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18 British albums worse than WWF WrestleMania: The Album


JNLister

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1. The Beatles - Please Please Me: The lyrics " She was just seventeen/if you know what I mean" are not as phonetically smooth as the line "Gets your heart up pumping, gets the party jumping" from Speaking to the Heart.

 

2. The Beatles - With The Beatles: Contains covers, unlike the wholly original WrestleMania.

 

3. The Beatles - A Hard Day's Night: The melodies and harmonies do not match the sheer beauty of the "oh, oooooh, oh, ooooh" in WrestleMania.

 

4. The Beatles - Beatles For Sale: Lennon's self deprecation is inferior to that offered by Crush who gamely allows the phrase "It will take a pinfall or submission to win a title in the WWF" despite being in the midst of a program in which he beat the I-C champ by countout everynight.

 

5. The Beatles - Help!: The title track is acknowledged as overplayed, whereas WrestleMania is cunningly designed to only get heavy airplay at a set time each year.

 

6. The Beatles - Rubber Soul: The sitar and sound layering doesn't have the impact and appropriateness of the organ/guitar combo on The Man In Black.

 

7. The Beatles - Revolver: Eleanor Rigby's storytelling cannot possibly be compared with the sheer creativity of Never Been A Right Time to Say Goodbye, a tale of such nuance and complexity that Stock and Waterman did not want to waste it on their "pop" performers.

 

8. The Beatles - Sgt Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band: Influential, yes, but how many All Star and Orig Williams tribute shows pilfered tracks from it?

 

9. The Beatles - Magical Mystery Tour: Neither Strawberry Fields nor Penny Lane encapsulates their author as succintly and yet accurately as the tale of undying simplistic patriotism that is USA.

 

10. The Beatles - The White Album: The variety on display here cannot touch the diversity of an album that first offers the pop sensibilities of Slam Jam, then shatters paradigms by offering the same track but in the slowed down, thoughtful, hauntingly repetitive 12" Full Nelson Mix.

 

11. The Beatles - Abbey Road: 10/10 ratings and superlatives are immediately exposed when compared to an album containing a song with the inarguable title "I'm Perfect".

 

12. The Beatles - Let It Be: Can a song such as "Two of Us" truly be described as a ditty when heard alongside a track containing the phrase " he carrys a big stick that'll probably change you"?

 

13. The Beatles - Yellow Submarine: More charm and fun that Lennon could ever hope to muster. HOOOOO!!!

 

14. John Lennon - Plastic Ono Band: Nothing on this record has the honesty and emotion of a group of men admitting that, yes, Wrestlemania is THEIR LIFE.

 

15. John Lennon - Imagine: Lennon's bile simply appears petulant when compared to the sheer threatening rage displayed by the Nasty Boys' Stomp.

 

16. Paul McCartney - McCartney: Even advocates concede this is "light fluff". It lacks the thought-provoking message of Slam Jam, which takes the individual messages of multiple grapplers and unifies them with the "slam... slam jam" theme, showing that personal autonomy must be put aside for the greater good.

 

17. George Harrison - All Things Must Pass: The best argument that has been put forward for this album is that "the good stuff is really fucking good." On WrestleMania the Album, the good stuff is really fucking amazing.

 

18. Living In The Material World: The breezy pop rock here is OK for the general public at their first dance, but it lacks the challenging cultural storytelling of Tatanka Native American.

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The decline and fall of JN Lister continues.

 

Bristol does that to people. Get out while you still can!

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8. The Beatles - Sgt Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band: Influential, yes, but how many All Star and Orig Williams tribute shows pilfered tracks from it?

I'm sure James Mason came out to 'For The Benefit of Mr. Kite' at least once.

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