The Official UKFF RAW Thread...

[Mr_Danger]

Bryan vs Lesnar is the best potential mania match for me but it leaves Reigns and Cena in a bit of a bind. You can do the title change between them and the old passing of the torch but there's always a chance the crowd will shit on it because Bryan never won the Rumble and Reigns gets the heat from it.

 

Maybe Cena vs Bryan for the title and Reigns vs Brock has more chance of not getting shit on.

[Bosco Blick]

Just heard that Vince wants to turn Cena heel at Mania in a shock moment to compete with last years'.

[Professor Paul's Bin]

That last promo by Seth was glorious. Reminded me of a proper movie villain being twisted and dangerous. Also heads up to Cena who also stepped it up in the ending segment. Edge and Christian were also very good throughout the show. Big Show was also on top form and could really pull himself off as a bodyguard for Seth.

 

Really enjoyed RAW. One of the best in a long time. There was a clear direction throughout, a lot happening, didn't drag and character development. Well done WWE!

[PunkStep]

Just heard that Vince wants to turn Cena heel at Mania in a shock moment to compete with last years'.

And where did you hear this from Indykaila?

[Mr_Danger]

Best line of the night was Christian's "Hey remember when Edge went to your dads house and slapped him about" or words to that effect.

[pryko]

Ryback's goals for 2015:

1. Try not to be dumb as fuck.

2. Win belt.

3. Eat.

This is brilliant and made me genuinely laugh out loud

[Linus]

Hey, it's Raw! It's three hours of your life that you would have wasted talking about gaping anuses anyway!

Show began with Edge & Christian - tonight's guest hosts - in the ring. Edge is wearing a Sami Zayn shirt. Nice. They joke-argued over what to call their talk show segment and settled on the Cutting Edge Peep Show. Lolz.

Edge suggested the guest should be Seth Rollins, and Christian said he should be in a match, too. Seth, not Christian. This isn't TNA.

Edge said that Rollins should fight Roman Reigns because WE'RE GIVING EVERY FUCKING THING AWAY BEFORE ITS TIME NOW. Christian added a Ziggler/Rusev match, with both titles on the line, and if you can't telegraph that finish then you're a cock.

Hey, it's Paul Heyman! Oh, he's got that guy in the sweatpants with him. I think he's the champion? You know, that belt that was last defended NINETY-NINE DAYS ago. Heyman said some stuff that brought out Cena and Cena goaded Lesnar into attacking him and almost hit the Attitude Adjustment.

Lesnar wriggled out of it, and out of the ring, and told Cena he'd see him at the Rumble. If he's got nothing else on.

Ziggler and Rusev was up next, and it was a great fucking match. Seriously. Well, until the finish, anyway. This feud is going to happen next year, surely? Better for Ziggler to get that win than Cena. I know, I know.

Anyway, Rusev got DQ'd for not breaking on the ref's count when he had Ziggler in the corner. Lame. He then put the Accolade on while Ziggler was in the ropes, which didn't look any more ouchy but it was clever. This brought out Ryback, and Rusev powdered.

After the break we got one of the weirdest segments you'll ever see. It was This Is Your Life, only instead of Eamon Andrews it was The Ryback. And instead of a star of stage and screen it was The Ryback. And instead of the big red book, it was The Ryback's Memories.

He talked about being depressed and how joining a cult saved him or something. This felt like an ad for Scientology or a build for Bo Dallas but it was apparently serious. Anyway, people - yes, you, CM Punk fan - shouldn't hate him, okay?

Incidentally, Ryback looked much tougher and healthier as Skip Sheffield.

Hmm, it's the women. It's Natalya (with Tyson Kidd) versus Nikki Bella (with Brie, who I just realised is named after some cheese). Is the title on the line? I don't care.

Anyway, this was shit. I mean really shit. Nikki won with a shitty forearm and the Rack Attack. This is how you build a title programme?

Backstage, Naomi hugged a surprised Miz because his music producer friend called her. Or something. She wished him luck in his match, up next, against her husband's team, the Usos.

You know why they're called the Tag Team titles, don't you? It's bcause they're held by tag teams, and while it's fun to have the odd bit where one guy utterly carries the duo - mostly because he's awesome and the other guy is shit, but here because he is jealous of his creation - it does make the teams that are actually teams look like geeks.

So, yeah, the Usos looked like geeks again for the majority of this match, with Miz holding his own against two men. The Usos won the title so hopefully this is done now.

There was a bit in this match where Mizdow took a hit and rolled outside, and Jey Uso was missing at the same time FOREVER, so it was like a singles' match, which would work because Miz & Jimmy, amiright? Except, Jimmy rarely worked like he hated Miz throughout this whole feud, and maybe that's down to him looking like he's stoned all the time, but I don't know.

Anyway, this wasn't good, and Naomi joined the Usos after the match while Jerry Lawler interviewed them and they claimed to have fooled the Miz or something. The only ones fooled was anyone who cared anything about this terrible angle.

After the commercial break, Cesaro was sat in the corner. He hadn't been there all break because we could hear his music finishing. Nice touch.

He said some stuff, fluffed his lines, and challenged the back. This brought out some guy with big ears who is apparently Wade Barrett. I missed his early stuff, I'm told.

Barrett threatened to hit Cesaro in the head with a hammer, or something, making a cruel jibe about male-pattern baldness in the process. Today's wrestlers, eh?

Anyway, Barrett won because it sucks to be Cesaro lately. They say his finisher - the Bullhammer - is a roaring elbow. If so, I've got some bad news for him because it's executed so poorly it looks like a punch. See what I did there?

Backstage, Luke Harper did a promo in the dark. He's quite scary, him.

Hey, it's Jack Swagger! He lost to Fandango last week! He's fighting Luke Harper and actually gets some heat on him before Harper wins with a lariat. JBL called it, "the clothesline from smell" and he can FUCK RIGHT OFF, THE CUNT.

Backstage, Cena & Edge were reminiscing. They were going over past moments from their rivalry, and Christian brought up that Edge went to Cena's house and beat up his dad. Did they do that? Were charges ever pressed? Anyway, this led to them hugging it out because Cena (hustle, loyalty) respects Edge. I never knew they were so close...

So, Rollins and Reigns had a match. They did lots of stuff and people seemed to like it, though I didn't get immersed in it as much as I'd like to have. It was still more a series of moves than a story, but I am a curmudgeon. Oh, and the rest holds were plentiful. Bah.

Big Show was on commentary and considering he turned heel because he didn't want to be one of the poors he's really embracing evil.

Reigns won by DQ when Show interfered, and Show left him under the announcers' table after he threw him over it and tipped it on top of him. Reigns got doctor'd out. Of course he did.

Backstage, Rollins was overjoyed with Show for helping him lose the match. What? Anyway, he proposed a toast in the final segment, and said he was going to invite Cena.

They announced that next week's Raw would have Wyatt versus Ambrose in an AMBULANCE MATCH because we're doing 6 PPVs' worth of gimmicks in a month with these two. Wyatt said some stuff from the back of an ambulance that amounted to, "he's already dead... he's already dead".

Hey, it's Daniel Bryan! He still looks a bit gnomish, and he said some stuff that got him all choked up about winning fake matches and his dad really dying. He's back at the Rumble.

Backstage, Miz & Mizdow corned Edge & Christian and demanded a re-match with the Usos. Instead, they got a match with someone else next. That wasn't what they demanded at all!

Yeah, so Miz & Mizdow fought the Ascension, who came out to Legion Of Doom-esque music. They looked ridiculous. Mizdow worked most of the match and the comedy geek even got some heat on these unstoppable forces. The Ascension won with the Fall Of Man while Miz sulked outside. This, it turns out, was your main event, matchwise. Yeah.

Backstage Renee spoke to Rollins, who said that not only was he inviting Cena to his celebration he was also inviting Lesnar.

Yeah, it's main event time! Some talking! It's The Cutting Edge Peep Show, and Edge & Christian did some terrible comedy! They brought out Seth Rollins and he went on, and on, and on, and brought Show out and then went and on, and on, and on, and demanded Cena come out. Cena did not come out.

This forced Rollins' hand and he hit Christian in the tummy with the briefcase, a hit so debilitating it left him DEAD for the rest of the show. He then had Show take Edge down and threatened to KILL Edge unless Cena came out and gave him what he wanted.

Cena came out and teased going in after Rollins but Rollins again threatend to MURDER Edge. At no point were law enforcement brought in to deal with these THREATS TO KILL.

This went on, and on, and on, and on, until finally Cena agreed to bring back The Authority, and the crowd could not have cared less.

Rollins then said he was going to KILL Edge anyway and Cena brawled into the ring to make the save. Show and Rollins overpowered him and Rollins hit the kerb stomp on Cena and celebrated at the top of the ramp with the newly-restored HHH and Stephanie as the show went off the air.

Now. You all seemed to like this show, which is fine. I did not. It had its moments - Ziggler versus Rusev was great, Harper versus Swagger was a good hoss match, and the Ryback bit was unintentionally hilarious - but the bad bits far outweighed them.

The Authority are back because ratings are down and Vince cannot see that this is because the show is too long and often awful with or without the Authority and admitting that would be admitting he is ever wrong.

All the babyfaces look like massive geeks, and I don't know why anyone would care about them because they're all stupid idiots. I want my babyfaces put in peril by clever or strong heels, not by their own stupidity and weakness. Bah.

Maybe next year will be better?

[Supremo]

 

So he found a doctor that miraculously cured him. Cool, if true. Let's just hope it wasn't a doctor similar to the one CM Punk had in those final few months.

[Murtz]

If we get Lesnar vs Bryan, I can't help but think that apart from the obvious shock on the night, giving Lesnar the streak was pretty pointless.

[Glass Smash]

Now that The Authority is back I think this "big" angle for next Monday which has been rumoured must have something to do with Sting and Triple H. I'm expecting another Sting appearance on Raw.

[King Pitcos]

The Authority are back because ratings are down and Vince cannot see that this is because the show is too long and often awful with or without the Authority and admitting that would be admitting he is ever wrong.

 

When you sign lucrative TV deals to provide a three hour show every week, going "I admit it's too long lol" isn't going to help you in any way, shape or form. So I don't know what your point is. Vince can't breach the contract with USA and the company can't afford to turn down money. He's already admitted that people don't sit and watch the whole show, he knows loads of it is shite.

[Mr_Danger]

If we get Lesnar vs Bryan, I can't help but think that apart from the obvious shock on the night, giving Lesnar the streak was pretty pointless.

I think the whole point of the streak ending was to give the show its historic moment and to get eyes on the network so to that point it served it's purpose. I honestly don't think they cared what it would or wouldn't do for Lesnar in the long term because he's not really a reliable guy to plan that far ahead with. Heyman probably got more heat from it than Brock.

[Glass Smash]

I think the reason The Authority are back now is simply because Triple H and Stephanie wanted a short break over the Xmas with their kids.

[King Pitcos]

Hopefully it's because for the last month, everything on the show has been happening for no reason. The Authority can at least bring back some kind of direction, even if it's the same tired direction we've seen so many times before.

[Undefeated Steak]

There's no way Raw's going back to 2 hours anytime soon but there might be a way to split it up a bit. Have something different for the first hour and then have the main Raw for the last two hours. A quick example, Steve Austin could do a weekly live video podcast every week as the lead in to the main 2 hours.