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Official Urban Wrestling Federation Discussion Thread

IANdrewDiceClay

By IANdrewDiceClay
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IANdrewDiceClay Grand Master

IANdrewDiceClay

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This definitely needs a thread of its own. I've just watch the latest offering from the Urban Wrestling Federation. Its unlike anything I've ever witnessed. People need to check this out. Its a blur of hip hop beat backdrops and swearing throughout. There's about 3 or 4 different gangs featuring about 8 people. Nobody in this federation is alone. They either have four managers, a valet, a tag team partner or half a dozen stable mates. Everything looks unscripted, and gives an excellent case why scripted promos are a godsend in 2011. Its pure mental.

 

UWF HOOD JUSTICE:

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Opening video montage thing:

The show kicks off with a little video package of the last event. One bloke called Lowlife Louie (who looked like a fat bald Carlos Tevez) is getting his arm and head sliced up with a fork. Camera switches to a gang of black lads in a graffiti adorned back alley. A tall dreadlocked gentleman with a baseball cap asks “Yo got dat dope money?”, to which his friend replies he had. Out of nowhere a second gang of black men attack them. Billy Blue (?) then asks “you got my money” to someone we don’t know the name of. He gives him an hour to find it. When then we see Homicide and Eddie Kingston in a match. Homicide assures him he has more money than him, before finishing him off with the Gringo Killer. After the loss Kingston is shown in the back telling someone he wants money and with the belt comes money. There’s a pattern forming here. Homicide and his boyos are in the back chatting to the gang that I mentioned earlier, and basically, the Notorious 187 was chilling with some dudes he knows, and they had a toke, then things turned ugly when Homicide made some smartarse comment. This didn't go down to well either, because the following happened ...

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AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHIT! The big man ran them out of the building and pulled a gun out, shooting it a few times as the former LAX man drove off in his lowrider. Homicide has his work cut out in this promotion. All he worried about in TNA was Eric Young pulling his pleathers down. Show finally starts with a nice little opening video. “The Ring Is The new Block” is this promotions version of the “Wrestling Matters” slogan. On the video package, they do a good job of showing what the promotion is selling. Gun fire, gang attacks, ASDA carrier bags over peoples heads in grotty back alley ways. For those of you who like your women’s wrestling, the UWF see to that as well. There’s always little bits of ebony walking around wearing very little. And as the brothers said on Airplane “See a broad, to get that booty, yak 'em, leg 'er down 'n smack 'em yak 'em.”

 

The commentary team are just mental. First words out of the play-by-play announcers mouth is "This is the Urban Wrestling Federation. This is Hood Justice. Fuckin' guns, man. Julius? Robbie? What the fuck are we seeing here I didn't sign up for this shit?" to which The former ROH manager and UWF colour (pffft) announcer Julius Smokes replies "hey, if you play a pussy, your gonna get fucked everytime", in the most inventive defence of a wrestler since Bobby Heenan used to pretend Davey Boy Smith was standing on IRS' tongue. The other commentator is "The Man With The Light Complexion and the Right Connections" Primo Robbie Corino. I think he's white.

 

MATCH 1: Slyck Wagner Brown (w/Uncle Murda) vs. Ricky Reyes (w/Cuban Link, BC Killer):

Cuban Link cuts a promo to kick this match off, where he says he likes his mates but "fuck that shit, money talks". Slyck Wagner Brown disputes this, and makes a good case that fucking with Uncle Murda isnt to clever. The match is half-decent for who's in the ring. They started off well, until all the managers start brawling. One poor sod takes a nasty bump onto the guardrail and the cameraman takes a tumble. The announcer brilliantly shows his concern by saying "OH SHIT! Thats a $50,000 camera right there, you dont want to fuck that up." Wanger doesnt wrestle like the gangsta he proclaims himself to be. He follows up a guard rail bump with a Texas Cloverleaf. Reyes won the match with a Crippler Crossface. Wagner Brown got straight up after the match like nothing happened. For a group of blokes who call themselves Hustlers, nobody has sold a thing so far.

 

10 MINUTES OF BACKSTAGE SKITS:

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-Skit 1: Nigel Reo Coker is shown backstage with his gang of wrestlers, one of them being Steven Pienaar and another Chelsea from Eastenders. They all look the same to me. And before anyone plays The Card™, its not the skin colour. Its that everyone’s in a gang, everyone says the same thing and everyone wears the same baggy shirts, backwards baseball hats and huge gold crosses. Reo Coker warns his gang that if anyone comes into the territory to take his money, then life will get hard for the people of UWF.

-Skit 2: Then we switch to two latin looking blokes carrying a bag out of the arena talking about how "we got that shit". Nothing on the show so far has suggested we have any clue what they are even hinting at.

-Skit 3: THEN we go to a dressing room with a bloke sitting on a couch with a woman on his knee and a conversation starts between the aformentioned bloke and some other fellow. "Your fucking up my pussy homie". Thats how that ended.

-Skit 4: We are back in the base of the Reo Coker World Order. Nige orders one of his boys to wrestle tonight. Excited at the thought of it, the guy drops his trousers. Next up ...

-Skit 5: Danny Wellbeck and Anton Ferdinand are at a bar reading a newspaper. Wellbeck expresses concerns that his money is going down, and that he isnt out to steal anyones spot and that he'll see them on the streets.

-Skit 6: Four white men are sitting on some steps, and Mellie Mel tells them that they need to make a statement of intent (I think).

 

MATCH 2: Willie Mack vs. Famous B vs. Jeez vs. Bandito Jr. vs. Scorpio Sky:

We finally find out that Reo Coker's name is 40 Glocc. Glocc cuts a promo and makes this match a four-way. It wasnt to bad. Better than the other match. Typical indy wrestling though. Loads of spots, nobody selling. Jeez was the most impressive and rightly won the match. He won the match with a move he calls the "G's Up, Hoes Down, If That Bitch Cant Swim, He's About To Dizz-own". Best part about it was, he wrestled a good 10 minutes, never lost his bandana.

 

MORE BACKSTAGE SKITS:

-Skit: A new wrestler, who wears a baseball cap and yellow polo shirt is coming to town soon and he "aint comin' to talk". He slurred through the promo, so I've no idea if he's the next big thing in the promotion or if he's geniunly coming to sit in the crowd and literally not say a word.

-Skit: Homicide and his crew are backstage. After watching this for so long, I actually got excited when Homicide came on screen, because I actually knew who he was. He didnt say much, but it was nice to see an old friend.

 

INTERVIEW SEGMENT:

Rasche Brown comes out and we find out someone has had the balls to talk to one of his bitches when he's not around. A wrestler by the name of Beast Ortiz comes out. And guess who it is?! Its the artist former known as Ricky Ortiz, and our friend Meat from Last Call With Scott Hall.

 

MATCH 3: Rasche Brown vs. Breast Ortiz:

This match was great, because Meat was in it. A brawl kicks off. No earthy idea who's the heel and face here. Morals are so low on this show, I imagine its Meat who is the face, because he doesnt believe in Bros before Hoes. Meat is far better than when he was in WWE. Far play to the UWF, they put the heated brawl on last, which is how its done. Rasche Brown gets the undeserved win in the end, but both men came across well. Some bloke called Big Block comes in to celebrate. He's invited us all to the club and the rocks on him. I've just put my best shirt on.

 

CLIFFHANGER:

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We end on a cliffhanger, with Lowlife Louie brawling in an back ally and putting a carrier bag over Danny Wellbeck's head. I imagine we tune in next week to find out if he's dead or not.

 

For how crazy it is, not everything is shite. Some bits are good. And some bits you think would go down well in a mainstream league (well, one thing and I cant remember what it is). Other bits make you wonder if the whole thing is one big piss take. Worst thing about it is, they dont tell us who anyone is. There were about 10 backstage skits and I had no idea who any of them were (apart from Homicide of course). But fuck it, I'm definitely watching the next show. Its like looking at a dead body or visiting the UKFF Personal Low thread. Even if you want it, its going to be hard to turn away.

 

Note to the promotion: needs Brickhouse Brown.

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Devon Malcolm Grand Master

Devon Malcolm

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Here is their official YouTube channel:-

 

http://www.youtube.com/user/UrbanWrestlingPromo

 

Loads of great stuff on there. It looks absolutely cracking fun and something completely different, which is what I want more of in wrestling. Great review, Ian.

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Chest Rockwell Grand Master

Chest Rockwell

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I really quite enjoyed this despite its (many and clearly evident) flaws.

 

And although there were way to many people to make everyone stand out I thought they did a decent enough job of building the idea that it was a bunch of dffierent crews each from a different city here to try to get the gold (and therefore the money, of course).

 

It's good they had some comedy in there; I would have got bored if it had all been serious. That dude who dropped his pants was hilarious.

 

 

I want to continue to follow this in the run up to their crowning of their first champ! Has there been another show? How might I go about getting future shows? Come on Ian, you're my hook up.. Holla if you hear me!

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