Awards Moderator HarmonicGenerator Posted September 27, 2016 Awards Moderator Share Posted September 27, 2016 Ā Ā Staying with toilets and work... Ā I've walked into the cubicles at my work, and on more than one occasion, the same man is just sat there taking a dump......with the door unlocked. At first I thought it was a mistake on his part, its easy enough to not see the door has locked etc. But second time around, and it was the same guy again, I'm thinking "what the hell man?". the worst part is, he leaves the door slightly ajar as well, so you think its empty (with the lock colour thing showing green as well), so you push the door and it either hits the poort blokes legs or swings open to reveal him in his de-pantsed glory looking like a deer in the headlights. Ā Each time, he make the internationally approved noise of doing somthing wrong, ("OOOOOHP"),And then just kind of stares at you like its your fault. Its not cool. Ā Said bloke is also a massive numpty when it comes to work, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised. You're going to come home after a night on the bevvies and go for a pre-hibernation jobby. Ā He'll be waiting for you on top 'o your throne, grunting with excremental fervour and looking you in the eyes like a jilted lover in the throes of passion. "OOOOOOHP" he'll say, as he waddles towards you, kecks around his ankles. You try to escape. but for once, he has locked the bathroom door. You'll start to faint in unadulterated terror and all you will hear, in the deepest crevices of your mind is "OOOOOHP....OOOOOHP...OOOOOHP", like the repetitive flashing of a lighthouse, emblazoned onto your mind. Ā Either that, or he's just a fucking wombat. One of those central tenets of shitting is locking the door I find. I read that post in the voice of the guy from the Shia LaBeouf song. And now I imagine Mr E's colleague to look like Shia LaBeouf. Or maybe it is him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr.E Posted September 27, 2016 Share Posted September 27, 2016 Naa, he's grey haired and balding. He also has Ā some sort of weird tick, where he shakes his head and blinks every few seconds. Very strange guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juan Manforce Posted September 27, 2016 Share Posted September 27, 2016 Fucking hell Gus, that had me in stitches. I thought at first you'd peaked too early with "excremental fervour" but the (s)hits kept on coming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Astro Hollywood Posted September 30, 2016 Moderators Share Posted September 30, 2016 Today, Michelle Bass from the best Big Brother viewed a portrait of Ross Kemp I'd painted that was hanging in a gallery. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikehoncho Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 Today, Michelle Bass from the best Big Brother viewed a portrait of Ross Kemp I'd painted that was hanging in a gallery. Ā Were you there when she viewed it? Ā Did she drop her knickers ... ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Astro Hollywood Posted September 30, 2016 Moderators Share Posted September 30, 2016 Ā Today, Michelle Bass from the best Big Brother viewed a portrait of Ross Kemp I'd painted that was hanging in a gallery. Ā Were you there when she viewed it? Ā Did she drop her knickers ... ? Ā Ā I was there, and the only knickers that dropped were mine, in case Kinga was next through the door. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian 86 Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 Did she call you chicken? Ā (Not sure if I'm hoping that reference is right or not....) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Astro Hollywood Posted September 30, 2016 Moderators Share Posted September 30, 2016 I give off far too much of a Jungle Cat aura, I'm afraid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikehoncho Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 Ā Ā Today, Michelle Bass from the best Big Brother viewed a portrait of Ross Kemp I'd painted that was hanging in a gallery. Ā Were you there when she viewed it? Ā Did she drop her knickers ... ? Ā Ā I was there, and the only knickers that dropped were mine, in case Kinga was next through the door. Ā Ā Public strap-on action could have been a feature ... ticket sales would have been WAY up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian 86 Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 Just out of curiosity, where was it? Ā To clarify I'm curious about the art exhibition, not the non-celebrity Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Astro Hollywood Posted September 30, 2016 Moderators Share Posted September 30, 2016 (edited) Just a local thing. I've puffed it up for the anecdote Ā Although I am planning on this being the "Molly Sugden's bridesmaid" story that sees me through to the grave. Edited September 30, 2016 by Astro Hollywood Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members IANdrewDiceClay Posted September 30, 2016 Paid Members Share Posted September 30, 2016 I've heard Michelle Bass is posh now. Doesnt have the rough Geordie accent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members WWFChilli Posted September 30, 2016 Paid Members Share Posted September 30, 2016 Is she still an absolute psychopath groomer? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Sergio Mendacious Posted September 30, 2016 Author Paid Members Share Posted September 30, 2016 I had a chance with Kinga on a night out, but when the opening presented itself, I lost my bottle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members ElCece Posted September 30, 2016 Paid Members Share Posted September 30, 2016 Sergio that is equal parts fantastic and terrible Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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