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UKFF - Post of the Year, 2012


Ronnie
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Thank you to Jaffa for cheerfully carrying out the tedious task of counting the votes expressed in the Post of the Year thread, and to the Paidos for so handily deciding which of the posts in joint tenth place should make it to the final ballot.

 

I think we have ten worthy contenders for this year's award but, as J

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Powerbutchi - He came, he saw, he kicked his Ayass

 

What I wrote was:

 

It amazes me how some wrestling fans on the internet firstly bemoan the lack of mainstream TV coverage that wrestling gets, and then when something finally happens (Wrestle Talk TV on Challenge), they seem determined to slag it off and watch it fail rather than get behind it and support it. I just can't get my head around it.

 

I also love the slagging off that they give to the presenters. Why? Simple reason - in their heads, they think that THEY could be doing that job, because everyone wants to hear their opinion on wrestling, which is why they slate the abilities of the presenters and ask who cares about their opinion.

 

Maybe if the producers invited a fan off the internet along to try to be a pundit on the show, while pointing and laughing at them, crushing their confidence as they stutter and shake their way through their piece, they'd see what it's like to have people desperate to see you crash and burn in your ambition. What sad, deluded little people they are. I for one hope that Wrestle Talk TV succeeds - it can only do the UK wrestling business good.

 

So, you honestly reckon The Patman and Her are actually doing a sterling job? Surely it'd be worth throwing a few pounds at a real seasoned performer who loves wrestling like a Brendon Burns, who'd actually be funny as well? Did you not, like everyone else, retch at the aforementioned "Ben" incident? And you can't moan about anyone's behaviour and jealousy and all that online when it's been noted several times about your behaviour running around with false names and all that bullshit to have a go at people on here in days of yore, right Sgt Ducky? Joel Ross isn't bad at all for radio but hasn't really made the move to TV in my eyes. He's retained a radio voice, which isn't great. Needs to sort out the tonality lest he turns into Neil Fox on TV before our eyes.

 

Joel, Lennon and Francesca Wood aren't Joe Pedicino and Boni Blackstone, two people that were able to present pro wrestling magazine shows with aplomb. I'm not sure if we even have those two people. Nothing at all is better than one shit thing, and that's why people are moaning. You can't just get a dog shit, rub it in someone's eye and say "Well, you didn't have ANY dog shit in your eye before, now you do!" and pretend that's an improvement.

 

The UK doesn't need this show. It's aimed at a niche audience, an audience who are within their rights to say the presenting team are shit. Hey, maybe if enough people complain, maybe you can get on in your Hawaiian shirt from Revival to present! We're doing you a service, Ayass. We'll look after you better than Alex Shane.

 

If it was good, I'd support it. As it stands it's a ninth rate visual talk sport show for me, and the picture quality is poor as well. If you wanted to make a great wrestling TV show why didn't you ask your mate Alex Shane that instead of his mates, why didn't they instead get a real quality TV pundit with an encyclopedic knowledge of wrestling in Mike Carlson who's also a real top top top top journalist? Christ, even John Lister looked arlight enough on BBC news and shit so maybe give him a go? Why's the show like it's 2002? Why is the picture poor quality? Why is it presented on what appears to be the set from The Adam and Joe Show from Channel 4? Why should we have to protect this programme like it's a precious flower? It's shit, and just because we're wrestling fans it doesn't mean that we can't say some wrestling things are shit. Ring of Glory was shit. Abram's UWF was(n't) shit. And now, Wrestle Talk TV is shit.

 

Steve Justice - The cum cage

 

So here's one I remembered about recently. Possibly the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me, which is probably why I blocked it out. Only about 5 people in the world know this story (and it was one of them that reminded me about it earlier this week). My wife doesn't even know. I will now share it with you.

 

In 2004 I went to New York to see Wrestlemania XX. After that was out the way I had to occupy myself for the rest of the week by sight seeing, generally just milling around and of course venturing into adult shops. It was whilst I was in one of these shops that at the back were some booths, which I obviously thought were those booths that show porn. That is until I see sexy little ladies coming out of them. Intrigued I take a closer look, and it's actually a booth, separated by glass, where they strip and you wank. I had a look at the board to see how much it was, $30 for 5 minutes. Easy, I thought. I paid $20 to the chap at the cash register and was told to pay $10 to the lady. I picked a nice looking latina and waited my turn. I went in, handed her my $10 through a little hole at the top and dropped my trousers. Being a bit shy, and not entirely comfortable, my little soldier wasn't standing to it's fullest attention and I felt a little embarrassed. Being a bit tight fisted (so to speak) I didn't like the idea of wasting $30 with no end result, so I persevered and went at it a bit harder than I usually do (I like to take my time usually). SUCCESS! Despite my faecal abnormalities, I beat the timer. Only, due to the way I was going at it, it went everywhere. On the floor, all over my hand and on the glass. She gave me a wry smile and I awkwardly said "have you got a tissue?", her reply "I've just ran out, I'll go and get you some". Before I had time to object she opens her door and exits. And leaves the door open where all the other gents are queuing waiting there turn, and are now looking at me with cock in hand and sploodge decorating my section of the booth. Of course, they end up in fits of laughter. Me, well I just don't know where to turn or what to do. Luckily she's back by this point, passes the tissues through the same hole as the money and I clean myself up. I then have to walk past these guys, who cheer and pat my back as I walk past, head down, fast passed and face brighter than an embarrassed ginger.

 

I didn't return.

 

Vice - US election

 

I want Obama to win, and I think he will. He's done relatively well dealing with Bush's colossal fuck-up of an economy, especially considering that he's often blocked by a staunchly partisan opposition. He repealed Don't Ask, Don't Tell. He saved GM. He got Bin Laden (though I don't agree with political assassinations). Under Obama's healthcare bill, people with pre-existing conditions can't be refused, and children can stay on their parent's plan 'til they're, I think, 26. He signed the equal pay for women bill.

 

There are two things that I find really concerning about this election, though. Firstly, it's not a Democrat vs a Republican. It's a Republican vs an extremist, and Obama's the Republican. He's cracked down more on medical marijuana than Bush. On New Year's Eve, he signed a bill that allows him to indefinitely detain his own citizens, and he's done nothing to give back the civil liberties taken away by Bush's Patriot Act. He's assassinating suspected terrorists with drones, and redefining the collateral damage as suspected terrorists too. He escalated the war in Afghanistan. He's kept Guantanamo Bay open. He's done nothing on gun control, besides now allowing guns on the subway. He halted the Keystone XL pipeline following protests, but then permitted a smaller pipeline when the protests died down. It's astonishing that Republicans paint him as a radical lefty when he's, in a lot of ways, their wet dream, let alone that he's the left's representative.

 

The second thing that's concerning is that Romney is so close. This is a guy who's taken every side of nearly every issue, whenever it's suited him. And in his worst most recent incarnation, he's denied climate change, advocated trickle-down economics, vowed to make life so horrible for illegals that they'll leave, and written off half the country as moochers. On that moocher note, Romney himself has paid shockingly low tax rates, partly through taking advantage of the type of tax cuts that his lobbyists have gotten him, and his business experience is in streamlining failing companies, saddling them with debt, and still getting paid even if they then go flat bust. He's against contraception as part of women's healthcare plans. He even continued to support Todd Aiken after Aiken said women can't get pregnant from "legitimate rape." And the Republican party is loaded with fucking nut-jobs like Aiken. They think rape babies and life of the mother, evolution, and climate change aren't real, and they're blatantly racist and homophobic.

 

I don't expect Obama to be a real lefty, especially not as the first black president, but it's uncomfortable how right-wing he is in a lot of ways. To paraphrase Bill Maher, the left has moved to the right, and the right has moved into an insane asylum. So, it's either Obama or the guy who's far worse and from a party full of lunatics.

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So many great choices, I was torn between Dynamite Digby (truly admirable self-parody), World's Nicest Man (the funniest contender), Baldwin-Barlow (a classic Ian post) and Steve Justice's cum cage.

 

I went for the latter, simply for the guts it took not only to share the story, but write it in an extremely entertaining way too, even including the phrase 'despite my faecal abnormalities'.

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A stellar year. I have read Ian's Barlow/Baldwin post so many times and I still absolutely piss myself at it. For me, it's up there with Bound for Gory as the funniest post I can every remember on the form. #Pipebomb is making me laugh as I type.

 

Some fabulous others though. Actually nothing there I don't thing worthy of winning.

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That Steve Justice post is brilliant. This is a tough choice. Really, all of them would be worthy winners. The Dynamite Digby, Barlow vs Baldwin and Cucked's World's Nicest Man posts all legit cracked me up.

 

I clicked reply thinking I'd made up my mind and it's taken me about 10 minutes to decide between those four. Sod it, I'll go with Raw - Barlow vs Baldwin.

 

EDIT - Good call, when Ian's No Holds Barred review doesn't make the shortlist that shows what a quality year it was on here. I'd probably have voted that as well actually.

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