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CracktonMoj

www.shitarsefifty.co.uk - THE SHITARSE FIFTY~~~~!

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THE SHITARSE FIFTY

 

Welcome, one and all, to the long-awaited thunder-stealing wildly popular SHITARSE FIFTY~!

 

Now, some explanations:

 

Firstly - the font I'm using for names and such is the 'Impact' font. I felt it was appropriate.

 

Secondly - all comments are taken from ballots, PMs, MSN messages and the like that I've recieved since I started this endeavour. They may be rewritten or slashed apart and put together again or only partly used, but these are all comments that I've recieved.

 

Thirdly - I started this thing as a joke. It was a good one, but it might have gone a bit too far. This has actually involved a fair bit of work, and may involve a fair bit of work in the future. Not to be funny, but look at my pill stash:

 

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Shitarses did that. This is why they're bad :( .

 

Fourthly - promotions will only be mentioned when they're relevant. As far as I'm concerned, relevant means 'said shitarse is a trainer, books or owns said company'. This is neither a hard nor a fast rule, but a general decision I've made.

 

Fifthly - Please send me appreciative money: paypal your loose change to newportmoj@hotmail.com. Ideally I'd like to receive enough to be able to run a shitarse show of my very own, where anyone who makes the FIFTY can turn up and work each other on a free show in order to try and change perceptions about themselves. Shitarse Quality Wrestling. But more about that later :xmas:

 

So, here we go - SHITARSE FIFTY TIME~!

 

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50 - Tyler Browne

 

Cardiff based shitarse Tyler Browne is infamous among some people for being mainly responsible for the 'legendary' Tyler Browne/Rick O'Shea match from Cardiff, in which they botch three wheelbarrow spots in succession, each botch funnier than the one preceding it. It's been able to unite fractious locker rooms in laughing at the terrible bout.

 

Tyler's repertoire includes a shoddy top rope cross body, a somersault plancha that he has never hit in a non-dangerous way, an awkward facebuster, really terrible punches, and mediocre chain shit. After wrestling with a few companies in a few different towns Tyler went 'off the road', but then returned to impart his wisdom and knowledge on young wrestlers. Has some charisma, but nowhere near enough to make up for his in-ring shortcomings. Wretched.

Edited by CracktonMoj

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49 - Shabazz

 

Bereft of any kind of timing, Shabazz, or 'the strongstyle Koko B Ware' as he's known by some, is by no means the worst wrestler in the country, or indeed that I've seen, but every time I see him at shows I wish he wasn't there. Out of shape with an incredible lack of cardio, is able to suck the life out of most crowds. Works for East Anglian Wrestling, who hold their shows in Northamptonshire. For those of you who have Alex Shane-like geography skills, that's NOT EAST ANGLIA.

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Tyler Browne is the first person in the fifty that (1) I have never heard of, and (2) then searched for on Youtube. I doubt he will be the last.A compilation of clips used to advertise his greatest matches dvd made him look pretty adequate in the ring.The only things that stuck out in my mind is that someone his size doing the black hole slam seems unusual, and a few times he picks up opponents without being totally sure whether he wants to hit a vertical suplex or a jackhammer - so he does something inbetween. :omg: Shabazz I saw at the first ever 1PW show. Due to being booked on that show along with a long list of the best American indy workers and the (then) best of British, I assumed he was pretty good. He didn't look good but maybe he was having an off-night, I thought.Since then, didn't I read on here that Peter Staniforth somehow got him that gig?

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48 - Fireball

 

With weak chops, other strikes laughable, and having to constantly adjust his gear due to his body shape, Fireball is not as hot as his name would lead you to believe. A five year veteran who cannot even do the basics and seemingly has no desire to improve, instead is happy to be at the level he's at (currently, forty eighth on the SHITARSE FIFTY). Is apparently the kind of person who will take it as a badge of honour to be on this kind of list. So far down the path of mediocrity that there's no way back. Breaks kayfabe on MySpace.

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'the strongstyle Koko B Ware'

I might have forgotten to send my ballot in on time, but at least I've contributed something :thumbsup: Shabbaz has become a bit of a running joke for us lot. Missing a top rope moonsault in understandable, but I'll never forget this fella missing a standing moonsault by about 5 feet during "The Match That Wouldn't End".Man, Fireball looks like a parody of a Britwres(tilde) wrestler.EDIT - Having watched the Tyler Browne video on Youtube, he's got a decent look and size, but yeah, seems pretty bad. Edited by Alexander

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To be honest, I don't think you can pin the Rick O'Shea debarcle on Tyler, it was more down to Rick O'Shea being unable to even complete the wheelbarrow motion effectively. I f you watch him performing it on someone like Mike Bird, he pulls it off without a problem. Sometimes you're only as good as the guy you work. Also despite such a poor match, the crowd reaction to Tyler in his "Mexican" gimmick was extrodinary.Never seen Shabazz wrestle but how Fireball isn't higher I have absolutely no idea.

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47 - Robbie Brookside

 

Called 'Relic' by some, 'an anachronism' by the Wrestling Observer/Figure Four Weekly monolith, 'mutton dressed as lamb' by someone who I forget, and 'great' by others, Robbie Brookside is a no doubt controversial entry into the SHITARSE FIFTY. Called a legend by people who nevertheless cannot point to a match that validates that claim, Brookside is a man in his forties still trying to play the 17 year old firey young babyface. Has a body comparable to a million Johnny Kickpadz figures out there, but nobody seems to notice. Recent shitarsery includes accepting a payday from WWE, which is fair enough, but the payday led to him losing popularity among hardcore All Star fans who saw it as him selling out, and the abysmal six man tag at LDN Legends Showdown, in which powder thrown in his eyes somehow led to his eye 'hanging out of his socket' and during which Lloyd Ryan sat at ringside rolling his eyes and burying the match to ringside fans. Brookside then left LDN halfway through this feud because they wouldn't put him on a poster in Leicester. The ultimate piss break wrestler.

 

YOU MUST WATCH THE FINISH

Edited by CracktonMoj

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46 - Mikey the Pikey/MTX/Jem Brown

 

Our first, but by no means the last, shitarse who runs a wrestling company, MTX runs BAW, which is apparently something to do with the old BRAWL promotion. Fair enough, but their roster seems to consist of kids in Highspots masks and geeks in tee shirts. And Shabazz. Oh, and their idea of a hot invasion angle is to bring in Peter Staniforth. Fail.

 

One of these days, referees will get together and plot to murder him because of his immense shitarsery. Y'see, in the ring, he seems to not even understand the basic structure of a tag team match. Mikey, if you're reading - you double team BEHIND the ref's back, and the HEELS are the ones who double team the FACE, not the other way round. Christ.

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mtx.jpg46 - Mikey the Pikey/MTX/Jem Brown Our first, but by no means the last, shitarse who runs a wrestling company, MTX runs BAW, which is apparently something to do with the old BRAWL promotion. Fair enough, but their roster seems to consist of kids in Highspots masks and geeks in tee shirts. And Shabazz. Oh, and their idea of a hot invasion angle is to bring in Peter Staniforth. Fail. One of these days, referees will get together and plot to murder him because of his immense shitarsery. Y'see, in the ring, he seems to not even understand the basic structure of a tag team match. Mikey, if you're reading - you double team BEHIND the ref's back, and the HEELS are the ones who double team the FACE, not the other way round. Christ.

I have seen this guy work and yes he is shit and more than worthy of the shitarse. But how many face teams do double teams in front of the ref? The Hardys, Team 3D, Too Cool etc.

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45 - Michael Wentz

 

Michael Wentz is half of 'The Lost', 3CW's current, reigning and defending tag champions. As you can tell from the pic, he's the fat one with potential to get all muscly if he can be bothered. The other one might make an appearance later on! Anyway, this is proof that ugly, ugly emos do not a legitimate tag team make. 3CW's Tag Team Titles died when Wentz and his partner took hold of them and used their antiwrestling abilities on the promotion. Once, The Lost was made up of talent such as Jimmy Jacobs. Now, it includes this shitarse. Epic fail.

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He doesn't sleep, because, as an emo, he stays up all night cutting himself because LIFE IS PAIN AND HIS MAM MADE HIM DO HIS HOMEWORK AND IT'S NOT FAIR AND WAAAAAHAhem. Next post will be up soon.

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