some sort of comedy on me, but sadly it was not so.

 

Oh well, i've picked up since then that famous people, are in fact just the same as everybody else, and i was being annoying by shouting over to him.

 

He's a really, really nice chap. I doubt he'd have minded you shouting him.

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No that it was a big deal, but the only famous person i'v met was Johnny Vegas.

 

I was so excited as it was when he first broke out onto TV and was a bit more famous than he is now. I saw him at runcorn train station waiting for his wife at the time.

 

So i plucked up some courage and shouted, "Allright johnny?". He shouted back, "Alright lad?".........and that was it. I thought for some reason he would bust out some sort of comedy on me, but sadly it was not so.

 

Oh well, i've picked up since then that famous people, are in fact just the same as everybody else, and i was being annoying by shouting over to him.

 

He's a really, really nice chap. I doubt he'd have minded you shouting him.

I kinda of just felt like a knob afterwards though, as i'm not sure what i thought he was going to do when i said "Hey!". He Said hi back, and i felt a bit awkward. Seemed nice as pie though, which was great.

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Since the Bottom references are out, I met Ade Edmondson a couple of years ago. He was in panto in town and popped into my shop (health food) for some stuff. Asked advice on a few things, I helped him out and served him but that was it. To this day I regret not getting a pic or something but I'd heard he's really not too well disposed to fans chatting to him and I decided not to risk it- he's my hero, I didn't want to piss him off and feel like a nob about it.

 

Had Vic Reeves in all the time as he lives round here. Miserable bastard. His wife's nice as anything though, really friendly.

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I've met Jimmy Carr - top bloke, was very thankful for me asking for an autograph.

 

 

I've also seen a couple of darts players about in my time. Dennis Smith and Ronnie Baxter, ok granted they're no Phil Taylor, but were both a good laugh when I chatted to them.

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We had Paul Merson at our Sportsman's Dinner a few years ago. He accused us of ripping him off because we had the nerve to pay his agent in advance instead of giving him the cash on the night. He kept disappearing off and coming back looking a tad happier and rubbing his nose a lot but was generally a miserable, unsociable prick. We had Lee Sharpe the year after and he was an absolute diamond.

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