Lorne Malvo

Only the bog-standard template kits for Sunday league teams and the like - I don't fuck with your replica Ajax shit.

I'm getting increasingly infuriated with people treating emails like Whatsapp. Just for context, I work for a football kit supplier so the majority of my emails are from customers giving me details on sponsor logos/badges/sizes/squad numbers etc etc. It's quite common now for me to receive emails in quick succession like this; "I need 14 football tops" "Actually 15 lol" "Shorts aswell" "Nike please" "Number 6 has to be a large" "Actually make it an XL" And repeat this process for discussing how the badge should look, how the sponsor should look, etc. It is so fucking frustrating. It's not that hard to compile everything you want into one document then send it over in one go! I think 12 years of working here may be taking its toll.

Thanks Cool Hand, Lornes crying. Didn't expect to get teary-eyed watching Rampage but here we are!

"Alright?"

Monkey Man - A fine addition to the John Wick-esque genre with enough of Dev Patel's personality in it to stand out from the Wick clones. Wouldn't mind a few more of these. Still think Nobody is my absolute favourite of this particular sub-genre but Monkey Man isn't far off. Kung Fu Panda 4 - The most consistently 'good' franchise in animation delivers yet another solid entry. Changes the dynamic up from the previous three and is a lot of fun. I think 5 might be stretching it though. Wicked Little Letters - Surprise of the year! I thought this was funny as fuck with some brilliant casting. Had a great time with this. (Side note, Jessie Buckley is very fit in this).

I loved the first 4 as a kid, especially Prisoner of Azkaban and Goblet of Fire. I think the gap between Goblet of Fire and Order Of The Phoenix killed my interest though. The fifth book came out when I was 13 and I thought it was a load of shite - I was moving onto things like Stephen King and more grown-up literature at the time (and the Darren Shan series, which was my personal YA obsession) and Harry Potter had cooled off significantly in my social circle at the time so that may have had a lot to do with it. Never finished the fifth book and never bothered with the rest. I did attempt to re-read them about 10 years ago and got halfway through Chamber of Secrets and gave up. Couldn't be arsed. I'll never bother attempting to read them again because shes a fucking ghoul who needs to find something better to do with her millions.

I hate hate HATE this song. Just the most 'bleugh', doesn't-mean-anything song of all time. Dreadful.

You've got dinner ladies working in the same canteen where people are eating out of lunch boxes. Makes you think, doesn't it?

Showing the All In footage was really fucking stupid. No idea what the point was. Hopefully now it's out of their system and they can just carry on producing good TV. Copeland has been a revelation in AEW. I get a massive kick out of seeing him do things like a headscissors. Him, Briscoe, Kingston and Willow Nightingale is the faction I didn't know I needed. When did his Spear get so good, too? I'm still haunted by his 'running hug to the leg' he used to bust out on 2010 Smackdown. Didn't mind Ospreay having a dig at Triple H at all. His "if you're not in it for the grind, I don't want you" line was such a ridiculously stupid and petty way of deflecting that he didn't land the signing he wanted it deserved a Nelson Muntz-esque 'ha-ha!' But he put on an average Wrestlemania, so we'll let it pass I guess. As shite as Jericho is, I really enjoyed the trios match. Shane Taylor Promotions finally won a match! Shibata and Hook have such a cool energy not even Chris Jericho (who is slowly turning into Krang) can diminish them. Tony Schiavone's 'what a night!' as Mariah May kissed Shirakawa got a hearty chuckle. Dirty old get. Alex Marvez is absolutely shite at everything, but somehow it's adorable. His shouts of 'turn on the lights!!' were hilarious. Good main event. Just your standard Dustin Rhodes high-drama match. Thought the blade job added a lot as Dustin looked like he was struggling for everything out there. A decent Dynamite (other than the obvious 'what the fuck is Tony Khan thinking' moment).

"We never get bored talking about wrestling"? Somebody hasn't seen the ratings thread.

Not sure if I've got the dreaded Cove or some other godforsaken illness, but I've been absolutely fucked since Friday night. Shaking like a shitting dog despite wearing about 6 layers. Can't stop coughing, even moreso at night. Throat is in agony, struggling to speak. Bunged up, dodgy stomach, and the worst part of it all is a constant chest/heart pain which makes me convinced I'm going to get rushed into A+E at any given point. Sick of it.

Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire - Phoned-in rubbish. Bill Murray especially is snoozing his way to a paycheck. Only bright spark is Dan Aykroyd who still thinks these films are Shakespeare. Aykroyd looks like The Honky Tonk Man now. The Settlers - Very interesting Chilean Western. The first half hour is infuriatingly languid but then it takes some really unexpected turns. Still not sure how I feel about it, in all honesty. Imaginary - Saft as shite and full of ropey moments but I had a lot of fun with it. I'd take one of these over an Ari Aster-esque 'trauma is the boogeyman' elevated horror anyday. I also watched Mary Poppins on the big screen. My first time ever seeing it. Shit, ennit?

They gave her the huge moment of ending Jade Cargill's undefeated streak, but her TBS run didn't catch on fire like it should have and since then she has been floundering a little (outside of her and Willow having excellent street fights). She's as much a victim of anybody of the fact you can only push so many people at a certain time, and unfortunately AEW has an absolutely massive roster of people that deserve to be pushed (which makes it frustrating when acts like Chris Jericho or The Kingdom get so much TV time, as much as I like them). Trent's heel turn was brilliantly done, Chuck Taylor's gormless expression aside. Him walking past Sue was ice-cold. Fantastic closing segment, get that belt on Swerve asap. Thunder Rosa vs Mariah May was a good scrap. Mariah May has impressed me everytime she's out there. Thunder Rosa always looks cool as fuck and usually delivers in-ring. I don't mind Billy Gunn holding his own usually, he does tower over most of the roster so in kayfabe-sense, that size advantage makes up for his age. But having him completely destroy Jay White for about 15 minutes was ridiculous. Very weird match with Billy dominating the entire time then going for a DQ finish. It was a bit of a weaker show than usual but they are still having an incredible year. It wouldn't surprise me if they have purposely took the foot of the gas for a few weeks while most wrestling fans are preoccupied with Mania.

Some bad traffic that!

I dunno, I still think SpursRiot might come good.

Stu Graysons comeback was a massive waste of time. Most of them won't be missed as they weren't used anyway, but Dasha seems like a harsh sacking. There since day one and was used fairly regularly. The Boys being released is weird and makes me wonder where the Dalton/Johnny storyline is going now, as Dalton being reunited with them seemed the obvious endgame.

He's always entertaining to listen to, but when you consider a few years back he was doing these interviews about Triple H being a fucking idiot and WWE almost killing him, you have to take everything he says with a massive shaker of salt.

Foley Is Good... at wanking!

Tennis makes me angry everytime I see their name pop up.

Cactus Jack-ing off. I'll see myself out.

I caught it at Vue, it doesn't seem to be playing in many cinemas now mind. https://www.flicks.co.uk/ is a good site for finding screenings near you.

Seen a fair few recent releases this week, and most of them have been shite. The Persian Version - Don't let the shit title put you off. Essentially a family comedy-drama about clashing American-Iranian cultures, it's a lot of fun with a really bright energetic central performance from Layla Mohammadi. A nice surprise. Ricky Stanicky - I actually thought the first 20 minutes of this were shaping up decently, and there were a few laughs in there, but it sizzles out fairly quickly and the last 30 minutes are dreadful. Damsel - Millie Bobby Brown fights a dragon. I like some elements of it but it's pretty uneven, with Brown in particular switching from very bad to very good from scene to scene. Suffers from Netflix green-screen a lot. The New Boy - Cate Blanchett plays a nun in aboriginal Australia. I always admire films that so strictly do there own thing and refuse to adhere to whatever filmmaking fashion is in at the time. That's about all I could admire with this, because I couldn't get on with it at all. Just not for me. I've always struggled with the magical realism genre though so happy to admit this may be a me problem! Irish Wish - I'm glad we're past the point where Lindsey Lohan is seen as a figure of ridicule. This is utter shite, mind. Would make an absolutely unhinged doublebill with that shite Jamie Dornan Irish film from the other year. I've some people say Ed Speleers has Bond energy and while I wouldn't go that far, even in this he comes across pretty well. Road House - A lot more fun that it had any right to be, really. It's a good laugh. A few more films like this and I might forgive Jake Gyllenhaal after All Too Well soured me on him. Bob Marley: One Love - I mean, it's a music biopic. They're all the fucking same. I like the genre so thought it was fine. If you don't, you won't. The Inventor - A stop-motion animation about Leonardo Da Vinci, voiced by Stephen Fry. I thought this was really charming and lovely. Might be a bit twee for some, but I had a great time with it.

I quite liked the Punk/McIntyre segment, until Seth's shit music hit and everybodies pint in the pub went flat. But Punk in Chicago with every person in the crowd hanging off his every word - if there's ever a time he didn't need to do the 'ohh, he hinted at Vince!' shit it was here. I'm not surprised it was off the cuff, but it was a stupid line. I don't mind them having Sami lose and start doubting himself before Mania, but I feel like a loss to Gunther in a tag match or something would be more effective than Bronson Reed getting the win over him. Rock/Rhodes is a cracking build-up.