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IANdrewDiceClay

Your team's shittest XI's

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Chosen for a variety of reasons - incompetence, thuggery, getting picked constantly despite being shite, cheating.

 

Gomes

 

Stalteri-Thatcher-Vega-Edinburgh

 

Mabizela-Zokora-Freund-Atouba

 

Dozzell-Rasiak

 

Admittedly we have had one or two worse defenders than Stalteri, but there were a few goals we conceded as a direct result of him letting players turn inside and get in a final pass/cross/shot, and those lost points would have seen us finish 4th in 2006. Thinking especially of not closing down Gallas for the winner at the Bridge, letting Adebayor turn him to set up the equalizer for Terry Bastard Enry at Highbury, and letting the cross come in for the late equalizer meaning we were held to a draw by Sunderland - the year they were the worst team in Premiership history. He costs us vital points in 2006.... much like Mr Potato Head in goal has for three seasons straight.

 

Not sure any of the others need explanation.

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Andy Dibble

 

Michael Reiziger

Phil Whelan

Jason Gavin

Branco

 

Michael Debeve

Paul Okon

Jason Euell

Allan Johnston

 

Michael Ricketts

Dong Gook Lee

 

Now that my friends is an absolute dog shit XI!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edit - Tried to be clever and lay it out in formation format but it didn't quite work!

Edited by El Espanacas

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-------------------------Richard Wright--------------------------------

 

Marc Hottiger----Earl Barrett---Per Kroldrup----Allesandro Pistone

 

---------------Vinny Samways--Alex Nyarko-------------------------

 

Andy Van Der Meyde------------------------------Jesper Blomqvist

 

-----------------Ibrahima Bakayoko-----Jo---------------------------

 

 

Was hard to include Samways in the engine room after he scored the only Everton goal at Wembley I've been in attendance for against Blackburn in the '95 Charity Shield, but three seasons without a forward pass is unforgivable. Nyarko is notorious for an incident where a fan ran on to the pitch and offered to swap shirts with him during a characteristically insipid performance, he was never psychologically right to play for us again.

 

Van Der Meyde and Blomqvist were both fancied to be one of the top wingers in the game at one time or another but flopped hard at Everton, though it was Van Der Meyde's cross which Gosling scored from to knock Liverpool out of the FA Cup in 2009.

 

Jo's debut was one of the best I've ever seen for the club; winning a penalty and scoring twice in a 3-0 win, but everything after that was turgid apart from a few hints of quality which invariably occurred when he was a mile offside.

 

Earl Barrett was the first man I ever hated. Still puts me in a bad mood just hearing the guy's name.

 

Kroldrup, despite apparently being a decent player on the continent with a few dozen international caps to his name, routinely wins 'Worst Transfer Ever' polls after making only two appearances following his

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-------------------ben alwnick-------------------

 

Hutton----------cundy-------vega----------edinburgh

 

 

--------------------fruend------zokora------------

 

Bentkey----------------dozzell--------------ricketts

 

-----------------------------rasiak------------------

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I started watching Sunderland the season after we came up from the old 3rd division, and have seen some terrible, tedious teams under managers like Mick Buxton and Terry Butcher. Having said that, none of them had quite the knack for rolling over and losing that Mick McCarthy's 15pt vintage had, so they make up a fair portion of this team.

 

GK: Kelvin Davis

 

RB: Nyron Nosworthy

CB: Lee Howey

CB: Paul McShane

LB: Clive Clarke

 

RM: Terry Cooke

CM: Christian Bassila

CM: Paul Thirlwell

LM: Andy Welsh

 

CF: Milton Nunez

CF: Kevin Kyle

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Steffen Freund was not shit. He was a bloody hard working central midfielder, same as Zomora too.

 

Baardsen

 

Vega Scales Corluka

 

Dominguez Fox Sinton Caskey

 

Postiga Rebrov

 

Manager: Jacques Santini

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I started watching Sunderland the season after we came up from the old 3rd division, and have seen some terrible, tedious teams under managers like Mick Buxton and Terry Butcher. Having said that, none of them had quite the knack for rolling over and losing that Mick McCarthy's 15pt vintage had, so they make up a fair portion of this team.

 

GK: Kelvin Davis

 

RB: Nyron Nosworthy

CB: Lee Howey

CB: Paul McShane

LB: Clive Clarke

 

RM: Terry Cooke

CM: Christian Bassila

CM: Paul Thirlwell

LM: Andy Welsh

 

CF: Milton Nunez

CF: Kevin Kyle

No Gareth Hall?

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Steffen Freund was not shit. He was a bloody hard working central midfielder, same as Zomora too.

 

He worked hard at being an absolute thug.

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No Gareth Hall?

 

Afraid not. Hall was just a slow plodder who wasn't really good at anything, but his shitness is magnified by our fans because, in a weird and vindictive move, Peter Reid brought him in to replace Dariusz Kubicki when Kubicki needed one more game to break Sunderland's consecutive appearance record.

 

Nosworthy, on the other hand, was spectacularly bad at right-back. In that 15pt season, it was like watching what would happen if Frank Spencer played football. I remember when we miraculously won a game against Boro that season, we were 2-0 up and the game was winding down in stoppage time. The team were just passing it about comfortably on the halfway line, and someone gave the ball to Nosworthy. Under no pressure at all, he turned around and attempted what I assume was a backpass (from the halfway line) to the keeper. It went out of play about 2-3 yards from the corner flag for a Boro corner.

 

He had a brief resurgence at centre half, when Jonny Evans made him look half decent for a while, but when we had an injury crisis the season before last he came in for a swansong against Man City (IIRC), and had a part in just about every one of their four goals. He's also just helped Sheffield Utd finish bottom of the Championship. Still though, some of our fans love him because he has a funny name and his attempts at Cruyff turns look funny when you're drunk.

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-----------Charlie Itandje----

Degen-----Torben Piechnik----Phil Babb----Konchesky(just ahead of Julian Dicks)

-------Poulsen-----Salif Diao-----

Joke Hole----Paul Stewart----El Hadj-Diouf

---------David Speedie----

 

No room for Istvan Kozma, Diomede, Kvarme, Meijer, Jimmy Carter, or Worst Footballer Ever Nicky Tanner?

They were all considered, but Kozma, Diomede, Meijer and Carter barely played. Kvarme was't good but at least he had some semblance of an idea of how to play football. Tanner was terrible but I tend to have feelings of pity for him rather than hatred.

 

All slightly leaning on harsh, especially with the options available to you.

Nah. Phil Babb was an absolute fucking disaster. He cost 3.5m in 1994. That's easily Phil Jones money by today's standards. And he couldn't play football. At all. When he got the ball, he didn't have a clue what to do with it. Fine with Ireland, where they just hoofed it up the second they got it. Disastrous at Liverpool, particularly when Evans was playing 3 at the back, and they need to bring the ball out of defence. Add to his Spice Boy wanker shitty attitude, atrocious defending, and he was the worst centre back I've seen at Liverpool.

 

The only left back to run Konchesky close is Julian Dicks, but at least he would twat a free kick in the bollocks of a player in the opposition's wall and give us a few laughs as a fat lazy cunt mascot to help us through the pain of the Souness regime. Konchesky had absolutely nothing going for him. Zero skill going forward, and even less defending, no football brain whatsoever. Even our shittiest left-backs down the years were miles ahead of him. Who else? Traore, Vignal, Harkness, Dossena, Matteo? Not even close.

 

Joe Cole spent his entire Liverpool career with his hands on his knees gasping for breath. On

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Steffen Freund was not shit. He was a bloody hard working central midfielder, same as Zomora too.

 

Baardsen

 

Vega Scales Corluka

 

Dominguez Fox Sinton Caskey

 

Postiga Rebrov

 

Manager: Jacques Santini

Its zokora not zomora, your playing 2 wingers in central midfield and your a player short.

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Everton Worst XI

 

 

 

Richard Wright

 

 

Earl Barrett Per Kroldrup Slaven Bilic Alessandro Pistone

 

 

Niklas Alexandersson Alex Nyarko John Oster Vinny Samways

 

 

Ibrahima Bakayoko Danny Cadamarteri

Edited by Scott Malbranque

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What did David Speedie do wrong for Liverpool? I mean, I hate the nasty little shit, but he seems to have come in on fire, and been a victim of circumstances.

Yeah Speedie is probably a bit harsh. Picked mainly because like you, I hate the nasty little shit, and because he's symbolic of the end of the first Dalglish reign. Seeing Speedie starting and Beardsley on the bench still rankles.

 

Maybe I'll swap him for Sean Dundee.

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Everton Worst team

 

Jason Kearton

 

Earl Barrett

Carl Tiler

Per Kroldrup

Terry Phelan

 

Mitch Ward

John Oster

Alex Nyarko

idan tal

 

Brett Angel

Michael Branch

 

subs

Staurt Barlow

Mickael Madar

Steve Simonsen

Stephen Hughes

Gareth Farrelly

Edited by rohpete

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