'tis the season - air_raid watches EVERY WrestleMania

[JNLister]

The bit with George Steele not getting in the ring in the battle royale was because he twisted his knee on the way down the ramp/stairs and couldn't climb up into the ring. Obviously nobody learned anything which is why a bunch of people slipped on the way down at WMV.

[air_raid]

WRESTLEMANA VI (1990)
The One With True Colors

What was typically going on at house shows in the build-up?

Quote

March 1990 is one of the best months for chopping and changing, one offs, substitutions and “what the hell?” booking. The road to the Ultimate Challenge goes down like this…
Hulk Hogans last month as WWF Champion actually doesn’t start until TVs 6th/7th in Sacramento and San Fran for sell outs totalling 28,000 fans. Papered, but not by much. On both of these it’s Hogan and new goodie Big Boss Man vs Mr Perfect & The Genius as well as Boss Man performing his usual anti-Ted ref duties elsewhere. The same setup closes Montreal, Providence, Orlando, Tampa, New Haven and Richfield. Interspersed, 19th the return to Miami has Boss Man be the partner the Hulk promised to beat the Powers of Pain. In Milwaukee on 24th it’s actually Andre & Haku before Perfect & Genius again in Chicago, then 25th double with the Powers in LA and Hershey. That’s the end of the Powers. It’s all tags all month for the Hulkster with Mania VI being promoted hard on TV thus pointless trying to sell a title defence.

Ultimate Warrior is kept busy - he’s split between the Earthquake & Dino Bravo handicap match and a few of the tags with Jake Roberts against the Million Dollar Man & Akeem including a weak gate at Boston Garden on 17th. They start the month with Big Boss Man as their guest ref but that ends up being switched for Hillbilly Jim when Boss Man has to be deployed elsewhere (see below). 15th in Norfolk Jake doesn’t make it so Warrior beats the heels by himself. 19th at a half full MSG he puts the first clean pin on Mr Perfect televised anywhere. 22nd he’s with old foe Ravishing Rick Rude in Indianapolis and then in not the last Indiana/Michigan double shot you’ll read about this month, a short singles with Earthquake in Flint. 23/24 it’s the Jake tag again before he finishes a double on 25th LA then San Diego with Perfect again.

Colossal Connection vs Demolition is still headlining most of the month but they also do one defence with the Harts in front of 10,000 at the Meadowlands on the 11th (supported as they frequently are by Jake/DiBiase with Boss Man doing the guest ref gimmick) and the Rockers dark on 7th at the Cow Palace TVs and 19th In Miami on a Hogan card. If it feels a bit like “give some of the boys one last chance to work Andre” that’s because it is.

Roddy Piper vs Rick Rude, sometimes in the cage, starts as a main event but abruptly ends when Piper lands some TV filming commitments. The substitutions for Piper rotate and give us a few stories. As an aside March 2nd in West Palm when Piper tries to leave the cage after beating Ravishing, the Warlord slams the door on him. Doesn’t lead to anything. March 4th in Eugene OR it’s Ravishing that doesn’t make it so on last they have Piper getting his hands on the Brain! The semi is at least Barber vs Model. After TVs 6th-7th Piper disappears. Boss Man actually inherits Rick Rude (funny, the feud that would prematurely end later in the year) and they main event Moline on the 8th with a cage, 16th in Portland without, then on 23rd the cage match is on semi main in Auburn Hills under the Warrior tag then a flight later on last in South Bend IN - more on that later. Ron Garvin actually makes the substitution in a lumberjack match on Hogans undercard in hometown Montreal on the 9th, beating Ravishing by DQ. Other subs for fighting Rude include Hacksaw Duggan, Tito Santana, Brutus Beefcake and Superfly in Miami (DQ finish). 24th the Duggan vs Rude feud that doesn’t exist also goes in the cage for main events in Erie PA and Youngstown OH, and again 25th in Dayton and Columbus. Piper is actually back in the ring 25th at LA Sports Arena - I can’t believe I’m typing this one - tagging with Jesse “the Body” Ventura to beat The Orient Express, taped as part of a pilot for a show called Tag Team. Suddenly Jesse’s line of “that’s my tag team partner” makes sense during Piper vs Bad News at Mania VI. All the guys have different names, the Orients wear face paint and carry swords, are called the Samurai Brothers and are managed by “the unpredictable Mr Sake.”

Dusty Rhodes vs Macho King and Jake Roberts vs Ted DiBiase co-main in Fresno, Calgary, Vancouver, Anchorage, Seattle and a few other towns separately. Duggan vs Perfect is your biggest match in Cedar Rapids with Demolition vs Powers of Pain underneath on 11th, that’s your only anomaly to the rest of the mains covered.

If that mess isn’t complex enough… the rest of the programs?

Rockers & Duggan or Hercules vs Powers of Pain & Mr Fuji and the straight Rockers/Powers tag matches finish this month ; 6th TVs in Sacramento they’re taping Barbar with Bobby and Warload with Slick in their singles guises. They’re still dressed like the Powers and Warlord/Slick come down to Jive Soul Bro so not the finished act, the Powers actually also work the Rockers in a dark match on 6th with Brain & Slick both in their corner so as not to confuse the live crowd. 25th in Hershey as above is their last match together. While they’re losing to Hogan & Boss Man, the Rockers do a double shot with the Harts. Also for Shawn and Marty, 11th in Cape Girardeau MO is the only dry run they have with the Orient Express.

Demolition also have a varied month. They usually work Andre/Haku but 10th they’re with the Bolsheviks in Duluth, 11th they have the Powers of Pain in Cedar Rapids and again on the 24th double shot. MSG on 19th they do the salt/count-our loss to the Orients to get that finish over, as seen on SuperTape 2. Other than the two matches I refer, Sato and Tanaka usually work jobbers.

I can’t believe I’ve got more Boss Man to tell you about on top of tagging with Hogan, a variety of ref gigs and the Rude matches, but here it is. 20th/21st he does a couple of shots with Mr Perfect, beating him via nightstick. When Perfects not in the tag, early month he’s pinning Hillbilly, end of month he’s dropping a few pins each to Boss Man and to Hacksaw and unbelievably 24th in Milwaukee he and Genius lose to the Bushwhackers. When Duggan isn’t with Rude or Perfect, he’s usually wrestling Bad News except 16th in Portland it’s a sole DQ win over Earthquake before losing to him 19th at MSG. The rest of Quake’s month is with Ron Garvin. Apart from a Rude match Brutus is swapping wins with The Model all month. Bushwhackers are usually with Bolsheviks. Otherwise there’s the same mess as previous months where any two guys are thrown together adhoc, except two matches that happen fairly regularly are Superfly vs Dino Bravo and Bret Hart vs Greg Valentine.

Here’s some random shit - March 3rd in Fargo ND there’s transport problems for Warrior for his scheduled Bravo/Earthquake handicap match so that pair join the rest of the assembled crew for a hasty show closing battle royal. The top babyface that last eliminates Quake to win and send the fans home happy? Anvil, OBVIOUSLY.

Night of the 23rd is one of Brets favourite road stories. He opens Auburn Hills with The Model then jumps straight on a plane at Detroit to make his way to South Bend, Indiana to fill in for Dusty Rhodes against the Macho King (Rhodes unavailability not explained). This is to save a card so weak that they’ve already seen Brooklyn Brawler and Black Bart WIN and Anvil vs Hammer go broadway, and an in ring confrontation between Sapphire and Queen Sherri has been stalling for time as Bret approaches the building. Hitman is rightfully proud of being a company guy and jumping on a plane at short notice, and also for going straight out and doing a match with Savage cold with no finish given to him. However as well as misremembering that this was when Randy was feuding with Jake, he likes to state that this was an impromptu main event when in actuality the Rude/Boss Man match was also flown in from Auburn Hills, and that went on last.

Those Canada/Alaska shows I mentioned? Red Rooster does jobs for the fucking Brooklyn Brawler after beating him early in the month. Writings on the wall for Terry.

THE OPEN
I have not only the visual of the constellations video committed to memory but I can recite Junior's voiceover verbatim without going back and listening to it.

"Upon the examination of the galaxies of space, images begin to appear. Images of strange and powerful forces. But of all the forces in the universe, the two most powerful - HULK HOGAN.. and THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR... prepare to explode! Champion vs champion.... title for title.... ITS THE ULTIMATE CHALLENGE! IT'S WRESTLEMANIAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!"

I swear to God, based on my limited knowledge of pro wrestling based on a couple of half-watches round my mate Gareth's house, and Simon's collections of Hasbros and Merlin cards, I wasn't ready for this. I knew Hulk Hogan was king, and Ultimate Warrior was another top name, but I'd not established if they'd ever wrestled. Well, they had, and I'm getting to watch it. So this will be a good indicator of if I like the wrestling or not, right? Gorilla says "We're 65,000 strong" for "the greatest wrestling extravaganza of all time!" here on April Fools Day 1990 and Jess replies "I've been to the SuperBowl, I've been to the World Series, I've even been to the Rolling Stones, but there is one event that surpasses them all, and its WrestleMania!" It’s really sad that this is the last Mania for Jess. We go to the ring for Robert Goulet singing O Canada over a series of visuals of scenery, some of which I'm convinced are straight from the video to November Rain.

This is from Scott Keith's blog, not my words : "According to Bruce Prichard, Goulet was picked for this spot because he badly botched signing “The Star Spangled Banner” several years earlier and this was a chance for him to redeem himself in front of a live crowd. The WWF put the lyrics on the Skydome’s video screen to ease Goulet’s nerves. And if you watch his body language during the performance, he goes from a bag of nerves to a guy having the time of his life halfway through. His wife, who watched backstage, cried her eyes out after he nailed the song."

Presentation here is peak 80s/90s WWF - packed mega arena, well lit, bright colours - here’s The Fink.

(1) KOKO B WARE VS RICK "THE MODEL" MARTEL
The Model comes down on his little cart sending little puffs of Arrogance into the air from his atomizer - hard to believe they gifted such a McGuffin to a wrestler less than 3 years after Adorable Adrian was let go. In a few comms lines we lost on Silver Vision Jesse says Robert Goulet reminded him of Axl Rose (was it the video?) and Gino is forced to admit not knowing who that is. Whoops! The Body lays it on thick ; "If I spray on Arrogance, Hollywood watch out. I'll have Rona Barrett crawling at my feet." Koko out next after missing last year. Martel attacks the Birdman as John Bonello is still checking his boots and Ventura endorses Model’s exuberance with (“that’s the pressure of wrestling at) WrestleMania, as the world is watching” which is (half) a sentence Sky liked as they’d dub it over a visual of The Hulkster ripping his shirt to hype Mania VII in the “next month on Sky” ad I saw on Simon’s tape of Simpsons repeats off Sky One. Koko reverses the early tide with a reverse rounding crossbody off the middle rope, two nice dropkicks, the first big backdrop of the night then a clothesline send Rick out to the floor. Gorilla says he thinks Martel took Koko lightly. Back in and and off another ropes running spot Martel throws Koko outside. “Koko on the outside in trouble” says Gorilla after a further few blows that we didn’t see on Silver Vision - several cuts in this one including Martels heat from a suplex and middle rope axe handle then a backbreaker we did see. The Model tries for the Boston Crab ; this is where the home video cut to the end apart from one shot of Kokos struggle to reach the ropes which of course here in the full version, he does. Martel errs by trying to send the hard-headed Birdman into the buckle and eats it for himself. In the comeback clipped from Coliseum, Koko hits several flying headbutts but off a whip reversal to the corner tries to slingshot back with the crossbody a second time and The Models wise to it and moves. No problem slapping on the Crab after that impact, Ware immediately submits. The Body's line about Koko risking the "blind move" always baffled me due to the Coliseum cut, we didn’t see it. I’m going to try to not be too blinded by nostalgia but I enjoyed it.

Gorilla says standing by is “another colleague of ours..” and at that point our version went straight to Sean Mooney. I'm glad this interview didn't make the Silver Vision tape as Gene Okerlund makes a "Colostomy Connection" joke which I'm sure was only there to amuse Vince. The Brain works with it and talks about taking the Demos to the treatment plant, Sean Mooney is with the challengers and it’s another part I can recite, the best and most cartoon “character” promo Ax (“let me tell you why they call me the Ax. I can chop down the biggest redwood there is”) and Smash (who wants to drive them off a cliff and watch them “Smash into smithereens”) ever did. As an aside… you don’t get many smithereens these days, do you? They used to love them on Thomas Tank.

(2) TTT : THE COLOSSAL CONNECTION VS DEMOLITION
Back in the arena Monsoon mentions “three-peat” re: Demolitions opportunity here. Finks intro of the champs is a bit muddled to the norm as he says “the World Wrestling Federation tag team champions, managed by Bobby “the Brain” Heenan” then weight then names. Of course, this one is not only the Mania swan song for Andre after being part of all six, but the last for Ax and Smash together after getting to 3-0 (spoilers!). Demolition come out to a huge pop and look the absolute business in their scary outfits with the king of themes playing. You know, the intro was great, I enjoyed the first match, but maybe THIS was the moment I realised I’d be a wrestling fan. Connection attack at the bell, Andre clears Ax out to the floor but when the dust settles to legal men Smash and Haku it’s not long before Demolition have a clubbering advantage and tag in and out. Eventually Haku gets an opening with a thrust to the throat, and Jesse speculates the champs can now isolate in the corner and get the Giant in. Well, that’s not going to happen. Haku does a pendulum backbreaker, holds on for a bit then leans back nicely into a pin attempt - not seen that very often. Ax gets a backslide but Andre comes in to give him a boot then exits - all of his physicality in this match will be as the illegal man. Nice wide shot of the crowd as Jess recycles his old joke ; “Actually Gorilla, 65,002. Me and you!” before adding 3, and that Gino counts for 2. The Body says at this point that at least when the Giant comes in we know he’ll be fresh… still not happening, Jess. Ax inches near the corner but Haku goads Smash inside. Back in their corner, Andre chokes Ax with the tag rope! Ventura is adamant that Haku’s been in way too long in his opinion and they should get the Giant in. Umm…. nice shoulder breaker by Haku but off a whip to the corner he runs into a boot and Ax fells the “Polynesian oak” with a clothesline. Smash in and on fire with a big backdrop (2!) and a crossbody, he rocks Andre with one solid right when the Giant sleepwalks his way into the fray. Ax joins back in, Haku runs over a Smash dropdown straight into another Ax clothesline. A double clothesline to Andre sends him back into the buckles then another to Haku floors him. The Demos try their double clubbing but Sparta ushers Ax back out. Andre hooks Smash from behind but Repo Man avoids the thrust kick from Haku and for one last Mania Andre gets himself tied in the ropes one last time. Demolition give Haku the “double clothesline” that’s actually a tandem Stun Gun on the top rope then ready for what we call the Decapitation. Jesse panics ; “Bobby Heenan over trying to free the Giant, can he make it in time?” Demolition connect, “There it is!” says Monsoon in lieu of the more having a name, and Ax (not technically the legal man as far as I see) pins Haku to three-peat. Huge pop from Toronto. Monsoon sounds genuinely choked up when he says “They have done it, Ax and Smash!” And really excited in general to be fair. “Look at Heenan, he’s beside himself!” Ax looks right into the camera and says “Number one, baby!” on his way back up the aisle ; Demolition seem at the peak of their popularity here, if you’re wondering What could have persuaded the office they needed to turn heel, I’m not in A Rush to tell you. The Brain chews out a still groggy Andre in the corner and famously goes too far and slaps him. “He slapped the Giant!!” - the tone of shock in Ventura’s voice and the sudden change in Andre’s demeanour here - God it’s good. The Giant slaps the Weasel around and then catches Haku’s foot when he tries to come to Boobsy’s aid, decking him too. The baddies try to flee on their little cart (I mean… they’d probably outrun Andre on foot?) but Andre clears them out and rides off into the sunset to cheers.

Backstage Gene Okerlund gets words with Jimmy Hart (biggest hair yet) and Earthquake who bounces, sweats and growls as was his wont. I knew of Earthquake from Super WrestleMania on the SNES and had caught wind from somewhere that he was to be feared, so assumed I’d know why after this match.

(3) HERCULES VS EARTHQUAKE
Hercs big theme and chain made him look a decent hero, I used to think. Earthquake out second to his cracking music in terms of creating what Super Hans would call a powerful sense of dread. Gorilla shares that Quake has “so far sent to the hospital 28 men” and Jesse opines “Generally that’s what happens when you have an earthquake.” Gorilla shares that Herc has a string of victories but not over opposition like this, and though Quake is undefeated The Body concedes this will be his biggest test to date. Makes them sound well matched - little things. By the way you might read/hear that Tenta was changed from “Canadian Earthquake” specifically for this show they don’t want him to get cheered in Canada but that’s bollocks, it was several months earlier. Quickness from Herc early on causes Earthquake to run himself in the corner, Jimmys man lures Herc into a test of strength. Interesting considering we’ll get one in the main too. Quake breaks and clubs away. “You’re history Hercules!” we hear the Mouth shouting through the megaphone - “That Earthquake’s a nasty person in and out of the ring Jess” says Monsoon, all these years later of course we know Tenta was lovely but you didn’t want people thinking that at the time! Even though he hasn’t absorbed a great deal of punishment Hercules starts a comeback when Quake puts his head down. Two shoulder tackles then two clotheslines have Earthquake wobbly, a third backs him into the ropes and he sinks to one knee. Herc goes for his finish, the (Argentine) backbreaker a/k/a Torture Rack and Quake drops an elbow on his head almost in amusement bringing him to the ground and hits an elbowdrop as Ventura understandably describes it as a major mistake, that Herc should never attempt the backbreaker on a man 468lbs. One more elbowdrop and Quake starts his comical bouncing up and down to signal the beginning of the end ; as a kid, it always filled me with dread. One Earthquake later and the unbeaten record is intact. Joey Marella raises Earthquake’s hand and after all these years do I only notice now big John seems to have suffered a busted lip. The Mouth distracts Joey while Quake administers another vertical splash, Jesse quips “Thats the aftershock, Gorilla” and Monsoon says “this is what’s sending guys to the hospital Jess, this is what’s gotta be stopped.” I know what they were going for but for the time allotted a real squash of someone more expendable (Ron Garvin, Red Rooster) would have been more effective than a mini-match.

We cut to Rona Barrett, ex of Entertainment Tonight (the Rhonda Shear of her generation, WrestleManiacs, and plenty of filth in her locker) - she's with Miss Elizabeth who hints to Robotic Rona that she will be coming back to ringside. She flips us to Sean Mooney who is baffled by Brutus Beefcake studying numerous pieces of paper that he claims to be Mr Perfect's record... he uses the word "impressive" - it's PERFECT, you moron! He makes one salient point however - "Everybody’s got flaws, everybody makes mistakes." Well, we'll certainly see that shortly! Man, some of the interviews cut from the home video... I don't know if I'd have remembered the show as fondly if they'd been left in. "Cutting remarks" says Sean before we head back upstairs. Chortle.

(4) BRUTUS "THE BARBER" BEEFCAKE VS MR PERFECT
Mr P comes down after an intro by The Genius, who Monsoon refers to as “that other individual, who I don’t care very much for.” SkyDome reacts very favourably to The Barber as Ventura says it's “a good old-fashioned grudge match.” When they get onto haircuts The Body claims “I got Paul Newmans eyes, Kirk Douglas’ chin and Robert Duvalls haircut” and Gorilla replies “What do you have of your own, Jess?” Of course, the hedgeclippers are the second gimmick on this show to have originated with Adrian Adonis. Before the bell Jesse asks “You know, Gorilla, aren’t you gonna say hi to Teri, Tyrel and Jade In Minneapolis? You do that every WrestleMania” and an obviously actually tickled Monsoon struggles with “I do that every WrestleMania?? That’s always one of your responsibilities, Jess! I don’t know anybody in Minneapolis!” The Body replies “Nobody in Minneapolis wants to know you either!” - I’m going to miss this. Perfect goes for a "Pearl Harbour" at the bell but Brutus gets him stuck in the corner and hits machine gun punches to the gut then a MA-HOOOSIVE haymaker to the kisser (as Junior would put it) sending Perfect absolutely sailing over the top rope to the floor. Sorry, is it bad taste to mention sailing during a Beefer match? Brutus brings Perfect back in by the hair then not long after sends him flying over again via an atomic drop. After some advice from The Genius Mr P gets a brief advantage with some brawling but a reverse whip into the corner sends him flipping out from the force his back connects. The Barber hits a bodyslam but Perfect slips out of the pin before Joey can even count 1! Brutus buckles Perfect again, measures him for a nice clothesline off which Perfect takes ANOTHER huge bump, and motions for the sleeper. Shot of Mary Tyler Moore clapping at ringside seeming genuinely into it. Genius jumps on the apron to distract Marella, conveniently dropping his metal scroll in the ring. Perfect blasts Brutus “right in the kisser” according to Gino, “And you’re telling me Gorilla, he’s not a genius?” asks Ventura. “He’s a sneak! A sneak and a snake!” - Monsoon’s livid. We’ll remember that later, right? Perfect clubs away and hits his neck snap, Barber kicks out at 2 - SkyDome popped good for that. Kicks to the gut, forearms, chops and a cracking knee lift which Brutus bumps good off. When referring to Perfect being second generation, this lovely exchange happens - “You know his old man?” “Certainly do. I don’t want to refer to him as old man! You can if you want to.” “He’s an old man now. He can’t do nothing about it, Perfect can but not the old man!” Perfect keeps clubbing away pausing to berate or pie face Bruti. Monsoon criticises Perfect for wasting time and offering the edge back to Beefcake. "But he's not giving him that edge, Gorilla" argues Ventura, and Brutus grabs the feet at which The Body says “He’s begging right now! Please Mr Perfect, I’ve had enough, I’ve had enough! Just pin me and get it over with!” - right before Beefer catches Perfect complacent, scoops his legs up as Monsoon smugly cries "there it is!" and executes a slingshot sending Perfect SAILING over the buckle and bonking his head on the ring post. He nearly tangles himself in the ropes on the way down, such is his commitment to a limp "dead sell" before finally slumping to the mat. The Barber eventually gets an arm across for a 1-2-3 and the SkyDome go fucking ballistic as The Perfect Record bites the dust!! Brutus motions for cutting Perfects hair but Genius absconds with the clippers. Brutus follows and the distraction is just enough for Perfect to escape, but The Barber hurls Lanny into the ring, slaps on the sleeper, then finishes the trim he started at the Rumble. I'm not going to lie, arrogance being the final undoing of The Perfect Record was a great story to tell. As entertainment goes, lovely stuff. They thought the finish was so good they recycled it with KVE at SummerSlam 90... which of course was meant to be Brutus FINALLY getting the big singles title win. Oh well. Fun fact, as well as Bam Bam Bigelow they considered oor Smithers for that slot and nearly delivered, but they just weren't able to get him signed in time, so the Tornado got the nod. Anyway, great fun from Barber and Hennig, seems decades difference when watching them both in black n white "Disciple" era nWo Hollywood by 1998.

OK, our next cut isn’t quite what happened on the PPV broadcast. On our faithful Silver Vision tape Gorilla flips us to the events leading up to “Roddy Piper and Bad News (Brown)” but for (fairly obvious?) reasons of racial sensitivity, everything to do with the match is cut from official YouTube and Netflix versions of the PPV. But I’ll review it anyway. What I actually miss most about the loss is said build up package - some nice “world building” stuff that gave more insight as to what kind of stuff happened outside of what a “WrestleMania” looked like. Thankfully it’s easily rebuilt. It all started here ;

Bear in mind, watching my first Silver Vision tape, this was my first glimpse of what “the Royal Rumble” looked like. The sight of Brain, Virgil and Sapphire scattering to get out of the way of the brawling wrestlers really made me think “Well, that looks like chaos.”
Then ;

Bad News was actually a cracking promo. “Beer belly sharecroppers” was a great line even if it would probably get you cancelled today. Piper insists he thought the point of the build up including him quoting “True Colors” from former enemy Cyndi Lauper was that race didn’t matter. Hmm.

(5) RODDY PIPER VS BAD NEWS BROWN
Piper comes down to “Bonnie Lass O’ Fyvie” and this is another of the entrances that stood out watching this the first time, as “OK, this guy’s a big deal.” A line from The Body here that left me confused for decades, about being a biased announcer for the match because “That’s my tag team partner!” and when Monsoon says he could use help, he replies “Nah, Hot Rod don’t need no help!” I assumed it had something to do with a broadcast team only to learn of course, it was about the pilot for Tag Team where they filmed a kind-of match with The Orient Express 25/03 at LA Sports, as you read above.

Ventura also makes a quip during the match that Roddy’s in great condition because of the time he’s spent working out with Jess in Hollywood. Bell rings, Roddy does the “jive” and “boogie” according to Gorilla, and of course it’s brawling to start, and they both look like they’re trying to hit each other as opposed to modern style of letting the other hit you and waiting your turn. The Body says “I don’t think you’re gonna see hammerlocks, I don’t think you’re gonna see headlocks” - no shit. Danny Davis gets them separated then Piper hits a surprise crossbody for an early 2. Bad News goes around Davis to land a big right and get some heat, including an elbow drive for his sole 2 count. Brawling eventually gives way to the dreaded traps hold - when Piper frees himself with a poke in the eye Jesse just lets out a “Haha!” Hot Rod with fists and fire in the corner, until News rakes HIM in the eyes. While Dangerous Danny is checking Piper, Brown takes off a turnbuckle pad. However, the subsequent whip is reversed, giving Roddy chance to retrieve his magic glove from his trunks with Ventura thinks is a “Michael Jackson glove.” It’s extremely effective as Piper clocks Bad News repeatedly with it as Jess questions why Davis is allowing something he hasn’t checked. Monsoon suggests it was checked in the locker room - sounds legit. Fight spills to the floor, Bad News runs Piper into the ring post. Hot Rod grabs a chair and swings wildly but only connects with a post. Rather than rashly disqualify Piper, Davis merely counts both out. Fink announces he “has counted both men out of the ring” and the official decision is “a double count-out” which even as a child I thought was a bit wordy. Yes, me. Much of a muchness either way. Bad News alleged in the years since the show he was supposed to go over and lose an eventual rematch but Piper refused to lose to him so this was the compromise because even though Allen said he only cared about his cheque, he didn’t particularly want to job for someone who was refusing to job to him. Now I don't feel so bad about Andre and Arnold Skaaland throwing Piper's paint stripper away, as Hot Rod alleged. Allen also said to his memory they were supposed to then do a loop starting in Providence (he had a good memory, I’ll give him that) but when he showed up, he found out he was working Jake The Snake instead, which suited him fine, and he was more than happy losing to every night. We shouldn't pine for the matches that didn't happen, we're lucky this one even happened, in a sense.

Did it have shit on the market?
Unbelievably, yes.

Steve Allen does a skit with The Bolsheviks in the bathroom which as a child I found quite amusing ("I don't plan to hit it that hard, but I'll do my best") although the flushing toilet gag is pure Junior.

(6) THE HART FOUNDATION VS THE BOLSHEVIKS
Bret & Jim get a nice ovation in Canada, the comms remind us they challenged (as it turned out) Demolition and Monsoon says "Sooner or later, they'll have to meet the Hart Foundation" - seems like this is a foregone conclusion, no? Boris & Nikolai come out for their only tag match at a Mania having been in the battle royal at IV and missed V - they stand out coming out to silence as we've finally hit the era where no music is the exception rather than the norm. Of course, this was one of the easiest cuts on home video, their entrance is half as long as on the full version, and its seamless. Nikolai goes to sing and Gorilla seems to take exception with Jesse standing ; "Very disrespectful, aren't you Monsoon?" Neidhart does a fantastic job of portraying growing frustration even after Bret tries to calm him down and eventually smashes Volkoff from behind. "Obviously the Anvil, he didn't like it either!" says Gino. Bell rings, the version on Netflix has been edited so we finally get a good view of Jim sending Nikolai to the floor as Bret clubs at Boris, and before the you know it Anvil hoists Zhukov up for The Hart Attack as we know it today - Gorilla simply exclaims "Beautiful job by the Hitman!" and as the ref counts 1-2-3, Captain Cool-As-Fuck looks straight into the camera and counts along with his fingers. Monsoon erroneously thinks we might have seen a record (don't worry Bundy, your record is safe for now) and the Harts celebrate as Ventura bemoans the attack from behind (how ironic). This is one of my favourite squashes of all time, Bret looks the fucking business here. Prior to this tape my whole knowledge of Bret were from Simon's Merlin cards, where the misprinted SummerSlam '92 yellow set trading cards had "The British Bulldog unleashed every weapon in his armoury against Bret 'Hit Man' Hart" on the back of a shot of them shaking hands, and "Family unity is restored" on the back of Davey Boy lifting Bret up for the vertical suplex. And from the black set, I already knew that the Harts had beaten Demolition 2 falls to 1 at SummerSlam 90 having lost to "The Brain Busters" at 89 even though I didn't know yet who they were. For reasons I couldn't put my finger on, I gravitated to Bret immediately. The next tape I'd watch after this one would be The Fourth Annual Survivor Series and that was it, he was my favourite wrestler. Anyhoo, Gorilla says the Harts deserve a crack at Demolition.

We cut to the now-hilarious promo for WrestleMania VII, “more than 100,000 screaming fans” at "the event that will shatter all past (Los Angeles) Coliseum attendance records" according to Vince. Whoops! Of course, we lose the bit about "Call TicketMaster on 1-800- whatever (I want to say 877 14 14), in California 480 blah blah blah 32 32" before "California, here we come!" Gorilla and Jesse have some bants, Gorilla suggests Jesse needs 25-30,000 tickets for all his friends. Ventura says "The Body's coming home" and it depresses me a little that Mania VII will be the first without him.

(7) TITO SANTANA VS THE BARBARIAN
Another silent entrance next as "an even 300lb" Barbar comes out still dressed like a Power Of Pain without the silly fur and antlers along with The Brain as the comms lads say he's Bobby's latest "acquisition" and Gorilla shares he cost Heenan a lot of money ; unfortunately he'll bring The Heenan Family the same amount of titles he did for Mr Fuji - diddly squat. Mean Gene backstage lauds Tito for wrestling at every Mania to date, and asks if he thinks Barbar can transition from tags to singles like he did. Santana puts over Barbar's physique and says with "that rodent manager" he's a double threat. Back out in the arena Monsoon says Tito will "electrify" the crowd and he comes out to a polite reaction. Jesse says he loves Chico's music because it reminds him of "The Blue Note club in Tijuana" which was a real club on Avenida Revolucion. Monsoon says he thinks Jess "picked up something" there - sorry, was that a joke about the clap??? Ventura says more than once and starts saying "There was Juanita..." before Gorilla cuts him off. Christ, I think they've forgotten what era they're in! Bell's about to sound and Jesse and Gorilla have this lovely little exchange where Monsoon's mounting frustration is clear to hear ;
"If Chico had been smart, he'd have sent The Barbarian some of that food of his. Could have counted on a count-out then."
"Stop."
"Two minutes into the match..."
"Stop!""
"Barbarian’d've had to head out, Gorilla."
"That’s it. That’s it."
OK, it's a diarrhoea joke. But The Body delivered it well. Later on Monsoon will say "I like that kind of food Jess, but it doesn't like me." Anyway. Barbar is stronger at the bell as you'd expect, Tito is quicker. There's a history here not referred to, Tito actually bought the Powers into the company to avenge him after Demolition sent Martel out injured, funny as it sounds. In sequences cut from the home video Barbarian lands a big hiptoss but then misses a falling headbutt, Tito lands the face-sitting position and where today you'd see a rana, he just punches Barbar until he falls. Tide turns when Santana runs into a MASSIVE big boot, then Barbs hits a shoulderbreaker. As usual, going for his middle rope-walk elbow drop is a mistake. The future Matador lands one dropkick to wobble him, a second to knock him down, then motions for the Flying Forearm, which he lands, but The Brain puts his man's foot on the bottom rope. Sneaky! Tito pushes Barbar towards the ropes for an O'Connor roll but Barbarian ducks between sending Tito throat first into the top rope (ring savvy!) which Gorilla calls a "nice clothesline move" - Barbar doesn't fuck about and heads straight up to the top rope, and lands the best version on record of his top rope clothesline sending Tito literally for a loop. "Forget about it!" says Gorilla and Christ on a cross, he's not kidding. Great win for Barbar, the best he's likely ever to look. I quite liked this, although big picture I wonder if Koko would have been a more logical showcase for him so they could do the Tito vs Model grudge match? That one never gets a PPV blow off despite them fighting at the previous SummerSlam and Survivors in multi-men, it will get advertised for SummerSlam 90 but not happen as Martel asks for time off, they'll be on opposite sides of The Grand Finale at Survivors but not actually wrestle before Tito gets ousted by Ted DiBiase. Barbar moves on for a year of beating Tito, Superfly and Ron Garvin level foes on the road - Santana himself rolls on to 1-5 at Mania.

Gorilla says “history will be made here at WrestleMania VI in the big mixed tag team matchup!” He’s not kidding about history, and he’s not kidding about big. A potted history of the feud only includes their altercations on the Brother Love show at the Rumble and on the Ultimate Challenge Special of Superstars before Sean Mooney gets words from Dusty Rhodes & Sapphire - top notch work from Old Dust here emphasising every word for maximum effect about “You ain’t gonna see no common man Dusty Rhodes motivating to the ring, sitting on a throne, pretending to be king. And you ain’t gonna see no sweet Sapphire standing by my side with a crown on her head, pretending to be queen.” They threaten King & Queen with “the crown jewel” and we’re back out to the arena.

(8) DUSTY RHODES & SAPPHIRE VS RANDY SAVAGE & SENSATIONAL SHERRI
"Macho King" and "Sensational Queen" look the fucking bollocks here. Gorilla says they will “have their hands full” and Jesse replies “Literally! Tons of fun!” Dream & Sapphire come out to Common Man (no Wheel Of Fortune edit here) and The Body disputes Finks announcement. "Wait a minute, Monsoon, they said a combined weight of 465lbs? Are they saying Rhodes only weighs 200? Because I know damn well Sapphire weighs 2 and a half! 565 I might buy, but no 465!" Macho King and Sherri virtually dive out of the ring scared before the bell before Dust introduces the “crown jewel” - it’s Elizabeth. Go figure. “Sherri doesn’t like it one bit” says Monsoon - that’s putting it mildly. Dusty here in his sole WrestleMania appearance in the ring becomes the fifth former NWA World Heavyweight Champion to wrestle at one after Harley, both Funks and Ron Garvin. Jesse makes a point to explain the rules early - it’s like he knows what’s coming. Sherri has "SQS" on her boots which I always liked. Right from the bell after Rhodes catches Savage coming in, Sherri sneaks in and hits Dusty across the back - now, technically, this means the baddies break the rules first, but it's going to be forgotten real quick. Dusty catches Macho King coming off the rope and forces him to collide with the on-rushing Sherri. Dusty pins Savage's arms back. "Wait a minute" says Jess as Sapphire lays a slap in on Randy. There's another collision and Sherri's outside the ring again. The Dream tags Sapphire then goes out the ring and throws Sherri back in - Ventura is furious that Rhodes manhandles the Queen and thus the pattern of the match begins. Sapphire knocks Sherri down with hip bumps. Sherri responds with a right cross but when she goes for a slam it's too much weight and Sapphire falls on top for a nearfall. A tag follows and eventually with distraction from Sherri (having shoved her back into the buckle) Savage is able to send Dusty out with a knee and capitalise with a double axe off the top. When he goes back up, Sapphire stands in his way so he throws her rolling away. I feel bad for Sapphire, she's 55 here, they shouldn't have expected physicality out of her. Macho manages to hit Dusty with the sceptre off the top rope (some cheers can be heard) while the Queen keeps Earl tied up. Savage tags in Sherri as the real battle goes on, on comms ;
"I've never seen two people break the rules more than Sapphire and Rhodes."
"Well why not let all four of them go at it."
"You're condoning everything!"
Sherri hits a splash off the top and Hebner forgets the rules for a second and counts even though Sapphire should come in. Sherri tags Savage, even though she doesn't need to if Sapphire isn't coming in, and Savage jumps straight into a punch to the gut. The Dream grabs both the royals and hits the old double noggin knocker.
"They deserve it."
“Oh of course!”
“Absolutely.”
"Because they're not your favourites."
"No, because they were double teaming."
"Wait a minute!! Rhodes and Sapphire started it Monsoon. You can’t change what everybody saw!”
“This is a precedent! History is being made here! This is the first time - and you know all the rules.”
“I know the rules, and Rhodes grabbed Sherri first, and Sapphire struck the Macho King first.”
Sherri jumps on Dustys back but he backs into his own corner and Sapphire does a “biel off the shoulders” (more a snap mare for me) for 2. Ladies legal, it’s all a bit hair pully and Sapphire throws Sherri so hard she rolls out where upon Elizabeth throws her straight back in. The Body erupts again. “Now what do you call that? That’s three against two.” He’s not wrong, is he? Sapphire hits a suplex, Savage breaks up the pin, all hell breaks loose. As Earl tries to get the men out of the ring, Sensational goes crazy trying to reach Liz outside the ring - Lizzy grabs her by the hair and with Sapphire adopting an all fours position (the REAL “schoolboy”) Liz shoves Sherri back, over she goes, Sapphire gets a vertical press with weight on the legs and Hebner counts three. SkyDome goes crazy. "That stunk. That stunk." - The Body is almost so disgusted he can't bring himself to say anything. Savage tries to rush the ring with the sceptre but Dusty sees him coming, grabs the sceptre and the baddies run for their lives again. Liz joins in the dancing afterwards, Gorilla says “I’ve never seen her this happy!” but there’s it’s like watching your dad dance in a sparkly dress. I dunno, there might be a reality I enjoy the match but watching as a kid the repeated breaking of rules by the apparent heroes was annoying as fuck, and I still don't care for it. For one match only, "Macho King" is the good guy here for me, and him and the Sensational Queen got shafted. Not for me, Clive. Of course, thanks to Merlin cards, I already knew Randy and Sherri would get their individual revenges at SummerSlam. Having watched this back fresh, technically the first cheating is Sherri hitting Dusty, but the battle between good and bad in the ring is quickly forgotten compared to the real battle between Gino and Jess, and The Body does such a great job that when he says over and over that Dusty and Sapphire started it, I believe him. It's strange treatment here of the top heel in the company given the two biggest heroes are wrestling each other on last, the feud's going to run over into house shows tags all summer with Lizzy in one corner and the aforementioned Brother Love in the other - which Bruce says was a favour to get him out of the office.

Another ad for Mania VII airs in case you didn’t have a pen handy earlier - funny how 30-odd years later they’ve still never achieved “more than 100,000 screaming fans” inside a venue for Mania. We go to Mean Gene who’s with a sweaty and still flustered Bobby Heenan who promises new Family members (he’s Perfectly correct). Next, Gorilla and Jess are with Rona who implies she’s found video of Ventura doing a porno (really) but The Body hurriedly cuts to Sean Mooney with an irate King & Queen - classic Savage, he no sells Liz and tells Dusty “suffering builds character - and you’re gonna learn a lot of character.” Next Mean Gene is with Demolition who sell the moment of winning the belts back without losing the veneer of “tough guys” and don’t seem all that concerned about the challenge from The Hart Foundation. Back in front of the arena The Body agrees important things have gone down and tells Gorilla “You’ve put a few down” - I think he means hot dogs. Monsoon says they’re going back to ringside but actually Mean Gene is with “Hulk Hogan, the greatest World Wrestling Federation Champion of all time” - his words. The two interviews we’ve got now were instrumental in getting my hype level up for the main event and I can virtually quote them verbatim. The Hulkster gets in his time machine and channels 20s drippy nonsense about “positive vibes” and “energy” then talks about asking Warrior “do you want to live forever” and “If your answer is yes Ultimate Warrior, then breathe your last breath into my body. I can save you! My Hulkamaniacs can save you! We can turn the darkness you live in into the light!” - is someone going to die in The Ultimate Challenge?? Hogan signs off with, in hindsight, a bit of foreshadowing, but still a killer line ; “I’ve gotta prove something to all my Hulkamaniacs out there. It’s not whether you win, or whether you lose! The only thing that matters is what kind of winner you are, or what kind of loser you are, and Ultimate Warrior - I sure hope you’re a good loser, brother! What you gonna do in SkyDome when the largest arms in the world and Hulkamania destroys you?!?” Sean Mooney tries to get words from Warrior who ejects him screaming “You are nothing but a normal, you don’t deserve to breathe the same air that I and Hulk Hogan do!!” Warrior seems to veer back and forth a bit between wanting to lead the Hulkamaniacs after Hogan’s gone (!) and the two of them to end up united leading everyone - which of course we’ll end up seeing at Survivors. Warrior ends with “When we meet, Hulk Hogan, I will look at you, and you will realise I have come to do no-one no harm, but to take what what we both believe in to places IT SHALL NEVER HAVE BEEN!!!!” … Christ.

(9) THE ROCKERS VS ORIENT EXPRESS
Jarring that Warrior doesn’t fade out and into The Rockers’ music like on Silver Vision as I’ve seen a hundred times. Fink introduces a tag team contest (I’m not getting “attraction” again this year) as our favourite racist stereotype tune brings in Mr Fuji’s “latest acquisition” according to Gorilla and that they’ve got quite a test today. The Orients only made their TV debut on the 03/03 episode of Superstars (right before a very famous segment of Jake trying to scare Virgil with various snakes) and this match was announced the week after. By this point they've just beaten Demolition by count-out on 19/03 at MSG which featured on CCTV with comms from Gorilla and Hillbilly Jim on SuperTape 2, though aired on 09/04 Prime Time even though Demolition were champions by then. They’ll work out as well for Fuji as the Powers did in terms of the belts. Rockers out next, looking at seeing if the magic’s still there with Pat Tanaka one year removed from Badd Company splitting up in the AWA. This of course being the only Mania for any version of the Express. Ventura says it will be up and down, and as Gorilla likes to say (he claims), "Katie, bar the door." I like it. Gorilla puts over that victories mean a lot with new champions installed and The Body shares that just because the Harts challenged, doesn’t necessarily mean they’re the #1 contenders. Lovely sports realism as Monsoon mentions the “Championship Committee” and Jess says he’s on it. “I’m the silent majority. But I’m never too silent. I used to head the immoral minority, back when I was with Classy Freddie Blassie.” Gorilla says “Blassies got a lot of class, but it’s all low” and Ventura sounds genuinely hurt when he says “Hey, don’t say that about Freddie!” Heh. Bell rings, back and forth between Marty and the Orients before very early, Jannetty hits a huge powerslam and suddenly all four are in. Double hiptoss and double elbowdrop to Sato then they double kip up, then double press Tanaka and lob him onto Sato. Both roll to the floor and the Rockers hit a stereo pescado to the Orients - it’s already looking ahead of its time, this. Gorilla tells Jess “I never saw you do any of these moves” to which The Body replies that at Gorillas age, he never got to see him wrestle at all. Chortle. Back in and off a rope run Fuji pulls the top rope down with his cane so Marty spills out (which Ventura calls “totally legal”) then he takes a crack across the back and Sato shoves him into “the steel pillar” (according to Monsoon). Bit of light double teaming on Marty until he lands on his feet from a backdrop attempt from Tanaka, tags Michaels and they flatten pat with a double superkick. Shawn nails Tanaka with a biiiiig backdrop (3) and (after a tag) Sato with a lovely swinging neckbreaker, when a kick from the apron from Tanaka brings him down for sustained heat. Sato does his gutwrench into stomach breaker, Tanaka hits his awesome-looking sequence where after a dropdown with Shawn running towards him, he smashes him with a flying forearm from a standing base. Sato hits a knee drop from the top for a two count - that’s serious for 1990 and not long removed from being Martel’s finisher! - before we finally calm down with a traps hold. Finally Tanaka hesitates after back flipping out of a backdrop attempt and Shawn drops him with a nice desperation clothesline and makes the tag. Gorilla says “The Rockers look a little bit lethargic” - is that one of those insider snips Gino used to do - is he implying hungover?? Did HBK & Party Jannetty go out on the lash for the second Mania eve in a row??? Regardless, Marty hits a flying back elbow to Pat, the ole double noggin knocker, then moves when Sato drops an elbow to break up the pin, so he hits Tanaka. Shawn back in (which I used to misremember as a tag, making the finish nonsensical) and The Rockers double-dropkick Sato from the ring then hit a gigantic double backdrop to Tanaka that spins him on both axis so he lands flat on his face. Marty and Shawn go up top on opposite corners for one of their finishers, Mr Fuji hits Marty on the ankle with his cane which The Body will call “a little love tap” over the replay. Jannetty picks up Fuji’s discarded cane and starts stalking Fuji ringside as the ref has his back turned trying to Michaels out of the ring, and Sato sneaks up and hurls a handful of salt into Marty’s face. Marty stumbles around “blinded” and hilariously Shawn walks right passed him, seeming to utter “Are you alright?” as he passes but apparently not catching any answer - right before Jannetty spills over the guard rail into the front row, fairly convincingly blinded, and gets himself counted out. A finish I detested even as a kid - I suppose... they wanted you to pay to see the Rockers get revenge on the road? No other reason I can think of. On the road they'd end up going 50/50 which is a bit weird. Some decent stuff, before the shitty finish. This is the first match to crack *** for Dave on the show and before the finish it was rather good although far from the best they’d have with each other.

Backstage Steve Allen introduces Rhythm & Blues with “They have been called one of the hottest new bands in the music business today. Unfortunately THEY are not here, so let me introduce the band that IS awaiting our arrival, The Honky Tonk Man and Greg “The Hammer” Valentine..” Standard Honky nonsense, Valentine says they’re on their way to the Rock N Roll Hall Of Fame, Allen says he’ll call ahead and warn them. You know Steve Allen, I like the cut of your jib.

(10) HACKSAW DUGGAN VS DINO BRAVO
Dino has reached his final form here - Quebecoise fleur-de-lis trunks, managed by The Mouth and announced (in the ring) as “the self-professed worlds strongest man.” I’ve dreaded this one too. Monsoon will get all pissy about Earthquake being ringside too, that he definitely doesn’t have a managers license, “because he’s a wrestler, and you can’t hold both licenses!” Funny, don’t remember it being a problem when any number of babyfaces including Hogan seconded their pals over the years? Hacksaw comes out waving his stars and stripes proudly from his cart, to a fairly mixed reception which Gorilla confuses with an “ovation.” Duggan misguidedly tries to start a “USA” chant and in lines removed from the Silver Vision audio Ventura tells the world how stupid Jim is for waving the American flag wrestling in Canada. Anyway. Duggan takes the early advantage, clotheslines Bravo out and hits an atomic drop. He goes for ten punches in the corner and shoves the ref when he tries to intervene, which The Body (quite rightly) takes issue with and points out, triggering this amazing exchange ;
“Did he?I didn’t see that?”
“What were you, filling your face with another hot dog? You’ve only had seven!!”
“I haven’t had any hot dogs.”
“You’ve got mustard all over your lapels! You’re a mess, Monsoon!”
I don’t blame him, somethings got to soak up the crêmes de menthe. Anyway. Hacksaw runs himself into the corner and Bravo takes advantage with weak brawling, an inverted atomic drop and his admittedly decent elbow drop “right to the sternum” - thank you Dr Monsoon. Duggan Hulks Up and does more punching then adopts the three point stance but Earthquake pulls his foot triggering a tussle. Jimmy Hart slides the 2x4 in but with the ref distracted by Quake, Duggan smacks Bravo with the 2x4 and gets the pin. Cheating bastard. He has ZERO time to celebrate however as Earthquake is straight in with two elbowdrops and three vertical splashes - hilariously when he goes for the third, Monsoon says “This is what went down earlier on” and Jesse has to correct him that they’re still live! During the replay Ventura says, without a hint of irony, “You wanna cheat, you’re gonna pay.” I know the heels were architects of their own downfall but as a kid I thought goodies were supposed to rise above it so was fairly annoyed that a “hero” character like Hacksaw would stoop to using a weapon behind the ref’s back. As post-match shenanigans go, it's not quite the mixed tag from Capital Carnage level entertainment but I enjoyed it nonetheless. But then again, what IS on the Capital Carnage level? That had Sable in it. And Jim Duggan is not Sable, as we've established. Nor is Bravo as engaging as Jackie's jubblies. Match belongs in hell, let’s move swiftly on. A video package ahead of the Million Dollar Belt match shows DiBiase “injuring Jake’s neck” back in May and Roberts stealing the belt in November, before cutting to Okerlund with the Snake and another promo I believe I can quote word for word. Let’s see how I do ;

“Well well well… The Million Dollar Man, Ted DiBiase. Here we are at WrestleMania, and it’s the biggest match of your career. Why? Because everything you stand for is on the line… namely the Million Dollar Belt. Oh yeah… it can be yours once more, all you have to do to get it back is go through Damien and me. You see Damien and I don’t forget ;  we remember all the times you made people beg for your money. Now these were people far less fortunate than you ; people who could use your money for essentials, and what did you do? You made fun of them. You humbled them, and you humiliated them. Well now it’s my turn! I’m going to make you beg, DiBiase. You’re going to have to get down on your hands and knees… this time, you’ll be the one who’s humbled. This time, you’ll be the one who’s humiliated. And this time, you will be the one who begs for the money. And how appropriate that the money you beg for is your very own - a victim of your own greed, wallowing in the muck of avarice.”

(11) JAKE THE SNAKE VS MILLION DOLLAR MAN
Ted's in his final form at last with "Money Money Money" playing but audio inside the SkyDome is a bit fucked, so it sounds weirdly echoey. Jake looks intense as Gorilla says he could walk out of SkyDome a millionaire, but Jess says he could leave with nothing more than a snake in a bag. Only the stakes are discussed and the belt theft, not the history/injury. Jesse tells us as they’re about to lock up, “You got two great, great athletes here. Two guys that have seen the wrestling wars for a number of years.” It sold me on this as huge, not that “Jake The Snake vs The Million Dollar Man” didn’t already sound huge to a kid who didn’t really know wrestling yet had heard of them both. I remember it being far more gruelling than 12 minutes sounds, mind. Probably because a couple of big chunks are missing from the Silver Vision cut. In the early going Jess hits on a recurring theme and says “Look at the size of Damian in the bag! He’s eaten more hot dogs than you Gorilla!” - I could easily have sub titled this review The One With All The Hot Dogs for the number of times The Body goes to that particular well (of mustard). Preliminary sparring/rope running stalls with a failed DDT attempt when Ted drops flat to the mat and rolls out. Back in, Jake hits a hiptoss, misses an elbow, a DiBiase missed elbow then two further failed DDT attempts before Teddy rolls out again. Back inside we get the start of some arm work from Roberts and the crowd show first signs of restlessness. Hammerlock gets reversed but a leverage move sends Ted to the outside. Virgil distraction gets Ted a brief advantage, off a whip to the buckle the Million Dollar Man runs straight into a knee, but then Jake absorbs the same kneelift counter sent up into buckles to come down hard that we saw at IV against Ravishing. Jesse insists Gorilla should spend more time with Ted ;
"He always picks up the tab."
"I don’t worry about things like that. I pay my own way."
"You mean you bought all those dogs??"
DiBiase slaps on front face lock as the Mexican Wave starts in the crowd - harshly, I feel. Ventura actually mentions, nay CELEBRATES the wave instead of ignoring it ; "It’s coming to you Gorilla! Stand up, it’s us! You got so many hot dogs in you, you couldn’t stand up! This is what it’s all about, Monsoon!" Ted pulls out a classic piledriver but wastes some time and goes for the old "kneel on face" pin for some reason which Jake reverses for a two, SkyDome certainly reacts for that one. DiBiase slaps on the Dream and SkyDome roar support as Joey Marella checks on Jake ; as he falls to the mat Roberts gets a foot on the rope to first break the hold and again to foil a pin attempt, which Ventura insists is the “cheap way out.” LOL. Ted goes for a double axe off the middle rope and eats a punch to the gut. Snake gets a flurry of clothesline, inverted atomic drop, clothesline as Toronto immediately start chanting for the DDT. Whip leads to a backdrop, Jake works the crowd to intensify the chants and hits the short-arm clothesline before giving his hand signal for the DDT. DiBiase grabs Joey Marella's leg and at the blindside Virg pulls Jake out ; this earns him a bodyslam on the floor. Teddy re-applies the Dream on the floor, Roberts runs him into the ring post, but with Jake face down on the outside Virgil shoves Ted back inside to beat the count. ANOTHER tainted finish, four in a row that I thought were sheer bollocks - I’m starting to wonder why I look back on the show so fondly! Thankfully some justice is about to be served, in more ways than one. DiBiase celebrates with the belt and Virgil has fistfuls of cash ; Jake gets back in and floors both, sending the money flying in a great visual. The bodyguard scarpers with the belt and as the brawl continues Jake slaps the DDT onto DiBiase. Jake famously gives money away ringside including to Mary Tyler Moore who Jesse and Gorilla agree don't need it. Jake stuffs a note into DiBiase's mouth but Virgil returns and saves his boss from getting Damien draped on him. I enjoyed it, in spite of the finish.

Sean Mooney gets an interview with Slick who insists they're going to act as "judge, jury and executioner" on Boss Man, and Akeem who says nothing interesting. Mean Gene gets INCREDIBLY aggressive words, or as Okerlund puts it, "some off the cuff remarks" from Boss Man. Even as a kid, it was obvious they were now setting up a Boss Man vs DiBiase battle whatever happened next. 

(12) BIG BOSS MAN VS AKEEM
Akeem and Slick jive their way out, I can only assume "Hard Time" was new because Toronto doesn't go nuts for it as they should do. Ray gets out of his cart and the still-ringside Million Dollar Man lamps him with a great clothesline, slams him on the floor, drops an elbow, posts him then shoves him into the ring. I don't actually hear a bell, but we're underway. Akeem whips Boss Man and lands his avalanche. Gorilla insists "this is not right" prompting another conversation I will relive to my dying day ;
"Oh, This is unfair, but earlier when Elizabeth interfered earlier, that was all fair, right Gorilla? When it was three on two, you're cool with that?"
"When Elizabeth interfered...?
In the mixed tag!!!! Oh, thats righ,t you didn't see any of that, you were stuffing another hot dog down."
Boss Man kicks out of the pin attempt off the avalanche then comes alive off a 10 punch with an inverted atomic drop and big boot, throws him face first into the buckle, whips him into opposite corners three times then floors him with a big clothesline. Running the ropes, Akeem ducks a back elbow but then runs straight into the Boss Man Slam (as we retcon it to, but nobody ever called it on comms) or "his patented move" as The Body will call it on the replay. Three count is academic and Boss Man looks hard as nails coming back from Ted's sneak attack. Short enough for me to still say I enjoyed it, and as even little raid predicted, we move on towards Boss Man vs Ted on the road.

Sean Mooney wastes some time on an already long show by asking children if they're looking forward to Rhythm & Blues, and asks Mary if she's enjoying it - she describes it as "the best of athletics and theatre" and claims she's coming to Mania VII - you've got to, haven't you? I'm going to gloss over the Rhythm & Blues performance except to note Diamond Dallas Page making his first Mania appearance as their driver - remarkably he'll be back in the very same building 12 years later. Monsoon voices his disdain for Honky, Hammer and the Colonel by saying "For those guys to be in that Cadillac is like feeding strawberries to pigs." The Bushwhackers disguised as merch sellers clear the heels out after the song and smash up their guitars. I reckon they could have had the match in the same time and called it 15. Gotta sell house show tickets, I guess. "If you hung The Hammer for being a good singer, you hang an innocent person" - don't hold back, Gino!

Fink announces the new record attendance before, tragically, the overdub of his theme introduces our favourite winner of the Jesse The Body Award.

(13) SUPERFLY VS RICK RUDE
"There's one of the reasons we broke the record there, that man" says Monsoon before Jesse quips "That's who the women came to see." Snuka is clean shaven, in a nice jacket and looks more "wrestler" than usual. Rick looks the fucking boss with we look hair instead of a perm and some awesome "Simply Ravishing" tights. Steve Allen adds little on guest comms. Sneak attack from Rude, off a whip he gets serious air on a dropkick but hits nothing and comes down hard. Superfly with consecutive flapjack and backdrop are interspersed with Jimmy imitating the Rude swivel then a running dropkick sends Rude over the top and out ; a sunset back in is foiled but a head down or a backdrop is reversed into a snap suplex for Rude to get on top, but he makes the same mistake and Snuka sends him into the mat. Rope running has Snuka clean Rude out off a running flying headbutt - Ravishing's had near to nothing. Bodyslam and Snuka goes to the middle rope as Gorilla says "You could go to the well one time too many here" - it's prophetic as Superfly misses a diving headbutt and Rude capitalises immediately - I love the call from Monsoon that covers the finish ; "Rude Awakening coming up! There it is, forget about it. It's all over! You make one mistake and you have to pay dearly when you're in there with the likes of Ravishing." I'll be honest ; I'm pretty happy Ravishing got to win clean at a Mania with his finish. He was bloody great. Match was similar to Quake vs Herc in that they did a condensed match rather than a squash in the little time they had, Snuka got more shit in but Rude got the duke.

We get a build video for the Ultimate Challenge with brief highlights from the Rumble, SNME, The Main Event and Superstars. I actually preferred watching it on Silver Vision without all this because it was the first time I saw the two supermen face off. But you don't need to deny yourselves. Do you want some build? Of course you do. Here's the big tag in full.

(14) TITLE FOR TITLE : HULK HOGAN VS ULTIMATE WARRIOR
(cue "Unstable")
Monsoon : "Well that brings us right to where we are here today in the SkyDome for The Ultimate Challenge! Let's go to our ring announcer, Howard Finkel!"
Fink : "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the main event of WrestleMania VI! It is scheduled for one fall, and it is title for title! Introducing first... weighing 275lbs.... The Intercontinental Champion! The Ulllllllltimate Warrior!!"
God fucking damn it, this is my main event. Warrior runs down, Jesse says it may be a mistake as "he's facing the challenge of his life". Another great call from The Body just before the music changes - ".. it seems the crowd, sign-wise is about 50/50 - it's a toss up, same as the match."
Fink : "HIS OPPONENT. From Venice Beach, California... weighing 303lbs, the World Wrestling Federation Champion, HUUULK HOGANNN!"
Monsoon : "It is deafening here in the SkyDome!!"
Warrior stands on the second rope watching Hogan rip off his t-shirt and pose, this STILL feels like the biggest match of all time all these years later, and I lived through Mania 17. Jess says Warrior is already sweating more. Off the lock up first Warrior then Hogan shove the over into the buckles to big reactions. Warrior asks for a test of strength. "Warrior's winning it!" exclaims Jess and sounds genuinely shocked as Warrior brings The Hulkster to his knees. The WWF Champ powers his way back to his feet, turns his knuckles over and brings Warrior down. A rather famous gif illustrates Warrior shaking his head as Hogan barks "Ask him!" to Earl - LOL. Warrior regains his feet but the savvy Hulk trips him and drops a quick elbow for a sneaky 1 count. Criss cross and neither budges off a shoulder block, Hogan drops down then catches Warrior coming back with a bodyslam which Warrior no sells ; same sequence the other way round sees Hogan actually sell it as hurting (subtlety!), then the Intercontinental champ clotheslines him over and out. Sounds basic so far but fucking hell, EVERYTHING matters. Hogan sells like the fall injured his knee. Warrior breaks the count and kicks him a few times (boo) before Hebner goes out. Hulk says "my knee's gone" before audibly saying he's going to try and get back in. Warrior kicks away at the knee (brains from Warrior?) and Hogan fights back by going to the eyes. Warrior punches Hogan over the back of Earl then Hulk fires back with punches ansd knifedges, a whip to the corner and following in with a clothesline, then mounted punches up to an 8 count. Bodyslan to follow up then two lovely measured elbowdrops for a two count then Terry slaps on the front facelock.
"What a punishing hold this is!"
"Absolutely, ask Richard Belzer!" - umm, that didn't make the Silver Vision audio!!
Hogan gets a small package for 2 then applies a reverse chinlock with a few punches to the temple, a knee to the face and more punches and knifedges. Ropes running has Hulk hit the Axe Bomber for another two, some fans bought it. Backbreaker for another two, and Hogan goes back to the chinlock. Superbly paced thus far. Jess says Hogan's being smart (!), Hulk follows up with a couple of knees into Warrior's back, picks him up then hits a nice belly to back for another two then goes back to the chinlock. Ventura criticises Hogan for not hooking the leg - great level-headed call from The Body so far. Warrior breaks the hold with three elbows the the midsection then off a rope run then hit a double clothesline spot so Earl can tease counting both out on the mat - Ventura speculates even Hebner doesn't want the match to end this way as he's counting slowly. Warrior sits up and crawls over to the ropes to do his rope shaking comeback routine ; he's drenched in sweat and the painted symbol in his chest is long gone. Warrior no sells Hogan's punch then hits one of his own before felling Hulk with three consecutive clotheslines, chops him and whips him into two corners causing Hogan to fall at his feet, which is quite a visual. Suplex and a cover though his two is not especially close, then Jim slaps on a bear hug. ANOTHER belting exchange ;
"Jesse I have seen every title defence by the Hulkster... never have I seen anything like this. Never have I seen The Hulkster in trouble like he is right now - both men, really, true champions"
"The unfortunate thing is Gorilla, only one man will walk out with both belts"
"Well.."
"Both of them fighting like champions, but there can be only one winner."
Thats the name of the game. Thats why this is the Ultimate Challenge."
Monsoon gives the experience edge to Hogan, The Body counters that youth goes to the Warrior. Hogan teases three drops of the arm then comes alive. Criss cross and Earl accidentally gets felled. Warrior hits two double axe-handles from the top rope but when he goes for his flying tackle, Hogan drives him fast first into the mat. "He may have knocked him out" suggests The Body and Hogan could have the pin, except no ref. Warrior sneaks up on a distracted Hogan and hits a back suplex. Hebner eventually crawls over but only manages the really slow count, so Hulk gets a shoulder up for maximum drama. Hogan goes to the eyes then gets two off a schoolboy. Hogan does three punches and a whip to the ropes, following in with a back elbow that sends Warrior out. In the brawl on the floor Warrior posts Hogan then shoves him back in, hits another clothesline, then Warrior GETS HULK UP for the Gorilla Press - "He did it!" shouts Monsoon! Big splash - The Body exclaims "It's over! It's over if he can turn him over!" but Hogan kicks out - "The Warrior's never seen nothing like this!" Hogan Hulks Up, ignores several punches by the Warrior then hits three punches, the whip and the big boot! "Here it is!" shouts The Body ; Hulkster misses the legdrop though and comes crashing down on his hip, clearly in pain as Warrior wastes no time and lands another splash. Earl counts three right before Hogan makes the "kick" out motion but fractionally too late, perfectly timed.
Monsoon : "He got him!"
Ventura : "He got him!"
"Unbelievable!
"The Warrior's won the title!"
"We have a new World Wrestling Federation Champion!"
Fink : "The winner of this bout and NEWWWWW World Wrestling Federation Champion - The ULLLLLLTIMATE Warrior!!"
Monsoon : "This place has gone crazy!
Ventura : "Unbelievable Monsoon! What a battle! Both ways! Hogan missing the legdrop, the Warrior capitalising on it and getting the tree count just miniscule seconds before Hogan could kick out!"
Warrior goes crackers with the ICT handed to him by Earl, Hulkster walks out and grabs THE belt and gets back in the ring as the music stops. Gorilla says "They don't know what the Hulksters going to do and neither do I" - Hogan hands the title to Warrior and raises his hand before bowing out. The Body says "At least it wasn't a Mike Tyson/Don King type affair - the man lost it, and he's going out like a true champion Monsoon" and then "I do believe Hulkamania will live forever". ... What the actual fuck? Jesse, I know thee not. Gino adds "What a matchup, everything we expected and more!" Hogan looks dejected in his little cart as Warrior lifts both belts and fireworks go off all round the stadium. One last look at Hogan riding off.... "Hulkster taking it all in" says Monsoon. I'm knackered, words don't do this match justice. Meltzer called it "the best booked wrestling match I’ve ever seen" because of the limitations of both and went 3 3/4 - he's a cunt. It’s fitting that for his last match at a Mania, Ventura delivered his best call ever, proper unbiased real-sports expert style. "For Jesse the Body Ventura, this is the Gorilla saying so long everybody!" ... SHIT, they made a fan of that fake wrestling out of me!! The match was excellent, the show had its up and downs but overall it's a fantastic slice of nostalgia and relatively easy watch even at the extended run time.

NUMBER OF WRESTLEMANIAS WATCHED : 6
NUMBER OF WRESTLEMANIAS GENUINELY ENJOYED : 4 (66%)
NUMBER OF MATCHES WATCHED : 77
NUMBER OF MATCHES GENUINELY ENJOYED : 44 (58%)

What did the house shows typically look like out the back end of this Mania?

Quote

Ultimate Warrior is straight off as WWF Champion against Rick Rude dark on two TV tapings then he’s pinning Macho King semi main (to Hogan) on a huge card in Honolulu on 10th and Ted DiBiase in Tokyo on 13th which made its way to both VHS and DVD. The rest of the month he’s defending against Mr Perfect including at Louisville Gardens and the Philadelphia Spectrum, except for another bout with Ravishing dark at San Antonio TV on 24th. Some of the gates are really disappointing - 6500 in the Spectrum is a third of what they’ll draw when they come back for SummerSlam.

And what of deposed champ Hulk Hogan? He’s pinning Earthquake dark at two TVs immediately after Mania then in Honolulu on the 10th he’s dropping the leg on Mr Perfect which goes on last over the new champ, and Stan Hansen in Tokyo which you may have seen on Coliseum. There’s a DQ finish with Quake in Detroit, Springfield, Boston Garden, a half full MSG on 30th and dark at San Antonio TV,  but there’s a pin 22nd in Waco. Lucky Waco.

Demolition are back in the saddle as champions, increasingly heelish, and doing non-finishes with the Hart Foundation every night. Usually they are co-main with Macho King vs Rowdy Roddy Piper (sub for Dusty Rhodes who spends a week on crutches) apart from 26th in Toledo (Jim Duggan vs Earthquake) and 30th in Phoenix where the Dream is back. Savage vs Rhodes or Piper also main events a few by themselves and the only exception is 25th in Lake Charles where it’s Duggan vs Earthquake without Hogan, Warrior, Savage or Demolition.

Special mention should also go to the final live dates for a year of Andre. In Honolulu the Colossal Connection lose to Demolition by count-out when Andre doesn’t make it back in, and in Tokyo the match set up at February TVs has Andre and Giant Baba beat Demolition non title when Andre pins Smash.

Here’s your other feuds - surprisingly consistent after a couple of months of chaos. Big Boss Man vs Million Dollar Man, Rockers vs Orient Express and Bushwhackers vs Rhythm & Blues are obvious Mania revenge matches. Jake is usually with Bad News, Duggan with Akeem when he’s not on Earthquake duty, The Barber getting nice easy nights with The Genius, Dino Bravo beating Red Rooster, Hercules with Haku. Your file marked “heels getting the push” reads Barbarian over Superfly, Warlord over Tito Santana, The Model over Ron Garvin. Sensational Queen Sherri is actually working short matches with Sapphire too. If you’re wondering who Rude works - for reasons unknown other than coming to TVs to lose to Warrior, Ravishing doesn’t work in April.

Interesting debuts - Paul Diamond (who will become Kato) is getting a look on some shows and 24th in San Antonio Dustin Rhodes works his first dark match. Final note from Honolulu - as well as what’s mentioned above and more obvious pairings of Boss Man vs DiBiase and Jake vs The Model, what’s this I see? Why it’s Bret Hart vs Tito Santana! Tito wins which makes it by my count 1-1-3.

Bizarrely there’s a 3 date swing in New Zealand after the post Mania TVs in conjunction with a native fed. Local heroes The Bushwhackers naturally headline with the Bolsheviks and for reasons I cannot fathom the company dusts off Don Muraco for three wins over Haku, and his old mate Bob Orton Jr who wrestles a certain Norman Smiley. The other WWF guys sent to butt heads with Kiwis? Jim Powers and Tom Magee. Jesus.

WHAT WAS UK NUMBER ONE ON THE DAY OF THIS MANIA?

More good stuff.

Edited July 18, 2025 by air_raid
The event that will shatter all past Coliseum attendance records.

[wandshogun09]

On 7/16/2025 at 5:12 PM, air_raid said:

Warrior goes crackers

I’d say the horse bolted on that long before April 1990.

Hogan vs Warrior is absolutely perfect. As a one-off (I don’t count that abomination at Halloween Havoc 98 and nor should any of you), they couldn’t have done it any better. Like you, I had no idea they’d wrestled each other when I first saw it. And the way I first saw it was different in itself. My Dad came in from work with a wrestling tape he’d bought on the way home one night randomly, as he’d do sometimes. This time it was Hulkamania Forever.

I wasn’t a big Hogan kid, I loved Warrior and Savage initially then Bret and Razor became my guys later. But this was very early into my wrestling fandom and I was just grateful and obsessed with getting hold of anything I could. This was one of my first five WWF tapes. I remember my old man handed it to me and I was blown away when I looked at the back of the cover to read “See Hulk Hogan battle such opponents as Ted DiBiase, The Genius, Macho King Randy Savage, Earthquake and ULTIMATE WARRIOR”. What?! That’s how I found out the match even happened. And the match was on the tape in full, with pre-match promos and entrances included. I wore the shite out of that VHS but especially the Hogan vs Warrior bit. Genuinely seemed like a battle of superheroes as a kid. Superman vs Batman stuff. I loved the match then and I still do now. And as a Warrior fan I was chuffed to see him win. Although, looking back, it’s kind of odd that they chose that match to feature on a Hogan tape, considering he loses clean and doesn’t get his redemption. The thought never occurred to me as a 7 year old though. I was mesmerised.

This has to be one of the greatest wrestling pictures ever taken…

[air_raid]

11 minutes ago, wandshogun09 said:

Although, looking back, it’s kind of odd that they chose that match to feature on a Hogan tape, considering he loses clean and doesn’t get his redemption.

At the time the vid was signed off, I’m not sure they knew how much longer they were going to get out of Hogan so probably just wanted to get as hot a seller of a tape as possible. With New Line doing Suburban Commando and Terry sharing screen time with Christopher Lloyd and Shelley Duvall, there was a very real fear in the office that very soon Hulk would be a huge movie star and decide to pack in the wrestling gig altogether, if you can imagine that.

[wandshogun09]

Yeah, that makes sense.

While I’m here, some more WrestleMania VI imagery. This fake poster is incredible. 

As is this shot from the nosebleeds in the Skydome…

I wish I was there. I was only four years old at the time but, still, I wish I was there.

Meant to add my praise for the Gorilla and Jesse commentary on that match. Like Heenan at Rumble 92, it might’ve been Jesse’s greatest call. Shame we never got more of him but he saved the best until last. Plus, him sticking around into 91/92 would’ve likely meant less Heenan on commentary so it all worked out in the end. 

[air_raid]

10 minutes ago, wandshogun09 said:

 

Not that I don’t talk about my childhood introduction to wrestling through Simon enough but… we both had a SNES so that screen from Super WrestleMania is burned into my brain.

10 minutes ago, wandshogun09 said:

Like Heenan at Rumble 92, it might’ve been Jesse’s greatest call. Shame we never got more of him but he saved the best until last. Plus, him sticking around into 91/92 would’ve likely meant less Heenan on commentary so it all worked out in the end. 

Plus I always liked the JR/Jess team in WCW, even if they clashed for real - I don’t think it showed.

Of course, to ignore the real reason The Brain had to get off the road and become more of a full time commentator, would not be fair to Flair.

[air_raid]

Apologies for the delay, life is getting in the way. But this is a labour of love and call this a metaphor for WWE fandom if you like but we’re here for a long time, not a good time, as the kids might say.

WRESTLEMANIA VII (1991)

The One With The Bomb Scare

Welcome to one of the more interesting Manias of the first 10 for the simple reason they came off 67,000 in Toronto and immediately set their sights on getting 100,000 into the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum... and yet ended up having to move into LA Sports next door. There are three theories/stories behind the change/low attendance which depends on who you believe and it’s all a bit chicken and egg. The official line was that there were security worries about potential terrorism and deciding that 100,000 people would be a target, not “WrestleMania” in of itself, they decided to move be into the smaller Arena. For years Bob Laughter tried to lend credibility to this, claiming that the Gulf War exploitation storyline to which he was central caused him personally to receive death threats ; you might be tempted to believe that, except more recently he’s also claimed that him beating Warrior for the belt was not planned and only happened because Warrior was KO’d legit by Randy Savage’s sceptre, so we know to take nothing Slaughter says at face value.

Secondly, the truth that’s been thrown around a lot in the decades since is that put simply they weren’t selling enough tickets so had to downsize - the blame invariably points to fans rejecting the Iraq storyline HARD or to a lesser extent the failure of The Ultimate Warrior to “replace Hulk Hogan” in the main event scene for many of the months between Mania VI and Mania VII. Which might be plausible, except the metrics don’t really support it to that extent. The Main Event IV drew 15 million viewers on NBC headlined by Warrior vs Ted DiBiase, about the same number of people flocked to Miami for the Rumble as had to Orlando the year before, and the big one still drew 400,000 buys. Yes, the ticket sales were on the floor - they hadn’t even sold enough to fill the Sports Arena by early February. Yes, the Gulf War storyline was horrific, the US Iraqi embassy implored the WWF to stop using Sadaam’s name in the story. But it shouldn’t be underestimated how much the actual fear of terrorist reprisals rippled through the US after the war broke out. They cancelled a USO show in Saudi Arabia (which Hogan was meant to be on) because they didn’t want to present a target, and there were genuine considerations to cancel the SuperBowl (this being the one where Whitney Houston famously sang the national anthem).

Appropriate to our question, numerous attendees to Mania VIII who reviewed the show or were interviewed about it have stated they HAD TO go to that one on account of missing VII because they were scared of potential terrorism, which goes a long way to explaining how they got so many into the Hoosier Dome despite business taking a sharp slide in the wake of the steroid scandal. So… yes, the creative mis-step had a part in poor ticket sales, and while it WAS poor ticket sales to blame for the venue change, to say political tensions don’t play a part in the low take up would be unfair. But at least it gave Gorilla reason to trot out “Benedict Arnold” in reference to ol’ Bob Laughter, a curious reference to make given the size of (and increasing importance of) the British audience. Although in fairness, we didn’t study the Revolutionary War at my school.

“Liberate.”

 

It's the first Mania with neither Jesse Ventura commentating or an Andre or Brutus Beefcake match, and the winds of change are blowing for the roster in general. There's no Ravishing, Honky, Nikolai, Bad News, Gang/Akeem and so on, and this will be the last Mania outing for Haku, Barbarian, Warlord, Hercules, Hammer, Bravo, Marty Jannetty and the Anvil, and last of significance for several others. However, we have got the first Mania for a certain Undertaker. We will see an emerging trend where the rate of change of the roster really increases. Sadly, for some of the later years, it’s a bell curve.

CARD SUBJECT TO CHANGE

Not as much here (that I know of) as some prior and plenty future Mania cards but the one we have beggars belief. The beginnings of the Hogan/Tugboat friendship the summer before were designed to fuel a latter betrayal and create a new heel fatty - straight after Earthquake - for The Hulkster to face and topple at Mania VII. If you were ever wandering why they wrote the Sailing Superstar ((c) Sean Mooney) out of the “Hulks corner” spot at SummerSlam in favour of Boss Man, it’s so they could have Tugger develop resentment about lack of caring from the fans (and maybe Tez himself) during his convalescence, especially juxtaposed to the outpouring of grief and love that followed Hogan’s own Quake-related layoff. Indeed, “you didn’t give a shit I was hurt” is a theme they’ll come back to to great effect later on when Crush turns on Macho Man, a tremendous bit of Magneto justification.

All sounds reasonable enough, right? Except… the braintrust had already decided the tensions in the Gulf were going to fuel a new baddie direction for the great red and yellow patriot missile, and ‘Boat was in fact going to be the Iraqi sympathiser on top of turning on the Hulk directly. Bruce Prichard has even used the moniker “Sheikh Tugboat” when talking about the matter on STWW. Fuck, can you imagine? Uncle Fred as an Iraqi baddie? Jesus wept. Thank God they dust off Bob Laughter, distasteful as it all ends up. Moving swiftly on…

What was typically going on at house shows in the build-up?

[quote]

March 1991

Hulk Hogan vs Earthquake is still your feud but 1st in Providence there’s a twist ; Earthquake beats Jake Roberts by DQ during the card proper then Hogan, who hasn’t already wrestled, wins a show closing battle royal but last eliminating Quake. Pussy. We have the stretcher match at Boston Garden (which draws less than Warrior vs Slaughter on last month, eep!), Maple Leaf, Houston, Landover, Hartford, dark at Pensacola TV on which he also works a short match with General Adnan, a healthy 14,000 at the Philadelphia Spectrum, and in Richfield, right before Mania VII. 12th at Biloxi TV a good 9000 see another Hogan vs Sgt Slaughter dry run with a DQ finish. Ridiculously, 14,500 come to MSG on 15th for the Hulkster and he isn’t even wrestling, just in the corner of Hacksaw Duggan for a flag match with Laughter (DQ finish). Vegas TVs the night after Mania a heavily papered 14,000 (approx 50% comps) get the Hogan & Warrior vs Slaughter, Adnan & Undertaker match from the World Tour 91 tape and they do the same match next night in Reno as we move into Warrior vs Undertaker, though this spot was advertised as Randy Savage. There’s more tag nuttiness on 30th in the first night of the SWS collaboration WrestleFest which is Hogans last match of March - he and Genichiro Tenryu lose by count out to the Legion of Doom.

Ultimate Warrior is spending the first half of the month chasing WWF Champion Sgt Slaughter in the 15 FOOT HIGH STEEL CAGE although with Mania set, many of them are non-title, including at the Horizon and the Cow Palace. 12th at Biloxi TV Jim beats Earthquake inside the cage and 15th in Milwaukee Macho King is back (for a bit) and straight back in the cage with Warrior, and beating him, but that’s Randys only match back from injury before Mania and it’s Warrior vs Sarge in Pittsburgh and Miami. You already partly know what Warrior did at post Mania TVs but he does double duty in Reno and beats The Model too, and 30th in Tokyo he pins Slaughter.

B show in El Paso on 7th is huge with Mr Perfect vs Big Boss Man and the Hart Foundation vs Power & Glory as title match main events supported by Texas Tornado vs Million Dollar Man and Jake the Snake vs The Model. In Niagara Falls NY and Moncton (Canada) it’s the Harts vs Earthquake & Dino Bravo followed by 20 man battles royal won, ludicrously, by Virgil. These are the only shows without Hogan or Warrior on the road to WrestleMania VII.

And the rest?

Perfect is still not committed to a single challenger ; he loses to Rowdy Roddy Piper by count-out 1st in San Antonio, works Tito Santana on a Chicago/Indianapolis double, then loses to Boss Man by count-out for the next ten nights or so. In Milwaukee, The Palace & Richfield we switch to a cross-feud tag - old buddies Jake & Boss Man vs Perfect & Martel. That’s it for all four before Mania - actually, apart from scattered TVs and SWS co-ops, that’s it for Martel until near Christmas, he’s taking a break. Speaking of SWS, Perfect loses by DQ to Tornado 30th in Tokyo, then a bizarre excursion sees him lose by count-out to Superfly 31st at the University Of Guam, beneath Hacksaw Duggan beating Sgt Slaughter in the main.

The middle of the card is refreshingly consistent this month with most nights having Tornado (often with Virgil) vs Ted DiBiase, Davey Boy with Warlord, Hacksaw Duggan squashing Gen Adnan, Tugboat losing to Undertaker, Hammer beating Dino Bravo, Tito usually with Haku and The Mountie! vs Jim Powers early month, Koko mid month including at MSG, and Jimmy Snuka late month towards Mania. Weirdly before Mountie, Superfly and Koko have a run against each other, guessing Koko played heel as he did against Santana at MSG previously. When Snuka moves on to Mountie, Koko goes back to Barbarian. Randy Savage wrestled one match that isn’t Warrior or the TV dark matches (see below) - pinning George Takano 30th in Tokyo at the SWS gig.

It’s the Harts’ last month as champions and as a full time team! They’re a bit all over the place. They flip back and forth between Power & Glory and the Nasty Boys, do a few vs Earthquake & Bravo as mentioned including MSG, and they also work the Orients in Hartford and Demolition at the Spectrum. Post Mania their last big match together until late April is with the Rockers in Tokyo on 30th and AT LAST there’s a finish between them ; Bret pins Shawn rolling through a crossbody off the top. Anvil jobs to Barbar 31st in Guam, it’s onwards and upwards for the Hitman. Legion of Doom work Demolition more often than anyone including post Mania in Guam, but they also wrap up the run vs the Orients & Fuji and work at least one match each with Knobbs & Sags and Herc & Roma. The Rockers have another mixed up month. They pick up wins against the Nasties by DQ, Demolition and the Orient Express but actually lose to Kato and Tanaka at the Capital Center and Richfield. They go 1-1 in singles with the Orients at MSG then at the Spectrum Marty loses to Hercules and Shawn does a broadway with Roma. Randomly in Guam, Shawn does a job for Haku and Jannetty pins the Hammer. As well as what you’ve read above from Power & Glory, Herc gets a fairly serious injury leading into Mania so Roma works a few singles, losing to Tito but actually beating Valentine, and bizarrely losing a handicap to the Bushwhackers in Miami. Speaking of which, the Demolition slide is never more obvious than losing to Luke and Butch at the start of the month as well as to all the other babyface teams, though the gimmick must still be over in Japan as in Tokyo they go over Shunji Takano & Shinichi Nakano (no, me neither). Other than beating Demolition, the ‘whackers are losing every night to the Nasties or Orients though they do beat Knobbs and Sags (the new tag team champions!) by DQ in Auckland and Guam.

Fun subs/one offs - Providence is a wacky card. As well as several guys without a real match showing up for the battle royal, Jake and Quake aren’t the only ones working someone different from their normal feud. But even, injuries and events elsewhere prompt even more of a shuffle. Superfly is supposed to work The Model but he’s hurt, so Snuka wrestled Koko. Tornado is booked with Gen Adnan but he’s gone with Sarge to San Antonio to sub opposite Warrior so Kerry works Barbar. Boss Man is scheduled for DiBiase but he hasn’t made it so Boss Man has a babyface match with Virgil. Hacksaw beats Dino as planned. The Model also misses Boston Garden, so it’s Jake vs Barbar. In Niagara Falls, Kerry and Davey Boy swap opponents for a night, Tornado going to a double count-out with Warload and Bulldog pinning Ted DiBiase. Perfect doesn’t go to Winnipeg so it’s a one off on the road against Boss Man for the newly-rechristened Berzerker. Haku as usual fills in any “odd man out” spot against Boss Man, Valentine or Duggan, and amusingly long time partner of Barry Horowitz on TV, Reno Riggins gets a call for a rare live show, opening with Herc in Evansville.

[/quote]

THE OPEN

Fans of dark match trivia, take note - Koko B Ware has beaten the Brooklyn Brawler before we’ve gone live, which means the wrestling fans in LA will see, at 15, more wrestling matches at WrestleMania in one night than, as I type, scheduled for two nights in Vegas for 42. Sad. A drum beat in front of a stars and stripes graphic gives way to Junior growling about Slaughter vs Hogan. Cuts live to a shot of LA Sports and Fink immediately introduces Willie Nelson to sing America The Beautiful - he's got the Mania t-shirt on (which still has a graphic of the Coliseum on the back, amusingly) plus the toy WWF belt around his waist (based on Hogan's old belt, not the 88 Eagle, which I never understood) plus a Hulkster bandana with Bret's shades over the top - he looks like the merch stand threw up on him. It's Sunday 24th March 1991. We're quite a bit removed from Iraq retreating and three weeks on from them accepting UN resolutions/sanctions to officially end the conflict. Gorilla welcomes us, Hacksaw Jim Duggan comes out but mercifully he isn't wrestling, much like Sable at No Mercy (May) 99. He's doing colour for the opener and is wearing a daft USA hat and jacket. It's all a bit much here at "Stars And Stripes Forever" though I do like the banners in the stands. Its odd that Duggan hasn’t got actual wrestling duties scheduled, much like Boss Man at SummerSlam or Macho King at Survivors before him. Gino throws it to Sean Mooney who's with The Rockers. Their "biggest match yet" in terms of the size and that Haku/Barbar's "sheer force is unmatched in WWF tag team history" - boy, we're not going easy on the hyperbole tonight, are we Sean!!

(1) THE ROCKERS VS HAKU & THE BARBARIAN

Probably can't review this one objectively today as I already know it's an utter banger. There's an argument that the Faces Of Fear (as they will be called later) are the best tag team either will be part of after previous stints in The Powers Of Pain/The Islanders/The Colossal Connection, and while they're declining in relevance rapidly both are coming off some great matches with Smithers and Boss Man respectively as you already know if you saw Mega Matches or the Rumble. On the other side, after falling at Mania V, Mania VI and SummerSlam, Shawn & Marty have just FINALLY won a tag on PPV, beating the Tanaka/Kato edition of The Orient Express at the Rumble in one of the best matches of 1991, and indeed the highest Meltzer had rated a WWF match since Savage vs Steamboat at Mania III. Fink introduces a "tag team attraction" - yay! Duggan thinks the longer the match goes, the better for the Rockers due to conditioning. Early sparring between Shawn and Haku hasa nice leapfrog, dropdown, leapfrog then flying tackle from Michaels. Haku roughs Shawn up but Marty makes a blind tag and we get a double hiptoss and double nip up, just when we think we're getting vintage Rockers, Barbarian knocks them INSIDE OUT with a double clothesline - ha!! However they duck under Haku and clean first him then Barbar out with double superkicks, and The Brain's men hit ringside to regroup. Barbar takes advantage roughing up Marty but he comes back with a Frankensteiner with a dropkick assist from Shawn. Barbar recovers and tags Haku in, they hit a double headbutt, then when the Rockers try the same Frankensteiner trick on Haku, Danny Davis (a straight ref again) stops Shawn coming in, Barbarian grabs hold of Marty and they hit a GIGANTIC double team hot shot across the top rope with Barbar actually going over the top rope himself while holding onto Jannetty's hair - "OHHH!!" go LA, "Devastating move" says Hacksaw and Marty sells his throat - that looked crazy. Military press from Barbar, quick tags now from the Heenan Family. Beautiful pendulum backbreaker from Haku as normal, he holds on and hits another - "OHH!" says Los Angeles again. Brief bear hug from Barbar and I don't begrudge either man a little rest at this point, shortly afterwards in the corner Barbar runs into a boot but when Marty goes for a second rope crossbody he gets wiped out with a powerslam. Bobby says "pin him" but Barbarian goes to the top rope ; Jannetty moves and Headshrinker 3 plants himself face first. Tag on both sides and the crowd go wild for HBK - cracking back elbow to Haku, mounted punches in the corner then a twisting crossbody when he sees Barbar coming. Haku reverses a whip but puts his head down and a swinging neckbreaker gets 2. Assisted sunset flip prompts Barbar back in to break up the pin but a double dropkick sends him clean out ; double clothesline to Haku then The Rockers go up top - Marty hits a dropkick from one corner then Shawn lands a crossbody from the opposite side, for the 1-2-3. Crowd love it and so do I! Incredibly, now progressing to 2 in a row, that’s the last match The Rockers will win on PPV. Other than the 92 Rumble, it’s the last we’ll see of Haku on PPV for now, Barbar will get another whirl as Samu’s replacement in The Headshrinkers (until unceremoniously battered out the door by a certain Sid) before the Faces Of Fear become ever-entwined down South, even feuding over the Hardcore title at the point WCW closes - where upon Haku will of course pop back up in the WWF forming an embryonic Bloodline pairing with Rikishi about 15 years before their offspring will do the same. Anyway. What a fucking match. Everyone got shine at what made them good at what they were good at, good finish and popular win to get the crowd up from the start, and Los Angeles certainly got pumped up for this one, let's see how we get on as the show progresses.

Mean Gene interviews Regis Philbin, Alex Trebek and Marla Maples - you'd be forgiven for forgetting who any of them were.

(2) TEXAS TORNADO VS DINO BRAVO

The Brain is with Gorilla now for (most of) the rest of the broadcast. Nice reaction for KVE, who becomes the sixth former NWA champ to grace a Mania after Harley, Garvin, Dusty and both Funks. Bravo attacks Kerry before his jacket's even off and clotheslines him out. It's crazy to think how far Bravo has already fallen and will continue to since being Earthquake's main event tag partner for much of 1990. Back in the ring Tornado ducks a wild swing and hits an atomic drop and clothesline but runs straight into a boot in the corner. Inverted atomic drop and two meaty elbowdrops are worth a two count from Mike "the Mullet" Chioda. Rope running and two duckunders precede the sidewalk slam, but Kerry kicks out. Bravo hits a double axe from the second rope but when he goes for another he lands straight in the (Iron) claw - Bravo fades and slumps into the ropes, so Tornado wastes no time and hits the ropes for the running discus punch to get a fairly quick win and hit 2-0 in singles matches on WWF PPV which, oddly enough is where he will finish.

Short enough that I really enjoyed it but it feels time constraints are already creeping in as we cut almost IMMEDIATELY to Sean, who's with The Warlord and Slick. Warload growls about nobody being able to escape his full nelson. Mean Gene is with our Smithers and Winston. David Boy insists he will break the full nelson, powerslam Warlord, and "there is no bull in this British Bulldog."

(3) DAVEY BOY SMITH VS THE WARLORD

The Silver Vision version was heavily clipped but I remember this being rather good from a "simple story told well" point of view. LA likes Davey, he gets a great reaction as all the babyfaces have so far. Early shoulder barge exchange sees Bulldog get off his feet to slam into Warload who falls and hits the floor. Another rope run sees Davey Boy attempt a crucifix but Warload drops him. Three heavy elbowdrops gets the 'load an early 2 before he buckles Bulldog then gets a bearhug. Bulldog frees himself but runs/jumps straight into a Stun Gun (or "clothesline" as Gorilla liked to call it). Forearm exchange leads to Warlord going to the eyes then dropping Smith with a decent belly to belly - Heenan insists "he's ahead on points" - chortle. Snap mare and a chinlock, the two roid beasts get a breather. Davey elbows his way clear, hits a dropkick and bounces Warlord face first to ther buckle 10 times, hits a middle rope double axe and a running crossbody. Warlord puts his head down and Bulldog tries a piledriver. Warlord backdrops his way free and they do the exaggerated sunset, kneeling pin reversal and then cutback cradle for 2, Smith runs into a boot in the corner. "The queen told me he's a disgrace to England" says the Weasel as Warlord slaps on the full nelson. Monsoon points out the fingers are in the hair and with LAs support swelling, Bulldog screams and breaks the hold. Warlord stares at his hands in disbelief for a moment, scoops Smithers up but he drops down behind then hauls up his enemy for the running powerslam to a thunderous impact and gets the win. Crowd are happy again, The Brain tries to spot a grab of the trunks on the reply.

No time to breathe again as Okerlund is with the Nasty Boys threatening to put an end to the "stink and pink." Sean's with the Hart Foundation and Anvil makes a great point - "to crack the Foundation, you've got to be right at the bottom and that's where you guys are, right at the bottom." Back live Monsoon makes an allusion to a "gift from Power & Glory" in reference to an assist in the top contenders battle royal, which will get paid off later on.

(4) TTT : HART FOUNDATION VS NASTY BOYS

Boy, did this one bum me out for years after, despite Bret's promotion to singles stardom. Nasty Boys out with the Mouth of the South who's wearing a Nasty Boys motorbike helmet because - I guess the Nasties are bikers? Great pop for the Harts - this is widely misreported online as the last televised match for them as a team but they had a couple more including a rematch with the Nasties that aired on Prime Time in July witnh a fuck finish. "That youngster certainly enthralled here.. he doesn't want to be Home Alone with the Nasty Boys, I can tell you that" - the Home Alone reference was cut from the Silver Vision audio leaving me with the impression Monsoon didn't know who he was, like Axl Rose last year. "That little runt knows the Hart Foundation very well" says Gorilla of The Mouth - "I thought you were talking about Macauley!" LOL, Bobby. Early brawling advantage from Sags is reversed when Bret hits a running Thesz Press with punches, and after a leg trip and stomp to the gut Sags tags Knobbs in. The Anvil reciprocates or "Captain Schizo" as The Brain calls him. Irish whip, hiptoss out of the corner and a running tackle sends Knobbs out. Tags to both sides, Sags absorbs the gut punch, Russian legsweep and second rope elbowdrop but Knobbs comes in, when Bret turns back to Sags Knobbs smashes into him right in front of Earl who doesn't seem bothered about getting illegal Brian out of the ring. "There's one to the cervial dervial part of the back" says Heenan as Jerry goes to work, lampooning Dr Monsoon. Seated chinlock from Sags, not the first time Bret's going to be in this hold. First tag is legit and Knobbs takes over. Sags back in and gets 2 off a neckbreaker. Bret manages to stand and twist out of the hold and hit his own neckbreaker but Knobbs attacks Anvil to prevent a tag. "Referee doing a tremendous job of maintaining order in this one" says Monsoon right as Knobbs goes back to the hold and Earl permits the tag he didn't see - because it didn't happen. Another illegal switch Bret reverses by standing with Knobbs on his back and falling back but again there's no tag. Knobbs misses a splash into the corner and Bret makes the tag but Hebner DOESN'T ALLOW IT because he's a cunt. As Earl ushers Jim out, Knobbs accidentally smashes Sags with the megaphone and Bret's finally allowed to make a tag Earl permits. He slams Knobbs into Sags and hits a double clothesline, a back elbow a clothesline to Knobbs for 2 then his powerslam, broken up by Sags. The Nastys run together in a rope running spot and the Harts smash Knobbs with what we call today The Hart Attack but crooked Earl is too busy trying to usher Bret out of the wrong so Sags hits Anvil with the helmet and Knobbs (who may or not be the legal man) pins Neidhart while The Mouth holds Brets legs to restrain him. "From the outside with the megaphone, he just clobbered the Hitman!" - umm, that's so wrong, Gorilla, I think you've had a few too many crèmes de menthe already! Despite numerous comings and goings, that's the last Mania for the Anvil. Decent match even if it was 90% Bret selling. And - FUCK SAKE - Earl fucked the Harts over here.

We get a recap of Jake vs Martel, and I always thought the cut to Jake's promo was abrupt and assumed it was a Silver Vision cut that we went straight to the closeup but this version is the same, Roberts seeming to respond to a question we don't hear asked - "The blind leading the blind? Even a fool knows a man only has five senses. But a snake, he has six. We always do it better in the dark." Was that a sex joke? I think it was.

(5) BLINDFOLD MATCH : JAKE THE SNAKE VS THE MODEL

Rick gets the "already in the ring" intro as time constraints may be creeping in already, nice reaction for Jake in his last PPV as a goodie for nearly five years. Both get hooded up and start groping around. Jake reacts to fans cheers in response to his pointing. Irish whip comedy spot as Jake merely runs past Martel. Monsoon mentions a sixth sense and Heenan says Jake is "an eerie guy" and "he's the kind of guy that goes bump in the night." Aren't we all? The Model grabs a bodyslam but tries to drop an elbow with no visual frame of reference for where Roberts is. Danny Davis looks like he might be struggling not to laugh. More pointing... it's getting a bit tedious. It was shorter on Silver Vision, and that was a mercy. LA starts chanting DDT, they're bored too. Rick crawls into the corner and accidentally puts a hand on Damien and shits himself, which is faintly amusing. This is the last Mania for Damien, too, but let's not go there. Tackle sends Jake outside and The Model hits a ring post with a chair. Back inside he finally gets his hands on Jake and hits a backbreaker and applies the Boston Crab but given Jake's absorbed virtually no damage yet, he's strong enough to power out. They stumble into each other again, The Snake grabs hold and hits the DDT, and Davis counts the 3. Fans are happy but it's probably the first real miss of the night ; as rewarding as it is to see Jake win a singles match on PPV with a DDT for the first time since SummerSlam 88, and as much as you might applaud a stip that befitted the nature of the feud, it wasn't great to watch. Should have been more of a fight. Jake stomps on the atomizer and gets to put Damien onto Martel in the aftermath.

Backstage, Marla Maples-will-be-Trump tries to get a word with The Nasty Boys celebrating, Jimmy's got the champagne out and among the shouts of Hart, Sags, Knobbs, Bravo, Earthquake and The Mountie, you can't hear fuck all. Feels like a hazing for Marla to be honest.

(6) THE UNDERTAKER VS SUPERFLY

Here we fucking go. Snuka introduced in the ring as Heenan almost solemnly says "He looks ready, don't he." Gong tolls and the reaction and response from LA to the organ music is vastly different to that for any heel yet. Early days Paul Bearer is with him, his gloves/trim aren't quite the light grey shade we're used to and the hair is still big. I'm not even that big a Taker fan but arrival here at his first Mania, the music does give me chills. "He should get a bigger urn for the Boss Man, maybe one of those big green trash bags" - Brain, LOL! Snuka turns his back at the bell and Taker attacks. A whip to the ropes, Taker rebounds and hits his GIGANTIC flying clothesline - fuck, that looked great. Rakes the face as Freddie Sparta seems scared to count. Whip reversed but Jimmy runs into a boot and spills to the floor - he's then suplexed back inside but Undertaker misses an elbowdrop with serious height. Headbutts and chops barely register, then an attempted flying one misses and he sends himself sailing over the top rope. Snuka fights back from the apron then attempts a springboard crossbody (!) and Taker catches him ; unfortunately he's fed to the left so Taker hasn't the strength to reverse straight away and has to set him on his feet before scooping him up for the Tombstone. Easy three count, and some Los Angeles fans can be heard cheering! 1-0 for Taker (obviously) and as one of the few competitors here that appeared at the first WrestleMania, with Snuka we hit 5 out of 6 matches where someone wrestles at their last.. well, for many years, anyway! I'm a bit of a sucker for the extended squash when it serves its purpose and this was swift, brutal and made The Undertaker look near unstoppable. The act isn’t 100% polished like we’ll see in 92 with all the signature spots but it’s clear he’s a force. We move swiftly on.

Potted history of Warrior vs Savage shows us only the big moments from Saturday Nights Main Event and the Rumble. The Brain directs the director (so to speak) to find Elizabeth in the crowd right before we get introductions for one of the best matches of all time.

(7) CAREER ENDING MATCH : ULTIMATE WARRIOR VS RANDY SAVAGE

Macho King and Sensational Queen come out on their throne carried to the ring as was their wont, cracking work with The Brain “drawing the directors attention” to Elizabeth in the crowd in a way that feels organic - today the cameraman would just magically find her out in the thousands. “She’s here to see him lose, and rub it in!” insists Bobby - well, that would be consistent! Last dance here for “The Kingdom of the Madness” and I always thought Sherri’s outfit here didn’t flatter her, but that might be because I saw this match fairly soon after being introduced to her looking like a total tart next to 92 Shawn on the trading cards. No crown for the King, he’s got a tassels jacket and cowboy hat, distinguishable from 92-94 face Macho Man. I only just realized I’d love a custom Hasbro of his third figure painted Mania VII colours. LA gives him some respectful cheers as he enters, too. “Look at the queen! Look at the queen! Wow!” shrieks The Brain. Big pop for Warrior as you’d expect, Heenan notices he isn’t running and Gino says “This is a different ball game, Brain.” Bobby also notes the knee pads with Jim on one and Randy on the other, I love his big coat. Proper leggy shot of Ms Martel as Earl gives the men opening instructions, maybe I misjudged her attire. Ahem. Warriors trunks have artwork on the backside of the WWF title belt encircled with the words “means much more than this” - God, that’s a nice touch. This already feels bigger, watching it back 34 years later, than any of the times they’ve used “career-ending” since. I still believe it! This is one of the most obviously (and annoyingly) cut matches from the Silver Vision release so looking forward to watching it in full. After initial lockups Warrior shoves Savage to the mat and already frustrated Randy rips off and discards the vest top portion of his outfit - immediately he looks back to 90 version Macho King, the vest only became permanent after his unretirement. Shoulder barge goes badly for Macho King, distraction by Sherri doesn’t work and Savage eats a monster clothesline, an inverted atomic drop then a standard one. The Queen runs in as Warrior has Savage in a choke lift and Warrior dumps him into her. Savage briefly gets tied up in the ropes but Warrior puts his head down and eats a boot. Running flying clothesline follows but Randy gets caught off an attempted top rope crossbody - Warrior stands him on his feet and slaps him! Macho bails out to regroup. They try to use Sherri for distraction and Savage throws a chair into the ring but Warrior doesn’t lose focus as Earl gets the chair out and foils Savage again. Boots in the corner as Liz looks pensive. “You couldn’t sneak a midget in” says The Brain of the capacity crowd, oo-er. Warrior misses a Stinger Splash into the corner and ends up spilling all the way to the floor. Sensational Queen gets her licks in but Warrior shoves her on her butt. Macho King capitalises and shoves Jim into the ring post. Gorilla shares that it’s the biggest PPV audience in the history of PPV just as Warrior reverses a neckbreaker attempt into a backslide for a scare. Sherri distraction fails again but Warrior misses a shoulder tackle before Randy is back on his feet (minor flub) and Savage gets a 2 then slaps on a sleeper. Warrior works his way back to his feet and hits a shoulder block but they wipe each other out with the double clothesline. Sherri hops on the apron and Earl misses Warrior look like he’s got a win off a small package. Warrior remonstrates with Hebner and Savage catches a knee to the back that clears Warrior and ref alike out. Sherri tries to jump off the top with her shoe but Warrior moves and she clobbers the King. Warriors had enough and stalks Sherri at ringside - “Warrior missing the boat here, Brain” says Monsoon. Back in the ring as the Queen escapes, Randy gets a schoolboy for a 2 count off the latest distraction. “I can’t even talk anymore” croaks Bobby as Savage tugs the trunks to send Warrior to the buckles. As Macho lands a hot shot on the rope Gorilla asks “For the guy who loses, when he wakes up tomorrow morning… what’s he gonna do??” and Heenan replies “He’s gonna be just another ham ‘n’ egger!” I loved this selling of the stakes as a kid. Randy hits the Macho Neck Snap, a clothesline to the back of the head and a bodyslam before making a token cover for two, “We could be here all night,” exclaims the Weasel, before Macho’s heading up for the big elbow. I say “the” but what follows is extraordinary.

Gorilla “Perhaps we’ll see that patented elbow… of the Macho King - yes!”

Bobby : “That is it! Wait, he’s going again!”

“Look at the Warrior! He’s not moving! This place is going crazy! … that’s two elbows!”

“Wait a minute, he’s going for a third! This could be the kiss of death, and I MEAN the kiss of death! Savage…”

“We’re seeing history made here!”

“Take it while you got it! Cover him! Take it… no!”

“No-one’s gonna be able to get up from this kind of punishment! And look it - he’s going again!”

“You’re watching the end of The Ultimate Warrior!”

“That’s FOUR. And he’s still going!”

“We’ve got a winner! Randy “Macho King” Savage… (his) career will go on! And it looks like it’s over for The Ultimate Warrior!”

“What a display here by the Macho King!”

“I told you Monsoon! I told you…”

“One… two…. NO!!”

“No no no!!!”

“I don’t believe it!!!”

“Look at the look, the unbelievable look!” says the Gorilla as Randy stares, confused, shocked and a bit heartbroken at Earl, but in a convincing manner rather than NXT AmDram bollocks. “No one has ever withstood that kind of punishment” confirms Monsoon as Warrior starts reaching towards the ropes, and the tiny remnants of his face paint hanging off his eyebrows paints quite a picture of the war we’re watching. Warrior shakes the ropes and regains his feet as he always did, ignoring Savages blows. Jim blocks a roundhouse right and hits three of his own in a row in between little celebratory spins during his comeback jig. He nails three running clotheslines and we cut to a fraught-looking Liz - “She doesn’t have a fingernail left on her hand” says Bobby The Brain. Gorilla fairly clearly comes close to losing his voice when he says “Perhaps we’ll see that press slam” and sure enough Warrior gets Savage up for Monsoon’s namesake, the Gorilla Press. He drops the splash and Monsoon says confidently “It’s all over but the shouting!” then “Nobody’s gotten up from this!” Ah, Gorilla. Come back in time to erase The Hulksters feat from last year? Sorry, Hulk Hogan’s Time Machine is not for rent. Macho King kicks out and both lads are incredulous. Warrior walks away from Savage talking to his hands or “to his gods” according to Gino. “Don’t I have it anymore? Is it time for me to step down?” speculates Monsoon of Warriors internal monologue as he steps through the ropes as if to leave, despite some trademark remonstration from Hebner. Randy blindsides Warrior and sends him spilling from the apron to the floor - “Macho King helping him make up his mind” says Gorilla which always tickled me. Sherri holds Warrior in place with his throat across the rail as Savage goes to the top rope ; Warrior shoves Sherri off and as Macho jumps off, Warrior punches him in the gut as the wayward axe-handle attempt sends Savage clattering into the rail which looks brutal. Warrior shakes and bellows in anger/determination and rolls Macho King back inside. He hauls Savage back to his feet but Randy’s on rubber legs, his mortal enemy smashes him with a flying tackle (or “clothesline” says Gorilla) and Savage rolls clear out of the ring under the bottom strand. Warrior chucks him back inside, stands him up and hits a second tackle (or “beautiful spear job”) which again sends Randy outside. Warrior puts the near lifeless Savage back into the ring a final time as Heenan says “I hope she’s happy” of Elizabeth - “She didn’t look too happy, did she??” poses Monsoon right before Warrior hits “another spear” or third flying tackle that again sends Randy to the floor. As Warrior pulls him back in and rolls him over, Gorilla actually has to interrupt The Brain making a salient point because Bobby seems to have missed that Warriors making an iconic foot-on-chest pin, and Earls counting ;

Brain : “You know Monsoon, there can’t be a winner. Whoever stays, stays, whoever leaves, leaves. But the toll of this match-“

Gorilla : “LOOK AT THIS!! It’s over!”

Brain : “Oh my God, no!….. no.”

Fink : “The winner of the career-ending match… The Ultimate Warrior!”

Brain : “I don’t know what to say.”

A patch of silence allows the moment to sink in as LA celebrate with Warrior - he hops down to ringside to retrieve his lovely ring jacket then wearing it gets back in the ring to raise his arms in victory in a final show of victory with his foot on a broken Savage, a great climactic visual. Gorilla breaks the silence simply :

“Ultimate Warrior victorious here in the City Of Angels!… his career will go on, that of the “Macho King” Randy Savage is history.”

As Warrior hits all four corners Heenan asks if it’s also history for the Queen and Gino asserts “She just lost her meal ticket” - oh, how little we know. Warrior takes his leave just as the camera barely catches Sherri eject Earl from the ring and for reasons as yet unknown removes her underskirt. She berates Randy as Bobby implores “Sherri, he did his best!” No longer his story, Warriors music fades out just as the Queen starts putting the boots to her former King. “That woman is possessed, Monsoon” says Brain. Sherri starts rubbing Savages face in the mat.

Brain : “Look at Elizabeth, she’s about ready to cry.”

Gorilla : “ She is crying!”

Sensational bounces Randys head off the mat, and that’s the final straw. Liz slides over the railing, runs to the ring and finds the courage to grab Sherri by the hair and throw her from the ring. Randy swats wildly at whoever is touching him before he clamps eyes on “the First Lady of wrestling” as we hear Sherri’s demonic cries from ringside ; Randy infers that it was her beating him up, not Elizabeth. With words we can’t see, three years of mistrust, betrayal and heartbreak seem to be excised. The comms team allow the moment to hit home before Bobby remembers who he really is ;

Brain : “She loves him! She’s in love with the Macho King!”

Gorilla : “She’s loved him from the beginning!”

Brain : “And I think he loves her!”

Gorilla : “Savage not sure what to do!”

Brain : “…. This is sickening!”

Eventually Liz holds her arms out and steps into Randys waiting embrace. Ew, I’m going all Mills & Boon. Los Angeles goes fucking nuts. I tell you, this is what they’ve lost these days, NOBODY will have had “Savage loses but then him and Liz reunite to rapturous applause” on their bingo card. Savage pops his real life wife up on his shoulder in replication of numerous victory celebrations past as the director finds numerous great shots of genuine spontaneous emotional response in the crowd - keep your Brock Lesnar guy and give me Macho cowboy hat kid or crying blue dress woman any day. What a fantastic piece of work - the match was outstanding, with the kind of home stretch that never happened then and seemed to seldom happen for decades but now is forced-epic thrust upon us all the time - but then, mind blowing. Plus a seamless transition from “big win for Warrior” to the next stage in Savage’s (cough) life away from the ring, and redemption in the eyes of fans that used to love him. All the stars.

Unofficial intermission as they used to like to do and after running down a few big matches still to come and recapping what we just saw, the Weasel comes out with “Are you sure that was Elizabeth?” - brilliant. Regis tries to get a word with Taker and Paul but they’re more interested in measuring him for a coffin. Trebek does slightly better with Demolition (Smash & Crush version now) and the revisionist history hits hard when he calls them one of the greatest tag teams in WWF history. Regis tries to interview Tenryu & Kitao - THEY DONT SPEAK ENGRISH LOL - and Alex meets Jake & Damian, then mercifully we’re back to ringside.

(8) DEMOLITION VS GENICHIRO TENRYU & KOJI KITAO

Demolition v2.0 come out with Fuji and their utterly crap music and Monsoon forgets himself and refers to “Ax and Smash.” As they unmask in the ring even The Brain tries to erase Bill from history and mentions that Demolition are three time WWF tag team champions. Is that how it works? You can claim credit for titles your tag partner won? In that case I much congratulate Anvil’s ghost on his 7 World titles when he inevitably haunts me over Christmas, as usual. Tenryu and Kitao trot down and Bobby refers to Kitao as a “big fortune cookie” - eep. Match starts to little reaction, early breakdown into a four person brawl gives Fuji chance to bonk Kitao with his cane and give Crush and Repo the early edge. Nice back suplex by Smash and pendulum backbreaker by Crush but it’s rather dull. Crush runs into a clothesline out of the corner and Tenryu tags in but his advantage is painfully brief as he misses his backwards falling elbow from the top rope (!!) and Smash gives him a back suplex too. Soon all four are back in, twice Kitao thwarts an attempt at the Decapitation, the second time sending Big Bri to the floor, where upon Tenryu lamps Smash with a powerbomb (the first of this project but definitely not the last) for a three count. Nothing match, still short even with the bits present that Silver Vision cut (you missed nothing) and if this was meant to showcase the SWS talent ahead of the supershows, it fell flat. Really sad ending for “Demolition” as a team in Mania terms though both Smash/Repo and Crush will wrestle a total of five more between them… just never on the same. Still, we’ll always have Wembley. And here I am lamenting the end, when real Demolition have just been confirmed for the Hall of Fame as I draft. Swings and roundabouts!

Gino shoots us backstage to Geno, who’s with the Boss Man. He hollers about his mama and promises that Mr Perfect is going to be “a Perfect example that crime doesn’t pay.” Nice. Just like last year Mean Gene has a nice pun for his chat with Boss Man, remarking that he spoke with a “great deal of conviction.” These really were (grrrr) great days, weren’t they? Predictably Sean Mooney is with the champ, for me THE Intercontinental Champion. The Brain makes reference to Rodney King (oo er) and whats going to happen to “Barney Fife” before Perfect promises you won’t see him giving the challenger “56 free shots”, that he’s cool as a cat and “I say what I say I am, and I say I’m…” and tailing off. Once you know the context, I don’t think that one aged well, even if Curt and Boobsy delivered it superbly.

(9) ICT : MR PERFECT VS BIG BOSS MAN

Vintage Hasbro stuff even if you didn’t have a blue Perfect on the shelves just yet. Lord Al Hays is filling in for The Brain at ringside and honestly I’m surprised this didn’t immediately follow Warrior vs Savage so Bobby could get his breath back! Challenger out first, as it should be. Perfect out second with his “perfect manager” according to Fink as Gorilla and Lord Alfred are unsure whether it’s smugness or just confidence on his face. Perfect chucks his towel at Boss Man who without missing a beat wipes his arse with it and throws it in Curts face. Some jawing ensues and Boss Man spits at the champ (ew) who responds with a slap. Bubba just laughs maniacally in response and Perfect freaks out and rolls out of the ring. Back turned, he doesn’t spot Al’s favourite former prison guard slide out after him and turns round into a gigantic receipt of a slap that knocks him for his trademark side spinning bump before Marietta’s finest rolls him back in. Little things, lovely start. Back inside Boss Man roughs up Perfect by the hair then a quick sequence sees Perfect run into the buckle but meet a foot, followed by a clothesline Curt bumps big for then he’s thrown back out. Back in again Perfect gets a brief edge off a missed corner charge but gets reversed in for his trademark spinning back bump, then Boss does the old “leg over the back while throat is on the rope” move and whips the champ with his belt. As Joey Marella ticks Boss Man off Perfect wraps the belt around his fist and then punches the challenger seemingly in the throat, and takes hold of the match. Abdominal stretch gets us a breather ; Ray is sweating profusely, as was his wont. Punches and chops in the corner followed by his patented “neck snap” and the champ closes in but Boss Man reverses into a small package for a nice false finish. Perfect goes straight back on attack with an inverted neck snap of sorts/flip neck breaker to kneeling Boss Man, like a proto-Blockbuster. Alfred enthuses about Perfect’s “armoury” and “arsenal” which flowery as they are both sound better than “move set” - Hays hadn’t really added much here but he at least sounds more excited than when sat next to Sean Mooney for Coliseum. Mr P goes to the top rope and gets really good air but meets nothing but a Cobb County boot in the mush. Bosom Man does huge damage off bouncing Perfects face off the buckle which he sells with the little jump off the bottom rope, hurls him across the ring by the hair, and grabs each foot and pulls him groin first into the ring post. Backing up in the corner, Perfect is sent sailing over the top with an uppercut exactly like against Beefpiece last year, but Boss Man allows the Weasel to distract him and Hennig takes advantage sending his challenger into the steps - pretty hardcore for 1991! Bobby gets a few boots in while Perfect keeps Marella occupied, and Andre The Giant wanders down to a decent pop - one of a number of Mania I participants appearing in their last, and that number seriously dwindles with each passing year now. Andre stalks The Brain and takes possession of the ICT belt as Perfect works over Boss Man whose shirt is open, as he liked it to occasionally become. The turnbuckle pad is off and Perfect runs the challenger into it, but he, Heenan and the ref spend what feels like an eternity preoccupied with the Giant. Eventually with Marella chatting to Heenan, the champ gets too close to the 8th Wonder of the World and gets clocked with the belt for his trouble. Joey administers the count with both men seemingly out, as we meander towards the finish. Eventually Boss Man sits up, LA anticipate a title change, but Perfects able to lift a shoulder just in time, which is for the best because Haku and Barbar slide in just too late to make a proper save ; it’s a DQ nonetheless. Major miscue in the aftermath as Andre trips Barbar up as Boss Man is in the process of trying to whip him to the ropes. This isn’t even as random as you’d think, they tagged at SummerSlam 89. Andre clears off Haku and Barbarian in a slapstick manner, bouncing Barbar into the ring post then he staggers into his teammate. Andre’s lack of mobility shows. Boss is declared the winner but Gorilla reminds he doesn’t win the title and immediately starts shitting himself that Sarge might retain against the Hulkster in similar fashion later. Well, it’s all a bit anticlimactic for the big ending to Boss Man vs The Heenan Family at a WrestleMania. Match was decent until the finish which seemed a good plan but executed badly, nobody really seemed to know what they were doing. You’ll see better matches by either but overall it’s still worth watching. Having started well during his Perfect record, Mr P slips to 1-2 at Manias while Boss Man moves to 3-0 - nobody ever talks about HIS streak, do they??

(10) EARTHQUAKE VS GREG VALENTINE 

No pause for breath as no sooner have Boss Man and Andre gone through the curtain than Quake and the Mouth emerge. Monsoon thanks Al for his support and shoots it to Mean Gene in the crowd for some celebrity hobnobbing - to be fair, it’s more interesting than Hammers entrance. Future Mania participant Donald Trump thinks it’s as “fantastic” as he did in previous years and Okerlund also gets confused ramblings too from the late great Chuck Norris (who claims to have been a fan of Gorgeous George and “Argentina” Rocca), Henry Winkler and Lou Ferrigno, during which Greg comes down and the crowd go mild. I wonder if they’d have been better served blowing off Valentine vs Bravo in a crap but short match and having Tornado give Quake a competitive match? Never mind. Bobby returns to the desk and Gino tells him he got by by the skin of his teeth. Heenan acts confused claiming he and Andre are good friends, chortle. Bell rings, Quake backs Valentine into the corner and almost immediately hits his powerslam for 2. Openings granted off a missed charge in the corner then by Earthquake putting his head down off a whip, from which Greg drops him to one knee with one of his elbow strikes, then to the mat with one off the middle buckle. One elbow drop later and Valentine goes for the figure four. Jimmy Hart distracts him however, Earthquake pulls him back to the mat, drops a quick elbow then hits the Earthquake for an inevitable win. It may have taken me longer to type up than the match lasted but despite the brevity given the face in peril was Valentine, it still managed to be boring. Quake considers a second Earthquake but Greg rolls out and sadly will live to fight another day. Valentine was screwed when Honky quit, the face turn did nothing for him though it’s odd that having beaten him so conclusively here, they will still use him to try and get IRS over at SummerSlam in favour of babyfaces that are actually over. Very strange “season finale” for big John too, after a year working guys like Duggan and Boss Man and drawing big gates with The Hulkster. Oh well, win keeps him a threat for moving him on to Jake.

Sean Mooney interviews Legion of Doom about Power & Glory, Animal claims they should be stood there as champs, Hawk makes the “Sour & Gory” quip that gets recycled at Battle Royal at the Albert Hall. In one of the rare instances of the original broadcast being inferior to the Silver Vision cut, Hawks “What a rush” wraps the interview and we return to ringside rather than cutting smoothly to the Roadies entrance.

(11) LEGION OF DOOM VS POWER & GLORY

Another that will take me longer to recap than the match itself - the dreaded time constraints will take hold, though not as badly as years where matches will get cut. Just think, there’s a draft of this where Herc & Jerk are dropping the tag titles to LOD having won them from the Harts, which got binned when the office learned the Nasties were coming available. Hawk and Animal are in their black & white away kit tights for some reason. Gorilla accuses Bobby of a short memory for forgetting what happened “in that tag team elimination tournament” (um, battle royal) which we’ll come back to. Baddies attack before the bell but Animal floors both with a double shoulder tackle. Hercules backdrops Hawk to the floor and follows him out while Roma slams Animal and heads to the top only to be caught with a powerslam (move of the night?). Meanwhile Herc stumbles around looking drunk from damage unseen, Animal buckles Romeo then gets him up for the Doomsday Device, and the three count follows immediately. Monsoon says “We may have seen a record time” - umm, Hart Foundation just last year?? Now who’s got the short memory. Or maybe he’s had one too many crêmes de menthe. Match served its purpose, squash to get LOD primed for a run at the title - if you liked them, you’ll like this.

Video package next to the build for Virgil vs Teddy, and no matter how many times I see this or the one at the Rumble making it seem like the abuse and simmering resentment built up over time, as a kid I felt like it came out of nowhere. We seen the excellently executed turn at the aforementioned Rumble, Virgil beat Haku on Superstars with Hot Rods help, then the good guys cause the Million Dollar Man to lose by count out to Kevin Greeno. Two bits of cheating in a row from the guys we’re supposed to cheer, according to the edit. This of course being the match a lot of us forget even happen compared to the terrific piece of work they achieved at SummerSlam, let’s see how it holds up.

(12) VIRGIL VS MILLION DOLLAR MAN

Teddy comes out with the diamonds and gold as usual and as per Mania tradition announced from his spring residence of Palm Beach. Summer was Hyannis Port, one other was the Antilles, and there’s one I always forget. Piper out next, knee brace and all after a “motorbike accident”, and it always bemused me when cornermen got their own intro between the participants. Felt not quite right. Virgil comes down in his Hasbro shorts but they haven’t knocked up a theme for him yet. “Fancy footwork” (according to Gorilla) and fisticuffs as expected from the former bodyguard from the bell. DiBiase is knocked down twice then once more and rolls out twice in succession to regroup, the second time Virgil follows but when he gets back in meets a boot followed by a clothesline. His former boss rashly runs straight into a back elbow followed by a token pin attempt and Ted slides out again. Back inside, Teddy remonstrates with Danny Davis and forces him to check Virg for foreign objects, a lovely forgotten bit of baddie stalling. Trying his own game rather than fighting with Virgil, DiBiase attempts wrestling but gets dropped before finally a drop toehold gets his disgruntled former employee onto the mat where he drives Virgil head first into the mat then does the same into a turnbuckle, administers a few chops then off a whip to the ropes, returns the favour of the back elbow before pausing to give lip to Piper sat ringside. Whip into the ropes and Million Dollar Man lands another crisp clothesline before mocking Piper with a boxing guard pose. Haha! Tell me a story in the ring, not on the microphone. Piledriver (!!) follows and even with a leg hooked, plucky Virgil kicks out. Traditional suplex, nice and smooth, gets another two, and I realise I miss regular suplexes which are neither delayed nor snap. Ted and Bret probably did the best ones. Gutwrench suplex next, similarly beautiful, and in a remarkably subtle bit of logic Ted neglects to hook a leg this time so Virgil kicks out noticeably sooner than on the previous two covers. Christ, that’s good. And speaking of which, how’s this from The Brain ;

“Virgil, get out the vacuum. Get out the broom and the dustpan. Do what you do best ; clean up DiBiase’s house. Carry his bags. But don’t try to match it in there with Ted DiBiase.”

Ooh, the disdain! Ted throws Virgil outside and waffles him with a few knife-edge chops up against the railing as Roddy tries to martial his crutch to gain his feet, then when DiBiase rolls his opponent back in, he callously shoves the stricken Hot Rod off his chair flat onto his back. Whip then gorgeous rotation off Teds regular powerslam (DEFINITELY move of the night by now) and the Weasel gives us TWO cracking editions of “I’ve fallen, and I can’t get uuuuuuup!” as Hot Rod struggles, but as Teddy goes to bounce off the rope Piper pulls the top rope down with his crutch and the Million Dollar Man tumbles over. Hey, that’s a disqualification if “Dangerous” had spotted it! Ted punches Roddy to the floor and I don’t blame him at this point, then boots him back down as he’s stood on the apron, but is fractionally too late back into the ring to beat Danny’s count, and the bell rings. Hmm, seems sus to be completely objective. Virgil is declared the winner but is too concerned with Pipers wellbeing and is vulnerable to attack from behind and summarily ends up in the Million Dollar Dream. Hot Rod rolls in, struggles to his feet and breaks it up by twatting Teddy over the back with his crutch - “Jose Canseco couldn’t hit one like that” according to Bobby. Probably not, he’s rescuing a woman, her cat and her piano from a burning house at the time. Sherri trots down to even up the numbers, and they start doing a number on Pipers leg. Heenan quips “It’s safe to say that Piper doesn’t have a leg to stand on.” Virgil snatches the crutch from DiBiase and sends him and his new acquisition running. Sherri looks a shade enamoured of Ted, she always did move on fast. This time next year she’ll have a Boy Toy. Virgil implores Roddy to regain his feet and they leave together as Bobby insists it’s over for Hot Rod. Felt a little truncated, which it probably was due to those dreaded time constraints again, but that won’t have affected the finish and it’s not really the ending you want if you’re invested in Virgil and serves primarily to set up Piper vs DiBiase for the road. Realistically you’d always watch their SummerSlam match over this one but I can’t honestly say I didn’t enjoy it, Teds deep into his “could have a good match with a broom” peak here.

We go backstage where Sean is with General Adnan and WWF Champion Sgt Slaughter who has some choice words for “the leader of the Pukeamaniacs, the ultimate slime Hulk Hogan” after we see video of them setting a Hulk Rules t-shirt alight and then whacking Hogan with a chair in the aftermath of Slaughter vs Duggan on telly. It’s only here that I notice Netflix subtitles say “WWE” or “the World Wrestling Entertainment” even if the original audio hasn’t been overdubbed, and hilariously Vince commentary notes display as “Mr McMahon” speaking. Brown noses. I’ll give credit here, low rent as the war exploitation was, Bob Laughter did at least make a great baddie. He suggests he might get himself counted out or disqualified to keep the title as Gorilla has already alluded to earlier in the broadcast. I fucking hated Slaughter as a kid, with his annoying bluster and obsession with puke and maggots, plus the Camel Clutch which we’ll get to later. And back to ringside.

(13) THE MOUNTIE VS TITO SANTANA

Boy, if the Silver Vision version wasn’t heavily clipped, we’re going to have entrances maybe longer than the match here. Heenan muses on what a great night for Jimmy Hart with Quake winning earlier and acquiring the tag title - conclusive proof yet again that nobody gives a fuck about Dino Bravo. Mountie introduced in the ring, Chico comes out with his Blue Note Club salsa. Monsoon says the City of Angels has always been a lucky spot for Tito. Not today, Galvatron. First rope running spot off initial lock up ends in an awkward collision and Jacques rolls out. Tito follows and Mountie and the Mouth get the old double noggin knocker. Back in the future El Matador hits an atomic drop sending Mountie scurrying to the bottom rope and apron for some kind of comfort. With Joey Marella’s back turned trying to get Santana to break, Hart sneaks Mountie the shock stick. Tito shoves Joey to one side and that’s all Mountie needs to zap him in the gut. Tito writhes in pain as Heenan insists “I believe it’s something he ate” - chortle. Mountie makes the pin, and that’s the whole match. Wiki says 81 seconds. Pointless. I’d say not worth your time but honestly, what time? Tito Santana, first winner in WrestleMania history, drops to 1-6. If you needed a wee between Virgil and the main, you barely had chance.

As soon as the match ends, we’re with Gene. He’s with The Hulkster who cuts a fantastic promo, unique but typically him at the same time skilfully blending lyrics from the national anthem with warfare lingo and promising the Hulkster of 1991 sports “new technology” that all adds up to winning the belt from Sarge. He gets so riled up he rips his shirt off even before entrances! He closes saying Slaughter will be a victim of twilights last .. creaming? Thats how it sounds. Maybe he said gleaming. And “creaming” was still used to mean thrashing/beating at the time, but either way it sounds dodgy. Back in the arena Fink introduces celebrities for the main as Gorilla trumpets the lie that it’s the biggest audience in the history of pay per view, not for the first time and not even for the last. Celebrities are Trebek doing ring announcing, Philbin who’s joining the comms desk and Marla as timekeeper - fresh off being the catalyst for the Donald divorcing Ivana, but two years removed from marrying him herself. Fink introduces her as “the vivacious” Marla Maples which is Vince speak if ever I heard it. Brain suggests Regis has been slagging off Gorilla behind his back, chortle! And of course, cosies up to him as soon as Regis has his headset on. Philbin from what I remember is a likeable unobtrusive presence here, coming off as a genuine fan. “You know Marla’s been ringing my bell for quite a while” says Bobby of our timekeeper, which sure sounds like a wanking joke.

(14) WWFT : SGT SLAUGHTER VS HULK HOGAN

Trebek actually announces it as for the “World Wrestling Federation Heavyweight Championship” which I don’t expect was on the cue card. Bob comes down with Adnan to predictable boos, followed by our Hulk for, actually, the final time he’s ever promoted up front as wrestling for the WWF title at a WrestleMania. The fans that did make it to Los Angeles despite the “bomb scare” clearly still love him, and he’s got a replacement Hulk Rules shirt so he can rip it off. Instructions complete, Earl signals Ms Maples to ring the bell and Brain quips “If I had a hammer..” Good lord! Hogan shoves Hebner twice as he tries to break the opening lock up stalemate in the corner - men will be disqualified for far less before this project wraps. Big shove off from the challenger, Sarge accuses him of pulling the hair - Christ, we won’t see much of THAT in this match but nice heeling nonetheless. Huge shoulder block sends Slaughter flopping to the floor like a limp fish and soon he’s out to regroup. Hogan follows to the floor, gets distracted by a feeble Adnan ax handle then Sarge taps him on the back with a chair which Hebner lets slide and the Hulkster no sells. Once they’re back in the former drill sergeant (thank you Sean Mooney) gets a moment’s respite with an eye poke and drops Hulk with a back elbow off a whip to the ropes but a missed elbow drop lands Hogan back in charge. Brain lies to Regis that Hogan never gave his men title shots which is a riot. Clothesline, whip to the corner and running back elbow follow in and then an atomic drop gets Hulkster a token 2 count. Out to the floor and in again, a whip and Hogans running elbow to the crown of the crown of the head gets another 2. Whip to the corner again and a backdrop then a second whip which Sarge sells rebounding back out with a flat face bump. Knee to back once he’s back up, then Hogan delivers a slingshot, which triggers another fish flop. This is remarkably one sided so far. Whip again, running corner clothesline and 10 punches before Hogan tries another pin attempt for another 2. There’s a bit of a miscue when Hogan jumps from the middle rope and they seem uncoordinated as to whether he’s supposed to land his attack or get cut off, but he nails it and follows with a bodyslam and vintage Hogan elbow drops. “The Hulkster of the 90s” climbs to the top rope (!!) but the General distracts him and the Sarge slams him off the top. Laughter takes it to the outside where he hits Hulk with a chair again and chokes him with a cable. Now, if I wanted to retain by any means I’d just slap the Camel Clutch on outside and just wait for both of us to get counted out. However as Monsoon observes, by this point Sarge wants the win. He rolls Hogan back in and hits a backbreaker for his first two count of the match. “In Iraq you only have to count to 2” says Heenan. Brilliant. Sarge slaps on a Boston crab but Hulk reaches the ropes. Slaughter goes to the top and lands a flying stomp to Terrys back, but Adnans jumped the gun a bit and climbed onto the apron, distracting Hebner while the WWF Champion appears to have a visible three count over the Hulk. If this is long-term thinking (I forget) with Slaughters turn in mind, the first moment he senses he might have hitched his cart to the wrong horse, then kudos. Bob finally realises he’s got an opportunity and bonks Hulkster over the head with a chair ; Hogan blades. Camel Clutch is promptly slapped on and Jesus Christ did I hate this as a kid, in fact nothing probably exposed the biz as a show more than people escaping that hold once properly applied. Of COURSE, the Immortal Hulk Hogan won’t give up and rises then backs Slaughter into a corner but he seems finished. Laughter drapes the Iraqi flag over Hogan and goes for the pin. The rest writes itself, surely? Our second dad kicks out, Hulks Up, and enraged at his own blood loss and the disrespect, rips up the flag. Blocks Sarge’s punches, you know how it goes, boot and ledrop and it’s all over ; Hulk wins the match, the belt and the Gulf War. Gorilla excitedly tells us an “unprecedented” third time winning the gold over Fink making the announcement - Trebek would have charged twice? Burt Reynolds wouldn’t shun his responsibilities, you’ll see. Hulk gets given the belt and launches into his full routine as Monsoon reminds us “Greatest professional athlete in the world today” - then, now, forever - right before we get a shot of a gleeful Trump watching on. Gino rolls back the years and dusts off “It is a happening!” just as, moments too late for the perfect MAGA screenshot, Hulkster grabs the stars ‘n’ stripes while Gorilla doubles down on his win over the “forces of evil.” Tez doesn’t get as long posing as you’d expect since we’ve overran and fairly quickly after the bell we fade to black. It wasn’t quite the formula you’d expect, Hogan had much more of the match than usual and really gave Slaughter quite the drubbing before the brief turn of the tide facilitated by Adnan, but then maybe that’s how it was meant to go, such as the emotional need they expected from fans to see Saddams boy get his justice. It wasn’t the match he had with Warrior or certainly Savage, it didn’t captivate you like 3 with Andre, but on a rewatch I enjoyed it anyway and far more than I remembered. A feel good ending to a mostly feel good show - curse you, Nasty Boys!!

So that was VII. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be, but I still really enjoyed it. Lots of colour and strongly defined characters plus enough big good guy wins to make you smile ; I can tell why 91/92 had the tapes that were the most watched of my collection for many years, excluding ones featuring Sable. Another thumbs up for “the good old days.” Even if we didn’t get Sheik Tugboat.

NUMBER OF WRESTLEMANIAS WATCHED : 7

NUMBER OF WRESTLEMANIAS GENUINELY ENJOYED : 5 (71%)
NUMBER OF MATCHES WATCHED : 91
NUMBER OF MATCHES GENUINELY ENJOYED : 54 (59%)

What did the house shows typically look like out the back end of this Mania?

[quote]

April 1991

Hulk Hogan vs Sgt Slaughter for the WWF title is all over and it’s nearly always Hulk getting himself disqualified with a chair except in Minneapolis on 13th when Hogan actually wins. Otherwise DQ in all the usual places - the Horizon, the Spectrum, Boston, Maple Leaf Gardens, dark at two TV and at MSG before about 12,000 which must have been slightly disappointing. He catches a pin on Slaughter at the London Docklands for Sky and taped for the UK Rampage release but then back to the DQ for a month end Florida loop. Fuck Glasgow, Belfast, Dublin, Manchester and Birmingham. They don’t say their prayers or take their vitamins obviously.

Ultimate Warrior is, of course, still a main event attraction. He tops Honolulu with one last revenge match with Sgt Slaughter then it’s straight into his long term run with The Undertaker. They land a couple of decent venues like the Palace the Capital Center and the Montreal Forum but there’s nothing much to say - urn for the DQ and a foiled body bag attempt afterwards.

There are three shows without Hogan in Madison, Normal IL and New Haven where Slaughter goes over Jim Duggan in the Boot Camp match, they have excellent support from Nasty Boys vs Legion of Doom for the tag team title and two hot feuds, Jake Roberts vs Earthquake and Virgil vs Ted DiBiase.

For the initial UK tour aside from London the top two matches are usually Roddy Piper vs Ted DiBiase and British Bulldog vs Earthquake although they trade opponents in Dublin and the second of two Manchester shows. Piper goes on last every night except Davey Boy and Teddy in Dublin and in Belfast - I didn’t know this! - The Rockers with Andre the Giant vs Orient Express with Mr Fuji is a six man tag - Andre actually WRESTLES and pins Fuji! 30th in Birmingham the roster is refreshed, Davey Boy wrestles Taker and Mr Perfect is on last losing to Jake Roberts by count-out. Warrior sits on his arse, saving himself for London.

As for feuds…..

The Nasty Boys reign as tag champions kicks off with them walking off for the count-out every night against Legion of Doom. Mr Perfect spends most of the month getting dirty wins over Davey Boy but in Rochester, Providence and Orlando he’s back with old buddy Bret Hart. We all know how this will end. Brets singles run starts with mostly pinfall wins over Barbarian then when they come over here, 30th at the NEC, I assume advertised far in advance, the Hart Foundation is back together for the start of a three night run in England, beating Power & Glory with the same finish they did all winter. Jake Roberts vs Earthquake, Big Boss Man (usually) pinning The Mountie! and Ted DiBiase vs Virgil are pretty constant except Teddy sometimes works Piper who’s in and out. Ricky Steamboat’s going over Haku, the Rockers are (usually) beating the Orients. When Hacksaw isn’t with Sarge, he’s (usually) pinning Col Mustafa. Yes, sometimes the heels in question win. The Bushwhackers trade wins with Power & Glory when a member of one or the other isn’t injured.

Plenty of mini-feuds. Tugboats in for a rough month, he’s gone from losing to Taker every night last month to rehabilitating The Warlord after Mania, then doing a few jobs for Berzerker. Month end, it’s clear where his standing as a babyface has fallen to as he’s putting over the new guy - everyone’s favourite bore, IRS. Irwin came in with a run with Superfly including at MSG beforehand. Texas Tornado has a run of wins over Smash (in for The Model) before he inherits Warload for a run of crap count-outs.

One off fun - Bulldog wrestles Haku yet again at Maple Leaf Gardens taped for Prime Time and once with Berzerker in Montreal, at MSG Virgil teams with the Rockers to beat the Orients & Mr Fuji. Koko does a few jobs to Mustafa and Berzerker, Earthquake works once with Valentine. Jim Brunzell gets a call for Rochester when they need a body to lose to Irwin and incredibly Johnny Ace (yes, Laurinaitas) does a job for Mustafa in West Palm.

1st in Kobe is another night of the SWS team up, most notable happenings being Randy Savage vs Genichiro Tenryu which sounds decent but I suspect wasn’t, and the infamous Earthquake vs Koji Kitao match where Kitao gets fed up selling for Tenta and stops co-operating before getting on the mic and telling the crowd it’s fake. There’s a run at the start of the month through New Zealand just like last year full of jobbers and Don Muraco, and the Bushwhackers going on last against the Nasty Boys and beating them by DQ. The highlight of the month end SWS shows is Demolition still get used a team, losing to George Takano & Genichiro Tenryu on 23rd but beating George and Shunji Takano on 24th. I’d be lying if I said I ever thought I’d see Kendo Nagasaki, Minoru Suzuki, Tito Santana and Roadblock on the same show. Unless it was a 1998 Thunder.

[/quote]

WHAT WAS UK NUMBER ONE ON THE DAY OF THIS MANIA?

GET IN.

 

Edited April 14 by air_raid
High hopes and aspirations, ideas above my station maybe…

[BomberPat]

it's not an era that I have a ton of nostalgia for - the first blossoming of my fandom was a few years after this - but I have a real soft spot for this Wrestlemania. 

I find it fascinating that it's still a time where a lot of the big blow-off matches are happening on house shows rather than at 'Mania, or on pay-per-view at all, as it feels like this should be past the point of that being the business model - one of the big feuds was Hogan/Earthquake, and years later that would still get talked up as one of the great Hogan programmes, but it was almost entirely to build to Stretcher matches on house shows; Hogan beats Quake by count-out at Summerslam, eliminates him in the Royal Rumble, Quake is counted out in the Survivor Series match...and then the Wrestlemania match is Earthquake vs. Greg Valentine, not him wrestling Hogan, or even Tugboat, and there's no pay-off to a story that seemed to be building to "Hogan can beat him, but can he pin him?". But at the same time, they know the Wrestlemania main event is a big enough deal to not give it a dry run on house shows they way they might have done in the past, and Sarge and Hulk only start working that loop after 'Mania - including the "Desert Storm" matches that feel like an alternate universe version of Wrestlemania VIII; more of a heated brawl than a big bit of flag waving glitz and glamour, that sense that in New York or Boston the WWF still had to have a bit of grit to it that was mostly lacking from the TV and PPV output.

I do have a lot of affection for the Sgt Slaughter Iraqi turncoat angle. It is tasteless and ridiculous, but Sarge is such a cartoon character that the extent to which they try and sell it as a genuine betrayal is unintentionally hilarious, and for some reason I find General Adnan a brilliant supporting character, even though he never really did anything. Everyone talks about how tasteless it was for them to portray Sgt Slaughter as an Iraqi sympathiser, but not the Iranian Iron Sheik, who, unlike Sarge, actually was a a military veteran - probably one of the most egregious examples of wrestling's "they're all the same, aren't they?" approach to ethnic and national differences.

 

I have a friend who doesn't watch wrestling, but did as a kid, and still occasionally browses r/squaredcircle, or keeps abreast of wrestling news, and quizzes me on it. Kind of the archetypal lapsed fan - early '90s, Attitude Era, then maybe checks something out if there's buzz around it and the mood takes him, but mostly it's all nostalgia for him. He's gay, and always says that the only woman he ever fancied, who he still thinks is the most beautiful woman he's ever seen, was Miss Elizabeth. He routinely gets home drunk after a night out and puts on the post-match angle from Savage vs. Warrior, and I've been in the pub with him before when he's insisted on showing it to mates, or just quietly watched it himself on his phone when he got bored. Absolute magic.

[tiger_rick]

3 hours ago, air_raid said:

(1) THE ROCKERS VS HAKU & THE BARBARIAN

Probably can't review this one objectively today as I already know it's an utter banger. There's an argument that the Faces Of Fear (as they will be called later) are the best tag team either will be part of after previous stints in The Powers Of Pain/The Islanders/The Colossal Connection, and while they're declining in relevance rapidly both are coming off some great matches with Smithers and Boss Man respectively as you already know if you saw Mega Matches or the Rumble. On the other side, after falling at Mania V, Mania VI and SummerSlam, Shawn & Marty have just FINALLY won a tag on PPV, beating the Tanaka/Kato edition of The Orient Express at the Rumble in one of the best matches of 1991, and indeed the highest Meltzer had rated a WWF match since Savage vs Steamboat at Mania III. Fink introduces a "tag team attraction" - yay! Duggan thinks the longer the match goes, the better for the Rockers due to conditioning. Early sparring between Shawn and Haku hasa nice leapfrog, dropdown, leapfrog then flying tackle from Michaels. Haku roughs Shawn up but Marty makes a blind tag and we get a double hiptoss and double nip up, just when we think we're getting vintage Rockers, Barbarian knocks them INSIDE OUT with a double clothesline - ha!! However they duck under Haku and clean first him then Barbar out with double superkicks, and The Brain's men hit ringside to regroup. Barbar takes advantage roughing up Marty but he comes back with a Frankensteiner with a dropkick assist from Shawn. Barbar recovers and tags Haku in, they hit a double headbutt, then when the Rockers try the same Frankensteiner trick on Haku, Danny Davis (a straight ref again) stops Shawn coming in, Barbarian grabs hold of Marty and they hit a GIGANTIC double team hot shot across the top rope with Barbar actually going over the top rope himself while holding onto Jannetty's hair - "OHHH!!" go LA, "Devastating move" says Hacksaw and Marty sells his throat - that looked crazy. Military press from Barbar, quick tags now from the Heenan Family. Beautiful pendulum backbreaker from Haku as normal, he holds on and hits another - "OHH!" says Los Angeles again. Brief bear hug from Barbar and I don't begrudge either man a little rest at this point, shortly afterwards in the corner Barbar runs into a boot but when Marty goes for a second rope crossbody he gets wiped out with a powerslam. Bobby says "pin him" but Barbarian goes to the top rope ; Jannetty moves and Headshrinker 3 plants himself face first. Tag on both sides and the crowd go wild for HBK - cracking back elbow to Haku, mounted punches in the corner then a twisting crossbody when he sees Barbar coming. Haku reverses a whip but puts his head down and a swinging neckbreaker gets 2. Assisted sunset flip prompts Barbar back in to break up the pin but a double dropkick sends him clean out ; double clothesline to Haku then The Rockers go up top - Marty hits a dropkick from one corner then Shawn lands a crossbody from the opposite side, for the 1-2-3. Crowd love it and so do I! Incredibly, now progressing to 2 in a row, that’s the last match The Rockers will win on PPV. Other than the 92 Rumble, it’s the last we’ll see of Haku on PPV for now, Barbar will get another whirl as Samu’s replacement in The Headshrinkers (until unceremoniously battered out the door by a certain Sid) before the Faces Of Fear become ever-entwined down South, even feuding over the Hardcore title at the point WCW closes - where upon Haku will of course pop back up in the WWF forming an embryonic Bloodline pairing with Rikishi about 15 years before their offspring will do the same. Anyway. What a fucking match. Everyone got shine at what made them good at what they were good at, good finish and popular win to get the crowd up from the start, and Los Angeles certainly got pumped up for this one, let's see how we get on as the show progresses.

I absolutely love this match and have for a long time. But I love it more on every rewatch and have really enjoyed it getting a shout out from plenty of other people over the last few years. There was a bit of a campaign, almost, to recognise Barbarian as an under-rated guy who could have main evented in the WWF a couple of years ago and that's a bit of a nonsense but he was definitely a bit of a gem in the midcard and the tag team with Haku brought out loads in him at Mania 7.

I'd like nothing more from a rewriting of history than to see Power & Glory, The Rockers and Haku and Barbar carry the WWF Tag Division and the titles from around Survivors 1990 until mid-1992 when The Rockers could then run their big angle. 

The Rockers are just the best. Their work for the 2-3 years before they split was incredible. Having very good matches with everyone from Demolition to Twin Towers to P&G to Brain Busters and outstanding matches on PPV with Orient Express and the would be Faces of Fear. They elevated everyone to another level and it's criminal that they never got the straps. Demolition and Hart Foundation were brilliant too so it's understandable why it didn't happen for a long time but the window of opportunity was there and they bottled it.

Mentioned recently but this show is bang in the middle of my most fervant and nostalgic period of fandom outside of 1997. Mid-1990 to Mid-1992 is just after the real golden period, the exploitation of the Gulf War is disgraceful and the steroid scandal and the lies told are horrific but it doesn't affect my memories or the beautiful warm feeling in my heart when I watch this stuff.

[Chili]

The double clothesline from Barbarian where both Rockers kip up straight into the 'Jannetty/Rikishi" corkscrew bump at the exact same time is one of my favourite visually appealing spots to watch. It's perfect and you also hear the crowd really react to it. 

Something @air_raiddidn't mention that might have ended up happening was the reveal of Brutus Beefcake as the mystery man and the potential rumoured idea of reuniting the Dream Team. Right until the weekend of Mania they were airing the 'Furface' run-ins (when they could have edited them out). Post match might seen Bravo getting involved ready to squash Valentine with Quake and Bruti makes the save and unmasks. Don't think they'd have had women crying like Savage/Liz earlier mind you. The real dream team had already reunited half an hour earlier.

[WyattSheepMask]

Yeah, I echo the love for Rockers v Barbarian & Haku, an outstanding opener.

Wrestlemania VII was the first wrestling video I ever owned despite not being the first show I ever saw. The aforementioned opener is still great, The Hart Foundation manages to get a decent match out of The Nasty Boys, LOD looking the absolute business steamrolling Power & Glory, hell even the Blindfold Match is exactly what pro wrestling is all about out with the crowd interaction, and the if you ignore all the Gulf War nonsense I’d even say the Main Event is passable.

Warrior/Savage is pro wrestling perfection though, I’ll take that over any automatic 6 Stars cos it’s in the Tokyo Dome wankfest any day.

Edited April 14 by WyattSheepMask