The absolutely awful Xmas film watch thread

[SuperBacon]

A Hobo's Christmas

I thought "Well that has to be ripe for a bit of piss taking surely" as let's be honest this is the only reason I'm watching. 

No. Fucking shit. I've never seen The Waltons or Little House On The Prairie ( I think) but this looks and sounds exactly like an episode of that. All slide guitar and wobbly harmonicas. Awful.

Nothing to take the piss out of. At one point I went for a poo and didn't pause it. Maybe I missed the greatest scene in cinema history, who knows?

A film so bad I'm off to do some work for a bit.

1 hobo out of 10.

 

[FLips]

A Very Nutty Christmas

Melissa Joan Hart is a baker and a shit boss who is given a magic nutcracker by a strange German man. The nutcracker turns into a human and despite being told it was magic she is oblivious to who he is. He cracks some walnuts with his hands and she falls in love with him, but uh-oh he’s turning back into a nutcracker on Christmas Eve.

When the penny finally drops she tells her mate he’s a literal nutcracker come to life and she says “so” which matches my energy beat for beat.

They decide at the very last minute not to commit to the bit and instead of bringing him back she finds another bloke exactly like him who can also crack nuts with his hands and falls in love with him instead.

As a side note the second I saw Melissa Joan Hart (who I’ve not seen since she was Sabrina) I said to my wife she looks like she votes for Donald Trump and a quick search shows that likely to be the case. Dunno what it is about her, just gives off that vibe.

Shit film and she’s rubbish in it, which given her recent filmography since 2008 is almost all Christmas films you’d think she’d have experience.

[Harry Wiseau]

so yesterday I flicked through one of those channels that seems to be showing Christmas Movies all weekend throughout July (I'm assuming it's just in July as Christmas in July is a sort of thing) and happened to watch a few minutes of Next Stop, Christmas I dropped in about halfway through and only watched a few minutes of it but it seems to deviate slightly from the usual "High flying businesswoman returns to her home town and falls in love with her ex / the handyman she doesn't like at the start of the film" story by being  a woman who returns home on a train BUT the train takes her back in time ten years to live out her life again, will she stay with the bf she split up back then? a bit Sliding Doors I suppose but i think it'll be on my list to watch properly come November. The mysterious train conductor is played by Christopher Lloyd, so it has that going for it. 

 

[SuperBacon]

Oh fuck yeah! That sounds excellent. It's on the list thanks.

[5pints 2.0]

I highly recommend Christmas in the Cotswolds, or to give it its American title A Very English Christmas, if your idea of fun is watching Fresh Meats Kimberly Nixon atrocious attempt at an American accent.

[SuperBacon]

Some people look forward to the food.

Some people look forward to the presents. 

Some people look forward to spending time with their family.

But for some of us, there is a greater calling.

We go again soon lads.

[Devon Malcolm]

7 minutes ago, SuperBacon said:

Some people look forward to the food.

Some people look forward to the presents. 

Some people look forward to spending time with their family.

But for some of us, there is a greater calling.

We go again soon lads.

Don't do this.

[SuperBacon]

4 minutes ago, Devon Malcolm said:

Don't do this.

Actually after looking into this, the cast is actually pretty decent, so while it might be shit, it's not quite the level of shit I'm looking for. But I'll be watching it anyway. 

I recently found a post with a load of dog related Xmas films and that's much more the vibe we're after isn't it?

[Harry Wiseau]

I don't think you did Hat's Off last year, or the Shoes trilogy. I very much enjoyed your hard work last year and look forward to enjoying this year's installment of my new favourite Christmas tradition. 

 

Merry Christmas to all etc

[Devon Malcolm]

40 minutes ago, SuperBacon said:

Actually after looking into this, the cast is actually pretty decent, so while it might be shit, it's not quite the level of shit I'm looking for. But I'll be watching it anyway. 

I recently found a post with a load of dog related Xmas films and that's much more the vibe we're after isn't it?

No.

[JLM]

Hot Frosty sounds like one of those whacky made up sex moves from the 90s. 

[davertfnewman]

1 hour ago, SuperBacon said:

Some people look forward to the food.

Some people look forward to the presents. 

Some people look forward to spending time with their family.

But for some of us, there is a greater calling.

We go again soon lads.

So Lacey is the tall bloke and Dustin is the shorter woman, based on the placement of the names on the poster.

[SuperBacon]

19 minutes ago, Harry Wiseau said:

the Shoes trilogy

I'll do my best this year to find all 3 of these. 

[Harry Wiseau]

13 minutes ago, SuperBacon said:

I'll do my best this year to find all 3 of these. 

Thank you for your service. 

 

I've only seen the first one (I think I still have the dvd somewhere) but it has had a lasting effect on me. Ill have to have a re-read of last year, get some inspiration.

[Devon Malcolm]

Buñuel is spinning in his grave.