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Hungover at work


Chest Rockwell

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Oh God. Today is going to be an awful, awful day.

 

The thread title is not strictly accurate, as I'm in the 'kinda still drunk' phase. I'm only starting to crash now, and I can feel the pain coming.

 

This is my first week of a new job.. I have to chair a 1hr30 meeting at 13:00. 9 hours ago I was doing a line off a toilet seat in a lock in in a pub.

 

ARRGGGGGGG. Fuck. I feel terrible.

 

It's going to be a long day.

 

 

Anyone in the same boat?

 

 

Also, entertain me in this thread to help me get through the day.

 

Thanks.

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Oh God. Today is going to be an awful, awful day.

 

The thread title is not strictly accurate, as I'm in the 'kinda still drunk' phase. I'm only starting to crash now, and I can feel the pain coming.

 

This is my first week of a new job.. I have to chair a 1hr30 meeting at 13:00. 9 hours ago I was doing a line off a toilet seat in a lock in in a pub.

 

ARRGGGGGGG. Fuck. I feel terrible.

 

It's going to be a long day.

 

 

Anyone in the same boat?

 

 

Also, entertain me in this thread to help me get through the day.

 

Thanks.

 

Got any more gear? That would help perk you up. If not down a can of red bull and a monster shot they are fucking huge. If this all fails trip/fall over/down some stairs or staple a part of your hand to the desk or something that will require you to head off out to A and E this would get you out of everything.

 

The bone just above your eye socket will also come in handy if you can take a bit of pain. A solid knock off a bathroom door should bust it open it won't hurt that much either as you are still in the drunk phase. It will bleed like a river as well. Go for the sympathy and get the fuck out.

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Haha! It really is quite a novel way to get out of work. Pretty embarassing if someone catches me trying to smash my own face open though.

 

I think the caffeine is a definite must, but I'm intentionally holding off on it until it gets closer to meeting time later.

 

How long does it take caffeine to kick in? What's the optimum time I should be drinking a pint of espresso before my meeting?

 

Also where is JTTS smokesoapbar hope neil dies? I thought I could count on him for some immoral support here.

 

 

Oh yeah.. I do know this is all my own fault and I deserve it before anyone asks. I just have no self control.

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I dont tend to do it any more (as i like my new job) although when i was 18 i used to drink , (and get very drunk), on a daily basis.....infact literally everyday. So i had a banging hangover most days, nothing a fat bacon butty wouldnt solve though.

 

Havent done that in a while as i tend not to drink very much anymore, but in the last week of my last job i did go out on a sunday night til about 2am, got completely smashed/pilled up and went to work with the mind-set "what are they going to do...fire me?". I ended up throwing up on the way to work, as well as at work........and had to leave. I made u psomething about my kid keeping me awake all night, although looking back i must of stank of sambuca during this sickness interview.

 

Oh well, i have a decent job these days!

 

:thumbsup:

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I was in bed before 10 last night reading Clive Cussler, not very cool.

 

I have had a million hangovers whilst at work, lots of Coffee, paracetamol, and my favourite remedy is a double berocca shot followed by an espresso, that usually sorts it although if it's been a Guinness night I need a bit of Imodium to stop frequent bog trips.

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It's never your own fault. Just blame everyone else for egging you on. The Monster/Red Bull/Relentless shot's hit your body in no time they taste like shit though.

 

The whole smashing your face open will take seconds as well and an option I think your current state suggests you should give more thought. Bathroom door open and a full on eye butt off the door one hit and blood is everywhere. You could say your foot got caught behind the door and then it slipped back and you you swung the door into your face, or you could just wait there and lay in a pool of your own warm blood till someone comes in and screams with horror. Ambulance and everything will be on its way. Your boss would be shitting himself in case he got sued so you might get some perks, time off or something like that.

 

Another good option is go into someones office a guy would be preferable. Say are you insert name here. Tell him you are feeling dodgy today as you were up banging the shit out of his mum's arse all night. Proceed to tell him you can't believe how dirty an old bitch could be and you are popping round later for some more but this time his dad wants to watch.

 

Leave as quick as you can, if the guy has a sack he should come after you and punch you in the face. Take it like a man and sell it like Shawn Michaels vs Hogan and you should get the day off work for it. Play on the unbearable face pain and get the sympathy vote from your female workers. Claim you said nothing and the guy is a psycho and gay and has been making advances towards your back passage since you turned up and he is frustrated that you won't perform oral sex on him for

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Chest, do you have an archive or filing room? Head in there and take a nap. Alternatively, you could break a fire alarm or try and make the other people in the meeting ill. Laxative in the water cooler?

 

As for blading to get out of work - that is a brilliant idea. I can't believe I never thought of it.

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The whole smashing your face open will take seconds as well and an option I think your current state suggests you should give more thought. Bathroom door open and a full on eye butt off the door one hit and blood is everywhere. You could say your foot got caught behind the door and then it slipped back and you you swung the door into your face, or you could just wait there and lay in a pool of your own warm blood till someone comes in and screams with horror. Ambulance and everything will be on its way. Your boss would be shitting himself in case he got sued so you might get some perks, time off or something like that.

 

I'd consider that 'hardway' if anything.

 

Just find a razor and give yourself an inch long nick above the eyelid. Blood-a-plenty and no real pain.

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When you say 'chair a meeting' is this a formal thing with slides you have to present or an informal, internal thing? You've the benefit of it being on a Friday afternoon so everyone in there will be wanting to GTFO anyway. Just start off by saying 'I'm keen for this to be as open & informal as possible so I want to open this up to the floor as much as possible' & let the fucks talk amongst themselves for an hour. All you have to do is interject once & a while to bring it back on topic. Carbs & caffeine at lunch and just run on fumes through the meeting.

 

A couple of years back I had to go to Poland for a meeting with some customers. It was the first time we'd met them & I was geared up for a fluffy meet & greet. Arrived in Warsaw the night before & myself & the bloke I was with went out immediately, steaming on Tyskie in a Polish club at 4am debating getting whores. Got to the meeting at 9.30am to be met by the Polish companies MD who promptly fired one of his employees in the meeting & started screaming at us. I just wanted to bail immediately, I could even write anything down as I had the shakes that bad. WANK

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Back when we were in the Government Office I'd go and take a power nap in the prayer and reflection room. It was set aside for religious folk to pray during the day, but I literally never saw another human being in there during the year I worked in the building. Now I have to resort to the toilets if I'm flagging.

 

Other than that it's just about the caffeine and energy drinks. I find that chewing gum helps me as well, simply because chewing forces me to stay conscious. Oh, and try and attribute your symptoms to something else if you can. I sometimes say my neighbours were up til some unreasonable hour and I didn't get much sleep. Something simple like that. Last Monday I drank 1200ml of Diet Pepsi *and* had a power nap and just barely made it through the day. It was shit.

 

I sometimes use Relentless/Monster, but I hate that uncomfortable fidgety buzz they give you. A shitload of cola gives you a similar caffeine hit but doesn't turn you into Tweak from South Park. Or for me it doesn't anyway. The canteen downstairs also stocks Mountain Dew Energy if I just feel like a bottle of sugar.

 

My lowest ebb was at some all staff conference in London where I was literally pulling my own beard hairs to try and cause enough pain to stay awake. It *just* worked. Awful.

 

The blading idea is inspired.

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