Joe Blog Posted May 22, 2021 Share Posted May 22, 2021 Yeah another UKFF thread involving the ancient and noble art of shitting. I have had a cut on my hoop for as many years as I can remember now. Everytime I have a shite the act of wiping reopens the cut. It's not piles or such as my good lady has had a good look and confirmed it is indeed a cut. My issue is I can't go on like this, my arse stings after every wipe and leaves me itchy and despondent. I started using flushable wipes but they blocked the drains and cost me 140 quid to sort. I can't be having an itchy uncomfortable arse all day either, especially working in a school..the kids will give me some horrid nickname like Bumgull or such. I'm going to have to get a bidet fitted or start using wet wipes again and pop them in a little bag as opposed to flushing. I'm at my wits end with this I really am. Have a good day chaps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Blog Posted May 22, 2021 Author Share Posted May 22, 2021 1 minute ago, scratchdj said: Do you have a doctors near you? Yeah I have been before, they gave me a barrier cream and try to reduce how often I wipe! Shit less essentially. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Coconut Posted May 22, 2021 Share Posted May 22, 2021 (edited) Could you insert some sort of pipe and bypass the anus altogether? Edited May 22, 2021 by King Coconut Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Blog Posted May 22, 2021 Author Share Posted May 22, 2021 4 minutes ago, scratchdj said: My mate had something similar and it got proper poo-fected and he had to have some sort of bum operation. I’m no doctor, but can it not be stitched to help it heal? Not trying to offer obvious advice, just generally curious. Sorry to hear this by the way. I might look into that. I'm not too bummed out (wahey) about it but it can be an annoyance. Thanks mate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_Danger Posted May 22, 2021 Share Posted May 22, 2021 My mate got a right cut in his bum hole from a lady with long finger nails. It got infected and he got his mum to check it. Have you tried letting your mum check it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Blog Posted May 22, 2021 Author Share Posted May 22, 2021 1 hour ago, Mr_Danger said: My mate got a right cut in his bum hole from a lady with long finger nails. It got infected and he got his mum to check it. Have you tried letting your mum check it? I'll ask her next time I pop in for a brew. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CAREBEAR LUVVA Posted May 22, 2021 Share Posted May 22, 2021 I had murder with a fissure for several years, to the point where it'd be so painful that I'd be shaking and sweating and couldn't focus on anything at all. I pretty much stopped leaving the house for a couple of years (apart from going to work) because there was no point even trying to go out and enjoy things while being in the worst pain I've ever experienced. Despite many visits to the GP, they never spotted the actual problem and I only got to the bottom of it (lolz) when things got so relentlessly bad that I ended up going for private treatment. Turned out I'd had an abcess, caused by an infection getting in through the fissure, which then developed into a fistula (basically the abcess trying to drain away but there's nowhere for it to go so it burrows its way through the cheek meat trying to get out and you end up with a "tunnel" full of infected muck just sitting there causing total agony 24 hours a day). Two surgeries later, it's all sorted and I can shit to my heart's content with no problem at all, but fucking hell, it was quite the torrid time. Don't let it get that far! Drink loads of water every day, eat plenty of fruit and veg, and take fibre supplements (psyllium husk works a treat and is easy enough to get hold of). That lot should make your movements a bit easier and therefore less likely to cause any extra upset down there. Dab instead of wipe (get back on the flushable wipes, they pick stuff up better!) or even just jump in the shower after a shite and rinse it off if necessary. Ask your GP for Scheriproct ointment, rub a bit around your hoop after every plop (quite pleasant tbh), and stick with it for at least a couple of weeks after you think it's all sorted. I hope this helps and that your poorly pooper will make a full recovery. It's not fun, is it?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members IANdrewDiceClay Posted January 18, 2022 Paid Members Share Posted January 18, 2022 @Joe BlogHows your arse mate? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Blog Posted January 18, 2022 Author Share Posted January 18, 2022 3 hours ago, IANdrewDiceClay said: @Joe BlogHows your arse mate? Pert and unassuming. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Tommy! Posted January 18, 2022 Paid Members Share Posted January 18, 2022 On 5/22/2021 at 10:06 AM, Joe Blog said: Yeah I have been before, they gave me a barrier cream and try to reduce how often I wipe! Shit less essentially. I'd advise everyone to buy a biedet, boss biedet even fits onto the toilet seat so you don't need more space or a plumber. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Surf Digby Posted January 20, 2022 Paid Members Share Posted January 20, 2022 I can't believe nobody suggested a bum gun. The other option is that you get a very good lock on the bathroom door and use the shower afterwards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators PowerButchi Posted January 20, 2022 Moderators Share Posted January 20, 2022 On 5/22/2021 at 9:49 AM, Joe Blog said: Yeah another UKFF thread involving the ancient and noble art of shitting. I have had a cut on my hoop for as many years as I can remember now. Everytime I have a shite the act of wiping reopens the cut. It's not piles or such as my good lady has had a good look and confirmed it is indeed a cut. My issue is I can't go on like this, my arse stings after every wipe and leaves me itchy and despondent. I started using flushable wipes but they blocked the drains and cost me 140 quid to sort. I can't be having an itchy uncomfortable arse all day either, especially working in a school..the kids will give me some horrid nickname like Bumgull or such. I'm going to have to get a bidet fitted or start using wet wipes again and pop them in a little bag as opposed to flushing. I'm at my wits end with this I really am. Have a good day chaps. How did I not see this at the time? I used to have a collection of Nobbys when I was younger, then followed by fissures. I put it down to my rather liquid diet, the fact I'm a strainer, I wipe like I'm fettling aluminium, apparently smoking can contribute, and also I don't think I've had a fully solid shite since BBC Choice became BBC Three.  Baby wipes. That's the way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members IANdrewDiceClay Posted January 20, 2022 Paid Members Share Posted January 20, 2022 (edited) 2 minutes ago, PowerButchi said:  also I don't think I've had a fully solid shite since BBC Choice became BBC Three. 😄 Fuck the upvote, I'm giving this a good old fashion laughing head. Tickled me greatly. I had an anal fissure a few years back, it felt like I was taking Omar's cock. A simple shit, because agony. And its always there in the background as well. Its not that you can leave your arse at home. Edited January 20, 2022 by IANdrewDiceClay Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_Danger Posted January 20, 2022 Share Posted January 20, 2022 On 1/18/2022 at 1:53 PM, Tommy! said: I'd advise everyone to buy a biedet, boss biedet even fits onto the toilet seat so you don't need more space or a plumber. Just checked, £40 on Amazon! Are the attachments universal as in they’d fit on my shanty house council estate toilet or is their something I need to be checking to ensure compatibility? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Tommy! Posted January 20, 2022 Paid Members Share Posted January 20, 2022 2 hours ago, Mr_Danger said: Just checked, £40 on Amazon! Are the attachments universal as in they’d fit on my shanty house council estate toilet or is their something I need to be checking to ensure compatibility? It should fit the standard in feed to the cistern. iirc they come with 2 T fittings to cover both standard sizes and you pick the right one for your pipe. Just switch off the feed at the isolation point (finding this was the longest part for me) flush to drain the cistern then it's just a couple of nuts on the flex pipe and refitting the seat. Took me about 30 minutes all in all, most of that was finding the isolation and trying to find the right spanner size. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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