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Crap terms of endearment


Devon Malcolm

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There's a bloke at my eldest daughter's school who calls his daughter "chicken", which I've always thought odd.

 

Also, wasn't there someone in Neighbours who called his daughter "button"? That always bothered me.

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Really common but it gets on my tits every time I hear it or see it written. "Hun".... urgh, kill me now. I have a friend who, whenever he comments on anything any girl posts on Facebook, always puts "Hun xxx" at the end of his comments. I imagine he thinks to himself "if I call them Hun enough times, they'll be 100% romanced and will let me throw it up them."

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People from West Yorkshire use 'cock' as an affectionate term.

 

Not just in Yorkshire, I've heard it used in Manchester as well. Not so much recently, but there are probably some silly old gits that still use it. Also heard a variation on it - "cocker" - a few times.

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My grandad used to call me flyblow. I have no idea if it's a regional thing, or if he's just a mental old bastard.

 

What the fuck? Isn't that a reference to fly shit?

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In Caernarfon, which is the town I work in (although thankfully don't live in), 'cont' is an everyday expression used by people of all ages. Bearing in mind 80% of the population speaks Welsh as a first language should come as no surprise. But yeah, you guessed it, 'cont' is a straight-up translation of 'cunt'.

I'm immune to hearing the phrase 'Iawn cont?' (Are you OK cunt?) on an hourly basis by now.

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An ex girlfriend would call me "poppet" all the time. What a way to strip me of any semblance of masculinity with one word. 

 

Is it less masculine than poor Branquey's "bumblebee" though?

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I'd take Poppet, or even Poppywops, over Bumblebee, Biffers.

Bumblebee instantly demasculates you. For example:

 

Me "Grrr, rarrr, I'm going to gym!"

Missus “Okay bumblebee, enjoy!”

Me “...”
It kind of does a number on your testosterone levels.

But in saying that, it’s better than “Fuck off then, you prick, I faked it last night!”

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Bristol famously has "my lover" even for strangers. It's not as familiar as it sounds as it's just the dialect adding an r after vowels, as also seen in slide become slider and so on.

 

Bafflingly the opposite applies only with bus drivers who must, by local law, be addressed when you leave the bus with "cheers, drive."

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