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www.shitarsefifty.co.uk - THE SHITARSE FIFTY~~~~!


CracktonMoj

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Anyone can have kids, have you seen Jeremy Kyle sunshine? I'm also worked as a DOORMAN in the Wrexham/Merseyside Area off and on for the past 5 years, in fact 3 years ago it was my major source of income. It doesan't make it you any good at anything. Just means you didn't mind paying through your arse for your SIA. Engineer? Well done sir, it's amazing how they change the job title for binmen and people these days.

Completely OT but where did u work as a doorman in Wrexham?
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30 - eXodus

 

Mmm, pleathery. If I may rhyme for a second: clad in pleather from head to toe, Exodus creates apathy wherever he goes. Kids may start off intrigued by the big monster, but he vary rarely holds their attention for very long. If Kane, when locked in his basement for years or however that story goes, spent his time watching Raven tapes, modern indies and was colour blind, you get eXodus. He's a huge man that has Pre-Hiatus Alex Shane Syndrome, doing MOVEZ such as inverted crucifix powerbombs, pumphandle diamond cutters, somersault sentons (!) and other moves that he plain just doesn't need to do. He also bumps way too much and moves too fast. He has to get his shit in too! All the time! Under the mask he's a very nice man, but an appalling wrestler. And if you don't believe me, look here.

 

(in fairness, he doesn't usually use the Undertaker theme as far as I know, and after this match he threw things around and was incredibly angry at how shit it was, so he clearly has some standards. But still, enough points to get this far = shitarse)

Edited by CracktonMoj
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Used to do the Unchained's in the Rugby Club, things like that. Thinking of applying to Central Station. Do pubs for people et al. Why, from the Wrexham?

Edited by FrankSidebottom
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29 - Wade Fitzgerald

 

A polarizing figure - some admire his work ethic and dedication and such. However, some don't get this seemingly pumped up thirteen year old at all and especially have no desire to watch him work through a dance routine in slow motion with precisely zero emotion. If you're supposed to be a super-hard martial arts type, look like it and, y'know, actually hit people with your kicks! Also, stop letting your mum cut your hair. Was inexplicably booked on NOAH show where he proved he was way out of his element and got booed out of the fucking building, which is the shit coloured icing on a shitarse cake, that's made of shit. He's clearly not cut out to be a wrestler and often looks like he's only going to the ring because someone has a knife to the throat of his pet rabbit backstage. May have not smiled once since starting training and by the looks of it will soon will have the most epic manboobs in the history of the world. Almost certainly in the wrong career.

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I've never seen Wade Fitzgerald wrestle. I have only seen photos of him, so all I know of him is that he looks 12 years old. Not just in a Rey Mysterio looks-a-lot-younger-than-he-is kind of looks-12-years-old, I mean he actually looks 12 years old. Stick him in a line up of middle school kids and I'd not be able to tell which one wasn't actually a pre-teen*. I've heard quite a lot of good things about his ability and his potential etc, etc, but I don't think I'd ever be able to take him seriously no matter how good he is, because he looks 12 years old. I know one shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but when the cover looks so out of place you can't help it. At least Rey put a mask on so nobody could see he had the face of a small boy!*I'm presuming Wade is not in fact 12.

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I just had a thought..say the list is drawing to conclusion and the board suddenly suffers IPS DRIVER FAILURE for 6 months..can we pin that on the shitarses?

I've been getting IPS errors all night, although that could be down to the sheer awesomeness of the fact that Wade is on the list :laugh:
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28 - "Showcase" Stu Odyssey

 

Another guy who's been around for a while and made precisely zero impact, possibly due to working once a month, if that, for almost all that time. Out of shape Swindon-based clueless shitarse who is under the misapprehension that he's on the same level as Dave Moralez, Martin Stone, Doug Williams, Spud, Johnny Saint et al and sincerely believes that the only reason those guys get booked for companies instead of him is because the promoters mark for them. Once was given instructions to put over a young guy with a monster gimmick in a squash, then proceeded to go out and purposely ignore the instructions: he gave his opponent nothing, kicked out of the finish at 3.001 after taking two moves in the whole bout, and just generally ruin the push to the point that it took eighteen months to build the kid back up. Works a mystifying style of weak strikes and pointless matwork, and claims it's 'old school' style, as opposed to what it is, lazy. Is responsible for training the BAWA roster, among others. Failed in LDN. Posts on the UKFF as 'Jerry Fireball Mudflap', mainly to put over shows he's on and bury shows by companies he used to work for, as well as defend his mates on SHITARSE FIFTY threads. Wears both pleather AND kickpads.

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27 - Spud

 

Illusion smashing mega stupidity. He's... oh fuck, I'm not going to disguise it. BCOS HE'S SMALL LOL!!!

 

EDIT - oh god

 

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he's almost certainly retiring (look, his gear's going in the bin). Of course, he's a SHITARSE, so he'll be back on the weekend...

Edited by CracktonMoj
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26 - Dan Ryder

 

Highspot..... highspot..... highspot, rinse, repeat. About a 30% hit rate, which is sub-New Breed. When he does hit things, not one looks like it does any damage. The least likeable babyface alive. When a heel, still does flips. Inexplicably getting plaudits despite the fact that he's a 'highflying' spot monkey, with no character or charisma at all. Reportedly a total wanker in the locker-room. Hits a 450 as a finisher - not a biggie in itself, but without a character, he's fucked if he ever wrestles ooh say Pac, (who can hit a 630 and has a character now). Ryder injures himself in ladder matches doing stupid spots - in front of 30 people. Plus, grotty looking gear. Put all this together, and what do you have? Yes: a SHITARSE~!

 

(in his defence, I'm pretty sure he was part of a FUCKING GREAT juniors style tag match I saw last October in LWL, which was actually one of the best matches I saw last year live or on tape)

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