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THE BAWBAG FIFTEEN~!~!~!


Kenny McBride

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Bawbag_Musso.jpg

 

No.5 - "The Merchandise" Mike Musso

 

Oh. My. God. This guy once did an international...in a chain match.

 

Think about that for a minute.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now ask yourself - how did he rank so low?

 

I like Mark Dallas. He's great company, a funny guy, ICW was apparently a fun place to work and he sure tried hard to make it a different sort of vibe from everything else out there. Yeah, he may be a wee bit mental, but who isn't in this business? Still, that first ICW show didn't just give us the spectacularly awful "children with lighttubes streetfight" match I mentioned before. It also gave us Mike Musso Vs. Damian Diamond (apparently one of Musso's top trainees, which says a lot in and of itself) in a chain match. As the opener of the show. Mentalist booking aside, when the two guys came out you thought there was potential. I don't think anyone disagrees that Musso is not so far from the likes of Drew Galloway in the "Scottish wrestlers with decent bodies" stakes, and Diamond looked decent too. Well, apart from the awful, awful pleather breeks on both of them. But once the match started...Oh. My. God.

 

They locked up and it was sloppy. They did some sloppy holds and reversals. "OK," I thought. "Maybe these guys are brawlers to the core and they're just getting warmed up with some basics before they go to the heavy-hitting shit." But no. They're just unbelievably shite. You know how I know? Because with a chain that was longer than the ring was wide, they then start doing rope-running spots. At one point, they even did an international. Yes. They really, really did. I actually thought they were going to try a criss-cross at some point. My companions and I were near pissing ourselves already and started shouting at them to stop runnning the ropes, lest they kill themselves. I mean, I hate shit wrestling but I don't want to watch people lose their legs while I watch. So they did stop...for a while. They did some lame-ass brawling for a bit, then when one of them got shot into the corner, the turnbuckle EXPLODED and the top rope fell down. Lionheart and someone else jumped out of the crowd to try and fix it as the match went on. Thinking this was hilarious, we began shouting "NOW do the rope-running spots!" And they did. Poor Lionheart, clinging on to the turnbuckle and desperately trying to re-attach it to save this match from an absolute fail of truly epic proportions, nearly got shoot Pillman-bumped off the apron. Finally, with the ring barely holding together, they went to the finish - a see-saw slingshot...into the broken turnbuckle.

 

Again, I know it wasn't within the last year, but those who do not remember history are doomed to repeat its mistakes. Or at least, not have the most spectacular episodes of Bawbaggery to laugh their arses off at.

 

In other comments - "He's about 7ft tall but works as a cowardly dick heel because he's too lazy to get good. Looks like Chris Hero but without the charisma or the credible offence." Harsh, but fair.

 

"Can do holiday camp stuff pretty well, but that's about all he can do. Has never heard of Tamoxifen and now requires a sports bra." Ouch.

 

A guy as big as he is with his obvious dedication in the gym ought to be a lock for a top spot with a decent company. A guy that size with even a fairly rudimentary grasp of the fundamentals of professional wrestling would have people pointing, gasping and crying "superstar!" to anyone who'd listen. As it is, the only person who thinks this guy is any good at all is Haraga. If I didn't know that he's a short-arse and as skinny as ONE of Abraxas' legs, I'd think he was a sock-puppet. As it is, he's a Bawbag-booster. Thankfully I'm here, and I'm a Bawbag-booter. So get that right up ye, Bawbags.

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I'll admit, that match deserves it's place in here. This has just rekindled my memory of the stupidly moronic buckle stuff after the ropes were broken. Why do those moves when someone is trying to fix the ring that you broke ? Bawbaggery of the highest order.But it's still Mike Musso. Which means I'm still shocked that he's here. Well, I'm not really. As you see from my predictions. If he was still a babyface, I'd see where I stand, but as a heel, he's terrific entertainment. So much so that I have grown to mark out big time for him. First time I've done that for a heel since the days of Sabotage in SCW.

If I didn't know that he's a short-arse and as skinny as ONE of Abraxas' legs, I'd think he was a sock-puppet. As it is, he's a Bawbag-booster.

:laugh:Fucking hell. Even I'm getting it in the arse.
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Somebody reckoned he had so little skill he should be renamed "Fumbles McStupid," which I think is a KILLER~ gimmick just waiting for the right wrestler.

Fumbles McStupid is Scotland's Johnny Kickpadz.
I'd love to see a guy called Johnny Kickpadz who wore boots. Irony.
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"Can do holiday camp stuff pretty well, but that's about all he can do. Has never heard of Tamoxifen and now requires a sports bra." Ouch.

I'd imagine a promoter has emailed that in. Edited by bAzTNM
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Bawbag_Kongo.jpg

 

No. 4 - Kongo Kev

 

Umm...Kongo. He's too Bawbaggy for crowds.

 

Here's another one I've not seen. Well, apart from this and this, which amply demonstrate Bawbag wrestling at its most scrotumesque. Uses "Welcome To The Jungle" as his entrance music, presumably because he's from the, erm, Kongo. Because West Africa is full of pasty overgrown backyarding Fifers called Kevin. Refers to himself as "The Urban Jungle VIP." I'm not sure if comparing yourself in some way to King Louie is a good thing, but it certainly strikes me as one of the more confused gimmicks I've ever heard of. More or less everything said about Jonny Lyons applies to this Bawbag as well, as they're co-conspirators in crapola. Another Bawbag promoter of Bawbaggery, this cunt even told his trainees (yes, yes, I know) that he really didn't want to drop his belt. Surely even if you're a complete and utter mark for yourself, you try to maintain some sort of air of professionalism? Not in the Wrestlezone~! That particular zone is very fucking clearly a professional-free one.

 

I'm wasting no more time on this Bawbag backyarder. It doesn't matter how much a slating voters may have given him. Bawbags like this - that is, ones who show absolutely no hope of any kind of improvement and who drag the entire business down with their massive, sweaty bawbags - must be denied the oxygen of publicity wherever possible. In fact, they should just be denied oxygen, full stop.

 

Urban Jungle VIP...I mean, really. :rolleyes:

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I almost wish I had seen him live now. I'm afraid to watch the videos now.

I'm wasting no more time on this Bawbag backyarder. It doesn't matter how much a slating voters may have given him. Bawbags like this - that is, ones who show absolutely no hope of any kind of improvement and who drag the entire business down with their massive, sweaty bawbags - must be denied the oxygen of publicity wherever possible. In fact, they should just be denied oxygen, full stop.

You should have just posted his number and name. Not even put it big and in bold.
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Ah, but then people on this forum are liable to search out wrestling wherever they can. At least now, anyone here who sees a poster with Kongo Kev's name on it knows that they should tear the poster down and then burn the building the show is running in, just to ensure no potential fans ever see him and are put off live wrestling forever.The Bawbag Fifteen - A Public Service If Ever There Was One.

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Ah, but then people on this forum are liable to search out wrestling wherever they can. At least now, anyone here who sees a poster with Kongo Kev's name on it knows that they should tear the poster down and then burn the building the show is running in, just to ensure no potential fans ever see him and are put off live wrestling forever.The Bawbag Fifteen - A Public Service If Ever There Was One.

The good thing is if Kid Krazi raises the alarm, no one will believe him and the burning will go on and on.
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