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Which Game/Quiz Show Would You Like To Go On?


Keith Houchen

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After discussing the finer points of Pet Shop Boys singles on Pointless, it begs the question on the title of the thread.I applied to go on Only Connect a few years ago but the auditions clashed with my Honeymoon so it got nixed. I'm tempted to apply for Pointless as well. And of course, I always wanted to go on the granddaddy of them all, the Wrestlemania of the quiz, Fifteen To One. My housemate did but he got both wrong and had to sit in shadowed shame for the remainder of the show.

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I auditioned for Fifteen-To-One but didn't get on. It was at the Manchester University Fallowfield campus. William G Stewart wasn't there, it was Philip who did the voiceovers a lot of the time. I didn't get through, but I got questions about the Daily Mail and Eastenders right :nerd: I also got

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I want to go on something only fuckwits seem to appear on in order to maximise my chances of winning, so with that in mind it's all about Catchphrase at the minute.Always wanted to apply for the Krypton Factor as a kid, but that was more to do with the obstacle course than anything else. Almost applied for The Cube and Million Pound Drop a couple of years ago, but had my application for The Apprentice accepted and was invited to London for interivew. Unfortunately, i was exposed as a philanderer around the same time and was unable to attend. Oh, and Tipping Point is easily the shittest game show of recent years. Whoever thought the 2p push out machines on a grand scale would make for exciting TV needs shooting. If they absolutely insisted on making a gameshow out of an experience readily available at the seaside, then i'd rather sit through an hour of "Arabian Derby"

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I auditioned for that lateral thinking one which is one Channel 4 in the afternoons with that bloke off Location, Location but didn't get on. The Common Denominator. Like a dickhead I forgot to take my passport, and they needed my ID. Probably to prove I'm not wanted by Yewtree or something. In a dreamworld I'd be on Going for Gold, although playing airbass to the theme on Fifteen-to-1 sounds fun.

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I'm still trying to convince my girlfriend we should go on Pointless. We both love the program, but she couldn't stand the shame if we did badly.I think we'd do alright, and you get 2 cracks on it. I just know though that if we got to the final, it would be for

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I think that we have established that the Bass Guitar is the king of quiz show music. Can you imagine if the bass player for Fifteen to one or Deal Or No Deal recorded something with the drummer from the Rainbow theme? That would be unstoppable.

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...and the Saxophonist from Fun House.Am i reading that right, did Hans Zimmer do the Going for Gold theme? Blimey. That's like finding our Harold Faltemeyer produced the intro to Chain Letters. I would definately have gone on Chain Letters when some prick who'd scored fuck all the entire show scored Tie The Leader right at the death, right up my street that. Preferred the Andrew O'Connor era though with his one joke:"I'll just check with the judg.....NO!"

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I couldnt bear to go on Deal or No Deal. I know i'm not alone in wanting to use the 'stoic, in numerical order' system. In fact i boycott all these modern day game shows that take a 30 minute concept and drag it out over a whole fucking hour for no reason.

 

Case in point.

 

Takeitorleaveit_richard_onset1.jpg

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Yeah, fuck Deal Or No Deal. I'd rather have gone on Touch The Truck.Me and Mrs Malcolm were talking about The Crystal Maze the other night and we were talking about how there was always some mousey forty-something woman who would be good at the puzzles, a big black guy who they would always make do the physical games but wasn't actually as good as they would hope, and a slightly balding middle-aged guy who would be the team captain but was usually utter crap. I'm surprised that Challenge haven't resurrected it, to be honest, I reckon it would be a ratings winner. Get Glen Matlock to host it.

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The Crystal Maze. It always looked like so much fun, and exhausting too. Richard O'Brien creeps me out though. And not in his desired sense. I just think he looks the sort who dips his bollox into a tray of lambs liver and has a jack russell lick it off. I'd like to go on Take Me Out, UK as I would endeavour to give Gracie 12 minutes of my absolute best.EDIT - Just saw D-Mal's Crystal Maze nod. And have to agree with his rather on the nose evaluation...

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