rubbafish Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 Please no more fish puns... I couldn't Hake it. That is the best yet. You should try your hand at stand up, you'd be squids in. Is there a local club with an open pike night? Chance would be a fine fin. Might be best, on the Scales of things. (I'm so sorry)  Just go for it - carp-e diem.  He's right. Just do it, and you'll be breaming from ear to ear.  Yeah,definitely mussel in on the action  I think we should start a conger line.  What, just for the halibut?  Ha! I think I just broke a rib. Someone get me to a sturgeon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PepperPlunge Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 I got banned for making fish puns a few weeks back and you guys are getting off scot-free! Come on mods, you can't skate around the issue! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barrington Posted May 8, 2011 Share Posted May 8, 2011 I'm getting in my gar and leaving town after this...... Â Rubba, if I was a trained sturgeon Ide have fixed your rib Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Awards Moderator HarmonicGenerator Posted September 17, 2013 Awards Moderator Share Posted September 17, 2013 THREAD RESURRECTION! Â Heard this one last night. I don't think it's racist, but the fact I'm not sure means it might be. There's been some thought put into it, at any rate, so here goes. Â Â An African lady called Betty came into my restaurant and asked, "is there any chicken on the menu?" I replied, "no black Betty, it's ham or lamb." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Chest Rockwell Posted September 17, 2013 Moderators Share Posted September 17, 2013 Ha! Ace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Carbomb Posted September 17, 2013 Paid Members Share Posted September 17, 2013 Someone offered me a job working for Samsung, but I decided to work on Kim Jong Un's staff instead. Â I'm starting to think I made a bad Korea choice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pinc Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 Bob Mortimer retweeted this one yesterday.  I've been getting my hair cut by the same man for the last 15 years. I wish he'd hurry up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members SpiritOfTheForest Posted September 17, 2013 Paid Members Share Posted September 17, 2013 Why was King Arthur's army too tired to fight? Â They had too many sleepless nights. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Majik Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 What do you call a rabbit with a bent dick? Â Fucks funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Statto Posted September 17, 2013 Paid Members Share Posted September 17, 2013 Drunkenly discovered Keith Chegwin's Twitter one night a few weeks ago. He posts very little but jokes that would fall into this category. Some of them are awful, but there are some gems in there: Â "Ladies & Gentlemen - that concludes our tour of the toilets" Â "Got one of those Tracker mortgages. The price of snack bars is getting ridiculous" Â "Burglar robbed the Celebrity Big Brother House last night. Victims are yet to be identified" Â "I had a fairytale childhood. My Grandad was eaten by a wolf" Â "Met a bloke who makes up crosswords - Can't remember his name.. P something T something R" Â "This is NOT my day. A day after winning the Nigerian lottery someone's robbed my bank account" Â "Switched our bed with a trampoline. Wife was furious. She hit the roof" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowman dave Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 I'm struggling trying to explain puns to my friend with kleptomania. They keep taking things literally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Awards Moderator HarmonicGenerator Posted September 17, 2013 Awards Moderator Share Posted September 17, 2013 My favourite joke I heard at the Fringe this year; it's a Milton Jones one. Â Â I tried googling 'lost: medieval servant boy', but all it kept saying was 'page cannot be found'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MFrV1 Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 It was windy last night, I was waken by my gate slamming. I looked out the window to see a bastard pinching my gate, but I didn't shout at him because I didn't want him to take offence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stinky Dad Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 What type of bees always travel in pairs? Â ....... Â Â Boo Bees. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
insert_name_here Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 Here's a few i've nicked from Al Snow's Facebook page: Â I used to own a one legged horse. I named him Clip. Â I once got dumped by a ninja. Didn't see it coming. Â I googled "Gary Oldman" and got some pretty disturbing images - he's really let himself go, I thought. Then I realised I'd left the "R" out. Â How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb? I'll let you know when one of them gets the house Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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