Vito Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 I've been getting my girlfriend into Mystery Science Theater 3000 lately so as a special treat she downloaded Twilight with a RiffTrax commentary that someone had kindly synced up and uploaded to a Torrent site. She read the first few chapters of the Twilight novel and despised it while I despised the novel and its fanbase without reading it to save time, but we thought we'd try out RiffTrax and watch the film to see what the fuss was about. Â Fuck. Â If you watched this film and genuinely enjoyed it then you need to die. No joke, totally serious, if you enjoy Twilight then you should kill yourself, and if you have a friend or relative who enjoys Twilight then you have a duty to kill them too. This "film" is horrible, everything from the dialogue to the cinematography to the actors to the so-called "visual effects" was just appalling, I can't even begin to understand how this vampire-themed masturbatory aid even became a novel let alone a series of movies. I've seen a lot of shit movies in my life but Twilight, just saying the word make me want to vomit, is the only movie that I've ever seen that made me drop to my knees and pray for the end of the human species. I don't care if it's a natural disaster, some kind of nuclear holocaust or even the fire and brimstone shindig described in the book of Revelations; kill all humans now. Remember how the plot of Constantine revolved around God and Lucifer having a wager over the souls of all mankind? Remember how neither true angels nor demons can manifest on Earth, but they are allowed to possess and influence humans? Yeah, well, Stephanie Mayer is a human possessed by a fucking demon under the watchful eye of Lucifer. Her mission on Earth is to make millions from her shitty novels thus destroying the credibility of the written word, which will be the first step in a calculated attempt by Lucifer to plunge humanity back into another intellectual dark age and win his wager with God. Stephanie Mayer is the first, but mark my words she will not be the last. May God have mercy on us all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members neil's bitch Posted April 2, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted April 2, 2011 I've been getting my girlfriend into Mystery Science Theater 3000 lately so as a special treat she downloaded Twilight with a RiffTrax commentary that someone had kindly synced up and uploaded to a Torrent site. She read the first few chapters of the Twilight novel and despised it while I despised the novel and its fanbase without reading it to save time, but we thought we'd try out RiffTrax and watch the film to see what the fuss was about. Fuck.  If you watched this film and genuinely enjoyed it then you need to die. No joke, totally serious,  F-ing this!  Twighlight is a terrible, terrible movie, in which nothing actually happens. The missus says shes liked the love story side to it.........but thats the only side. Oh and they've completely butched the "Vampire" thing, because they can go out in the day light etc etc. Not the worst thing ive ever seen, buts its up in there with other chick flicks in which nothing actualyl happens (In her shoes.....Dirty Dancing, and many many more).  If you have ever watched this and liked it, jump off a bridge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve Justice Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 I've been getting my girlfriend into Mystery Science Theater 3000 lately so as a special treat she downloaded Twilight with a RiffTrax commentary that someone had kindly synced up and uploaded to a Torrent site. She read the first few chapters of the Twilight novel and despised it while I despised the novel and its fanbase without reading it to save time, but we thought we'd try out RiffTrax and watch the film to see what the fuss was about. Fuck.  If you watched this film and genuinely enjoyed it then you need to die. No joke, totally serious,  F-ing this!  Twighlight is a terrible, terrible movie, in which nothing actually happens. The missus says shes liked the love story side to it.........but thats the only side. Oh and they've completely butched the "Vampire" thing, because they can go out in the day light etc etc. Not the worst thing ive ever seen, buts its up in there with other chick flicks in which nothing actualyl happens (In her shoes.....Dirty Dancing, and many many more).  If you have ever watched this and liked it, jump off a bridge.  Oi! Dirty Dancing is a classic. I like the music and the dancing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members neil's bitch Posted April 2, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted April 2, 2011 I've been getting my girlfriend into Mystery Science Theater 3000 lately so as a special treat she downloaded Twilight with a RiffTrax commentary that someone had kindly synced up and uploaded to a Torrent site. She read the first few chapters of the Twilight novel and despised it while I despised the novel and its fanbase without reading it to save time, but we thought we'd try out RiffTrax and watch the film to see what the fuss was about. Fuck.  If you watched this film and genuinely enjoyed it then you need to die. No joke, totally serious,  F-ing this!  Twighlight is a terrible, terrible movie, in which nothing actually happens. The missus says shes liked the love story side to it.........but thats the only side. Oh and they've completely butched the "Vampire" thing, because they can go out in the day light etc etc. Not the worst thing ive ever seen, buts its up in there with other chick flicks in which nothing actualyl happens (In her shoes.....Dirty Dancing, and many many more).  If you have ever watched this and liked it, jump off a bridge.  Oi! Dirty Dancing is a classic. I like the music and the dancing. Yeah but as a film.......nothing actually happens though does it? Terrible film, sorry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RIDDUM_N_STYLE Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 watched hot tub time machine on sky movies premiere before and thought it was decent but not a patch on the hangover, like it was compared to in some reviews Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Foale Posted April 2, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted April 2, 2011 Just watched M. Knight Shyamalan's 'Lady in the Water'. Sucked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ozzfan Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 Watched 'Wanted' last night on ITV1, it's only worth watching if you want to ogle and swoon over Angelina Jolie. The rest of it's utter cack, especially James McAvoy who's about as likeable as an AIDs ridden parasitic wasp. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vamp Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 I've been getting my girlfriend into Mystery Science Theater 3000 lately so as a special treat she downloaded Twilight with a RiffTrax commentary that someone had kindly synced up and uploaded to a Torrent site. She read the first few chapters of the Twilight novel and despised it while I despised the novel and its fanbase without reading it to save time, but we thought we'd try out RiffTrax and watch the film to see what the fuss was about. Fuck.  If you watched this film and genuinely enjoyed it then you need to die. No joke, totally serious, if you enjoy Twilight then you should kill yourself, and if you have a friend or relative who enjoys Twilight then you have a duty to kill them too. This "film" is horrible, everything from the dialogue to the cinematography to the actors to the so-called "visual effects" was just appalling, I can't even begin to understand how this vampire-themed masturbatory aid even became a novel let alone a series of movies. I've seen a lot of shit movies in my life but Twilight, just saying the word make me want to vomit, is the only movie that I've ever seen that made me drop to my knees and pray for the end of the human species. I don't care if it's a natural disaster, some kind of nuclear holocaust or even the fire and brimstone shindig described in the book of Revelations; kill all humans now. Remember how the plot of Constantine revolved around God and Lucifer having a wager over the souls of all mankind? Remember how neither true angels nor demons can manifest on Earth, but they are allowed to possess and influence humans? Yeah, well, Stephanie Mayer is a human possessed by a fucking demon under the watchful eye of Lucifer. Her mission on Earth is to make millions from her shitty novels thus destroying the credibility of the written word, which will be the first step in a calculated attempt by Lucifer to plunge humanity back into another intellectual dark age and win his wager with God. Stephanie Mayer is the first, but mark my words she will not be the last. May God have mercy on us all.  I hate the film as much as anyone else, and I'll agree with anyone that calls it crap, but you kinda overdidit with the 'comical wish death on fans of shit' thing. I know Charlie Brooker's cool (mostly because he makes sure the joke's equally on him as much as anything else), but saying that you wish a holoucaust to happen because someone made a bad movie actually makes you look worse than the 18 year old Twilight fans who pick a team and wear the t-shirts displaying their chosen character. I mean, rip into the film all you want and those responsible, that's amusing and fun to read, but ripping into people who like it and saying they should die just makes you look like a twat. I realise it probably seemed funny in your head, and its not like I'm offended or anything, but seriously? I just don't get people who go so far. Especially since most of its fans are probably about 14, I liked shit when I was 14, you liked shit when you were 14, everyone likes shit when they're 14. Hell, I like watching shit now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jas Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 Can anyone recommend some movies which features surprising twists or keeps you guessing throughout etc? Â I've seen Usual Suspects, Memento etc but nothing else springs to mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Devon Malcolm Posted April 5, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted April 5, 2011 Can anyone recommend some movies which features surprising twists or keeps you guessing throughout etc? I've seen Usual Suspects, Memento etc but nothing else springs to mind.  The Machinist. Also, watch some Hitchcock. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members chokeout Posted April 5, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted April 5, 2011 Currently working my way through all the Nightmare on Elm Street films followed by all the Friday 13th film. Been 9 years since i watched them all one after another for my dissertation so have forgotten how bad some of them are. First Nightmare film still holds up quite well. Some of the effects still look great ( Both scenes with the rotating room are amazing and Freddy streaching through the wall pisses all over the CGI version in the remake.) There are some effects that just look shit now but thats to be expected and Freddy is a lot more of a bumbling twat than I remember him being. Â Watched A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2 last night and it is just shit. Freddy has about 10 minutes of screen time. The whole film has the most blatent gay subtext of all time which apparently no one picked up on at the time and theres a scene where a parrot explodes for no reason(possibly through gayness, im unsure). Dream Warriors tonight which is the first film when they start pushing the comedy into the franchise Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Chest Rockwell Posted April 5, 2011 Moderators Share Posted April 5, 2011 (edited) I caught Executive Decision (1996) on tv last night starring Kurt Russel, Steven Segal, featuring John Goodman, Halle Berry, Poirot, a million 90s actors whose faces you will recognise but don't know their names. Â I can't believe I'd never heard of this film before.. Nothing mindblowing by any means, but surprisingly decent stuff. Coherent and at times tense, a very passable action thriller. Â Certainly better than The Big Easy which I watched part of after. That was garbage; I can't believe that was down as your pick of the week, Gladstone and Executive Decision (the sem-precious stone in the rough that it is) didn't even get a look in! At least you acknowledge that Kurt Russell is better. Â Good work, Loki. The Big Easy is fantastic. Dennis Quaid is my reserve favourite actor if Kurt Russell carks it. Edited April 5, 2011 by Chest Rockwell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lightningxlock Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 Currently working my way through all the Nightmare on Elm Street films followed by all the Friday 13th film. Â I remember excitedly getting my hands on the Friday 13th box set afew years back coz i'd only seen the odd one and felt I was largely missing out on some quality horror history. How wrong was I?! Absolute crap! And even the 'better' ones couldn't hold a candle to the likes of Halloween. Saying that, I didn't mind the recent remake afew years ago. Which was a surprise considering im not too keen on new horror films and/or remakes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Green Posted April 5, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted April 5, 2011 (edited) Currently working my way through all the Nightmare on Elm Street films followed by all the Friday 13th film. Been 9 years since i watched them all one after another for my dissertation so have forgotten how bad some of them are. First Nightmare film still holds up quite well. Some of the effects still look great ( Both scenes with the rotating room are amazing and Freddy streaching through the wall pisses all over the CGI version in the remake.) There are some effects that just look shit now but thats to be expected and Freddy is a lot more of a bumbling twat than I remember him being. Watched A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2 last night and it is just shit. Freddy has about 10 minutes of screen time. The whole film has the most blatent gay subtext of all time which apparently no one picked up on at the time and theres a scene where a parrot explodes for no reason(possibly through gayness, im unsure). Dream Warriors tonight which is the first film when they start pushing the comedy into the franchise Dream Warriors is by far the best of the series. They managed to get the balance down between the comedy and the horror with that one and it's aged far better than the original. I mean it looks dated, sure, but it's in that endearing 80s way where you can have a chuckle at it.  It really does go downhill from there for most, however I have a major soft spot for horrors whether they be good or bad (or even bad-good). It's just so hard to make a horror that's just flat out not entertaining. Even the awful ones are usually hysterical to sit through. Although in recent years they have managed to prove me wrong a bit and create some that are just incredibly dull (The Grudge) and/or irritating (Saw 3).  I honestly don't understand lightningxlock's hatred of the Friday 13th series above. I think that it's pretty strong overall and is a good example of my point above in that even the poorer entries in the series are hilariously entertaining to watch. Except Jason Goes To Hell obviously, that was just fucking terrible.  If anyone wants to watch any modern horrors that are actually pretty good then you can't go wrong with The Descent, High Tension/Switchblade Romance (may want to just skip the end though), The Loved Ones and the Dawn of the Dead remake (aka Zack Snyder's only good film). Edited April 5, 2011 by Green Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lightningxlock Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 Oh dont get me wrong, they're somewhat entertaining in that cheesy, popcorn 'few beers, few laughs' kinda' way. I think I was just expecting alot more. I'd waited years to see them and I thought they'd be on the level of a Halloween in terms of acting and production (not that im saying Halloween doesn't have it's cheese moments) and to me, it comes off afew steps lower Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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