King Coconut Posted August 25, 2016 Share Posted August 25, 2016 Quite disappointed with the end of that story. I'd have bet my cock that she'd be shitting on your face before the night was out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Gus Mears Posted August 25, 2016 Paid Members Share Posted August 25, 2016 (edited) The only thing worse than emptying your bladder with a lob-on, is going for a shit and then getting a lob on. Trying to ensure your cock avoids the pube and sputum infested rim of the toilet seat like a particularly skilled ski instructor on a diamond run slalom. Bracing stuff. Ā Don't listen to Coconut, Scott. I enjoyed your story, despite the lack of your faceĀ being shat on at the end. Edited August 25, 2016 by Gus Mears Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Scott Malbranque Posted August 25, 2016 Paid Members Share Posted August 25, 2016 ...as her rigid turd papped onto the carefully placed tinfoil placed atop my bosom. She's quite an attractive woman too, but unfortunately - despite many a pedal over her - I don't think she was the Mrs. Robinson type. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Gus Mears Posted August 25, 2016 Paid Members Share Posted August 25, 2016 (edited) Is it the danger that's the attraction? With the state of my bowels, I'd be worried that I'd unleash the anal equivalent of theĀ Johnstown Flood and coat half the room in pudding mix. Edited August 25, 2016 by Gus Mears Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 25, 2016 Share Posted August 25, 2016 I spunk like an out of control firehouse, so the pocket option was not going to happen unless I happened to have a Tupperware box conveniently placed in my back pocket. I'm not going to risk ruining my kecks from jizz stains. Tie a knot in the end like a Balloon if this happens again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Sergio Mendacious Posted August 25, 2016 Author Paid Members Share Posted August 25, 2016 I was assuming theĀ Clonakilty pudding was a euphemism. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members FLips Posted August 25, 2016 Paid Members Share Posted August 25, 2016 Went to the toilet a few days ago and while taking a shit, managed to piss through the gap between the rim and seat. Didn't notice i'd done it until I pulled my soaking wet boxers up and noticed a massive pool of piss all over the tiles. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Sergio Mendacious Posted August 25, 2016 Author Paid Members Share Posted August 25, 2016 See, I've started taking my trousers and pants off and hanging them on the back of the door for that reason. Only at home, though, don't want to walk out literally stark bollock naked in our office by mistake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Undefeated Steak Posted August 25, 2016 Share Posted August 25, 2016 Done that before Lips. Thankfully(?) hit the back of my leg so I had a chance to hault the hose sharpish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Gus Mears Posted August 25, 2016 Paid Members Share Posted August 25, 2016 I always strip down totally before taking a shit at home. Free and luxuriant, like how my cavemen ancestors curled one out many generations before me (but with flushing lavs). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Sergio Mendacious Posted August 25, 2016 Author Paid Members Share Posted August 25, 2016 Yet another UKFF thread gone to shit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Arch Stanton Posted August 25, 2016 Paid Members Share Posted August 25, 2016 I just had to stop reading Branquey's story halfway through to take a few deep breaths and regain my composure as I was on the verge of bursting into an embarrassingly loud fit of giggles in our very busy but silent office. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Coconut Posted August 25, 2016 Share Posted August 25, 2016 Don't listen to Coconut, Scott. I enjoyed your story, despite the lack of your face being shat on at the end. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it too but we all know that 80% of Branq's exploits end with him catching AIDS off of someone's arse and this one had all the hallmarks. Would you have been surprised if 2 minutes later he'd heard flustered whispering from the bog? "Scott, you've used up all the paper mopping up your piss and my arse is still caked with shit. Do something about it!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Scott Malbranque Posted August 25, 2016 Paid Members Share Posted August 25, 2016 Right lads, straight up, let's get down to brass tacks and open this up. I'm going to go online to some backdirt fetish site, find someone in Dublin, and have them drop a skunk on my chest. I'll have to make sure the lass is full of stout - I don't care which one - so it's rigid and durable because I couldn't handle shrapnel spraying all over the place. This is going to be done for you cunts. We'll get a Kickstarter. A Gikstarter, if you will Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keith Houchen Posted August 25, 2016 Share Posted August 25, 2016 Gikfarter. Ā Take one for the team, Le Branquefurter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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