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(another) Fantasy Wrestling Promotion (thread)


IANdrewDiceClay

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I was listening to Tazz's podcast with Mike Tenay, where he ran down a fantasy draft of all timers. And Tiger Rick did the same sort of thread, using modern day wrestlers a few weeks back, why not try it with a all time spin. Your top five babyfaces, five heels and, if you've got time, five tag team. Also like before, there's no real limit on non-wrestlers, so throw in a few managers, women, authority figures and the like. Also, since its more of a wider reach, you can also list your commentators, ring announcer, backstage announcer, TV host and whatever other details you'd like to list (show format, home of the TV tapings etc). There's no right or wrong answer in the list, so if you want to choose Seth Rollins over Gorgeous George for example that obviously makes sense, because you can only go by what you like. So dont feel like you need to be all "I'm picking Bruno Sammartino over Rey Mysterio coz he drew more money" and all that. Just list who you'd like to build your promotion around to entertain you.

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Tough one. As a shameless workrate pervert, I've had to base my choices purely on what MATCHES I'd most want to be able to put on for my dream fed so I've had to cut some of my favourite faces/heels ever for the 10 guys that I would just to love to match up in the highest number of combinations. The ones that hurt most to leave out were probably Hogan and Lesnar, but I simply couldn't pick 10 top guys and leave out ANY of the guys I've taken. I very nearly took DDP too. I'm not joking ; Dallas in his 97/98 prime was one of my favourite wrestlers to watch (and cheer for) ever.

 

Obviously all choices represent "in their primes" which could be now, years ago or MANY years ago....

 

BABYFACES

Steve Austin

Kenta Kobashi

Hiroshi Tanahashi

Bret Hart

Sting

 

HEELS

Ric Flair

Randy Savage

Kurt Angle

Shawn Michaels

Shinsuke Nakamura

 

You might notice something a bit different about my tag team division ; while it was tempting to just throw in a load of guys that I didn't fit into my 5 faces/heels plus The Steiners and the Bulldogs, in my heart my favourite tag team matches ever actually have been the 21st Century high-octane battles between smaller guys, so for my dream fed I'd go two-for-one with a junior heavyweight/X-Division vibe to my tag team division. This was insanely difficult to narrow down to five, too. Cutting Speed Muscle (Doi/Yoshino) hurt, and if I could choose ten I'd have found room for No Limit (Naito/Yujiro), Strong & Aries and Benoit & Malenko too. But then if I had ten I might have thrown Sid & The Kid in there too just so I can have Sid.

 

The Phenomenal Angels (A.J. Styles & Chris Daniels)

Naomichi Marufuji & KENTA

The Motor City Machine Guns (Alex Shelley & Chris Sabin)

The Golden Lovers (Kota Ibushi & Kenny Omega)

Apollo 55 (Prince Devitt & Ryusuke Taguchi)

 

Just for the hell of it, my lass division. For pretty much only my amusement ;

 

Ayako Hamada

Akira Hokuto

Ayumi Kurihara

Bull Nakano

Meiko Satomura

 

If I had valets... I'd probably stick a heel Maria Kanellis with heel Savage doing her current "First Lady Of Wrestling" schtick (fitting, I think) just because I want Maria on the tellybox, and Sherri with Flair because I used to get a massive kick out of seeing her lamp the babyfaces. Fun if I ever turned Michaels face and put him with Flair. Likewise if Savage ever turned, Flair needs to get Liz out to fuck with his head just like it's 1996. Get Woman in there too. Woman, oh Woman won't you marry me now.

 

My ring announcer would be The Fink. Because he was who I grew up with, so he'll always be the best. Mean Gene can be my backstage interviewer for precisely the same reason (And BELIEVE ME, we'll have interviews. None of this "wrestler just marches to the ring and gets handed a mic" garbage.) - plus, Woman can hit on him when he's interviewing Flair, just like it's 1996. To be honest, I'm not sure there is a play-by-play man that I'd choose on his own merits because every last one of them had something about them that annoyed me, so I'd just take the two-man team whose chemistry I liked the most - Monsoon & The Brain. At least then I can have a million references to it not being fair to Flair every time Slick Ric defends the big belt, and Monsoon can point out that "tattoo" on Sherri's tit every PPV. Although I acknowledge Gorilla may have difficulty recognizing Shiranui Kai or the Black Sunday when the Puro lads are out there, and if he just wants to just refer to the Scorpion Rising as "a kick to the external occipital protuberance" then bless him, he can.

 

Speaking of PPVs.... I have four, you can probably guess what they're called/loosely based on, except the top match of my Survivor Series is actually always War Games. We'll have Superstars every week where you get your regular fix of the top lads squashing Marty Garner or Frankie Lancaster, and if you're really lucky, a main event of one of the tag team guys being permitted to look really competitive against Angle or HBK before inevitably getting beaten. If you think I'm giving you Tanahashi vs Randy Savage for free, you can F off. You'll pay for SummerSlam and be grateful. Plus, I've got Sunny, Sable and Marlena in the Bikini Beach Blast-Off, just like it was 1996. That should whet your appetite. Except without Dirty White Boy finding a turd in the pool this time.

 

Tag Teams
1) Misawa + Kobashi
2) E&C
3) AA + Blanchard
4) Angle & Benoit
5) Dudleys

 

In that division you've got four blokes who had "the big neck injury," two of whom had to retire because of it.... and Musawa/Kobashi. Harsh, haha.

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Faces

 

1. Bret Hart - For everything, he's still my absolute favourite of all time. Very tempted to go with the great 1997 heel but in the end I had to go with the humble, underdog baby from 92/93 era.

 

2. Randy Savage - There have been a lot of great versions of Savage down the years but I'd go with the Mega powers version. An awe inspiring mass of colour, charisma and energy who is the ultimate symbol of what made me fall in love with pro-wrestling. With Liz obviously.

 

3. John Cena - Probably the greatest babyface in recent history. Super versatile, great promo, great athlete, great look and most importantly, I would give my right arm to see him face all of my heels that he hasn't faced.

 

4. The Undertaker - wrestling's greatest ever gimmick. I'd have 96/97 Taker. At his best as an athlete and a promo (in that gimmick) though he'd become a better worker later on. With Bearer.

 

5. Eddie Guerrero - The only other wrestler I've truly loved in my adult years. The perfect character being an extension of the man and everything about his life and his work sucked me in.

 

Heels

 

1. Steve Austin - He might be the most successful baby in wrestling history but I'm a much bigger fan of naughty Steve. I'd have the persona of 96/97 Austin but the ring work of the 2001 version. Because I'm greedy. Imagine the feuds he'd have with Savage and Cena.

 

2. Jake Roberts - Can't think of many better heel characters I've seen. His work has never been particularly memorable but the promos are mesmerising.

 

3. Triple H - Hard to choose between the 2000 version and his current gimmick. He's someone I appreciate more the older I get. He's a proper heel who is good at everything. That Savage match would be epically good. With milf Steph.

 

4. Bam Bam Bigelow - A fantastic foil for any face. Another guy who's good at everything. He's a great aggressor, he sells beautifully, he's incredibly agile and he has no ego. What a top guy. Most under-rated of all time.

 

5. Big Bossman - I love the big, fat heel Boss. Great character which he absolutely lived and great work for such a big guy. He'd work incredibly well with Bret and Cena. With Slick.

 

 

Tag Teams

 

1. The Rockers - Perfect undercard tag team. Work differently to all of the singles acts and bring speed, vibrancy and colour to the cards. Ladies love them, men respect them.

 

2. New Age Outlaws - Top heel tag team. Great promo work, edgier attitude and solid work. Perfect opposite The Rockers.

 

3. Orient Express V2 - Really under-rated team. Could work with everyone convincingly. With Fuji.

 

4. Haku & Barbarian - Love these two. Such a pity we didn't see more of them together in the WWF. Would love to see them in a wild brawl with Bigelow and Bossman eventually.

 

5. Davey & Owen - Great team and great individuals in their own right but also very handy if Bret ever needs to turn heel.

 

Commentary team is passe but would have to be Monsoon and Heenan, the sound of my childhood.

 

Fuck that was hard. Probably wake up and think of 50 guys I've missed tomorrow.

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Promotion: MSW- Madison Square Wrestling

Live weekly shows at MSG- The biggest stars in the world- only right that they should work the Garden exclusively.

 

Commentators: JR, Jesse Ventura & Bobby Heenan

Authority figure: Ric Flair

Ring Announcer: Howard Finkel

Backstage Interviewer: Renee Young

Managers: Paul Heyman, Stephanie McMahon, Shane McMahon, Road Dogg, Jerry Lawler

 

Faces

1) Stone Cold Steve Austin

2) Undertaker

3) Shawn Michaels

4) Daniel Bryan

5) Chris Jericho

 

Heels

1) The Rock (circa 2003)

2) Brock Lesnar

3) Triple H

4) Kurt Angle

5) CM Punk

 

Tag Teams

1) The Hardys

2) The Dudleys

3) Edge & Christian

4) The Shield (Rollins & Reigns)

5) Eddie Guerrero & Rey Mysterio

 

Women

1) Trish Stratus

2) Lita

3) Paige

4) Charlotte

5) Sasha Banks

 

I plucked a bunch of guys from the Attitude Era, if I'm looking at what entertains me the most, I don't care how much the Network beats us over the head with beer baths and DX tanks, that'll always be the golden age to me. So Austin and Taker are no brainers to me. I've picked Michaels and Jericho for their run in the late 2000s. Daniel Bryan is probably the most organically popular guy since Cena, and I enjoy his matches more.

 

On the heel side, The Rock is the main guy, because while he's been a favourite of mine as long as I've been watching, the most I've ever liked him was his "Hollywood" run from February-April 2003. Awesome look with the new haircut, glasses and all leather attire, in his athletic prime at 30 before he got ridiculously muscled, and every time he spoke it was gold. Plus, Rock Concerts! Brock Lesnar should be a no-brainer. I loved his original run, he pretty much became an instant favourite of mine (well, after he stopped picking on the Hardys and RVD and brutalised Hulk Hogan), but I'll take his current form as a MMA killer. I'll take current Triple H, as good as he was in the early 2000s, I think his wrestling has been better than it has in years in wrestling Daniel Bryan and the Shield, his promos are great when he turns it up, and still has a great look at 45. Kurt Angle in early 2003, had some brilliant stuff happening on Smackdown and PPVs. CM Punk is the best heel of the last decade- more an indication of how poor a lot of the heels are in the modern era, but Punk was willing to be a real dick when he wasn't smark pandering.

 

Tag teams- on the surface I'm cheating to get a bunch of big names, but I genuinely loved the tag team stuff of the early 2000s between Hardys, Dudleys and E&C, I'd have them remain in teams for quite a while, and including the Shield, who carried WWE and tag wrestling on their back during a time when a lot of it wasn't great- I think Shield vs. Hardys would be all kinds of kick-ass. As for Eddie & Rey, their matches with the Bashams were fantasti- oh, who am I kidding, that one was a total cheat move. I hope Eddie would be proud.

 

Women- Two HOFs meet the amazing current generation from NXT. Any combination of those women feuding would be fantastic- and the pervy side of me would want Paige to lez it up a bit with Trish. Did I mention my show would be for mature audiences?

 

While a lot of my choices were based around who could have great matches, I went with the best talkers I could think of for managers and other on-air personnel. Heyman is obvious, JR showed he can still deliver in the right environment at Wrestle Kingdom 9, Ventura was great, and still had a knack for it on an Old School Raw a few years back. Heenan I'm obviously taking from an earlier time. As I've done my bit for learning wrestling history and slogging through the early/mid 90s, even when the stuff on screen bored me to tears, Heenan often had something to say to crack me up. Lawler also gets in for his mid-90s talking about Bret Hart and ECW. Road Dogg always had this crazy charisma, I still get goosebumps hearing the Outlaws schtick. Steph and Shane play good heels, and Steph has become particularly great in the Authority.

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Someone needs to be a real man and hire Dr D David Schultz for their heel side here. I was watching a promo only today where he wore a T-shirt with a swastika on it, accused Jerry Lawler of having AIDS, then claimed to have fucked Lawler's and Bruiser Brody's wives. 

 

A heel's heel.

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Commentators: JR and Paul Heyman


Authority figure: None - unseen Board of Directors


Ring Announcer: Howard Finkel


Backstage Interviewers: Mean Gene and Renee Young


Managers & Valets: Bobby Heenan, Sunny, Stacy Keibler, Sherri Martel, Jim Cornette and Johnny Polo


 


Faces


1) Stone Cold Steve Austin


2) Randy Savage


3) Daniel Bryan


4) Ric Flair


5) Bret Hart


 


Heels


1) Shawn Michaels


2) Brock Lesnar


3) Terry Funk


4) Vader


5) CM Punk


 


Tag Teams


1) Arn & Tully


2) The Road Warriors


3) Edge & Christian


4) The Hart Foundation


5) The Eliminators


 


Bobby and Heyman can swap positions every now and again, with whoever is not managing at the time on commentary.


 


No bullshit Heel GM stuff. Instead an unseen board of suits that make generally sensible but sometimes harsh decisions. Get the heat on the dickbag Managers and their clients for bending the rules and finding loopholes, rather than on some GM who'll rarely wrestle.


 


Mean Gene handles the in-ring or ringside interviews, while Rene does all the backstage stuff.


 


Rick Rude hosts his monthly TV special "The Rude Awakening", a sit down interview segment where he stirs the shit and feuds get started or escalated. He is accompanied each time by the lovely Fifi and Brooke Tessmacher.


 


Each show is broadcast with the option of alternative commentary from drunk Don Frye and Scott Steiner.


 


 


 


 


 


 


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Faces


 


Bret Hart  - Just like Tiger Rick I'd choose the Bret of 92/93. He would be my main man on the babyface side, the go to face who'd be at the forefront of my World title picture. 


 


Randy Savage - It's a tough call but I'd go with the Macho Man from 92-94, at this point he'd done enough to cement his place in wrestling history so unlike Bret who I'd market as my guy of the present and future I'd position Savage as my established guy from the past who's still got plenty to offer and is capable of delivering the big matches. If Bret were to get injured Savage could easily step in and fill the void as the top face of the company. Awesome matches, promos, ring attire (especially in this era) and all around presence and charisma make Savage all you could ever ask for.


 


The Undertaker (w/ Paul Bearer) - For as much fun as I could have with ministry era Taker on my heel side I'd choose face Taker from any point between 92/97. A one of a kind character with almost unlimited storyline potential. 


 


Rey Mysterio Jr. - 96/97 era Rey is my choice for this roster. Apart from being able to wow an audience with his flashy moves he'd be my underdog in peril. The guy who'd be friends with my high level faces like Hart and Savage and would take a beating from the big time heels before they get to those guys.


 


2 Cold Scorpio - Anywhere between 92-96. He's not a guy who'd ever be one of my main eventers but he'd fit in just fine on my roster as an opening/mid card face. I've always thought Scorpio was underrated.


 


Heels


 


Ric Flair - I'm going with 80's NWA Flair. Whether it's ring work, look,  or promos. He's everything I could ask for as my main heel. 


 


Brock Lesnar  (w/ Paul Heyman)-  I'd go with current day Brock. He'd be monster that the other heels would call upon to help eliminate their problems, which he'll happily do for a price. 


 


Jake Roberts - I'm going with the 1992 "Trust Me" era Jake. I want a heel who can bring the dark psychological promos in a feud with the Undertaker. I narrowed it down to Bray Wyatt, CWF era Kevin Sullivan and Jake. I went with Jake over the others as I feel that heel run of his in 1992 didn't last long enough. Also, when his feud with the Undertaker is done he can pick up where he left off with Randy Savage!


 


Shawn Michaels (w/ Sherri) - I'll go with the freshly turned Michaels of 1992, at this point he clearly has all the potential to be the main man someday but in the meantime he can be depended upon as a solid mid/upper card heel. 


 


Owen Hart - 1994 King of Harts/I kicked your leg outta your leg era Owen. It was Hulk Hogan who got me into wrestling in the early 90s but it was the Bret/Owen brother vs. brother feud in 1994 that made me realise I'd be a wrestling fan for life. Seeing as I'm positioning Bret as my main face I thought it would be good to have heel Owen around to be a reoccurring annoyance to his older brother. I'd also like to see Owen mix it up with Rey Mysterio and 2 Cold Scorpio.


 


Tag Teams:


1. The Hardy Boyz (2000/2001 era)


2. The Dudley Boyz 


3. Edge and Christian 


4. The Road Warriors (late 80s NWA era)


5. The Steiner Brothers (Early 90s)


 


Women:


1. Trish Stratus


2. Lita


3. Gail Kim


4. Bull Nakano


5. Paige


 


Authority Figure:


Jack Tunney (used infrequently, only a few appearances per year) 


 


Commentary Teams:


Team 1: Jim Ross and Jesse Ventura


Team 2: Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan


Team 3: Lance Russell and Jerry Lawler


 


Ring Announcers


1. Gary Michael Capetta


2. Lillian Garcia


 


Backstage interviewers:


1. Mean Gene Okerlund


2. Renee Young


3. Sean Mooney 


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Faces

 

Hulk Hogan

Sting

Steve Austin

The Rock

Bret Hart

 

Bret Hart snuck in ahead of Ricky Steamboat, as programmes against a heel HBK are up there at the very top of what I'd want to see. Plus a programme against Jericho would be a lot of fun and Steamboat wouldn't have heel turn potential down the line. Undertaker is fun to roll out every WrestleMania for streak matches, but for much of his career he was in pretty awful feuds with some pretty awful matches to go with them. For some reason, except against HBK, Taker never clicked with me, which I realise puts me in a huge minority. Great gimmick whose recent matches have flattered his career body of work. All are proven as heels and faces, except Sting, but that was never his fault.

 

 

Heels

 

Shawn Michaels

Chris Jericho

Vader

Randy Savage

The Great Muta

 

The Great Muta is maybe the odd one out, and would need Gary Hart as his manager again, but I bloody love his NWA/WCW work and it's my fantasy so he gets a spot. Much like my faces, all but Vader can work as babyfaces too. Vader should never ever be a face, heel for life in my promotion. With Jericho and Michaels we have potential talk show segments which were always great for furthering storylines. I was tempted to include Zeus, but his appeal is in a limited run, and I want full time wrestlers.

 

Tag Teams

 

Midnight Express

Edge & Christian

Steiner Brothers

The Skyscrapers

The Outsiders

 

Aside from Midnight Express, all these teams, as well as being great tag teams, have single wrestler potential for eventual break ups. Stan and Bobby will probably never make it above mid card as singles wrestlers, both with Cornette by their side who knows. I'd keep them together as long as possible - why not, they are the greatest tag team of all time.

 

Commentary: Jesse Ventura and Gorilla Monsoon - my favourite combination, by a country mile.

Managers: Jim Cornette, Gary Hart, Bobby Heenan

Announcer: Gary Michael Cappetta

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Babyfaces

Bret Hart

David von Erich

The Rock

Jerry Lawler

Randy Savage

 

Heels

Ric Flair

Shawn Michaels

The Shiek (Ed Farhat not the other one)

Jake Roberts

Roddy Piper

 

Tag Teams

Hall and Nash

Road Warriors

New Age Outlaws

Arn Arnderson & Tully Blanchard

Fabulous Freebirds (all 3 of them)

 

Male Managers

Gary Hart

Bobby Heenan

Jim Cornette

Paul Bearer

Freddie Blassie

 

Female Managers

Sunny

Stephanie McMahon

Maria

Lana

Sherri Martel

 

Divas

Chyna

Trish

Lita

Angelina Love/Velvet Sky (as beautiful people)

Medusa

 

Announcers

Jim Ross

Paul Heyman

 

Back Stage Interviewers

Mean Gene

Renee Young

 

Authority Figure

Vince McMahon

 

While creating this I also amused myself thinking of what a worst fantasy company could be.

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