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Your wrestling childishness


JNLister

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So we're all now mature sensible people with a sophisticated understanding and appreciation of professional wrestling and an adult approach to the business. But what about when we were younger scamps with terrible schoolchild/student humour to amuse ourselves? What were your silly in-jokes?

 

To kick off:

 

* It was a big thing discussing which wrestlers were gay, as a shameful segment on Hulk Who The Video Volume 2 reveals. In some cases it was based on their character, such as The Genius (intelligence + slightly camp == poofy). In others it was less logical and the general rule was that anyone managed by Jimmy Hart was a bender.

 

* You may remember Terry Taylor's WCW finisher being the five-arm, because it was better than a four-arm. I pretty much spent the entire sixth form laughing after my mate asked if he also had a fiveskin.

 

* Three words: Marcus Alexander Bogroll.

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The sWo - Sex World Order, a group that still gets added to this day if one of me and a couple of mates think of one. Existing members include:

Big Sexist Kevin Gash, Scott Ball, Sex-Pac, Mr Pervert Squirt Hennig, The Cock, Wet Part, Double D-Lo Brown, CM Spunk, (etc etc et-fucking-c, you get the idea), and my favourite which still sounds like on Knowing Me Knowing You one Alan would come up with; Sexually Boring Danny Doring.

 

Canyon Semen was a recent new member (fnar), obviously.

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As a kid, I couldn't resist renaming Bam Bam Bigelow to Bam Bam Bungalow. I have no idea why though. The name just made me laugh.

 

Virgil was renamed Virgin *giggles*

 

Lastly, my brother and I renamed Jeff Jarrett to Polly Pocket because our mum said our TV was too loud, so we muted it. Just as Jarrett made his entrance we hear the "what's going on in Polly Pocket" music  from the advert on the TV downstairs and it oddly fit in with his entrance.

 

There were loads more but these three were my favourites.

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I used to call Bam Bam Bigelow "Bam Bam Gigolo". Now I can just imagine him in a nice suit, being paid to take some lonely housewife out for a nice dinner, before going back to her gaff for a good pumping. The thing is, WWE probably would have given him that gimmick in the mid 00's, with his finisher being "Wham Bam Thank You Mam" (not to be confused with Danny Doring's finisher).

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As invented by Dean Ayass, if you were lucky enough to sit ringside on on the aisle at a show, take a packet of biscuits and offer one to every wrestler as they came to the ring. IIRC, Rick Steiner and Rob Brookside were the only ones who ever said thanks.

 

I now realise Rick Rude's WCW theme had the words "he'll steal your girl, break your heart and leave you a fool." For too long I chose to hear it as "leave you a poo".

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We had a few at school. Frame of reference: Year 2000, ages 9/10:

 

 

 

- Tori's barcode top was so you could scan her tits and she how much she was worth.

 

- Steve Blackman was funny just by virtue of the name 'Blackman'.

 

- Test & Albert were both gay, owing to how Trish's relationship to them really was business only. Also wardrobe. Albert looked like he ran the club.

 

- Billy Spunkgun. No really.

 

- Me and my mate wanted Godfather & Kane to be a tag team really badly because the idea of Kane being a bit of a prospect for all the divas and hos amused us to no end. 

 

- A running thing where Bull Buchanan wrestled because his nan wanted him to. He seemed like an overgrown nans boy to us, strength built on frequent dips in the biscuit tin. We always wanted the nan to debut as a character.

 

- The Tazzmission was shat upon for how gay it looked after one of the bigger boys scoffed once that he's always giving the other guy 'the bummy' when he does it.

 

 

I'm sure more will come to me because I have not thought of this stuff in years, making the list has actually unearthed some subconscious wrestling memories I completely forgot existed, like a memory card full of dodgy Know Your Role CAWs!

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