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Best Man's Speech


tom

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In about two months time I'm the best man at my best mates wedding and just wondering if anyone has some good advice for the best man's speech. I've got one or two brief ideas in my head but I've sat down to write it and realised my mind is somewhat blank. So, anyone?

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You know when you were about to have a fight as a kid at school, and you'd play Warrior's entrance music in your head to yourself while you were walking into the fight and then pretend you were in a match? Well, it's now time to pretend to yourself that you're inducting your mate into the HoF.

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Shag The Maid of Honour, Piss on the Bride's shoes, then throw up on the Groom, before starting to sing the national anthem of Bulgaria and then pass out.

 

Cant fail surely?

 

Seriously, dont bore people to death, with stories that no one will care about. Keep it light hearted witty and something that both bride and groom will cherish

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Some general tips for you based on speeches I've observed go well, and not so well.

 

(1) It's traditional to compliment how nice the bridesmaids all look.

(2) If you're going to tell a joke or humourous risque story about the groom, try and think carefully about who else is going to be there. I would happily have made a crack about my best mate and I think the bride wouldn't have minded since she already knew that prior to her, fidelity wasn't his strong suit. But in the end, I wussed out because I couldnt tell the story in front of his parents.

(3) If the groom is someone you're really close to, like childhood friends and all that, be careful when you're wishing them good luck for the future that you aren't too full on about what a good mate he is, because you might surprise yourself and bring yourself to tears. Honestly, I saw a mate who never lets anything both him grind to a standstill because he was choking up thinking about the good times, and had to abruptly sit down and leave it. Shame.

(4) Having a drink for nerves is acceptable. Slurring your words and falling over isn't.

(5) No matter how good the bridesmaids look, try and find a way of avoiding an embarrassing erection.

 

That's all I can think of.

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Do a PowerPoint presentation. I was gonna do it when best man at my sister's wedding, but didn't get round to it. I totally destroyed him (which wasn't hard, as he was prone to do stupid things) and got laughs all-round.

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You only need 3 gags & a couple of midly amusing observations. Open with a gag, say some nice things about the bridesmaids & bride, gag in the middle say some nice things about the groom & close on a gag. Better to have less gags & place them in the speech properly than cram in too many.

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You only need 3 gags & a couple of midly amusing observations. Open with a gag, say some nice things about the bridesmaids & bride, gag in the middle say some nice things about the groom & close on a gag. Better to have less gags & place them in the speech properly than cram in too many.

 

It sounds as if you're laying out a match before hand. If tom heeds this advice from the UKFF and it turns out to be a success, I will be happy.

 

I like the part in bold; it sounds as if you're telling him not to rely on too many spots.

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:D I didn't do that consciously, spending too much time on here!

 

If they look bored or you're lacking a big finish nip under the top table & blade. (can we move this to the main forum now?)

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say some nice things about the bridesmaids & bride, gag in the middle

 

I hate when fragments jump out at you. Don't gag in the middle of saying nice things about the womenfolk, you will come across as insincere.

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Cover all the formalities. Containing but not limited to:

 

Bride looks lovely

Bridesmaids look lovely

Thanks to priest/vicar/registrar

Acknowledge hotel staff and chef for the meal, etc

Reading out one or two - and that means one or two - cards from extended relatives in the Australia and Canada who didn't make the effort to come over

Raising the toast(s) as per protocol

 

Aim for around ten to twelve minutes give or take. Practice is a good idea if you are nervous. Personally i went with bullet points on card and marker pen rather than long drawn out notes so that i kept eye contact and covered the whole room. I got a massive curve ball thrown at me when, despite being assured otherwise, there was no microphone in a hall holding best part of 110 people so before i was due up i privately asked the people sitting in the furthest extremities of the room to give me a wee thumbs up at the start to make sure i was projecting my voice loudly enough.

 

Little things like acknowledging missing friends or relatives is entirely subjective so worthwhile checking first. I was politely asked NOT to mention the respective grandparents on each side who had passed away by the brides mum as she felt it was too raw in regards to timing and people having had a drink in case they got emotional.

 

I went for a risque joke at the start to get their attention. It worked and that had them by the balls and got a good reaction which always helps ease you in. Everything in between was sentimental and sincere. Finished the way i started with an even more risque joke but it went down a storm after an awkward silence as people processed what i had just said but it got people complimenting me on it after wards throughout the evening including the older female generation of the brides family which i think was the golden seal of approval.

 

Having a fag or a couple of pints to calm nerves and get you in the zone is fine; getting half cut is not. Remember that the speech is pretty much the final part of a fair amount of responsibility through the day - plenty of time to enjoy yourself after wards.

 

The only other thing i would add off the top of my head just now is that it will be an emotional day for YOU as the best man. I was doing it for my best mate of 20+ years and i felt a lump in my throat when i was doing it, everything seemed to catch up with me and hit me as i was speaking. Fine at the church, fine all day during the reception and then whaam at the speeches i felt like i might have lost it.

 

Enjoy mate and remember it's a privillege to be asked.

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I can give you the comment which got the best response at my brothers wedding...

 

'... and I'd like to thank the brides parents for.... making her.'

 

Other than that, my speech I used bullet points rather than write out the whole thing on card. That way it's a little more personal and doesn't sound so rehearsed, but you don't forget anything.

 

Oh, and if you do something stupid on the day it helps. I lost my brothers wedding presents in the taxi which made a good anecdote.

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Enjoy mate and remember it's a privillege to be asked.

 

This is so true, I'd love to be asked but I'm sure I'll be married before my 2 best friends.

 

If it takes any pressure off you I've seen the worst best man's speech ever at my mate's wedding, it was about 2 minutes long and consisted of a couple of terrible jokes (that weren't even specific to the couple, could've been about anyone) then an 'I'll keep this short' and it was over, the Bride's dad had to get up and tell jokes because everyone was expecting it to be the funny point of the night.

 

I asked the best man what went wrong and he said he didn't prepare enough and he was nervous.

 

A whole load of us (the groom's mates) wanted to get up and tell stories about him when the best man choked but between us we couldn't think of any stories that didn't heavily rely on how fucked on drugs the groom loves to get so we didn't say anything (there were old family members present)

 

It's hard to please everyone but if you've got the type of personality where you can enjoy being the centre of attention you should be fine, all you're doing is making jokes about one of your best friends anyway and we all do that all the time.

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